Best 841 quotes in «irony quotes» category

I actually feel quite self-indulgent at the moment, telling you all about me, me, me. (...) On the other hand, you're a human -you should understand self obsession.

I always think it's funny when Indians celebrate Thanksgiving. I mean, sure, the Indians and Pilgrims were best friends during the first Thanksgiving, but a few years later, the Pilgrims were shooting Indians. So I'm never quite sure why we eat turkey like everybody else.

I am sure that those who are addicted to sending Christmas Round Robins could give it up if they tried; they might find it difficult at first, but it would be worth the effort in the end.

I BELIEVE EVERYONE IS SPECIAL . . . BUT SOME PEOPLE THINK . . . . IT'S JUST ANOTHER WAY OF SAYING NO-ONE IS

I came, I saw, I bought!

I cannot say much for this Monarch's Sense--Nor would I if I could, for he was a Lancastrian. I suppose you know all about the Wars between him and the Duke of York who was on the right side; if you do not, you had better read some other History, for I shall not be very difuse in this, meaning by it only to vent my spleen against, and show my Hatred to all those people whose parties or principles do not suit with mine, and not to give information.

I can’t help but think that if she was going to kill herself, she might as well have done it earlier. Perhaps when I was a toddler. Or better yet, an infant. It certainly would have made my life easier. I asked my uncle Hugh (who is not really my uncle, but he is married to the stepsister of my current mother’s brother’s wife and he lives quite closeand he’s a vicar) if I would be going to hell for such a thought. He said no, that frankly, it made a lot of sense to him. I do think I prefer his parish to my own.

Ich war ein wenig verstört über unsere offensichtlichen Gemeinsamkeiten, hatte ich doch gemeint, Lichtjahre von ihm entfernt zu sein.

I come by my alarmism honestly. I have learned this custom over the years as I have settled into being a true New Yorker. This is how we welcome foreigners to our shores. Because we are so often frightened by living here, we are annoyed and offended when visitors fail to show the proper signs of terror. So we try to scare the living daylights out of them.

I concede that in the past we imprisoned, tortured, burned and massacred hundreds of thousands of people in the name of the gentle Jesus and His love. Today we've simply changed the words. We do it in the name of peace, progress and liberty.

I didn't choose this path on my own, what other choice do I have? I would title it ignorance to the highest degree to do something I'm meant to do & do nothing at all. It's the abuse of it all, my souls willing to ride but my flesh is destined to fall, Niagara, but I will for the effects of viagra; stand erect against the evil as if it's the rise of the first fall.

I didn't think that Herefordshire Social Services would be best pleased about me dumping a poorly socialised pre-teen with mind control powers on them.

I didn't know who to believe but one thing I do know: when a man is living many claim relationships that are hardly so and after he dies, well, then it's everybody's party.

I do love irony. It’s so…complicated and coincidental.

i do not give a sh*t, the toilet miss me now

I don’t know whether Asimov realized he was saying this as well, but as an old historical materialist, if only as an afterthought, he must have realized that he was saying too: No one here will ever look at you, read a word you write, or consider you in any situation, no matter whether the roof is falling in or the money is pouring in, without saying to him- or herself (whether in an attempt to count it or to discount it), 'Negro...' The racial situation, permeable as it might sometimes seem (and it is, yes, highly permeable), is nevertheless your total surround. Don’t you ever forget it...! And I never have.

I don’t get you people. You watch the Godfather on television and tons of people are getting shot and stabbed to death, blood splattering everywhere and it is entertaining. But, when they killed a horse, people were outraged.

I don't like him. He makes me laugh. It'll wrinkle my face.

I don't spend money on books. I write them myself.

I don't think irony's meant to synergize with anything as heartfelt as sadness.

I don’t know why you’re enjoying this so much.” “Because I am a connoisseur of fine irony. ’Tis a bit like fine wine, but has a better bite.

I don't understand this irony - valuable things like cars, gold, diamond are made up of hard materials but most valuable things like money, contracts and books are made up of soft paper.

I don't want to hurt anyone" Laszlo fiddled with a button on his tux jacket. "Can't we convince the CIA that some of us are peaceful?" "we'll have to try" Angus folded his arms across his broad chest. "And if they doona believe we're peaceful, then we'll have to kill the bastards." Roman frowned, somehow their Highlander logic escaped him.

