Best 841 quotes in «irony quotes» category

If time is money and you wasted my time, then give me back my money!

If we chose to refuse irony, we risk becoming irony's dupe.

If we ran Nigeria like this cell," he said, "we would have no problems in this country. Things are so organized. Our cell has a Chief called General Abacha and he has a second in command. Once you come in, you have to give them some money. If you don't, you're in trouble.

If you are ever in a praying situation with Him: Be Specific! Include certain clauses. It’s not enough to assume that if a person lives they’ll be okay… Cause God has a wicked sense of humor. And even though he knows you mean more, he’ll only give you exactly what you ask for.

If you are not wrong only Pontius Pilate can crucify you.

If you ask an urban lady what she would pay to her sweepers, the reply is obvious. She would pay a man two thousand rupees and a maiden not more than thousand bucks.

If you could see how I see by penetrating the superficial, you'd see the grand scheme of those co called "powerful" officials. It's disgust and deception at its deepest descent and yes, all those involved, it's hell where all reside.

If you don't hate your parents while growing up, there is something wrong with your upbringing.

If you don't understand it, it's art.

If you have to keep telling yourself it doesn't matter, it probably does.

If you need me, I'm here. If I am not here, why would you need me for?

If you prefer sitting in traffic to sitting at your desk, if you pass office hours waiting for closing time, if you spend more time on Facebook than you do attending to important emails then perhaps it's time for you to consider quitting your job.

If your philosophy can be explained in a tweet, you're a moron. That's my philosophy. Wait...

If your career doesn’t work out, write a book about it.

If you really have to get shot, Belfast is one of the best places to do it. After twenty years of the Troubles, and after thousands of assassination attempts and punishment shootings, Belfast has trained many of the best gunshot-trauma surgeons in the world.

If you turned your back on irony, it curdled into sarcasm. And what good was it then? Sarcasm was irony which had lost its soul.

I got this to say. You're acting like a crowd of kids.

If you want to make God laugh, tell him-her your plan

I got married. A bright past is ahead of me!

I got mixed up with some oddness in my youth, and the long and short of it is that I can't shuffle off this mortal coil until I have read the ten most boring classics.

I give away examples!

I have a headache. If only I had a crown to put on!

I had made a friend. My second one in fourteen years. I was on a roll

I hardly think that any Socialist, nowadays, would seriously propose that an inspector should call every morning at each house to see that each citizen rose up and did manual labour for eight hours.

I have associated myself with failed scientists in order to associate myself with failed irony. ("Metier: Why I Don't Write Like Franz Kafka")

I had never seen a real live dead person.

I live in my mind, such that whatever destroys me shall be a creature of my own invention.

I hear Mr. Palmer tell Hannah that it was an electrical fault. Five arsonists in one school and it ends up being something so technically boring.

I improvise therefore I exist!

I know that you are deathly sick; and yet, sick as you are, not one is as sick as I.

I’ll MAKE you be free whether you want to or not.’ -The Savage

I'll hide it on the Internet

Il me semble que je serais toujours bien la ou je ne suis pas. It seems to me that I will always be happy in the place where I am not.

I hope I know my own unworthiness, and that I hate and despise myself and all my fellow-creatures as every practicable Christian should.

I know the power of speech. I don't talk much.

I lead those to the Truth, becoming profound because i perfect myself in the art of expert findings, hidden messaging, crypt encodings, give ear & insight to these wordings. They monopolize the commodities having reign over the currency that's created by 'We The Peoples' credibility. It's those imaginable entities that we take as reality but to be real, it's not really those things which it be even though an entity is anything that has definite existency. How could it be? Look to God & you'll find Truth hidden behind the doors bolted down with lies and deceit.

I'm as lucky as a bed of oysters on cioppino night.

Imagine a factory staffed by Alphas—that is to say by separate and unrelated individuals of good heredity and conditioned so as to be capable (within limits) of making a free choice and assuming responsibilities. Imagine it!

I'm always finding humans at their best and worst. I see their ugly and their beauty, and I wonder how the same thing can be both. Still, they have one thing I envy. Humans, if nothing else, have the good sense to die.

imagine there's no heaven..." he said. "Apparently someone is taking that personally.

Imagine the wizened quality of a life blanched of contradiction and double standard. p 44

I’m not sure how people drink out of skulls,” Jinx added. Calvin had too many holes in him to make a good cup.

I'm not a slave, man. I just gotta sign out, say where I'm going, what time I'll be back and then I gotta sign back in.

I’m meeting the attic before I meet the girl.

In 1913, when Anthony Patch was twenty-five, two years were already gone since irony, the Holy Ghost of this later day, had, theoretically at least, descended upon him. Irony was the final polish of the shoe, the ultimate dab of the clothes-brush, a sort of intellectual «There!» yet at the brink of this story he has as yet gone no further than the conscious stage. As you first see him he wonders frequently whether he is not without honor and slightly mad, a shameful and obscene thinness glistening on the surface of the world like oil on a clean pond, these occasions being varied, of course, with those in which he thinks himself rather an exceptional young man, thoroughly sophisticated, well adjusted to his environment, and somewhat more significant than any one else he knows.

Im.’ The monosyllable was heavy with contempt. ‘’E’s a twat.’ ‘Is he?’ ‘Yeah, ’e is. Ask Kieran.’ She gave the impression that she and Kieran stood together, sane, dispassionate observers of the idiots populating Lula’s world.

I myself," said Gibbon, "am slightly underdone in the personal worthlessness line. It was Papa's fault. He used no irony. The communications mix offered by the parent to the child is as you know twelve percent do this, eighty-two percent don't do that, and six percent huggles and endearments. That is standard. Now, to avoid boring himself or herself to death during this monition the parent enlivens the discourse with wit, usually irony of the cheaper sort. The irony ambigufies the message, but more importantly establishes in the child the sense of personal lack-of-worth. Because the child understands that one who is talked to in this way is not much of a something. Ten years of it goes a long way. Fifteen is better. That is where Pap fell down. He eschewed irony.

In a nutshell, I am not unaware of my failings. Neither am I a stranger to irony.

Inexplicably, I felt drops of icy sweat dripping up my back. I am aware that icy and sweat are contradictory by their very nature and should not be able to coexist in the same freakish bead of ICK WHAT IS THAT falling up my back. I am also aware things are not supposed to fall up. For that matter, criminals aren’t supposed to get it on with crimefighters. Yet here we were: Catwoman, Batman, icy, sweat, dripping, up. Sometimes life is like that.

I never take out clients. It’s bad policy.” He looked me straight in the eyes as he said it. Reaching across for the glove compartment, his arm accidentally brushed my leg.