Best 406 quotes in «absurd quotes» category

Uczeni wyliczyli, że jest tylko jedna szansa na milion, by zaistniało coś tak całkowicie absurdalnego. Jednak magowie obliczyli, że szanse jedna na milion sprawdzają się w dziewięciu przypadkach na dziesięć.

TYMPANI: Well, things happen fast down here. You gotta' be prepared. One day you're raising chickens, the next day you're buying up half of Mexico. RABBIT: I don't want half of Mexico! TYMPANI: Then you'll want something else. Sooner or later you'll want something else, and they'll find out what it is. RABBIT: What do you mean? TYMPANI: Some little fantasy. Some dream. Some tiny little delusion that you've got tucked away. They'll pry it out of you. RABBIT: What do they care? TYMPANI: Because then they've got you. They'll feed off your hunger. They'll keep you jumping at carrots. And you'll keep jumping. And you'll keep thinking you're not jumping all the time you're jumping. RABBIT: Is that what's happened to you? TYMPANI: What does it look like? RABBIT: Well, how can you know it and still keep doing it? TYMPANI: What else is there to do? RABBIT: Are you crazy? They've got you kidnapped in here and you like it. TYMPANI: So will you. You'd be surprised how fast it happens.

Under the fatal lighting of that destiny, its uselessness becomes evident. No code of ethics and no effort are justifiable a priori in the face of the cruel mathematics that command our condition.

The jury returned with a verdict of "Don't ask me, I wasn't there," and was excused.

The Theatre of the Absurd, in the sense that it is truly the contemporary theatre, facing as it does man's condition as it is, is the Realistic theatre of our time; and that the supposed Realistic theatre—the term used here to mean most of what is done on Broadway—in the sense that it panders to the public need for self-congratulation and reassurance and presents a false picture of ourselves to ourselves is … really and truly The Theatre of the Absurd.

The universe had no choice but to create intelligent life so that there would be someone else that could simply laugh at how unbelievably, ridiculously and senselessly huge the universe is and how utterly insignificant the rest of us are.

They deify what crushes them and find reason to hope in what impoverishes them.

They haven't left us much to believe in, have they?--even disbelief. I can't believe in anything bigger than a home or vaguer than a human being.

This is the story of two men who met in a banana republic. One of them never did anything dishonest in his life except for one crazy minute. The other never did anything honest in his life except for one crazy minute.

Une chèvre, sur le bord de la route, fit un signe avec ses cornes et Angel s'arrêta. "Monte", dit-il à l'animal. La chèvre sauta dans la voiture et s'assit sur le plateau, derrière eux. "Elles font toutes de l'auto-stop, expliqua Angel. [...]

unless you want to go to jail, you're not working hard enough

Vivre, c'est faire vivre l'absurde

We call love what binds us to certain creatures only by reference to a collective way of seeing for which books and legends are responsible.

We can act only in our time, among the people who surround us. We shall be capable of nothing until we know whether we have the right to kill our fellow men, or the right to let them be killed. Since all contemporary action leads to murder, direct or indirect, we cannot act until we know whether, and why, we have the right to kill.

We can provide you democracy. When do you need it?

Well, Nero," Genghis said, "I just wanted to give you this rose-a small gift of congratulations for the wonderful concert you gave us last night!" "Oh, thank you," Nero said, taking the rose out of Genghis's hand and giving it a good smell. "I was wonderful, wasn't I?" "You were perfection!" Genghis said. "The first time you played your sonata, I was deeply moved. The second time, I had tears in my eyes. The third time, I was sobbing. The fourth time, I had an uncontrollable emotional attack. The fifth time-" The Baudelaires did not hear about the fifth time because Nero's door swung shut behind them.

What can you do with a person who says that he is absolutely uncertain about everything, and that he is absolutely certain about that?

When I was a kid we had a sandbox. It was a quicksand box. I was an only child...eventually.

