Best 406 quotes in «absurd quotes» category

Uczeni wyliczyli, że jest tylko jedna szansa na milion, by zaistniało coś tak całkowicie absurdalnego. Jednak magowie obliczyli, że szanse jedna na milion sprawdzają się w dziewięciu przypadkach na dziesięć.

TYMPANI: Well, things happen fast down here. You gotta' be prepared. One day you're raising chickens, the next day you're buying up half of Mexico. RABBIT: I don't want half of Mexico! TYMPANI: Then you'll want something else. Sooner or later you'll want something else, and they'll find out what it is. RABBIT: What do you mean? TYMPANI: Some little fantasy. Some dream. Some tiny little delusion that you've got tucked away. They'll pry it out of you. RABBIT: What do they care? TYMPANI: Because then they've got you. They'll feed off your hunger. They'll keep you jumping at carrots. And you'll keep jumping. And you'll keep thinking you're not jumping all the time you're jumping. RABBIT: Is that what's happened to you? TYMPANI: What does it look like? RABBIT: Well, how can you know it and still keep doing it? TYMPANI: What else is there to do? RABBIT: Are you crazy? They've got you kidnapped in here and you like it. TYMPANI: So will you. You'd be surprised how fast it happens.

Under the fatal lighting of that destiny, its uselessness becomes evident. No code of ethics and no effort are justifiable a priori in the face of the cruel mathematics that command our condition.

Une chèvre, sur le bord de la route, fit un signe avec ses cornes et Angel s'arrêta. "Monte", dit-il à l'animal. La chèvre sauta dans la voiture et s'assit sur le plateau, derrière eux. "Elles font toutes de l'auto-stop, expliqua Angel. [...]

unless you want to go to jail, you're not working hard enough

Vivre, c'est faire vivre l'absurde

Wrinkles only exist in the mirror. Break the mirror and the wrinkles are gone.

We can provide you democracy. When do you need it?

...'Well, I think of you as a straight shooter, Sheriff, but one who can't stop lustin' after the goddamn ineffable.' "She said that, hunh?" "Yup." "Shitfire, Sheriff, what'd you do?" "Well, I shot her.

We pretend to catch and eat more pretend bugs than could ever actually live in one cave. The number of pretend bugs we pretend to catch and eat would in reality basically fill a cave the size of our cave.

What, in fact, is the absurd man? He who, without negating it, does nothing for the eternal. Not that nostalgia is foreign to him. But he prefers his courage and his reasoning.

When I was a kid we had a sandbox. It was a quicksand box. I was an only child...eventually.

When you're out in the wilderness and get back to base camp only to discover sleeping bag turndown service….that's no chocolate on the pillow

Women there is no perfect man! Don't waste your money on make-up!

You always miss 100% of the shots you don't order

We call love what binds us to certain creatures only by reference to a collective way of seeing for which books and legends are responsible.

We can act only in our time, among the people who surround us. We shall be capable of nothing until we know whether we have the right to kill our fellow men, or the right to let them be killed. Since all contemporary action leads to murder, direct or indirect, we cannot act until we know whether, and why, we have the right to kill.

Well, Nero," Genghis said, "I just wanted to give you this rose-a small gift of congratulations for the wonderful concert you gave us last night!" "Oh, thank you," Nero said, taking the rose out of Genghis's hand and giving it a good smell. "I was wonderful, wasn't I?" "You were perfection!" Genghis said. "The first time you played your sonata, I was deeply moved. The second time, I had tears in my eyes. The third time, I was sobbing. The fourth time, I had an uncontrollable emotional attack. The fifth time-" The Baudelaires did not hear about the fifth time because Nero's door swung shut behind them.

What can you do with a person who says that he is absolutely uncertain about everything, and that he is absolutely certain about that?

When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

When your heart starts to feel full again. I love FREE refills, and if a restaurant tries to double charge me, I refuse to write a love poem on their Yelp page. -Karen Quan and Jarod Kintz

When you're reaching the end of the semester and you just wanna die. Coffin Making 101 is literally killing me. -Karen Quan and Jarod Kintz

Why, look at me. I've worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.

Word of advice for any young man that might want to take out Malia or Sasha Obama - Their father can order an assassination, don't piss him off.

Yes, I know," Isadora said, and then read her poem, leaning forward so Carmelita Spats would not overhear: "I would rather eat a bowl of vampire bats than spend an hour with Carmelita Spats." The Baudelaires giggled and then covered their mouths so nobody would know they were laughing at Carmelita. "That was great," Klaus said. "I like the part about the bowl of bats.

You can sit on a brick, and milk a cow with a blanket.

You know, Maude . . . somebody meeting you for the first time -- not knowing you were cracked -- might get the wrong impression of you.

You're only given as much as you can handle, before going back for seconds

You'll never know what psychopathic heights you're capable of, just lying there on the sofa

You need to be clever to best him. Are you clever, Rachel?” Oh God. She wants to know if I’m clever. I glanced at Al, and he stared at me, then shrugged. Licking my lips, I said, “It’s the shiny pot that puts a hole in the sky.” Al’s mouth dropped open, but Newt thought about it, her expression thoughtful and her fingers finally leaving her knife. “Very true,” she said as she eased back into the cushions. With a soft click of his teeth, Al’s mouth shut. His eyes were cross, and he seemed peeved that I’d found a way to satisfy her without compromising myself at all.

You were torturing a cat," she says. "With a freaking prod." "A prod I built myself in metal shop," he says. "But of course you never mention that.

You see, I’ve heard of a man whose friend had been imprisoned and who slept on the floor of his room every night in order not to enjoy a comfort of which his friend had been deprived.

Your self esteem is like a notch below Kafka's.

Absurdity isn't quite so absurd as it once was.

Absolute honesty is as absurd an abstraction as an absolute temperature or an absolute value.

All his leisure clothes were absurd - jokes, really - as though leisure itself had to be ridiculed.

A flatterer never seems absurd: The flatter'd always takes his word.

A madman's ravings are absurd in relation to the situation in which he finds himself, but not in relation to his madness.

And when you cannot prove that people are wrong, but only that they are absurd, the best course is to let them alone.

America has never paid any attention to other people, so it's absurd for Bush to say that it's all in the best interests of the Iraqi people.

Art and work and art and life are very connected and my whole life has been absurd. There isn't a thing in my life that has happened that hasn't been extreme - personal health, family, economic situations...absurdity is the key word.

Apparently the Dutch now prided themselves on being better at queues than the English, which was absurd, because standing cheerfully in line was the English national sport.

A power to dispose of estates for ever is manifestly absurd. The earth and the fulness of it belongs to every generation, and the preceding one can have no right to bind it up from posterity. Such extension of property is quite unnatural.

For many Americans, Osama bin Laden is the paradigmatic Muslim, an absurd conviction for anyone who has lived with Muslims.

Behind the honeyed but patently absurd pleas for equality is a ruthless drive for placing themselves (the elites) at the top of a new hierarchy of power.

Consider it: Who but God could have dreamed a tale so absurd and so heartless?

Donald Trump has gone from making absurd comments to being downright dangerous with his bombastic rhetoric.

Every professional golfer has a seperate coach for his drives, for approaches, for putting. In football we have one coach for 15 players. This is absurd.

Exactly! It is absurd - improbable - it cannot be. So I myself have said. And yet, my friend, there it is! One cannot escape from the facts.

Faith prefers the absurd to the plausible.