Best 36 quotes in «dry humor quotes» category

A couple of your guests saw a fireball come out the sky, and the place went up. Heat lightning is what will go in the report. A freak of nature.” I’d be sure to tell Drake he was being listed as a freak of nature. I wanted to watch his face when I said it. - Emilio Salas, Janet Begay

By now, I should have learned that luck, if she was a lady, was a mean-spirited bitch with a grudge against me.

Duncan,we're still in prison," Frederic said dryly. "You're not going to see anything except this cell. Which has spiders, by the way. Have you noticed the spiders?" "Indeed I have: Carmen, Zippy, and Dr. T," Duncan said.

Dyspepsia is responsible for many a reputation for romantic melancholy or ungovernable rages.

Don't be a scaredy-human," called Emerald. "Gran-Doyen says I can't burn you up, so I won't." Then under her breath, she added, "Though accidents do happen." (Emerald to Ethan)

Even a man with boots on should avoid the wet.

I'm prone to paper cuts.

I really don’t know what to think, Mr Holmes,’ Lestrade muttered. ‘Well, that’s nothing new.

I turned to watch the women on the dance floor, laughing and smiling and watching Travis and Megan vertically dry fucking.

BIO'GRAPHER: A writer of lives; a relator not of the history of nations, but of the actions of particular persons.

Even though she only used the dagger Jerin gave her for chopping meat and vegetables, Ethan still insisted she keep it on her at all times. That way, she mused, if anyone did attack her, she could make them a salad or something.

France was at peace; one couldn't shoot the bearers of bad news.

Help, help, I’m being kidnapped,” Navi murmured in a dry tone. She reached up to flick her fingers against his abs. His brows wrinkled at the feeble attempt. “Oh well,” she continued, unable to hide the hint of a grin on her lips. “Didn’t work. I suppose I’ll resign myself to my horrible fate.

His father was an ass and he is an ass. I imagine sooner than I should like I shall be playing uncle to a litter of asses.

I'm going to start a religion in the name of my pal up there, Mr. NOT. I am going to call it nuttism. All nuts are welcome. And by that I mean you all, following every other nutty ism.

In the past, it was known as a "massive stroke," and you simply died. But improved resuscitation techniques have now prolonged and refined the agony.

Most of you Mistborn are probably too proud to crawl. I'm surprised you were willing to do so yourself." "Too proud to crawl?" Kelsier said. "Nosense! Why, I'd say that we Mistborn are too proud not to be humble enough to go crawling about--in a dignified manner, of course." Dockson frowned, approaching the desk. "Kell, that didn't make any sense." "We Mistborn need not make sense.

No good deed goes unpunished.

Now, nature, as I am only too aware, has her enthusiasts, but on the whole, I am not to be counted among them. To put it bluntly, I am not the type who wants to go back to the land; I am the type who wants to go back to the hotel.

One marker, which I would read a bit later on, tells the familiar story of Narcissa Whitman, "trail-blazer and martyred missionary," who followed the north side of the Platte in 1836 on horseback, "becoming the first white women to cross the American continent," and who, along with her husband, Marcus, was "massacred by Cayuse Indians" at their Protestant mission in 1847 in Walla Walla, Washington. (The Indians there were justifiably enraged at the whites for spreading measles to them.)

Real scratching is superior to masturbation, in my opinion.

Make us human, they demanded Agatha blanched. Since when could she understand animals? Save us, princess, they cried. Since when could she understand delusional animals?

Stick to journalism, Mr Cort, where you never have to understand anything.

The sun was about to set," he told us in a gravelly voice. He swept his hands in a downward motion, apparently to demonstrate how a sunset worked

Surely there was not another soul in England that could delude themselves like I could.

What was it Like?" "What was what like?" he said, although he knew. "Quick, I imagine. But you must have perceived something. A split second of vanishing awareness. A grasping at a shrinking light." "It was like being fucked in the brain.

The perfumes of lords and ladies tickled at my nose: lavender and orange oil. On the road, shit has the decency to stink.

She ought to go down to the beach. It was Thursday, early closing, and it seemed ungrateful to live so close to the sea and never look at it for weeks on end.

When I began a diet a week before my stroke, I never dreamed of such a dramatic result.

When the Attorney-General ceased, a buzz arose in the court as if a cloud of great blue-flies were swarming about the prisoner, in anticipation of what he was soon to become.

When your legs and arms are being torn from your body, you console yourself that you've not yet been beheaded. Of course, right? When your nerves are being extracted strand by strand and your flesh is being dried drop by drop, you simply see past the blood and the bones and think: Hey, at least they haven't torn me apart at the cellular level yet. Unnerving logic.

When your legs and arms are being torn from your body, you console yourself that you've not yet been beheaded. Of course, right? When you nerves are being extracted strand by strand and your flesh is being dried drop by drop, you simply see past the blood and the bones and think: Hey, at least they haven't torn me apart at the cellular level yet. Unnerving logic.

Wonderful. I'm stranded with the least creative Ramblers.

We keep electing council members for appearance sake, it doesn’t mean anything, and it is just a show for the people, so that they may sleep well at night with their delusion of peace.

What New England is, is a state of mind, a place where dry humor and perpetual disappointment blend to produce an ironic pessimism that folks from away find most perplexing

You got me a birthday cake. It was pink. I smashed it into the ceiling.