Best 247 quotes of Bill Cosby on MyQuotes

A baseball manager has learned a lot about his job from having played the game, but a parent has not learned a thing from having once been a child.

A child who is disciplined will be more obedient and also more organized as a student.

A father has to do everything in his power to keep a tight ship, even though he knows the crew would like to send him away in a dinghy.

A father... knows exactly what those boys at the mall have in their depraved little minds because he once owned such a depraved little mind himself. In fact, if he thinks enough about the plans that he used to have for young girls, the father not only will support his wife in keeping their daughter home but he might even run over to the mall and have a few of those boys arrested.

After creating the heaven, the earth, the ocean, and the entire animal kingdom, God created Adam and Eve. And the first thing He said to them was "Don't.

A grandchild is God's reward for raising a child.

A Hoyo de Monterrey double corona is my favourite Cuban since Desi Arnaz.

All around the United States of America - in the cities and the counties - our public education is suffering and has been suffering. Cuts, cuts, cuts.

All Children Have Brain Damage!

Always end the name of your child with a vowel, so that when you yell the name will carry.

Among the guitarists, Wes Montgomery is fantastic. He's always good to let you know what the art form is all about. It's the same still life that everybody is painting, but in comes Wes Montgomery, and it's right there!

And of course, when you see your brother in the toilet bowl...there's a little voice that say, 'I wonder where he would go...'...if it hadn't been for his head.

And so the dentist says 'Rinse.' So you lean over, and you're lookin' at this miniature toilet bowl.

And to those people with no children but who think they'd like to have them some day to fulfill their lives. Remember: With fulfillment comes responsibility.

Anecdote: In a controversial way, Comedian and actor Bill Cosby sought to teach his son the pain of being lied to. Convinced his son had been dishonest regarding an issue, Cosby promised that if he told him the truth, he would not hit him. When his son did confess, Cosby did hit him. Seeing his son's shock and hurt, Cosby said he hoped this lesson had deepened his understanding of the anguish generated by a sense betrayal.

A new father quickly learns that his child invariably comes to the bathroom at precisely the times when he's in there, as if he needed company. The only way for this father to be certain of bathroom privacy is to shave at the gas station.

Any husband who says, "My wife and I are completely equal partners," is talking about either a law firm or a hand of bridge.

Any man today who returns from work, sinks into a chair, and calls for his pipe is a man with an appetite for danger.

Anyone can dabble, but once you've made that commitment, your blood has that particular thing in it, and it's very hard for people to stop you.

Anyone who has brought up children knows that consistency has absolutely nothing to do with discipline.

A person with no children says, "Well I just love children," and you say "Why?" and they say, "Because a child is so truthful, that's what I love about 'em - they tell the truth." That's a lie, I've got five of 'em. The only time they tell the truth is if they're having pain.

As a comedian, I can walk out in front of 5000 people and not worry about a thing. Not a thing, believe me. But to stand up a face a camera and crew of maybe 15 guys and get up tight about it - to me that's weird.

As I have discovered by examining my past, I started out as a child. Coincidentally, so did my brother. My mother did not put all her eggs in one basket, so to speak: she gave me a younger brother named Russell, who taught me what was meant by 'survival of the fittest.'

A white person listens to my act and he laughs and he thinks, 'Yeah, that's the way I see it too.' Okay. He's white. I'm Negro. And we both see things the same way. That must mean that we are alike..... So I figure I'm doing as much for good race relations as the next guy.

A word to the wise ain't necessary - it's the stupid ones that need the advice.

Because for me it is almost analgesic to talk about what the white man is doing against us. And it keeps a person frozen in their seat, it keeps you frozen in your hole you’re sitting in.

Beware of people who fall at your feet. They may be reaching for the corner of the rug.

Brown versus the Board of Education is no longer the white person's problem.

But if that's what you want to be, that's what you will be - as long as you study.

Calculus is one course you can come with to your parents and say, I am dropping it. And they'll understand.

Civilization had too many rules for me, so I did my best to rewrite them.

College was a wonderful time - except, of course, when it was trying to teach you things.

Criticizing is easy, art is difficult.

'Don't worry about senility', my grandfather used to say.

Decide that you want it more than you are afraid of it.

Dentists tell you not to pick your teeth with any sharp metal object. Then you sit in their chair and the first thing they grab is an iron hook.

Did you ever see the customers in health - food stores? They are pale, skinny people who look half - dead. In a steak house, you see robust, ruddy people. They're dying, of course, but they look terrific.

Don't let your victories go to your head, or your failures go to your heart.

Education happens to be something that all people, all cultures, need to embrace. Math, science, the words of the world. To be able to speak and be able to have clarity and to be able to think. Those are the greatest of gifts.

Emotionally, a person can become so negatively driven that they don't respect the privilege of being on this Earth without their mother and their father. They may say it doesn't bother them, but there is something in us about those who are a biological part of us and don't care. People in that situation stop hearing the other voices that love them, hold them, trust them and tells them how great they are. They're focused on that one person who isn't answering them.

Even though your kids will consistently do the exact opposite of what you're telling them to do, you have to keep loving them just as much.

Every closed eye is not sleeping, and every open eye is not seeing.

Family is conflict and it's something that we all relate to.

Fatherhood is asking your son to make up a name rather than tell anybody who he is.

Fatherhood is helping your children learn English as a foreign language.

Fatherhood is pretending the present you love most is soap-on-a-rope.

Fatherhood is telling your daughter that Michael Jackson loves all his fans, but has special feelings for the ones who eat broccoli.

Fathers are the geniuses of the house because only a person as intelligent as we could fake such stupidity.

For college seniors there should be a week of being allowed to cry. Just break down and cry because you are scared and don't know what's next.

George Carlin is brilliant with words, and Johnny Winters is very creative. It's taking something common and drawing out the humor, being clever with words.