Best 119 quotes of Lois Greiman on MyQuotes

A guy's got to get a license to drive a Geo, but any doofus with a few good swimmers can be a father.

A person without regrets is called a corpse.

False hope is better than no hope at all.

Love is like skydiving without a parachute.

Of course I believe in hell. I have three brothers.

Sometimes we succeed because of our upbringing, sometimes we do so in spite of it.

Tact is for people with too much damned time on their hands.

What if there's no such thing as PMS and this is just my personality?

A balanced diet and a brisk daily walk will help keep you healthy, but there's nothing like a good-looking young man with a nice butt to help up your cardiovascular system.

Absence makes the heart grow fonder, but tequila makes it so she doesn't give a shit if she's fond of you are not

A friend is someone who will bike to the ice cream shop with you, even when you don't look so good.

All's well so long-as you don't get shot in the hind end with a twenty gauge.

Analyzing dreams is much like walking on water. There are a limited number of people who do it well.

And thanks to Christina McMullen, who has taught me that common sense and intelligence need not have any correlation whatsoever.

A pigs and pain, until you really get to know 'em. Then he's a paid with the soul.

Apparently it takes, like, forty-seven muscles to frown. Flippin' the bird' s a hell of a lot easier.

A wedding is no way to begin a marriage.

A woman needs a man like a tuba needs a cucumber.

Beauty is only skin deep, but who gives a shit what's under their skin anyway?

Booze and boys, ain't nothing in the universe that'll make a girl stupid faster.

Breaking up is hard to do. But, bustin him in the head ain't that easy, either.

Celibacy sucks, no pun intended.

Chocolate may be cheaper than a psychiatrist, but the latter doesn't generally adhere to your ass for the rest of your natural life.

Dating is like nightfall--there's got to be a mourning after.

Dating--the socially accepted alternative to the rack.

Don't worry. It's scientifically unlikely that the universe will explode into a million particles at any given moment.

Even choosing the perfect dinner wine loses its earth-shattering importance if your guests happen to be cannibals, and you, the unsuspecting entree.

Excuses are like butt holes everyone has 'em and they all stink.

Expect stupid. It's everywhere.

Fair play is all well and good. But knowing how to kick 'em in the balls can get you out of a jam 9 times out of 10.

Friends are nice. You can tell' 'em stuff, but you can swear like a gangster at an enemy. And that's all right, too.

Friends disregard your failures and endure your successes.

Generally, men are superior in the areas of heavy lifting, where there's a past only by pachyderms and building cranes. Beyond that, I believe any right-thinking thinking will see that women have the indisputable advantage.

He looked from His heavens and saw it was good, the toes and the crows all looked like they should. The bunny was quick, the finch bright as a daisy, the owl flew at night, and the tortoise was lazy.

He's an undersized pissant with delusions of adequacy.

He's just a flash in the pants.

He who laughs loudest has a high probability of being extremely inebriated.

Honest friends is kinda nice, but it's hard to beat a big-ass lie and a six-pack of brewskies.

Honesty is the best policy. But insanity is a hell of a lot more effective in court. So your set, McMullen

I ain't taking no more rides on the stupid train.

I'd love to go out with you, but I'd hate to deprive some village of its idiot.

I don't care what Cosmo says about exercise improving sex. Some things aren't worth the cost.

I don't need no PMS. I can bitch under my own steam.

I don't trust nobody that don't have my name tattooed on her ass, and then it's iffy.

I'd rather be pissed off then pissed on.

I'd trade every last one of you for a moment's peace and a dog that didn't P on the carpet

If at 1st you don't succeed, stretch out on your La-Z-Boy with a six-pack and a porn flick. Y' still won't succeed, but you sure as hell won't give a shift.

I fear that someday you will abandon the joys we share and find another not worthy of your charms.

If I want to catch the damn worm I get outta bed.

If men were necessary in the procreation process, they'd have gone the way of the dodo bird long ago.