Best 406 quotes in «absurd quotes» category

Why, look at me. I've worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.

Women there is no perfect man! Don't waste your money on make-up!

Word of advice for any young man that might want to take out Malia or Sasha Obama - Their father can order an assassination, don't piss him off.

Wrinkles only exist in the mirror. Break the mirror and the wrinkles are gone.

You always miss 100% of the shots you don't order

Yes, I know," Isadora said, and then read her poem, leaning forward so Carmelita Spats would not overhear: "I would rather eat a bowl of vampire bats than spend an hour with Carmelita Spats." The Baudelaires giggled and then covered their mouths so nobody would know they were laughing at Carmelita. "That was great," Klaus said. "I like the part about the bowl of bats.

You can sit on a brick, and milk a cow with a blanket.

You need to be clever to best him. Are you clever, Rachel?” Oh God. She wants to know if I’m clever. I glanced at Al, and he stared at me, then shrugged. Licking my lips, I said, “It’s the shiny pot that puts a hole in the sky.” Al’s mouth dropped open, but Newt thought about it, her expression thoughtful and her fingers finally leaving her knife. “Very true,” she said as she eased back into the cushions. With a soft click of his teeth, Al’s mouth shut. His eyes were cross, and he seemed peeved that I’d found a way to satisfy her without compromising myself at all.

You know, Maude . . . somebody meeting you for the first time -- not knowing you were cracked -- might get the wrong impression of you.

You'll never know what psychopathic heights you're capable of, just lying there on the sofa

You're only given as much as you can handle, before going back for seconds

You see, I’ve heard of a man whose friend had been imprisoned and who slept on the floor of his room every night in order not to enjoy a comfort of which his friend had been deprived.

Your self esteem is like a notch below Kafka's.

Absolute honesty is as absurd an abstraction as an absolute temperature or an absolute value.

Absurdity isn't quite so absurd as it once was.

You were torturing a cat," she says. "With a freaking prod." "A prod I built myself in metal shop," he says. "But of course you never mention that.

All his leisure clothes were absurd - jokes, really - as though leisure itself had to be ridiculed.

A flatterer never seems absurd: The flatter'd always takes his word.

America has never paid any attention to other people, so it's absurd for Bush to say that it's all in the best interests of the Iraqi people.

A madman's ravings are absurd in relation to the situation in which he finds himself, but not in relation to his madness.

Apparently the Dutch now prided themselves on being better at queues than the English, which was absurd, because standing cheerfully in line was the English national sport.

And when you cannot prove that people are wrong, but only that they are absurd, the best course is to let them alone.

A power to dispose of estates for ever is manifestly absurd. The earth and the fulness of it belongs to every generation, and the preceding one can have no right to bind it up from posterity. Such extension of property is quite unnatural.

Being Christian without the Church doesn't make sense. That's why the great Paul VI, said that the most absurd dichotomy is loving Christ without the Church. To listen to Christ, but not the Church. To be with Christ, but stay at the margins of the Church. It's not possible. It's an absurd dichotomy.

Art and work and art and life are very connected and my whole life has been absurd. There isn't a thing in my life that has happened that hasn't been extreme - personal health, family, economic situations...absurdity is the key word.

A sceptic finds Dallas absurd. A cynic thinks the public doesn't

Behind the honeyed but patently absurd pleas for equality is a ruthless drive for placing themselves (the elites) at the top of a new hierarchy of power.

A translation in verse . . . seems to me something absurd, impossible.

Do not boast because you have beliefs; don't forget that hundreds of absurd beliefs in the history are totally disappeared!

Credo quia absurdum – I believe because it is absurd.

Consider it: Who but God could have dreamed a tale so absurd and so heartless?

Depression: the healthy suspicion that modern life has no meaning and that modern society is absurd and alienating.

Donald Trump has gone from making absurd comments to being downright dangerous with his bombastic rhetoric.

Given that the label "immigrant literature" is already established, unavoidable for anyone with a migrant background and used in any given context, I strongly advocate an absurd amount of specification to go along with the label.

English plays, Atrocious in content, Absurd in form, Objectionable in action, Execrable EnglishTheatre.

Forks are absurd, he scoffed. They insult your food. They make it think you're killing it twice.

Every professional golfer has a seperate coach for his drives, for approaches, for putting. In football we have one coach for 15 players. This is absurd.

Exactly! It is absurd - improbable - it cannot be. So I myself have said. And yet, my friend, there it is! One cannot escape from the facts.

Faith prefers the absurd to the plausible.

For many Americans, Osama bin Laden is the paradigmatic Muslim, an absurd conviction for anyone who has lived with Muslims.

For the absurd man, it is not a matter of explaining and solving, but of experiencing and describing. Everything begins with lucid indifference.

God knows the times I have found myself in absurd situations.

I came to feel very, very sentimental about those sets, which is ludicrous, because they represent everything which is transitory and insubstantial. It's absurd that one should feel sentimental about timber and canvas.

How absurd and delicious it is to be in love with somebody younger than yourself. Everybody should try it.

Human relationships are patterned and cross-patterned and restricted and limited and delimited and caged and freed again by the elaborate conventions, rules and games which we call civilisation. They're often absurd and farcical, and sometimes they're tragic, yet we acknowledge that they are necessary.

I always feel kind of absurd and presumptuous presenting a speech.

he looked to her like an absurd twentieth-century Hamlet, an indecisive figure so mesmerized by onrushing tragedy that he was helpless to divert its course or alter it in any way.

how absurd human beings are and how magnificent.

How can a living man be a person who has nothing to lose? This is very absurd! Even a dead man has something to lose: His coffin!

I am interested only in "nonsense"; only in that which makes no practical sense. I am interested in life only in its absurd manifestations.