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By AnonymGilda Radner
Adopted kids are such a pain - you have to teach them how to look like you.
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By AnonymGilda Radner
Cancer changes your life, often for the better. You learn what's important, you learn to prioritize, and you learn not to waste your time. You tell people you love them. My friend Gilda Radner used to say, 'If it wasn't for the downside, having cancer would be the best thing and everyone would want it.' That's true. If it wasn't for the downside.
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By AnonymGilda Radner
Cancer is probably the most unfunny thing in the world, but I'm a comedian, and even cancer couldn't stop me from seeing the humor in what I went through.
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By AnonymGilda Radner
Comedy is very controlling - you are making people laugh.
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By AnonymGilda Radner
Dreams are like paper, they tear so easily.
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By AnonymGilda Radner
[Emily Litella line:] Never mind.
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By AnonymGilda Radner
... every time I got disappointed I'd remember the Roseannadanna philosophy that says that you shouldn't cry over split milk 'cause if you spill some milk and instead of cleaning it up you just walk over it and start crying, they're gonna put you on lithium.
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By AnonymGilda Radner
Fame changes a lot of things, but it can't change a light bulb.
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By AnonymGilda Radner
Having cancer gave me membership in an elite club I'd rather not belong to.
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By AnonymGilda Radner
I base most of my fashion taste on what doesn't itch.
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By AnonymGilda Radner
I can always be distracted by love, but eventually I get horny for my creativity.
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By AnonymGilda Radner
I'd much rather be a woman than a man. Women can cry, they can wear cute clothes, and they're the first to be rescued off sinking ships.
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By AnonymGilda Radner
I grew up in front of a television. I guess I'll grow old inside of one.
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By AnonymGilda Radner
I have always found men who were funny, irresistible. It's rare that I ever based love on looks or superficial things, but it a guy made me laugh-and that didn't mean he had to be in comedy professionally - I was hooked.
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By AnonymGilda Radner
I love being a woman. You can cry. You get to wear pants now. If you're on a boat and it's going to sink, you get to go on the rescue boat first. You get to wear cute clothes. It must be a great thing, or so many men wouldn't be wanting to do it.
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By AnonymGilda Radner
I think clothes should make you feel safe. I like clothes you want to go to sleep in. I sometimes stand in front of a mirror and change a million times because I know I really want to wear my nightgown.
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By AnonymGilda Radner
I think dogs are the most amazing creatures; they give unconditional love. For me they are the role model for being alive.
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By AnonymGilda Radner
It is so hard for us little human beings to accept this deal that we get. It's really crazy, isn't it? We get to live, then we have to die. ... What spirit human beings have! It is a pretty cheesy deal - all the pleasures of life, and then death.
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By AnonymGilda Radner
It's always something
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By AnonymGilda Radner
It's such an act of optimism to get through a day and enjoy it and laugh and do all that without thinking about death. What spirit human beings have!
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By AnonymGilda Radner
I've learned what I can control is whether I am going to live a day in fear and depression and panic, or whether I am going to attack the day and make it as good a day, as wonderful a day, as I can.
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By AnonymGilda Radner
I wanted a perfect ending. Now I've learned, the hard way, that some poems don't rhyme, and some stories don't have a clear beginning, middle and end.
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By AnonymGilda Radner
... I was diagnosed with ovarian cancer. Suddenly I had to spend all my time getting well.
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By AnonymGilda Radner
I would rather be funny than gorgeous, absolutely. Because it's too hard to be gorgeous, you know. I could make a stab at gorgeous as long as I had something funny to say to get out of it.
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By AnonymGilda Radner
Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what's going to happen next.
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By AnonymGilda Radner
Motherhood . . . is an act of infinite optimism.
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By AnonymGilda Radner
[Motherhood is] the biggest gamble in the world. It is the glorious life force. It's huge and scary-it's an act of infinite optimism.
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By AnonymGilda Radner
Show business is like riding a bicycle - when you fall off, the best thing to do is get up, brush yourself off and get back on again.
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By AnonymGilda Radner
Some stories don't have a clear beginning, middle and end.
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By AnonymGilda Radner
The goal is to live a full, productive life even with all that ambiguity. No matter what happens, whether the cancer never flares up again or whether you die, the important thing is that the days that you have had you will have lived.
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By AnonymGilda Radner
There are those who open their hearts to others...who never think twice about giving of themselves. They are the wonderful warmhearted people who make all the difference in our lives.
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By AnonymGilda Radner
What we put into every moment is all we have. You can drug yourself to death or you can smoke yourself to death or eat yourself to death, or you can do everything right and be healthy and then get hit by a car. Life is so great, such a neat thing, and yet all during it we have to face death, which can make you nuts and depressed.
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By AnonymGilda Radner
While we have the gift of life, it seems to me the only tragedy is to allow part of us to die - whether it is our spirit, our creativity or our glorious uniqueness.
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By AnonymGilda Radner
You cannot live in Los Angeles for any period of time without eventually trying to write a screenplay. It's like a flu bug that you catch ... Even the plumber has a screenplay in his truck.
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By AnonymGilda Radner
You feel completely in control when you hear a wave of laughter coming back at you that you have caused.
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By AnonymGilda Radner
I'd much rather be a woman than a man. Women can cry, they can wear cute clothes, and they are the first to be rescued off of sinking ships.
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By AnonymGilda Radner
I wanted a perfect ending. Now I've learned, the hard way, that some poems don't rhyme, and some stories don't have a clear beginning, middle, and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what's going to happen next. Delicious Ambiguity.
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By AnonymGilda Radner
The more I protested about this ambiguity, the more Joanna pointed out to me that it was both a terrible and wonderful part of life: terrible because you can't count on anything for sure—like certain good health and no possibility of cancer; wonderful because no human being knows when another is going to die—no doctor can absolutely predict the outcome of a disease. The only thing that is certain is change. Joanna calls all of this 'delicious ambiguity.' 'Couldn't there be comfort and freedom in no one knowing the outcome of anything and all things being possible?' she asked. Was I convinced? Not completely. I still wanted to believe in magic thinking. But I was intrigued.
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