Best 90 quotes of Dick Gregory on MyQuotes

Dick Gregory

  • By Anonym
    Dick Gregory

    A friend of mine who works for naval intelligence said an aerial satellite revealed that 1.9 million attended the event in 1995. But if they would have had a rumble at the march the newspapers would have said that 75 million Afro-Americans were there.

  • By Anonym
    Dick Gregory

    A Klaner KKK is a cat who gets out of bed in the middle of the night and takes his sheet with him.

  • By Anonym
    Dick Gregory

    America has the mightiest military on the planet, and they didn't get there with entertainers.

  • By Anonym
    Dick Gregory

    America is 5 percent of the world's population and consumes 96 percent of the world's hard drugs.

  • By Anonym
    Dick Gregory

    America is concerned more with the possibility of moon folks than the reality of hungry poor folks.

  • By Anonym
    Dick Gregory

    And we love to dance, especially that new one called the Civil War Twist. The Northern part of you stands still while the Southern part tries to secede.

  • By Anonym
    Dick Gregory

    [A politician is] a person skilled in the art of compromise. Usually an elected official who has compromised to get nominated, compromised to get elected, and compromised repeatedly to stay in office.

  • By Anonym
    Dick Gregory

    At the very last moment, Nature would force you to blink your eye. Nature will protect her own.

  • By Anonym
    Dick Gregory

    Audiences feel no hatred from me. Because I'm not bitter.

  • By Anonym
    Dick Gregory

    Baseball is very big with my people. It figures. It's the only way we can get to shake a bat at a white man without starting a riot.

  • By Anonym
    Dick Gregory

    Because you make me laugh don't make you a comic. A comedian is a person who, that's how they make their living.

  • By Anonym
    Dick Gregory

    Being white is a job in America. You take that away, you better get the soldiers out.

  • By Anonym
    Dick Gregory

    Black Americans are the only people in history who are for education instead of liberation. George Washington wasn't beating up on British for the right to open a college! The line isn't "Give me education or give me death.

  • By Anonym
    Dick Gregory

    Black conservatives have a right to exist, but why would I want to walk around with a swastika on my shirt after the way Hitler done messed it up?

  • By Anonym
    Dick Gregory

    Black folks tell their kids they have to be twice as good as a white person? Well, if I tell a child of mine that, or that they have to be careful - that this is what a cop would do if you do this - they think something is wrong with them. I tell them death is better.

  • By Anonym
    Dick Gregory

    Coconut milk is the only thing on this planet that comes identically to mother's milk.

  • By Anonym
    Dick Gregory

    Dogs are great assets to candidates, and the feeling seems to be engendered that if a dog loves the candidate, he can't be all that bad.

  • By Anonym
    Dick Gregory

    Don't have a high school diploma? You're in my Cabinet. Why? For 200 years, a lot of Cabinets have existed in our government. Powerful men. Well-educated. So let's try something totally new.

  • By Anonym
    Dick Gregory

    Eating liver out of a cow's body is like eating the filter out of a car.

  • By Anonym
    Dick Gregory

    Every holiday on the calendar, I check in a hotel and fast - I don't eat, I don't drink, I don't talk.

  • By Anonym
    Dick Gregory

    Hell hath no fury like a liberal scorned.

  • By Anonym
    Dick Gregory

    I believe young voters will either vote for Obama or not vote at all. So the problem is not Obama the problem is the system. If you think about how mess up this country is most folk really don’t have choices.

  • By Anonym
    Dick Gregory

    I buy about $1,500 worth of papers every month. Not that I trust them. I'm looking for the crack in the fabric.

  • By Anonym
    Dick Gregory

    I consider myself always a humorist. And I think anybody who tells jokes or makes people laugh is humor.

  • By Anonym
    Dick Gregory

    I didn't realize, when I decided to be a comic, that a black person had never been allowed to stand flat-footed in America and talk to white folks. It never happened before.

  • By Anonym
    Dick Gregory

    If democracy is such a good thing, let's have more of it.

