Best 50 quotes of Leo Rosten on MyQuotes

A conservative is one who admires radicals centuries after they're dead.

Acting is a form of deception, and actors can mesmerize themselves almost as easily as an audience.

A writer writes not because he is educated but because he is driven by the need to communicate. Behind the need to communicate is the need to share. Behind the need to share is the need to be understood.

Courage is the capacity to confront what can be imagined.

Dogs are getting bigger, according to a leading dog manufacturer.

Everyone, in some small sacred sanctuary of the self, is nuts.

Every writer is a narcissist. This does not mean that he is vain; it only means that he is hopelessly self-absorbed.

Extremists think 'communication' means agreeing with them.

First-rate people hire first-rate people; second-rate people hire third-rate people.

For some not to be martyrs is martyrdom indeed.

Happiness comes only when we push our brains and hearts to the farthest reaches of which we are capable.

Happiness, in the ancient, noble sense, means self-fulfillment—and is given to those who use to the fullest whatever talents God … bestowed upon them.

Her cooking suggested she had attended the Cordon Noir.

Humor is, I think, the subtlest and chanciest of literary forms. It is surely not accidental that there are a thousand novelists, essayists, poets or journalists for each humorist. It is a long, long time between James Thurbers.

Humor is the affectionate communication of insight.

I came to believe it not true that "the coward dies a thousand deaths, the brave man only one." I think it is the other way around: It is the brave who die a thousand deaths. For it is imagination, and not just conscience, which doth make cowards of us all. Those who do not know fear are not truly brave.

I cannot believe that the purpose of life is to be happy. I think the purpose of life is to be useful, to be responsible, to be compassionate. It is, above all to matter, to count, to stand for something, to have made some difference that you lived at all.

If a picture is worth a thousand words, please paint me the Gettysburg Address.

If at first you don't succeed, before you try again, stop to figure out what you did wrong.

If you are going to do something wrong, at least enjoy it.

I learned that it is the weak who are cruel, and that gentleness is to be expected only from the strong.

I never cease being dumbfounded by the unbelievable things people believe.

In the dark colony of night, when I consider man's magnificent capacity for malice, madness, folly, envy, rage, and destructiveness, and I wonder whether we shall not end up as breakfast for newts and polyps, I seem to hear the muffled cries of all the words in all the books with covers closed.

I sometimes think there is a dimension beyond the four of experience and Einstein: insight, that fifth dimension which promises to liberate us from bondage to the long, imperfect past

It is not that which is beautiful that pleases us, but that which pleases is is called beautiful.

Machines certainly can solve problems, store information, correlate, and play games - but not with pleasure.

Many [of the Americans] polled showed a marked disapproval of the Wallonians, Danerians, and Pirenians. The fact that these minorities were invented by the pollster did not diminish the hostility.

Money can't buy happiness, but neither can poverty.

People say: idle curiosity. The one thing that curiosity cannot be is idle.

Proverbs often contradict one another, as any reader soon discovers. The sagacity that advises us to look before we leap promptly warns us that if we hesitate we are lost; that absence makes the heart grow fonder, but out of sight, out of mind.

Satire is focused bitterness.

Some things are so unexpected that no one is prepared for them.

The fellow who laughs last may laugh best, but he gets the reputation of being very slow-witted.

The first printed mention of bagels... is to be found in the Community Regulations of Kracow, Poland, for the year 1610 which stated that bagels would be given as a gift to any woman in childbirth.

The hardest part of growing up is learning how to wait

The love of money is the source of an enormous amount of good; the fact that the good is a by-product of the selfish pursuit of riches has nothing to do with its indisputable value.

The only reason for being a professional writer is that you can't help it.

The only thing I can say about W. C. Fields ... is this: Any man who hates dogs and babies can't be all bad.

The purpose of life is not to be happy, the purpose of life is to matter.

The purpose of life is to matter, to be productive, to have it make a difference that you lived at all-using the talents that God has given you for the betterment of others.

There was no answer, no solution, no sop, no deliverance. What, then, did I do? I read faster.

What's green, hangs on a wall and whistles? [A Herring]

Where there is too much, something is missing.

Where was it ever promised us that life on this earth can ever be easy, free from conflict and uncertainty, devoid of anguish and wonder and pain? … The purpose of life is to matter, to be productive, to have it make some difference that you lived at all.

Where was it ever promised us that life on this earth can ever be easy, free from conflict and uncertainty, devoid of anguish and wonder and pain? Those who seek the folly of unrelieved 'happiness'-who fear moods, who shun solitude, who do not know the diginity of occasional depression-can find bliss easily enough: in tranquilizing pills, or in senility. The purpose of life is not to be happy.

Why did God give me two ears and one mouth? So that I will hear more and talk less.

Words sing. They hurt. They teach. They sanctify. They were man's first, immeasurable feat of magic. They liberated us from ignorance and our barbarous past.

You can learn much about life from a checker game: surrender one to take two; don't make two moves at one time; move up, not down; and when you reach the top, you may move as you like.

You understand people better if you look at them-no matter how old or impressive or important they may be-as if they were children. For most men never mature; they simply grow taller.

The only reason for being a professional writer is that you just can't help it.