Best 80 quotes of Albert Brooks on MyQuotes

Acceptance is going to a restaurant where the salad's not great, but the steak is fine.

All improv turns into anger. All comedy improv basically turns into anger, because that's all people know how to do when they're improvising. If you notice shows that are improvising are generally people yelling at each other.

A lot of alliteration from anxious anchors placed in powerful posts!

Art and resistance are great together. That's what art's made for. Look at Vincent van Gogh: He didn't cut off his ear because he was selling well.

As an actor, if you're just sitting and staring and you don't know who you are in your own mind, it's vacant. And sometimes the camera is an X-ray machine, it can pick it up.

Be generous and you can be the best person who ever lived.

Being a screenwriter in Hollywood is like being a eunuch at an orgy. Worse, actually, at least the eunuch is allowed to watch.

Bullfights are hugely popular because you can sit comfortably with a hot dog and possibly watch a man die. It wont be me, but I can sit comfortably and watch it.

Donald Trump announces this morning that he will run for president. His hair will announce on Friday.

Don't worry, and don't kick yourself forever. Just take the opportunities when they come.

'Drive' came to me because the casting director knew my manager and called and said, 'You've always talked to me about Albert wanting to play the heavy. I think he should read this.' My ears just perked up.

Even though my father was a radio comedian, it wasn't cool to say, at a young age, 'I want to be a comedian.'

Excited about Black Friday. Also excited about Jew Tuesday.

Fear is like a giant fog. It sits on your brain and blocks everything - real feelings, true happiness, real joy. They can't get through that fog. But you lift it, and buddy, you're in for the ride of your life.

Film is the cheapest part of the movie making process. The expense is the 100-man crew and the financing and everything.

For the most part, improvising while cameras are rolling is very difficult. 99% of people you should never ask to do that, because they're under pressure, the clock is running, 80 people are staring at you...it's always unnatural.

Getting older is a lot of fun. Right up there with chewing glass or putting your hand in a blender.

I cast unusual people in my movies.

I come from the place where I am thinking 'I have put my blood on the pages.'

I don't experience basic human emotions. It's not my thing.

I don't know that I can define fear. But one of the sources of fear is holding up some sort of model life that doesn't exist and feeling like you're far away from it.

I don't think the goal is, 'How big a star did you ever become?' I think the goal is, 'Were you able to express yourself?'

I'd still like to see 'Survivor' minus the planned show-biz parts. That would be the purest form of show business - I want to see someone so hungry that they eat somebody else's foot.

If anything happens to me, tell every woman I've ever gone with I was talking about her at the end. That way, they'll have to reevaluate me.

If I'm going to act in someone's movie, I want the movie to be interesting and be able to get a couple of solid doubles.

If you look at the best-seller list for American fiction, they're all sequels to detective stories or stories about hunting serial killers. That's what's called American fiction these days.

If you paint, write, do mosaics, knit - if it's solving that part of your brain saying, 'I need to do this,' you've won.

If you want to be a writer, just write. There's no magic to it.

I guess 'The Player' was a pretty good L.A. movie. And 'Chinatown.' Was there ever a better L.A. movie about a certain period in L.A.? That was terrific.

I have children. I have a family to support. But I really could live in a one-room apartment, as long as the television worked. I never needed anything. Just a comfortable chair and I'm fine.

I just like making people laugh, and buried in that I like to bring up topics and start discussions.

I'm a big consumer of news and I have my six newspaper sites booked. And what I like bout Twitter is it's almost, it allows me to make a comment about something that's just on my mind.

I'm a member of the Academy, but I don't know who all the other Academy members are. It's not like a politician who knows who is in the Iowa caucus.

I'm not a big fan of the post-Armageddon stories, where Denzel Washington is walking around in a torn coat.

I'm not a person who I ever thought would do well with divorce. Not that it can't happen. I just didn't want that. So I waited a long time to meet the right person. Then I finally met someone that I was willing to be divorced from.

I never wanted to be a director.

In my screenplays - from the very beginning I've always used tape. I talk my screenplays. And then have somebody transcribe them.

In the beginning of any career, in every job, people are always forcing you to the middle.

In the course of my movies, the financing and the releasing were always the tough part. Because I loved the creative, I loved the writing, I loved the making of it. Because I guess, I never had the giant blockbuster, I never got that sort of ease for the next one. So the next one was always, "how am I going to do this?" And that thing was sort of always the thing that made me a little chickenshit to go into the next one. The writing of it was great and the making of it was great, but how am I going to release this thing and am I going to find a studio?

I take anything other than 'you big pig!' as a compliment.

It's better to be known by six people for something you're proud of than to be known by sixty million for something you're not.

It's interesting when you're part of a group - the Jews, to be exact - that the world has had such problems with.

I've always been in the middle of making my own movies, so taking acting jobs that take me away from that has been impossible.

I've always been the king of silence. I've always been a minimalist comedian. I've taken my influence from Jack Benny, who was the king of that I've always done 'less is more.'

I've always enjoyed stories that take place in the future but my one disappointment was that the future books described never came. We're not on other planets, there are no flying cars, and the only robots we have in our homes just sweep the floor. So I wanted to write about a future that I thought could really happen. People ask me when I tell them the title of the book, 'Are we all dead?' The good news is, no. We're still here. And I even think the future in my book is strangely hopeful, although I'm sure there will be people who strongly disagree.

I've always liked to think ahead. Not stupid-far ahead. A hundred years doesn't interest me. But 20 years interests me, and more for what happens to humans as opposed to things.

I've been to many funerals of funny people, and they're some of the funniest days you'll ever have, because the emotions run high.

I've done performances in movies that I was immensely proud of and the movies didn't take off like a rocket at Cape Canaveral, it didn't take off.

Most entertainment is trying to get you. It's tested, like toothpaste.

My friend Harry Nilsson used to say the definition of an artist was someone who rode way ahead of the herd and was sort of the lookout. Now you don't have to be that, to be an artist. You can be right smack-dab in the middle of the herd. If you are, you'll be the richest.