  • By Anonym
    Dick Gregory

    I feel that the same God-force that is the mother and father of the Pope is also the mother and father of the loneliest wino on the planet.

  • By Anonym
    Dick Gregory

    If they took all the drugs, nicotine, alcohol and caffeine off the market for six days, they'd have to bring out the tanks to control you.

  • By Anonym
    Dick Gregory

    If you can justify killing to eat meat, you can justify the conditions of the ghetto. I cannot justify either one.

  • By Anonym
    Dick Gregory

    I go to Chinese Christian community. Jesus looks Chinese. I go to Japanese Christian community. Jesus looks Japanese. I go to Brazilian Christian community. Jesus looks Brazilian. How come in America Jesus looks white?

  • By Anonym
    Dick Gregory

    I'm not a comic. I'm a humorist.

  • By Anonym
    Dick Gregory

    I never believed in Santa Claus because I knew no white dude would come into my neighborhood after dark.

  • By Anonym
    Dick Gregory

    I never thought I'd see the day that I would see white folks as frightened, or more so, than black folks was during the civil rights movement when we was in Mississippi.

  • By Anonym
    Dick Gregory

    In most places in the country, voting is looked upon as a right and a duty, but in Chicago it's a sport.

  • By Anonym
    Dick Gregory

    In the South they don't mind how close I get, so long as I don't get too big. In the North they don't mind how big I get, so long as I don't get too close.

  • By Anonym
    Dick Gregory

    In the United States, the Constitution is a health chart left by the Founding Fathers which shows whether or not the body politic is in good health. If the national body is found to be in poor health, the Founding Fathers also left a prescription for the restoration of health called the Declaration of Independence.

  • By Anonym
    Dick Gregory

    I tell people, 'If you want to send a message to the White House, call my house.

  • By Anonym
    Dick Gregory

    It was an unwritten law that black comics were not permitted to work white nightclubs. You could sing and you could dance, but you couldn't stand flat-footed and talk; that was a no-no.

  • By Anonym
    Dick Gregory

    I went to Ethiopia, and it dawned on me that you can tell a starving, malnourished person because they've got a bloated belly and a bald head. And I realized that if you come through any American airport and see businessmen running through with bloated bellies and bald heads, that's malnutrition, too.

  • By Anonym
    Dick Gregory

    I would have painted the White House black. I would have!

  • By Anonym
    Dick Gregory

    I would never teach a child of mine to be kind to a cop who would shoot you in the back of the head. I would never have that conversation because children don't hear what you mean, they hear what you say.

  • By Anonym
    Dick Gregory

    I wouldn't mind paying taxes... if I knew they were going to a friendly country

  • By Anonym
    Dick Gregory

    Laughter is the best way to release tensions and fears.

  • By Anonym
    Dick Gregory

    Let me tell you, never before in the history of this planet has anybody made the progress that African-Americans have made in a 30-year period, in spite of many black folks and white folks lying to one another.

  • By Anonym
    Dick Gregory

    Life isn't a race. It's a relay.

  • By Anonym
    Dick Gregory

    Love is very dangerous if you just have love and don't have the ability to be lovable.

  • By Anonym
    Dick Gregory

    Luck is opportunity meeting up with preparation. So you must prepare yourself to be lucky.

  • By Anonym
    Dick Gregory

    Martin Luther King taught us all nonviolence. I was told to extend nonviolence to the mother and her calf.

  • By Anonym
    Dick Gregory

    My mother was the sweetest lady who ever lived on this planet, but if you tried to tell her that Jesus wasn't a Christian, she would stomp you to death.

  • By Anonym
    Dick Gregory

    My wife and I went to jail in Selma. The difference when I was back there recently? White folks? No. Black folks who were not scared. I was behind the president this time. When I was a little boy and ran around with trifling dudes, I was the only one scared of dogs. And I was bitten 14 times! Dogs smell scared. And that's the same thing with people: 50 years ago they smelled fear. There was no fear this time.