Best 275 quotes of Eoin Colfer on MyQuotes

(about his terrible attempt at making a sandwich) It's more difficult than it looks. (Artemis Fowl)

A cloak of invisibility? This is a highly sensitive piece of field equipment. What does he think? Some warlock pulled it out of his armpit?

A fifeteen-year old, of to save the world, with faries. - Angeline Fowl

Ah, my princess. Noble steed. How does the morning find you both?

A metaphorical weight lifted from his allegorical chest and Artemis Fowl felt himself again.

A monkey glances up and sees a banana, and that's as far as he looks. A visionary looks up and sees the moon.

And I will not be beaten by that jackass." "Jackass?" said Foaly, wounded. "My favorite uncle is a jackass.

And one more thing. About my name — Artemis — you were right. In London, it is generally a female name, after the Greek goddess of archery. But every now and then a male comes along with such a talent for hunting that he earns the right to use the name. I am that male. Artemis the hunter. I hunted you.

Anything can be real. Every imaginable thing is happening somewhere along the dimensional axis. These things happen a billion times over with exactly the same outcome and no one learns anything. Whatever a person can think, imagine, wish for, or believe has already come to pass. Dreams come true all the time, just not for the dreamers.

A pity to survive night flights over St. Georges Channel only to crack my skull falling from a ladder.

Are you saying that you people knew about these amorophobots all the time?" "Of course we did. They attacked us in Iceland. Remember?" "No. I was unconscious.

Argh? Pathetic and inarticulate. Nice combination. Your mothers must be so proud.

Artemis ducked. Cudgeon didn't. Guess what? Artemis was smarter.

Artemis felt like he was six again and caught hacking the school computers trying to make the test questions harder

Artemis Fowl grinned right back at him and pointed his index finger to the sky... from the tip of this finger sprang a small blue spark that exploded like a tiny firework. “I know magic can be stolen,” said Artemis. “Because I stole some myself.

Artemis Fowl will never be secondary." "I thought you were Artemis Fowl the Second?" said Holly.

Artemis: Holly, how did you find me? Holly: Oh, I saw a huge explosion and wondered: now, who could that be?

Artemis: How long will it take you to prepare the time spell? N1 chewed his knuckle: About as long as it takes you to take your clothes off. "Aaarrk," Artemis half choked.

Artemis: I am not buoyed by that. Foaly: You are not supposed to be buoyed by that. You are supposed to be equalized. Mulch: I'm pretty sure that both of you just made really horrible jokes. But I'm not sure because I think you broke my funny bone.

Artemis looked at Holly and felt a tremendous affection for her... he could properly appreciate how fierce and beautiful his best friend was... She is truly magical, thought Artemis. Perhaps her qualities are more obvious to me now that I have decided to sacrifice myself.

Artemis: "Right, brothers. Onward. Imagine yourself seated at a cafe in Montmartre." Myles: "In Paris." Artemis: "Yes, Paris. And try as you will, you cannot attract the waiter's attention. What do you do?" Beckett: "Umm...tell Butler to jump-jump-jump on his head?" Myles: "I agree with simple-toon." Artemis: "No! You simply raise one finger and say clearly 'ici, garcon.'" Beckett: "Itchy what?

Artemis: (shocked) Why, Doctor? This is a sensitive area. For all you know I could be suffering from depression. Doctor Po: I suppose you could. Is that the case? Artemis: (head in hands) It's my mother, Doctor. Doctor Po: Yes? Artemis: My mother, she... Doctor Po: Your mother, yes? Artemis: She forces me to endure this ridiculous therapy when the school's so-called counsellors are little better than misguided do-gooders with degrees.

Artemis turned and stared at his friend with the blue eyes. Holly was staring back, and she was smiling. “I remember,” she said aloud. “You saved me.” Artemis smiled back. “It never happened,” he said.

As a child, Zaphod had been diagnosed with ADHDDAAADHD (ntm) ABT which stood for Always Dreaming His Dopey Days Away, Also Attention Deficit Hyperflactulance Disorder (not to mention) A Bit Thick.

Being in command means making tough decisions. Not being in command means shutting up and doing what you're told. --Artemis Fowl

Benny was awake again. Happened every morning.

Boo-hoo. Help me, I'm a girl. What kind of modern woman are you? A smart one.

But even though there were plenty of teeth in the grin, there was no heart.

Butler was seeing the world as it was, complete with L.E.P retrival team

Caballine likes me to be masterful. She calls me her stallion.

Can we please focus? We are supposed to be professionals." Holly said. "Not me!" said Orion cheerily, "I'm just a Teenager with hormones running wild and may I say, young fairy lady, they're running wild in your direction.

Certainly, Doctor. Let's talk about your chair. Victorian?

Chaos reigned, and the survivalists eagerly unwrapped the kidskin from their crossbows. Phase one of Opal's plan was complete.

Chief of security : They have a tank! How did they get a tank up here?

Commander: What's that? Foaly: It's a finger, what does look like?

Connor Broekhart was born to fly, or more accurately he was born flying.

Control puberty?" snorted the bodyguard."If you manage that, you'll be the first.

Don't hate me forever, Arty," whispered Holly. "I couldn't bear that.

Don't try to understand me, just be grateful that you felt the warmth of Zaphod Beeblebrox's aura on your wonderstruck face.

Don't you worry about that, Mr. Adamsson. Why don't you head back to Reykjavik and spend some of that extortionate fee you charged me for a couple of hours' usage of your frankly third-rate restaurant and perhaps find a friendless tree stump to listen to your woes?

Doobie always wanted to see the badge. It was shiny, and he was eight.

Dreams come true all the time, just not for the dreamers

Either that boy is the sanest creature on Earth, he thought, or he is so disturbed that our tests cannot even begin to scratch the surface.

Everyone says that I have no sense of humor, then I construct a perfectly sound pun around a well-known psychological condition, and it is ignored.

Everything rests on the poisoned wine. If it were just the queen, I could force it down her gullet, but Declan Broekhart would run me through with that damned ceremonial sword, and if his wife's stares were daggers, he'd be dead already.

Evolution is a theory with more holes than a Dutch dam of swiss cheese.

Excuse me, Captain. Are you two going to weep salty tears of admiration over a helmet all night, or do we have matters to discuss?

Foaly: Anyone see you come in here? Holly: The FBI, CIA, NSA, DEA, MI6. Oh, and the EIB. Foaly: The EIB? Holly: (smirking) Everyone in the building.

Foaly twitched his tail contentedly. Genius. No point in being humble about it.

Friendship isn't a science mudboy. Just do what you think is right.