Best 107 quotes of Bob Saget on MyQuotes

25, 30 years ago, that meant something, they were making some money. And they were doing all sorts of comedy, screaming at the audience, basically crowd control. And then there was the whole urban comedy scene.

A good way to keep your relationship together is not to scream in terror when you see your partner naked.

A lot of people ask me what my favorite episode of Full House was, I always tell them: it was the last one!

A lot of the comedians don't even tell the joke. Like only three tell the joke, the rest of them dissect it.

And turkeys are a bird. A very nervous bird. You'd be nervous too if you knew that one day you'd get your head cut off and... filled with stuffing.

Apparently my street has a leaf blower gang who tag team all day, so the sounds of the leaf blower are forever blowing from dawn to dusk.

Aristotle said, Love is composed of a single soul inhabiting two bodies. Isn't that a three-way?

As time goes on, the more I value doctors and plumbers. Doctors a little more. I can fix my own toilet but I still can't operate on myself.

Beautiful clear day in Beverly Hills. The sweet smell of Botox is in the air.

Behind every great man in prison is another great man in prison.

Bob Saget was known, in the comedy clubs in those days, as extremely funny but with dark humor. It was always an inside joke among comics, when he got Full House, it was, like, wow, hes playing this all-American dad kind of thing. That was not Bob Saget. His comedic style is definitely more twisted, and he has an edgier side than he showed in Full House.

Concerned we're in a time where politicians can't even fake sincerity. Aren't they supposed to be good at that?

Found a bunch of old shower caps in my house. Was gonna throw them out but realized they make excellent porta potties for long road trips.

Friend of mine just told me he used to be a bad alcoholic. I calmed him down. Told him he was a good alcoholic just a horrible drinker.

Full House was a show that was done for ten-year-olds. The critics hated it. They said terrible, terrible things about it. But it should have been reviewed by ten-year-olds. That's who it was made for. They loved it. And if they loved it, great. Why the hell does a fifty-year-old guy working at a big newspaper have to tell me I'm a piece of crap?

I am stressed because once I am flattened out so thin to be able to slide under a doorway, I may never be able to ever be unflattened so I could be regular sized again.

I can't do negative, needy, or narcissistic anymore. Oh wait, I can still do the last one, aw nuts.

I'd like a nice piece of salmon that's not too pink inside and yet isn't too dry or crisp either.

I don't like the negative of reality tv - the 'you're no good, so you have to leave, I choose you, but I thought you really loved me.' It's all about how bad people are and I just hate that. I like Pimp my Ride where someone is helping somebody.

I don't roll like that but I've never been with a hooker either. Yeah, that's good to say in an interview cause I feel bad a little because people grew up watching me and that's a little disturbing.

If I ever die, I want it to be cause I got hit by a car saving a kid.

If someone sprays windex in your food it can give you diarrhea. But once you wipe it off your windows, you're fine.

If 'what doesn't kill you makes you stronger,' how do you explain zombies?

If you don't wake up every day happy, change something.

If you go with Marshall McLuhan's theory that the medium is the message, as soon as you're hosting a blooper show, you're done.

If you're hanging out with two negative people, do they equal one positive person?

I have a feeling I'm going to wake up one day and say 'I can't do dirty stuff anymore, I want to go all clean.' I'll do clean stuff too, I like to entertain people. Then they egged me on; we shot it at The Laugh Factory.

I have the brain of a German Shepherd and the body of a 16-year-old boy; they’re both in my car and I want you to see them

I have three kids, the oldest is 18 and her friends are going to see it The Aristocrats because they told her they're going to see it, especially her guy friends.

I just did a play in New York which has been my best experience that Ive had for maybe ever. It was Paul Weitzs play called Privilege and I was in New York for three months.

I just had a pedicure. My feet are soft like a baby's behind. If his ass was covered in calluses.

I like to approach every day like it's my first, so this morning when I woke up I covered my body with red gelatin.

I love my mom! You can too for $12!

I love telling stories and acting and entertaining people. I don't want to make fun of people.

I love watching people get hit in the crotch. But only if they get back up. If their teeth are bleeding, if they're really hurt, if an ambulance has to come, I'm not laughing.

I'm a believer that when one door closes another one opens. But why does the one opening always hit me full-speed-knob-first into my nuts?

I'm completely changing my diet. My nutritionist recommends I must now stop eating food I have already eliminated.

I'm doing 5000 seat theaters and audiences are going nuts, it's fantastic and it makes me very happy. I'm dirty, but not like this; I just do comedy that I find funny. I'm working on a new tv show for cable and it's not set up yet.

I'm fortunate to know a lot of incredibly talented people, and they all want to be a penguin.

I never went to camp as a kid. I couldn't get into an Ivy League school. I wouldn't join a biker club.

In the creative sense, I'm looking forward to collaborating with people I have mutual respect for to create some really good work.

I think comedy is on an organic upsurge right now because when I started, it was 1978 at The Comedy Store and Letterman had just stopped emceeing his morning show.

I think Desperate Housewives is a pretty good show, I watch it, I like it and I don't love reality tv that much. I do watch some, I've got three daughters so we'll watch the good stuff, the fun stuff.

I think when you dissect a joke too much, you have ruined whatever there is in comedy.

It's 103 comedians, or however many it is, and how would everyone tell it. It's enough people of substance that it makes you think of the people who aren't there that are alive.

It's a new day: Full of promise and love. The only thing that can take away that great feeling is - reading the news or speaking to people.

It's smart to marry your yoga teacher so when you get divorced you know how to go down on yourself.

It's so nice to share a day as beautiful as this one with hundreds of thousands of reckless drivers.

It think acceptance levels sort of swings back and forth. Like in the 60's there was a lot more freedom with sex that doesn't exist today. Language has gotten pushed a bit farther and violence is way far out.

It was a JOB; the video show was a JOB; you don't tell the Aristocrats joke at 8 o'clock at night on network tv, it would be funny though. But those guys know I like dirty stuff, I like clean stuff too.