Best 220 quotes of Dov Davidoff on MyQuotes

Is there anything more attractive than a woman in high heels and low self esteem?

I think you have a lot to offer... not necessarily as a person, but as an organ donor.

It may not be in the constitution, but every American has a god-given right to provinciality and ignorance.

It's a shame that physical beauty often has such a negative effect on its occupant.

It's a wonder you don't see the zebra being trotted out as a metaphor for racial harmony more often.

It's difficult to feel silly and depressed at the same time, but I manage.

I've always wanted children... not of my own, but for yard work and reaching into tight places to get things I've dropped.

I've decided to aim a telescope at my neighbour's window. It's the closest I'll ever come to living with someone comfortably.

I've decided to become gay, not in a sexual way, but I am going to start picking up around the house.

I've decided to hire a 'food taster', not because I think anyone is trying to kill me, but because I want to make sure it's not to salty.

I've decided to retreat to the spirit world where I feel appreciated and understood.

I've never understood why anybody makes a big deal about mansions. It's just a house with more rooms. You still have to face yourself.

I wish I could be attracted to unattractive women. They're just more interesting.

I wish that every other guy were gay. Think about the leverage that would create in your relationship.

I wonder if anybody ever decided to commit suicide, then thought; but first I'm going to stop by that taco place I like so much.

I would imagine that not having any potential could be less difficult than not fulfilling it.

Just saw a woman with a t-shirt that said southern and sassy, it's all good. Well madame, I beg to differ, it is in fact, not 'all good'.

Just saw a t-shirt at the gym said, body by torture. That's a lot less ironic if you're a political prisoner in the Middle East.

Lack of sleep is only bad if you have to drive, or think, or talk, or move.

Latin women enjoy being women more than other women.

Learn to think for yourself, unless of course you can identify someone else with better judgement, and a flashlight.

Life is fragile, unless your in the NFL in which case you'll need to wear padding.

Life is what you make of it, unless you have tourette's, in which case much becomes involuntary.

Living by the beach means feeling guilty about never going to the beach.

Living one's life with unguarded vulnerability is one of the keys to happiness. It's also one of the keys to getting mugged.

Looking into blood doping. I think it will allow me to write jokes with greater intensity, and for a longer period of time.

Love is a crocodile just above the water line waiting to attack the innocent herbivore of my freedom.

Love is nature's LSD. You're going to see things that aren't really there.

Man's inhumanity toward man is astounding, and I'm just talking about the lineup at certain comedy clubs.

Many television weather-women were one abusive parent away from prostitution.

Met someone who works at the zoo. Apparently the panda is a nasty animal.

Misery loves company which is ironic because it rarely throws dinner parties.

Money can't buy happiness, unless you're favorite hooker's name is 'Happiness'.

Monogamy is god's way of making death seem like a more reasonable option.

Most people that commit to a life of celibacy weren't leaving that much on the table in the first place.

Most public bathrooms now have automatic toilet sensors. People can't even be trusted to flush.

MTV has turned more young women into whores than poverty.

My bedroom is so messy, if I died of natural causes, the cops would be like no he didn't, clearly there was a struggle.

My dad was old school Jewish. Not do your taxes Jewish - steal your car Jewish.

My job as a comedian is to heighten awareness about locally grown produce, fight factory farming, and promote euthanasia, but in a funny way.

Nature's beauty never fails to fill me with a sense of wonder and awe, and still, I refuse to go camping.

Next time I spank a girl during sex, I'll say, this is going to hurt me more than it will you.

Nike store won't accept my Starbucks card as payment. Come on guys, just do it.

Nothing good about the sun if you're trying to watch television with out curtains.

Not sure how I feel about reality. I'm going to begin purchasing stuffed animals and endowing them with the qualities people in my life lack.

Only bugs can truly appreciate the beauty of flowers.

Parenthood seems really rewarding... like martyrdom, but without the glamour.

Patriotism for the sake of is like choosing sides in a war based on the color of their uniforms.

People increase their use of the term 'sir' when their angry. Little do they know, it only causes me to feel more like I'm wearing a top hat.

People that say I have a 'fear of commitment' don't understand my relationship with popcorn.