Best 139 quotes of Greg Gutfeld on MyQuotes

92 people are killed every single day in car fatalities. What if we filmed every one of them? No one would drive cars.

Accusing a politician of being politically expedient is like accusing water of being wet or circles for being round.

A CNN poll shows both Bernie Sanders and Hillary Clinton beating Donald Trump in the general. Are republicans about to elect a loser? Who knows? But at least we can say it sells great. Then in 2032, we can nominate Justin Bieber and start all over again.

Adults use children in order to survive because now, we have this [kids] tissue that can allow us to live longer. And once you've accepted this idea that you can use this tissue to make yourself healthier, what's to stop you from making it into a nutritional supplement? What's to stop you from any kind of weird, bizarre, amoral act because you've already made the leap?

A funny thing about tolerant people? They're really only tolerant when you agree with them.

Al Gore completely lied about climate change in an effort to make a lot of money.

Al Sharpton chases the spotlight the way Obama chases golf balls

American people, what about the American people? I think the president delights in the fact that they have been roofied by technology and pop culture. They're not conscious to any expansion of power, which is why they're happy to exist in this dependant decline.

A Smith & Wesson does more for empowering women than Feminism ever could

Ask dumb questions and listen quietly for the answers. That's a wisdom stair climber.

Because a part of the entire [Donald] Trump experience or whatever this last six months [of 2015] has been sort of feels like we`ve been living in a dream, but this is all actually happening.I mean, it`s great to be a political journalist in this time. It`s about the rhetoric. You hear his supporters on the campaign trail say we`re glad he`s not politically correct.

Being a conservative on campus is like bing a goat amongst the taliban. You are never safe.

Chris Matthews is so nuts that if he ate a snickers bar it would be cannibalism.

Commencement addresses are usually garbage. They're for colleges seeking publicity.

Delayed gratification is the one thing we ignore these days. And if you delay it, it becomes more pleasurable later in life.

Eric Holder sees everything through the prism of race. He keeps that mustache because shaving cream is white.

Essentially, the Tea Party are the Hell's Angels, but with sun visors instead of switch blades. They push macaroni instead of meth. Mess with the Tea Party and they'll put your dog in an American flag sweater on a hot day.

Fact is, the desperate desire to be cool has skewed our culture toward nihilism, carelessness, and ineptitude. It is now cool to be an idiot. A jackass. It's cool to be a failure, as long as your failure is the basis for a reality show.

Fake sympathy is the politicians demanding more cash as they ignore the underlying crisis. They prefer money over morality.

Good people suddenly don't turn bad.

He's like a baseball team owner who also wants to coach, but who also attracts fans, like David Duke, and now anti-semi Louis Farrakhan who also gave Donald Trump odd praise. Now maybe this is not Trump's fault, but he is truly a unifier getting white and black racist leaders to agree on one thing - him. Not to mention the democrats.

Homeland Security was rejecting, is rejecting terms like Jihad. They don't want to use terms like Jihad or Sharia, because they feel that alienates the youth in terms of propagandizing. However, an imam can talk about the killing of gays. To fight a cult, which is, this is the cult, you have to use the terminology of the cult, because how else can you explain what the cult and its practices are?

How can you have a reasonable debate with people who are constantly changing the panic? They are moving the panic to a greater wave of hysteria?

How funny is it that so many professors labeled Tea Partiers as terrorists, while kissing the asses of real, bona fide terrorists? It's not funny, really. But it's the result of a simple equation: One is cool, and the other isn't. Own a gun and keep it by your bed in your remote farmhouse? You're a redneck. Purchase guns that end up killing a judge? Priceless. As long as you cling to cool, progressive beliefs that deem America evil, whatever you do is cool. And if you do it under a big fuzzy 'fro? Even cooler. Hell, if you 'fro is big enough, you could nuke an orphanage and still get tenure.

I admire President Obama's ability to trust strangers.

I agree and I disagree in the sense that I think that he [Donald Trump] has a fondness for autocrats, but at the same time, isn't he talking about like perception of defending your country.

I am not the least bit religious, but at least I stick up for the good work of religion and the cascade of benefits that come from religion.

I don't believe a religion affords any protection if they are connected to any kind of terror.

I don't know if you get anything more adorable than a tiny pig eating an apple. And here's a fun fact. This is how you make apple-smoked bacon.

I don't understand why a 40 is a quarter of beer when a 40 is 40 ounces. It's time to embrace the metric system.

If a journalist calls you a racist, chances are, all other journalists will call you a racist.

If America was a house, the Left would root for the termites.

[If Republicans] got to put their kids into public school. They got to take public health. They would become libertarian faster than you could say Ayn Rand.

If Russia had the same military power that America did, earth would be called Russia.

If the immigrant is responsible for assimilation of the country, and some of these people are in fact are born there. But if you find it unwelcoming to your own barbaric notions of equality, that is not on the country, that is on you. If you leave a horrible place, please leave your horrible practices behind.

If you're a Republican and rich, that's evil. But if you're a Democrat and rich, that's great.

If you're hiring, if you're the person doing the hiring, forgive a scar or two. Remember that when we were young, we were also idiots. There were just no cameras there to catch it.

If you throw the baby away, that's garbage. But no, the heart's precious. You could get something, you could save a life. Well, you just threw away a baby but the heart's valuable. That's the horror and the terror and the hypocrisy that nobody can understand. We base communities on the idea of protecting children based on the sacrifice of adults. Adults work and die so that their next generation would grow and prosper.

I guess if your heart's in the right place, the trash can go anywhere.

I have friends my age who started smoking pot when they got out of college. They didn't get anywhere. But if they drank, they managed to go somewhere. Does that make sense?

I haven`t used that word since I was 7 years old. I don`t understand Donald Trump.

I know that if I say something that's considered outrageous, a group will take it, create an email blast, and use me to raise money or to do whatever, to build their profile.

Imagine if today, they invented a religion that advocated the killing of gays. We would not tolerate that. However, Islam is a religion that advocates that.

I'm so tired of the same old cliche costumes. When people dress up as animals, they always go as, like, lions and tigers and dogs. You know, why don't you try something different? Dress up like a lemur.

I'm sure if you could survey the unborn they would prefer the chance for life over the options of solar power.

I'm thinking about American votes and American - all Americans, black or white have to be concerned about what's happening in the world.

[In] 2010, Woody Allen said that he felt Barack Obama should be a dictator so that he could get things done, and the first thing obviously that Woody Allen wanted done is to make it legal to have sex with stepdaughters.

I need somebody to Trump-xplain(ph) this, because I don`t understand it.I`ve heard people defend him about making fun of a disability, making fun of John McCain, making fun of women - a woman`s face.I just wanted to hear somebody defend this as well, because it just never ends. No one will ever stop defending the crass stuff he says.

I never quit. I just got fired.

Is your relationship strong enough to survive a trip to Ikea? Is their furniture strong enough to survive a relationship? Have you ever bought a bed there?