Best 127 quotes of Kinky Friedman on MyQuotes

All my adult life I've been in the practice of giving advice to people who are happier than I am.

Always beware of people offering you one-time money. That only works in an election year. How are you going to permanently pay for education?

And I'll tell you another thing, you won't find any candidate that supports prayer in school and gay marriage. For that reason alone, people should vote for an independent-thinking person.

And I think musicians can better run this state than politicians. And, hell, beauticians can better run the state than politicians.

An editor's job is to take something great and make it good.

Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.

But the most dangerous thing in the world in the world is to run the risk of waking up one morning and realizing suddenly that all this time you've been living without really and truly living and by then it's too late. When you wake up to that kind of realization, it's too late for wishes and regrets. It's even too late to dream.

Every time you see a beautiful woman, just remember, somebody got tired of her.

Finding a cat--or having a cat find you--can change your world as much as marriage, divorce, love, death, or even winning the lottery can, and sometimes more.

Friday night was the night most people thought they were supposed to have fun. Trouble was most people didn't know what fun was or how to have it, so things usually ended up pretty ugly.

God created whiskey to keep the Irish from taking over the world.

Golf is the only opportunity that middle-aged WASPs have to dress up like a pimp.

Happiness is a moving target.

He looked a shade too healthy and nobody likes that. Particularly in New York.

How can you look at the Texas legislature and still believe in intelligent design?

I admit I was drinking a Guinness... but I did not swallow.

I am not anti-death penalty, but I'm damned sure anti-the-wrong-guy-getting-executed.

I believe that Willy Nelson is the hillbilly Dalai Lama.

I came from an upper-middle class home, which is always a hard cross for a country singer to bear.

I'd felt that a man without a woman was like a neck without a pain.

I don't apologize to people who try to intimidate.

I don't believe in carrying a weapon. If somebody wants to shoot me, he'll have to bring his own gun.

I don't feel bad about losing.

I don't see how the people who created the problem can fix it. Texas is worth fighting for, and the best way to fight is to get the politicians out of politics.

I don't think I have even achieved fame. Of course, Hemingway says that fame is death's little sister.

I don't think where people come from is that important. It doesn't matter if you come from reality TV. The question is whether you can inspire people.

I even went so far as to become a Southern Baptist for a while, until I realized that they didn't hold 'em under long enough.

If Jesus Christ had run as an independent, Rick Perry would have beat him.

If Willie Nelson had been Rosa Parks, there never would have been a civil rights movement in this country, because he refuses to leave the back of the bus.

If you don't love Jesus-go to hell!

If you elect me the first Jewish justice of the peace, I'll reduce the speed limits to 54.95!

If you gotta kill two birds, might as well get stoned.

If you have the choice between humble and cocky, go with cocky. There's always time to be humble later, once you've been proven horrendously, irrevocably wrong.

If you're paranoid long enough, sooner or later you're gonna be right.

If you're patient and you wait long enough, something will usually happen and it'll usually be something you don't like.

I just want Texas to be number one in something other than executions, toll roads and property taxes.

I'll keep us out of war with Oklahoma!

I'll tell you right now. I'm for prayer in school.

I'm also for gay marriage, because I say they have every right to be just as miserable as the rest of us. Love is bigger than government. And Texas, by the way, has a very progressive law about gay couples adopting kids. We just won't let them get married. So that's not common sense.

I'm going to lower the drinking age to eighteen. If you're old enough to die in Iraq, you're old enough to drink.

I'm not afraid to live. I'm not afraid to fail. I'm not afraid to succeed. I'm not afraid to fall in love. I'm not afraid to be alone. I'm just afraid I might have to stop talking about myself for five minutes.

I'm not for the parties. I'm for Texas.

I'm not pro-life, and I'm not pro-choice. I'm pro-football.

I'm too young for Medicare and too old for women to care.

I'm well aware that the Nelson Mandelas and the Winston Churchills of the world happened by accident. They usually come out of nowhere.

I never apologize for the truth. And the truth here is that racists come in many different colors.

In six days the Lord created the heavens and the earth and all the wonders therein. There are some of us who feel that He might have taken just a little more time.

Inspiration thing is important, to teach the kids that JFK is not an airport, RFK's not a stadium, Martin Luther King ain't a street

I rarely meddled in the cat's personal affairs and she rarely meddled in mine. Neither of us was foolish enough to attribute human emotions to our pets.

I see an issue I like, and I support it.