Best 68 quotes of Howard Tayler on MyQuotes

As long as we only have to lie to the enemy, it's honest enough for me. -Captain Tagon

If violence wasn't your last resort, you failed to resort to enough of it.

Judging by the sounds of general panic, I want a gun like that.

Maxim 20: If you’re not willing to shell your own position, you’re not willing to win. -The Seventy Maxims of Maximally Effective Mercenaries

Maxim 3: An ordnance technician at a dead run outranks everybody. -The Seventy Maxims of Maximally Effective Mercenaries

Only cheaters prosper.

Right now I've got just two rules to live by. Rule one: don't taunt elephants. Rule two: don't stand next to anybody who taunts elephants. -Sergeant Schlock

Some survived due to advancements in engineering. Personally I'd take a vaccine over living in an iron lung. http://www.theatlantic.com/national/archive/2012/01/what-america-looked-like-polio-children-paralyzed-in-iron-lungs/251098/

Spy' is such a short ugly word. I prefer 'espionage.' Those extra three syllables really say something.

The size of the promised paycheck is inversely proportional to the likelihood of surviving to collect it.

When the messenger arrives and says 'Don't shoot the messenger,' it's a good idea to be prepared to shoot the messenger, just in case.

Where's your sense of adventure? It died under mysterious circumstances. My sense of self-preservation found the body, but assures me it has an airtight alibi. -Captain Tagon & Captain Andreyasn

AAAAIIIE! You're the guy with the things, and the thing that does that thing, and then you did that one thing! Oh, and I think there's something about other things, and maybe you fix things? -Sergeant Schlock

Air traffic control is going to have a steamy old fit on your dime, boy. They can get in line behind the police, the people whose cars we trashed, the Empire of Ob'enn, the Partnership Collective, and the Wormgate Corporation. Oh, and I think maybe some dark matter beasties from Andromeda. You "think maybe"? -General Tagon & Captain Andreyasn

Are you done briefing the company yet?" "We, um... Haven't gotten through the introductions yet." "Allow me: Time-traveling Kevyn Andreyasn, this is the mercenary company "Tagon's Toughs." "Company, this is the time-traveling Kevyn Andreyasn, who will have become your captain thirty-two hours from now, as of seven weeks ago. Now, quick. Let's go save the galaxy while they're confused.

Are you guys really arguing over where to eat dinner?" "It's one of the more savage tools in the diplomatic arsenal.

A soft answer turneth away wrath. Once wrath is looking the other way, shoot it in the head.

Being a mercenary, though... Hey, we just go wherever there's a mixture of money and trouble, and everyone in the galaxy is a potential customer. Even the people you're paid to shoot at? Well, yeah. There are customers we serve, and customers we service. -Captain Kevyn Andreyasn & General Tagon

Captain, I'm fairly unique among artificial intelligences. I am FREE. I work for you because I want to. I fly your ship for you because I enjoy it. I am compelled to accept orders only by my conscience. This makes me an equal with the rest of your troops. They aren't hard-wired to obey you, yet they'll follow you to the ends of the Universe.

Captain, you have heard the charges. How do you plead? Before you answer, you should know that if you plead "guilty" you'll be immediately extradited and U.N.S. law will take over." "Not guilty." "Also, it's not very nice to lie in court." "But it beats extradition.

Does that mean that if we shave all the Ob'enn they'll be nice?

Do me a favor, doc?" "Anything, Captain." "Stop italicizing the word 'Captain' when you say it." "Go easy on the fourth wall there, sir." -Captain Andreyasn & Doctor Bunnigus

Ennesby, get the Serial Peacemaker to the beach for dustoff." "Dustoff? You're going to run away from three guys?" "No, I'm going to kill or capture those three guys, and then run away from the Police.

How many words are you having trouble with, sir?" "Just the ones that I've highlighted." "I count at least a dozen, and I haven't gotten out of the first paragraph." "That's as far as I got, too. I'm not sure you and I speak the same language.

I'll leave you two alone. Morality might be contagious.

Is it really 'pro bono' if a lawyer takes your case in exchange for explosives? -Captain Hartung

Kevyn, Ennesby tells me you are building a time machine. Actually I'm finished. In one afternoon? Wow... Does it work? After a fashion. ... I put a whole lot of energy into it, and the next thing I knew it was time for dinner. -Captain Tagon & Commander Andreyasn

Kevyn, I'm promoting you from Tech Sergeant to Munitions Commander. I want you to take responsibility for all Company weapons. Munitions Commander? Why me? I don't know. Call it "suspicion of extreme competence" on my part. -Captain Tagon & Commander Kevyn Andreyasn

Maxim 33: If you're leaving tracks, you're being followed. -The Seventy Maxims of Maximally Effective Mercenaries

Maxim 36: When the going gets tough, the tough call for close air support. -The Seventy Maxims of Maximally Effective Mercenaries

Maxim 37: There is no "overkill." There is only "open fire" and "reload." -The Seventy Maxims of Maximally Effective Mercenaries

Maxim 4: Close air support covereth a multitude of sins. -The Seventy Maxims of Maximally Effective Mercenaries

Maxim 28: If the price of collateral damage is high enough, you might be able to get paid for bringing ammunition home with you. -The Seventy Maxims of Maximally Effective Mercenaries

Maxim 29: The enemy of my enemy is my enemy's enemy. No more. No less. -The Seventy Maxims of Maximally Effective Mercenaries

Maxim 30: A little trust goes a long way. The less you use, the further you'll go. -The Seventy Maxims of Maximally Effective Mercenaries

Maxim 31: Only cheaters prosper. -The Seventy Maxims of Maximally Effective Mercenaries

Maxim 27: Don't be afraid to be the first to resort to violence. -The Seventy Maxims of Maximally Effective Mercenaries

Maxim 10: Sometimes the only way out is through... through the hull. -The Seventy Maxims of Maximally Effective Mercenaries

Maxim 11: Everything is air-droppable at least once. -The Seventy Maxims of Maximally Effective Mercenaries

Maxim 12: A soft answer turneth away wrath. Once wrath is looking the other way, shoot it in the head. -The Seventy Maxims of Maximally Effective Mercenaries

Maxim 13: Do unto others. -The Seventy Maxims of Maximally Effective Mercenaries

Maxim 15: Only you can prevent friendly fire. -The Seventy Maxims of Maximally Effective Mercenaries

Maxim 16: Your name is in the mouth of others: be sure it has teeth. -The Seventy Maxims of Maximally Effective Mercenaries

Maxim 18: If the officers are leading from in front, watch out for an attack from the rear. -The Seventy Maxims of Maximally Effective Mercenaries

Maxim 5: Close air support and friendly fire should be easier to tell apart. -The Seventy Maxims of Maximally Effective Mercenaries

Maxim 6: If violence wasn't your last resort, you failed to resort to enough of it. -The Seventy Maxims of Maximally Effective Mercenaries

Maxim 8: Mockery and derision have their place. Usually, it's on the far side of the airlock. -The Seventy Maxims of Maximally Effective Mercenaries

Maxim 9: Never turn your back on an enemy. -The Seventy Maxims of Maximally Effective Mercenaries

New orders: Make sure everybody who doesn't want to live here is aboard in five minutes. We are leaving. -Captain Kevyn Andreyasn

No! Wait! I've got a better idea..." "Your ideas tend to result in unnecessary violence, Sergeant Schlock." "And your point is..." "Let's broaden the definition of 'necessary'.