Best 42 quotes of Jane Wagner on MyQuotes

Ahhhhhhhh. There is nothing natural about natural childbirth. It is as close to a freak accident as anything I can think of. Why I picked a time like this to go off drugs?

A sobering thought: what if, at this very moment, I am living up to my full potential?

At the moment you are most in awe of all there is about life that you don't understand, you are closer to understanding it all than at any other time.

Childhood comes at a time in your life when you are too young to understand what you are going through. And you're too young to understand that you are too young to understand.

Delusions of grandeur make me feel a lot better about myself.

Frankly, goin' crazy was the best thing that ever happened to me. I don't say it's for everybody; some people couldn't cope.

I am sick of being the victim of trends I reflect but don't even understand.

I bet the worst part about dying is the part where your whole life passes before you.

I even worry about reflective flea collars. Oh, sure, drivers can see them glow in the dark, but so can the fleas.

I feel like my life is just passing me by like two ships in the night. And I have missed both boats.

If evolution was worth its salt, by now it should've evolved something better than survival of the fittest. I think a better idea would be survival of the wittiest.

If olive oil comes from olives, then where does baby oil come from?

If you are a human being, you might as well face it. You are going to rub a lot of people the wrong way.

I have gained and lost the same 10 pounds so many times over and over again my cellulite must have deja vu!

I made some studies, and reality is the leading cause of stress amongst those in touch with it. I can take it in small doses, but as a lifestyle, I found it too confining. It was just too needful; it expected me to be there for it all the time, and with all I have to do--I had to let something go.

I may not be great at geometry but I know one theorum. The longest distance between two points is you and your parents.

Infinity: Time on an ego trip.

... it's hard to be politically conscious and upwardly mobile at the same time.

It's my belief we developed language because of our deep inner need to complain.

It's not that I lack ambition. I am ambitious in the sense that I want to be more than I am now. But if I were truly ambitious, I think I'd already be more than I am now.

It's one thing to tolerate a boring marriage; a boring affair does not make sense.

I worry that humanity has been "advanced" to its present level of incompetency because evolution works on the Peter Principle.

I worry that our lives are like soap operas. We can go for months and not tune in to them, then six months later we look in and the same stuff is still going on.

Keep talking, someday you'll say something intelligent.

Just think: your family are the people most likely to give you the flu.

Like what's the point being a health nut by day if you're a coke head at night.

My mom says I have to be more positive, and I say life has to be more positive too or it's just not going to work.

My space chums think reality was once a primitive method of crowd control that got out of hand. In my view, it’s absurdity dressed up in a three-piece business suit.

One thing I have no worry about is whether God exists. But it has occurred to me that God has Alzheimer's and has forgotten we exist.

Reality is just a collective hunch.

Sex is such a personal thing - why do we insist on sharing it with another person?

The ability to delude yourself may be an important survival tool.

The hardest part about being a kid is knowing you have got your whole life ahead of you.

The human mind is kind of like a piñata. When it breaks open, there's a lot of surprises inside. Once you get the piñata perspective, you see that losing your mind can be a peak experience.

To me the term "sexual feedom" meant freedom from having sex.

To think, we have the garment industry instead of nature to thank for the zipper concept when it would have come in so handy for childbirth.

Unless you are at a picnic, life is no picnic.

What you try to bury just ends up burying you.

When I first came into this world, Elvis was already fat.

When you're dancing the mystical dance of the molecules, you're not the one who's leading.

You don't know what it's like! Hyperactive twins! When they turned three, my doctor prescribed Ritalin -- I wouldn't dream of giving a drug to my children, but it does help when I take it myself.

Did I tell you what happened at the play? We were at the back of the theatre, standing there in the dark, when all of a sudden I feel one of 'em tug at my sleeve, whispers, "Trudy look!" I said, "Yeah, goosebumps. You definitely got goosebumps. You like the play that much?" They said it wasn't the play that gave 'em goosebumps, it was the audience! I'd forgot to tell them to watch the play; they'd been watching the audience! Yeah, to see a group of people sitting together in the dark, laughing and crying at the same things...well that just knocked 'em out! They said, "Trudy, the play was soup, the audience, art." So they're taking goosbumps back with 'em into space. Goosebumps! Quite a souvenir. I like to think of them out there in the dark, watching us. Sometimes we'll do something and they'll laugh. Sometimes we'll do something and they'll cry. And maybe, one day we'll do something so magnificent, the whole universe will get goosebumps.