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By AnonymFinley Peter Dunne
A fanatic is a man that does what he thinks the Lord would do if He knew the facts of the case.
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By AnonymFinley Peter Dunne
A firm belief atthracts facts. They come out iv holes in the ground an' cracks in th' wall to support belief, but they run away fr'm doubt.
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By AnonymFinley Peter Dunne
A game you play with your own worst enemy-yourself.
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By AnonymFinley Peter Dunne
Alcohol is necessary for a man so that he can have a good opinion of himself, undisturbed by the facts.
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By AnonymFinley Peter Dunne
A man's idea in a game of cards is war, cruel, devastating, and pitiless. A lady's idea of it is a combination of larceny, embezzlement and burglary.
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By AnonymFinley Peter Dunne
A man's idee in a card game is war
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By AnonymFinley Peter Dunne
A man that'd expict to thrain lobsters to fly in a year is called a loonytic; but a man that thinks men can be tur-rned into angels by an iliction is called a rayformer an' remains at large.
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By AnonymFinley Peter Dunne
A Mormon is a man that has the bad taste and the religion to do what a good many other people are restrained from doing by conscientious scruples and the police.
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By AnonymFinley Peter Dunne
An appeal is when you ask one court to show its contempt for another court.
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By AnonymFinley Peter Dunne
Continued focus on (employee) turnover is of critical importance, because of the direct relation of turnover to improvements in labor costs and guest satisfaction.
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By AnonymFinley Peter Dunne
Freedom is like drink. If you take any at all, you might as well take enough to make you happy for a while.
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By AnonymFinley Peter Dunne
High finance isn't burglary or obtaining money by false pretenses, but rather a judicious selection from the best features of those fine arts.
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By AnonymFinley Peter Dunne
Histhry is a post-mortem examination. It tellsye what a counthry died iv. But I'd like to know what it lived iv.
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By AnonymFinley Peter Dunne
I care not who makes th' laws iv a nation, if I can get out an injunction.
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By AnonymFinley Peter Dunne
If a man is wise, he gets rich an' if he gets rich, he gets foolish, or his wife does. That's what keeps the money movin' around.
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By AnonymFinley Peter Dunne
If Christian scientists had more science and doctors more Christianity, it wouldn't make any difference which you called in - if you had a good nurse.
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By AnonymFinley Peter Dunne
If ye live enough befure thirty ye won't care to live at all afther fifty.
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By AnonymFinley Peter Dunne
I niver knew a pollytician to go wrong ontil he's been contaminated by contact with a business man.
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By AnonymFinley Peter Dunne
It don't make much difference what you study, so long as you don't like it.
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By AnonymFinley Peter Dunne
It is more comfortable to feel that we are a slight improvement on a monkey than such a fallin' off from the angels.
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By AnonymFinley Peter Dunne
It must be a good thing to be good or ivrybody wudden't be pretendin' he was.
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By AnonymFinley Peter Dunne
It [Thanksgiving] was founded by the Puritans to give thanks for bein' preserved from the Indians, an' we keep it to give thanks we are preserved from the Puritans.
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By AnonymFinley Peter Dunne
I wonder why you can always read a doctor's bill and you can never read his prescription.
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By AnonymFinley Peter Dunne
Many a man that couldn't direct ye to th' drug store on th' corner when he was thirty will get a respectful hearin' when age has further impaired his mind.
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By AnonymFinley Peter Dunne
Many a man that could rule a hundherd millyon sthrangers with an ir'n hand is careful to take off his shoes in the front hallway whin he comes home late at night.
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By AnonymFinley Peter Dunne
Meditation is a gift confined to unknown philosophers and cows. Others don't begin to think till they begin to talk or write.
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By AnonymFinley Peter Dunne
Most vegetarians I ever see looked enough like their food to be classed as cannibals.
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By AnonymFinley Peter Dunne
Most vegetarians look so much like the food they eat that they can be classified as cannibals.
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By AnonymFinley Peter Dunne
No matter whether the Constitution follows the flag or not, the Supreme Court follows the election returns.
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By AnonymFinley Peter Dunne
No, sir, th' dimmycratic party ain't on speakin' terms with itsilf. Whin ye see two men with white neckties go into a sthreet car an' set in opposite corners while wan mutthers Thraiter an' th' other hisses Miscreent ye can bet they're two dimmycratic leaders thryin' to reunite th' gran' ol' party.
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By AnonymFinley Peter Dunne
One of the strangest things about life is that the poor, who need the money the most, are the ones that never have it.
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By AnonymFinley Peter Dunne
Opportunity knocks at every man's door once. On some men's door it hammers till it breaks down the door and then it goes in and wakes him up if he's asleep, and ever afterward it works for him as a night watchman.
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By AnonymFinley Peter Dunne
Stories are meant to comfort the afflicted, and afflict the comfortable.
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By AnonymFinley Peter Dunne
Swearing was invented as a compromise between running away and fighting.
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By AnonymFinley Peter Dunne
That is, no matther whether th' constitution follows th' flag or not, th' supreme coort follows th' iliction returns.
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By AnonymFinley Peter Dunne
Th' dead ar-re always pop'lar. I knowed a society wanst to vote a monyment to a man an' refuse to help his fam'ly, all in wan night.
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By AnonymFinley Peter Dunne
The American nation in the sixth ward is a fine people; they love the eagle - on the back of a dollar.
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By AnonymFinley Peter Dunne
The only good husbands stay bachelors: They're too considerate to get married.
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By AnonymFinley Peter Dunne
The past always looks better than it was; it's only pleasant because it isn't here.
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By AnonymFinley Peter Dunne
There aint any news in being good. You might write the doings of all the convents of the world on the back of a postage stamp, and have room to spare.
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By AnonymFinley Peter Dunne
There are no friends at cards or world politics
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By AnonymFinley Peter Dunne
There's always wan encouragin' thing about th' sad scientific facts that come out ivrv week in th' pa-apers. They're usually not thrue.
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By AnonymFinley Peter Dunne
The wise people are in New York because the foolish went there first, that's the way the wise men make a living.
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By AnonymFinley Peter Dunne
The world is not growing worse and it is not growing better - it is just turning around as usual.
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By AnonymFinley Peter Dunne
Th' newspaper does ivrything f'r us. It runs th' polis foorce an' th' banks, commands th' milishy, controls th' ligislachure, baptizes th' young, marries th' foolish, comforts th' afflicted, afflicts th' comfortable, buries th' dead an' roasts thim aftherward.
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By AnonymFinley Peter Dunne
Trust ivrybody-but cut th' cards.
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By AnonymFinley Peter Dunne
Vice goes along way towards making life bearable. A little vice now and then is relished by the best of men.
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By AnonymFinley Peter Dunne
What is instinct? It is the natural tendency in one when filled with dismay to turn to his wife.
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By AnonymFinley Peter Dunne
What's wan man's news is another man's throubles.
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By AnonymFinley Peter Dunne
When 'tis an aven thing in th' prayin', may th' best man win ... an' th' best man will win.
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