Best 841 quotes in «irony quotes» category

Her beauty was a weapon. A loaded gun, with the barrel pointed at her own head.

Here was the world-famous novelist with her penchant for detail; yet, in her observations of a prostitute with a customer, she had failed to come away with the most important detail of all. She could never identify the murderer; she could barely describe him. She'd made a point of not looking at him!

Her logic was a combination of half-truths and clichés, her worldview a compound of misconceptions deriving from a history of our nation as written from the perspective of a subway tunnel.

He's crazy," Bruno said, twirling a finger in circles around the side of his head and whistling to indicate just how crazy he thought he was. "He went up to a cat on the street the other day and invited her over for afternoon tea." "What did the cat say?" asked Gretel, who was making a sandwich in the corner of the kitchen. "Nothing." explained Bruno. "It was a cat.

He smelled the smells of commerce and listened to the cursing of the sailors, both of which he admired: the former, as it reeked of wealth, and the latter because it combined his two other chief preoccupations, these being theology and anatomy.

He sure put things into words good.

He was shivering like a Wicklow sheepdog in a snowy yard, though the weather was officially 'clement'. The first layer of clothing was his jacket, the second his shirt, the third his long-johns, the fourth his share of lice, the fifth his share of fear.

He was notorious for cutting short extraneous verbiage from over-loquacious barristers".

He was mad, and for that, we have reason to be glad. A truly savage irony, on which it is discomforting to dwell.

He wears his cockiness like an ironic T-shirt, but it fits him better.

He who laughs at another person's affliction will also be laughed at when afflicted" RjS

He won’t stop the war until you give him the peace prize.

Hey, GreenHollyWood the mistake was mine that I added you as a friend... I thought that you are my friend... but your irony doesn't end.

His boat sank. They were all on his side.

His face had been twisted into an expression of every agony he had imagined for his friend.

how can it be that the modern human mind is capable of precise logical analysis, and yet simultaneously permits us to accept religious beliefs that should crumble beneath even the slightest rational scrutiny?

How bold we are. We shy from a flame that licks the tip of our finger for a fraction of a second, and from which we are allowed the luxury of escape. But most of humankind flaunt their disobedience in the face of an eternal fire that engulfs all, and from which there is no escape. Ever.

How can you ask me to keep a secret... when you can't keep it yourself?

How strange it was to think that he, who such a short time ago dared not believe in the happiness of her loving him, now felt unhappy because she loved him too much!

How many times do I have to tell you? We are not gangsters!

How unfortunate, considering I have decided to loathe him for eternity

I actually feel quite self-indulgent at the moment, telling you all about me, me, me. (...) On the other hand, you're a human -you should understand self obsession.

Human nature is pretty shabby stuff, as you may know from introspection.

I always think it's funny when Indians celebrate Thanksgiving. I mean, sure, the Indians and Pilgrims were best friends during the first Thanksgiving, but a few years later, the Pilgrims were shooting Indians. So I'm never quite sure why we eat turkey like everybody else.

I am sure that those who are addicted to sending Christmas Round Robins could give it up if they tried; they might find it difficult at first, but it would be worth the effort in the end.

I came, I saw, I bought!

I BELIEVE EVERYONE IS SPECIAL . . . BUT SOME PEOPLE THINK . . . . IT'S JUST ANOTHER WAY OF SAYING NO-ONE IS

I cannot say much for this Monarch's Sense--Nor would I if I could, for he was a Lancastrian. I suppose you know all about the Wars between him and the Duke of York who was on the right side; if you do not, you had better read some other History, for I shall not be very difuse in this, meaning by it only to vent my spleen against, and show my Hatred to all those people whose parties or principles do not suit with mine, and not to give information.

I can’t help but think that if she was going to kill herself, she might as well have done it earlier. Perhaps when I was a toddler. Or better yet, an infant. It certainly would have made my life easier. I asked my uncle Hugh (who is not really my uncle, but he is married to the stepsister of my current mother’s brother’s wife and he lives quite closeand he’s a vicar) if I would be going to hell for such a thought. He said no, that frankly, it made a lot of sense to him. I do think I prefer his parish to my own.

I come by my alarmism honestly. I have learned this custom over the years as I have settled into being a true New Yorker. This is how we welcome foreigners to our shores. Because we are so often frightened by living here, we are annoyed and offended when visitors fail to show the proper signs of terror. So we try to scare the living daylights out of them.

I concede that in the past we imprisoned, tortured, burned and massacred hundreds of thousands of people in the name of the gentle Jesus and His love. Today we've simply changed the words. We do it in the name of peace, progress and liberty.

Ich war ein wenig verstört über unsere offensichtlichen Gemeinsamkeiten, hatte ich doch gemeint, Lichtjahre von ihm entfernt zu sein.

I didn't think that Herefordshire Social Services would be best pleased about me dumping a poorly socialised pre-teen with mind control powers on them.

I didn't choose this path on my own, what other choice do I have? I would title it ignorance to the highest degree to do something I'm meant to do & do nothing at all. It's the abuse of it all, my souls willing to ride but my flesh is destined to fall, Niagara, but I will for the effects of viagra; stand erect against the evil as if it's the rise of the first fall.

I didn't know who to believe but one thing I do know: when a man is living many claim relationships that are hardly so and after he dies, well, then it's everybody's party.

I do love irony. It’s so…complicated and coincidental.

i do not give a sh*t, the toilet miss me now

I don’t know why you’re enjoying this so much.” “Because I am a connoisseur of fine irony. ’Tis a bit like fine wine, but has a better bite.

I don’t get you people. You watch the Godfather on television and tons of people are getting shot and stabbed to death, blood splattering everywhere and it is entertaining. But, when they killed a horse, people were outraged.

I don't like him. He makes me laugh. It'll wrinkle my face.

I don't spend money on books. I write them myself.

I don’t know whether Asimov realized he was saying this as well, but as an old historical materialist, if only as an afterthought, he must have realized that he was saying too: No one here will ever look at you, read a word you write, or consider you in any situation, no matter whether the roof is falling in or the money is pouring in, without saying to him- or herself (whether in an attempt to count it or to discount it), 'Negro...' The racial situation, permeable as it might sometimes seem (and it is, yes, highly permeable), is nevertheless your total surround. Don’t you ever forget it...! And I never have.

I don't think irony's meant to synergize with anything as heartfelt as sadness.

I don't want to die. I deserve, certainly, the most extreme punishment society has, and I think society deserves to be protected from me and from others like me. That's the irony. What I'm talking about is going beyond retribution because there is no way in the world that killing me is going to restore those beautiful children to their parents and correct and soothe the pain.

I'd rather be dead than singing 'Satisfaction' when I'm 45.

I don't understand this irony - valuable things like cars, gold, diamond are made up of hard materials but most valuable things like money, contracts and books are made up of soft paper.

I don't want to hurt anyone" Laszlo fiddled with a button on his tux jacket. "Can't we convince the CIA that some of us are peaceful?" "we'll have to try" Angus folded his arms across his broad chest. "And if they doona believe we're peaceful, then we'll have to kill the bastards." Roman frowned, somehow their Highlander logic escaped him.

If consultants followed their own advice, they wouldn't tell anyone.

If helping others feels strange then you haven't been doing it enough" RjS

If heaven was hot and hell was chilly, tell me, why would you go to heaven?