Best 59 quotes of Doug Larson on MyQuotes

Accomplishing the impossible means only the boss will add it to your regular duties.

Achieving it is not only the chief means of adding to your regular duties.

A child is a person who can't understand why someone would give away a perfectly good kitten.

A clean basement, garage and attic are signs of an empty life.

An alibi is a reason with a bad reputation.

A lifetime isn't nearly long enough to figure out what it's all about.

A lot of people mistake a short memory for a clear conscience.

A perfect example of the power of prayer is when a blizzard closes the schools on the day of a big exam.

A pun is the lowest form of humor, unless you thought of it yourself.

A true friend is one who overlooks your failures and tolerates your success.

Autumn is a season followed immediately by looking forward to spring.

A weed is a plant that has mastered every survival skill except for learning how to grow in rows.

Bad news travels fast. Good news takes the scenic route.

Democracy is a system that gives people a chance to elect rascals of their own choice.

Establishing goals is all right if you don't let them deprive you of interesting detours.

Fancy Restaurant: one that serves cold soup on purpose.

Few things are more delightful than grandchildren fighting over your lap.

Few things are more satisfying than seeing your own children have teenagers of their own.

For every little kid who still believes in Santa Claus, there is at least one adult who still believes in professional wrestling.

How come it takes so little time for a child who is afraid of the dark to become a teenager who wants to stay out all night?

Ice hockey is a form of disorderly conduct in which the score is kept.

If all the cars in the United States were placed end to end, it would probably be Labor Day Weekend.

If people concentrated on the really important things in life, there'd be a shortage of fishing poles.

If the English language made any sense, lackadaisical would have something to do with a shortage of flowers.

In debating the respective merits of dogs and cats, not having to walk a cat when it's 20 below zero deserves consideration.

Instead of giving a politician the keys to the city, it might be better to change the locks.

It's a wise person who knows the difference between free speech and cheap talk.

It's your ability to inspire and uplift other people that matters, not your ability to outdo them.

Law of Airlines: The shorter the time between flights, the greater the distance between gates.

Life expectancy would grow by leaps and bounds if green vegetables smelled as good as bacon.

More marriages might survive if the partners realized that sometimes the better comes after the worse.

Never doubt the courage of the French. They were the ones who discovered that snails are edible.

Nostalgia: A device that removes the ruts and potholes from memory lane.

Nostalgia is a file that removes the rough edges from the good old days.

One nice thing about telling a clean joke is there's a good chance no one's heard it before.

Real elation is when you feel you could touch a star without standing on tiptoe.

Setting a good example for your children does nothing but increase their embarrassment.

Some of the world's greatest feats were accomplished by people not smart enough to know they were impossible.

Sometimes opportunity knocks, but most of the time it sneaks up and then quietly steals away.

The cat could very well be man's best friend but would never stoop to admitting it.

The idea that no one is perfect is a view most commonly held by people with no grandchildren.

The only nice thing about being imperfect is the joy it brings to others.

The real secret of patience is to find something to do in the meantime.

There are worse things than getting a call for a wrong number at 4 am. It could be a right number.

The reason people blame things on the previous generation is that there's only one other choice.

There must be a happy medium somewhere between being totally informed and blissfully unaware.

There's nothing like having grandchildren to restore your faith in humanity.

The surprising thing about young fools is how many survive to become old fools.

The trouble with class reunions is that old flames have become even older.

The trouble with the last snowfall of the season is that you can't be sure.