When you're out in the wilderness and get back to base camp only to discover sleeping bag turndown service….that's no chocolate on the pillow

Wrinkles only exist in the mirror. Break the mirror and the wrinkles are gone.

You always miss 100% of the shots you don't order

You can sit on a brick, and milk a cow with a blanket.

You know, Maude . . . somebody meeting you for the first time -- not knowing you were cracked -- might get the wrong impression of you.

You're only given as much as you can handle, before going back for seconds

Your self esteem is like a notch below Kafka's.

You see, I’ve heard of a man whose friend had been imprisoned and who slept on the floor of his room every night in order not to enjoy a comfort of which his friend had been deprived.

You were torturing a cat," she says. "With a freaking prod." "A prod I built myself in metal shop," he says. "But of course you never mention that.

Absurdity isn't quite so absurd as it once was.

A flatterer never seems absurd: The flatter'd always takes his word.

All his leisure clothes were absurd - jokes, really - as though leisure itself had to be ridiculed.

...'Well, I think of you as a straight shooter, Sheriff, but one who can't stop lustin' after the goddamn ineffable.' "She said that, hunh?" "Yup." "Shitfire, Sheriff, what'd you do?" "Well, I shot her.

We pretend to catch and eat more pretend bugs than could ever actually live in one cave. The number of pretend bugs we pretend to catch and eat would in reality basically fill a cave the size of our cave.

What, in fact, is the absurd man? He who, without negating it, does nothing for the eternal. Not that nostalgia is foreign to him. But he prefers his courage and his reasoning.

When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

When your heart starts to feel full again. I love FREE refills, and if a restaurant tries to double charge me, I refuse to write a love poem on their Yelp page. -Karen Quan and Jarod Kintz

When you're reaching the end of the semester and you just wanna die. Coffin Making 101 is literally killing me. -Karen Quan and Jarod Kintz

Why, look at me. I've worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.

Women there is no perfect man! Don't waste your money on make-up!

Word of advice for any young man that might want to take out Malia or Sasha Obama - Their father can order an assassination, don't piss him off.

Yes, I know," Isadora said, and then read her poem, leaning forward so Carmelita Spats would not overhear: "I would rather eat a bowl of vampire bats than spend an hour with Carmelita Spats." The Baudelaires giggled and then covered their mouths so nobody would know they were laughing at Carmelita. "That was great," Klaus said. "I like the part about the bowl of bats.

You'll never know what psychopathic heights you're capable of, just lying there on the sofa

You need to be clever to best him. Are you clever, Rachel?” Oh God. She wants to know if I’m clever. I glanced at Al, and he stared at me, then shrugged. Licking my lips, I said, “It’s the shiny pot that puts a hole in the sky.” Al’s mouth dropped open, but Newt thought about it, her expression thoughtful and her fingers finally leaving her knife. “Very true,” she said as she eased back into the cushions. With a soft click of his teeth, Al’s mouth shut. His eyes were cross, and he seemed peeved that I’d found a way to satisfy her without compromising myself at all.

Absolute honesty is as absurd an abstraction as an absolute temperature or an absolute value.

A madman's ravings are absurd in relation to the situation in which he finds himself, but not in relation to his madness.

And when you cannot prove that people are wrong, but only that they are absurd, the best course is to let them alone.

A power to dispose of estates for ever is manifestly absurd. The earth and the fulness of it belongs to every generation, and the preceding one can have no right to bind it up from posterity. Such extension of property is quite unnatural.

Apparently the Dutch now prided themselves on being better at queues than the English, which was absurd, because standing cheerfully in line was the English national sport.

Art and work and art and life are very connected and my whole life has been absurd. There isn't a thing in my life that has happened that hasn't been extreme - personal health, family, economic situations...absurdity is the key word.

A sceptic finds Dallas absurd. A cynic thinks the public doesn't

A translation in verse . . . seems to me something absurd, impossible.