Best 34 quotes of A. P. Herbert on MyQuotes

A dull speaker, like a plain woman, is credited with all the virtues, for we charitably suppose that a surface so unattractive must be compensated by interior blessings.

A high-brow is someone who looks at a sausage and thinks of Picasso.

An act of God was defined as something which no reasonable man could have expected.

An Englishman never enjoys himself, except for a noble purpose.

As my poor father used to say In 1963, Once people start on all this Art Goodbye, moralitee! And what my father used to say Is good enough for me.

aven, I have given up smoking again!... God! I feel fit. Homicidal, but fit. A different man. Irritable, moody, depressed, rude, nervy, perhaps; but the lungs are fine.

Citizens who take it upon themselves to do unusual actions which attract the attention of the police should be careful to bring these actions into one of the recognized categories of crimes and offences, for it is intolerable that the police should be put to the pains of inventing reasons for finding them undesirable.

Don't let's go to the dogs tonight, For mother will be there.

Elderly gentlemen, gentle in all respects, kind to animals, beloved by children, and fond of music, are found in lonely corners of the downs, hacking at sandpits or tussocks of grass, and muttering in a blind, ungovernable fury elaborate maledictions which could not be extracted from them by robbery or murder. Men who would face torture without a word become blasphemous at the short fourteenth. It is clear that the game of golf may well be included in that category of intolerable provocations which may legally excuse or mitigate behavior not otherwise excusable.

For I must write to The Times tonight, and save the world from sin.

Greenfly, it's difficult to see Why God, who made the rose, made thee.

Harriet, Hi! Light of my eye! Come to the pictures and have a good cry, For it's jolly old Saturday, Mad-as-a-hatter-day, Nothing-much-matter-day-night!

If nobody said anything unless he knew what he was talking about, a ghastly hush would descend upon the earth.

Justice should be cheap but judges expensive.

Men who would face torture without a word become blasphemous at the short fourteenth. It is clear that the game of golf may well be included in that category of intolerable provocations which may legally excuse or mitigate behaviour not otherwise excusable.

My ball is in a bunch of fern, A jolly place to be; An angry man is close astern- He waves his club at me. Well, let him wave-the sky is blue; Go on, old ball, we are but two-We may be down in three, Or nine-or ten-or twenty-five-It matters not; to be alive, Is good enough for me.

People must not do things for fun. We are not here for fun. There is no reference to fun in any Act of Parliament.

The Common Law of England has been laboriously built about a mythical figure-the figure of 'The Reasonable Man'.

The concept of two people living together for 25 years without a serious dispute suggests a lack of spirit only to be admired in sheep.

The critical period of matrimony is breakfast-time.

The essence of humour is surprise; that is why you laugh when you see a joke in Punch.

The portions of a woman which appeal to man's depravity Are constructed with considerable care.

The rain is plentious but, by God's decree, Only a third is meant for you and me; Two-thirds are taken by the growing things Or vanish Heavenward on vapour's wings: Nor does it mathematically fall With social equity on one and all. The population's habit is to grow In every region where the water's low: Nature is blamed for failings that are Man's, And well-run rivers have to change their plans.

There is no reason why a joke should not be appreciated more than once. Imagine how little good music there would be if, for example, a conductor refused to play Beethoven's Fifth Symphony on the ground that his audience might have heard it before.

This high official, all allow, is grossly overpaid; there wasn't any Board, and now there isn't any Trade.

Well, fancy giving money to the Government! Might as well have put it down the drain.

Well, fancy giving money to the Government! Might as well have put it down the drain. Fancy giving money to the Government! Nobody will see the stuff again. Well, they've not idea what money's for- Ten to one they'll start another war. I've heard a lot of silly things, but, Lor'! Fancy giving money to the Government!

A highbrow is the kind of person who looks at a sausage and thinks of Picasso.

And least of all may they do unusual actions 'for fun'. People must not do things for fun. We are not here for fun. There is no reference to fun in any Act of Parliament. If anything is said in this Court to encourage a belief that Englishmen are entitled to jump off bridges for their own amusement the next thing to go will be the Constitution. For these reasons, therefore, I have come to the conclusion that this appeal must fail. It is not for me to say what offence the appellant has committed, but I am satisfied that he has committed SOME offence, for which he has been most properly punished. "Is It a Free Country?

Holy Mother we do believe, That without sin Thou didst conceive; May we now in Thee believing, Also sin without conceiving.

It cannot be too clearly understood that this is NOT a free country, and it will be an evil day for the legal profession when it is. The citizens of London must realize that there is almost nothing they are allowed to do. Prima facie all actions are illegal, if not by Act of Parliament, by Order in Council; and if not by Order in Council, by Departmental or Police regulation, or By-laws. They may not eat where they like, drive where they like, sing where they like, or sleep where they like. "Is It a Free Country?

It may be said at once that it any case no blame whatever attaches to the persons responsible for the framing of these charges, who are placed in a most difficult position by the appellant's unfortunate act. It is a principle of the English law that a person who appears in a police court has done something undesirable, and citizens who take it upon themselves to do unusual actions which attract the attention of the police should be careful to bring these actions into one of the recognized categories of crimes and offenses, for it is intolerable that the police should be put to the pains of inventing reasons for finding them undesirable. " Is It a Free Country?

The present issue is one of comparative simplicity. That is, the facts of the case are intelligible to the least-instructed layman, and the only persons utterly at sea are those connected with the law. But FACTUM CLARUM, JUS NEBULOSUM, or, ;the clearer the facts, the more dubious the law.' What the appellant did in fact is simple and manifest, but what offence, if any, he has committed in law is a question of the gravest difficulty. "Is It a Free Country

This is one of many expressions which, colourless and even meaningless at first, have been developed into recognized terms of abuse by sloppy writers, prejudiced thinkers and powerful evangelists. The ordinary reasonable man has been trained to shudder away from a 'reactionary' as he does from a 'vested interest', though he may have no clear notion of the nature of either. "What is a Reactionary?