Best 406 quotes in «absurd quotes» category

- A pan czy wierzy w duchy - spytał prelegenta jeden ze słuchaczy. - Oczywiście, że nie - odparł prelegent, po czym z wolna rozpłynął się w powietrzu.

A partir do momento em que é reconhecido, o absurdo é uma paixão, a mais dilacerante de todas.

Ar aš miegojau, kai kiti kentėjo? Ar aš miegu šiuo metu? Ką pasakysiu apie šią dieną rytoj, kai man atrodys, jog nebemiegu? Kad štai čia su savo draugu Estragonu iki sutemstant laukiau Godo? Kad praėjo Poco su savo nešiku ir kad jis su mumis kalbėjo? Taip, žinoma. Bet ar čia bus bent truputis tiesos? (Estragonas po tuščių bandymų nusiauti batus vėl užmiega. Vladimiras žiūri į jį) Jis nieko nežinos. Pasakos, kad jį mušė, ir aš jam duosiu morką. (Po pauzės) Gimdyti apsižergus kapą ir kančiose gimti. Duobėje duobkasys svajingai tvarkosi įrankius. Lieka laiko susenti. Ore skamba mūsų riksmai. (Klausosi) Bet įprotis – didysis slopintojas. (Žiūri į Estragoną) Štai ir į mane kažkas žiūri ir sako sau: jis miega, jis nežino, kad miega. (Po pauzės) Daugiau nebegaliu. (Po pauzės) Ką aš kalbėjau?

Are you an evolutionist? I’m an absurdist, ma’am. But let’s suppose evolution is true; what about the monkeys today? Why can’t we see them evolving? Are they still evolving?

A sibling in full spate is always frightening, their anger a surprising powerful defense, their deeper impotence equally powerful, absurd.

As if that blind rage had washed me clean, rid me of hope; for the first time, in that night alive with signs and stars, I opened myself to the gentle indifference of the world. Finding it so much like myself—so like a brother, really—I felt that I had been happy and that I was happy again. For everything to be consummated, for me to feel less alone, I had only to wish that there be a large crowd of spectators the day of my execution and that they greet me with cries of hate.

At age 6 I was born without a face.

A watched pot never boils.... but it does develop paranoia

A woman always has to prove her beauty.

Date rape is just plain moronic when you consider how slutty figs are

Being born with a sickly resemblance to Henry Fonda was the first of a long series of practical jokes of which destiny was to make Major Major the unhappy victim throughout his joyless life. Being born Major Major Major was the second

Children and dogs are the messengers of God some of us do not deserve them

Christianity is the most ridiculous, the most absurd, and bloody religion that has ever infected the world. [In a letter to Frederick the Great]

Come Hell or High Water" usually depends on the kind of plug you use in the bath tub

Dating should really be more like furniture store commercials....I would love to' pay no interest for 6 months

Blood is thicker than water, and so is diarrhea

Cervantes' text and Menard's are verbally identical; but the second is almost infinitely richer.

Cheap is the love that has a price.

Dave? This is John. Your pimp says bring the heroin shipment tonight, or he'll be forced to stick you. meet him where we buried the Korean whore. The one without the goatee." That was code. It meant "Come to my place as soon as you can, it's important.

Death is life's way of telling you, you've been recalled

Don't you wish we all lived in black light.... for one thing, it would mean an end to toothpaste as we know it

Did you bring your book of nightmares?" Dr. Tuttle asked, sitting down behind her desk.

Dieu n'est pas utilitaire. Dieu est un cadeau de fête, un don gratuit, un lingot de platine, une image artistique, une friandise légère. Dieu est en plus. Il n'est ni pour ni contre. C'est du rabiot !

Don't be so hard on yourself....that's what a loofah's for

Do you like flora and fauna? How about plants and animals? Because we have more of that beautiful crap than we know what to do with. Charmingly domesticated troops of monkeys swing freely throughout our orchid-laden property. You’re probably thinking that a lot of all-inclusive resorts have monkeys. True, but only one resort packs a monkey for each of their guests to take home. You’ll be showing off more than a tan to your friends, you’ll be showing off a gibbon.

Everything is a drive-thru. You just have to aim really fast

Elections are called! May the better voters win!

Everything is possible, but where can I find everything?!