I don't want to die. I deserve, certainly, the most extreme punishment society has, and I think society deserves to be protected from me and from others like me. That's the irony. What I'm talking about is going beyond retribution because there is no way in the world that killing me is going to restore those beautiful children to their parents and correct and soothe the pain.

I'd rather be dead than singing 'Satisfaction' when I'm 45.

If consultants followed their own advice, they wouldn't tell anyone.

If heaven was hot and hell was chilly, tell me, why would you go to heaven?

If helping others feels strange then you haven't been doing it enough" RjS

If you could see how I see by penetrating the superficial, you'd see the grand scheme of those co called "powerful" officials. It's disgust and deception at its deepest descent and yes, all those involved, it's hell where all reside.

I find it really fascinating that while in an attempt to look beautiful we tend to go for what's easily acceptable. But when it comes to portraits, it is only our facial flaws that make that picture worth its while, setting it apart. Isn't it amazing to find that beauty is something that makes us alike? While our flaws are the real contributors to our uniqueness.

If the empire had been afflicted by any recent calamity, by a plague, a famine, or an unsuccessful war; if the Tiber had, or if the Nile had not, risen beyond its banks; if the earth had shaken, or if the temperate order of the seasons had been interrupted, the superstitious Pagans were convinced that the crimes and the impiety of the Christians, who were spared by the excessive lenity of the government, had at length provoked the divine justice.

If time is money and you wasted my time, then give me back my money!

If you are not wrong only Pontius Pilate can crucify you.

If you don't hate your parents while growing up, there is something wrong with your upbringing.

If I had a reader and he had read all I have written so far of my adventures, there would be certainly no need to inform him that I am not created for any sort of society. The trouble is I don't know how to behave in company. If I go anywhere among a great many people I always have a feeling as though I were being electrified by so many eyes looking at me. It positively makes me shrivel up, physically shrivel up, even in such places as the theatre, to say nothing of private houses. I did not know how to behave with dignity in these gambling saloons and assemblies; I either was still, inwardly upbraiding myself for my excessive mildness and politeness, or I suddenly got up and did something rude. And meanwhile all sorts of worthless fellows far inferior to me knew how to behave with wonderful aplomb-- and that's what really exasperated me above everything, so that I lost my self-possession more and more. I may say frankly, even at that time, if the truth is to be told, the society there, and even winning money at cards, had become revolting and a torture to me. Positively a torture. I did, of course, derive acute enjoyment from it, but this enjoyment was at the cost of torture.

If Socrates was alive today he would say : I know that I know everything. That's what contemporary philosophers do.

If we chose to refuse irony, we risk becoming irony's dupe.

If we ran Nigeria like this cell," he said, "we would have no problems in this country. Things are so organized. Our cell has a Chief called General Abacha and he has a second in command. Once you come in, you have to give them some money. If you don't, you're in trouble.

If you are ever in a praying situation with Him: Be Specific! Include certain clauses. It’s not enough to assume that if a person lives they’ll be okay… Cause God has a wicked sense of humor. And even though he knows you mean more, he’ll only give you exactly what you ask for.

If you ask an urban lady what she would pay to her sweepers, the reply is obvious. She would pay a man two thousand rupees and a maiden not more than thousand bucks.

If you don't understand it, it's art.

If you have to keep telling yourself it doesn't matter, it probably does.

If you need me, I'm here. If I am not here, why would you need me for?

If you prefer sitting in traffic to sitting at your desk, if you pass office hours waiting for closing time, if you spend more time on Facebook than you do attending to important emails then perhaps it's time for you to consider quitting your job.

If your career doesn’t work out, write a book about it.

I got married. A bright past is ahead of me!

If you really have to get shot, Belfast is one of the best places to do it. After twenty years of the Troubles, and after thousands of assassination attempts and punishment shootings, Belfast has trained many of the best gunshot-trauma surgeons in the world.

If your philosophy can be explained in a tweet, you're a moron. That's my philosophy. Wait...

If you turned your back on irony, it curdled into sarcasm. And what good was it then? Sarcasm was irony which had lost its soul.

I give away examples!