Best 11 quotes in «hillarious quotes» category

She's so pure, Moses couldn't even part her knees.

When People in sales are at work, they are at war.

Meg!' I said. 'I told you not to kill it! You'll get cursed!' 'I didn't kill it. It committed suicide against that wall.

Why do we have to humiliate someone to crack a joke??? Do what u would like people to do with u..

Elizabeth Taylor's so fat she puts mayonnaise on aspirin.

You took your meds today, right?" he whispered. I nodded. Then use this jar to save it." Save . . . ?" Your urine. If you give them some of today's tomorrow, it'll seem like you're still taking your meds." You want me to . . . dole it out? Into specimen jars?" Got a better idea?" Um, no, but ..." I lifted the jar and stared into it. Oh, for God's sake. Save your piss. Don't save your piss. It's all the same to me." Simon peeked around the corner, brows lifted. "I was going to ask what you guys were doing, but hearing that, I think I'll pass.

Why are you covering your breasts?” Turning her back to him, she stepped into her dress. “Why are you so interested in my breasts?” “I am only interested in them because you hide them,” he informed her. “I would not find them interesting if you would stop wearing clothing.

I like colonic irrigation because sometimes you find old jewelry.

Looking 50 is great, if you're 60.

I'm in nobody's circle, I've always been an outsider.

I was just reading about the new Lindsay Lohan diet, which is all liquid. 80 proof.