End production today. Wrap party as usual a little sad. Slow danced with Scarlett. Broke her toe. Not my fault. When she dipped me back, I stepped on it. Penélope and Javier anxious to work with me again. Said if I ever come up with another screenplay to try and find them. Goodbye drink with Rebecca. Sentimental moment. Everyone in cast and crew chipped in and bought me a ballpoint pen.

God is the supreme uncreated light of which Wisdom is born, but there was never a time when God's Wisdom did not exist.

Future generations will not fight over legacy. We'll leave them nothing.

Flying is simple. Hitting the ground is hard

For a beverage, you asked for some “cherry-assed Kool Aid.” Okay, now you’re just adding “assed” in places where it doesn’t even make sense. Regardless, we will fulfill your request for Cherry Kool-Aid. However, Halle Berry will not be pouring it from her mouth into yours. For dessert, you asked for your mother’s homemade peach cobbler. It is highly unorthodox for someone other than the prison kitchen staff to prepare a final meal. Also, you killed her about eight years ago, remember? So you’ll have to settle for Hostess.

Happy Labour's day! Let's make a world with better illusions!

Happiness and absurd are the sons of same earth

He himself, Anthony went on to think, he himself had chosen to regard the whole process as either pointless or a practical joke. Yes, chosen. For it had been an act of the will. If it were all nonsense or a joke, then he was at liberty to read his books and exercise his talents for sarcastic comment; there was no reason why he shouldn't sleep with any presentable woman who was ready to sleep with him. If it weren't nonsense, if there was some significance, then he could no longer live irresponsibly. There were duties towards himself and others and the nature of things. Duties with whose fulfilment the sleeping and the indiscriminate reading and the habit of detached irony would interfere. He had chosen to think it nonsense, and nonsense for more than twenty years the thing had seemed to be – nonsense, in spite of occasional uncomfortable intimations that there might be a point, and that the point was precisely in what he had chosen to regard as the pointlessness, the practical joke.

He had too much to think about. In the course of his long, useless marches he had sunk deeper and deeper into the tangle of his botched life as into a clump of brambles, and still he had found no meaning or consolation.

I answered that, of recent years, I’d rather lost the habit of noting my feelings, and hardly knew what to answer. I could truthfully say I’d been quite fond of Mother— but really that didn’t mean much. All normal people, I added as on afterthought, had more or less desired the death of those they loved, at some time or another.

Her loyalty was absurd. This was what kept us going.

I adore the absurd and the abnormal; therefore, that's what I write about. That's what I need to write about. The mainstream has never turned me on.

How unbearable, for women, is the tenderness which a man can give them without love. For men, how bittersweet this is.

If Mickey Mouse could fly, he'd be Donald Duck.

I call my wife and tell her I’m going to sleep at the lab. She reminds me that she left me a week ago. Louis tries to crack me up by pantomiming humping a chimp through the cage.

I cannot here withhold the statement that optimism, where it is not merely the thoughtless talk of those who harbor nothing but words under their shallow foreheads, seems to me to be not merely an absurd, but also a really wicked, way of thinking, a bitter mockery of the most unspeakable sufferings of mankind.

If a picture paints a thousand words, then a naked picture paints a thousand words without any vowels....

If it's the thought that counts, then ignorance must use a calculator

I can't fight. I was once run over by a car with a flat tire, being pushed by two guys.

If I could fly, I would soar all the way up to the window of a plane carrying a suitcase in my hand, then I’d motion toward the plane’s door and make an annoyed face at the terrified passengers. I have a feeling I would do this a lot.

If the Baudelaire orphans had been stalks of celery, they would not have been small children in great distress, and if they had been lucky, Carmelita Spats would have not approached their table at this particular moment and delivered another unfortunate message. "Hello, you cakesniffers," she said, "although judging from the baby brat you're more like saladsniffers. I have another message for you from Coach Genghis. I get to be his Special Messenger because I'm the cutest, prettiest, nicest little girl in the whole school." "If you were really the nicest person in the whole school," Isadora said, "you wouldn't make fun of a sleeping infant. But never mind, what is the message?" "It's actually the same as last time," Carmelita said, "but I'll repeat it in case you're too stupid to remember. The three Baudelaire orphans are to report to the front lawn tonight, immediately after dinner." "What?" Klaus asked. "Are you deaf as well as cakesniffy?" Carmelita asked.

If the love is not madness, then the sex is not insane