Best 51 quotes of Finley Peter Dunne on MyQuotes

A fanatic is a man that does what he thinks the Lord would do if He knew the facts of the case.

A firm belief atthracts facts. They come out iv holes in the ground an' cracks in th' wall to support belief, but they run away fr'm doubt.

A game you play with your own worst enemy-yourself.

Alcohol is necessary for a man so that he can have a good opinion of himself, undisturbed by the facts.

A man's idea in a game of cards is war, cruel, devastating, and pitiless. A lady's idea of it is a combination of larceny, embezzlement and burglary.

A man's idee in a card game is war

A man that'd expict to thrain lobsters to fly in a year is called a loonytic; but a man that thinks men can be tur-rned into angels by an iliction is called a rayformer an' remains at large.

A Mormon is a man that has the bad taste and the religion to do what a good many other people are restrained from doing by conscientious scruples and the police.

An appeal is when you ask one court to show its contempt for another court.

Continued focus on (employee) turnover is of critical importance, because of the direct relation of turnover to improvements in labor costs and guest satisfaction.

Freedom is like drink. If you take any at all, you might as well take enough to make you happy for a while.

High finance isn't burglary or obtaining money by false pretenses, but rather a judicious selection from the best features of those fine arts.

Histhry is a post-mortem examination. It tellsye what a counthry died iv. But I'd like to know what it lived iv.

I care not who makes th' laws iv a nation, if I can get out an injunction.

If a man is wise, he gets rich an' if he gets rich, he gets foolish, or his wife does. That's what keeps the money movin' around.

If Christian scientists had more science and doctors more Christianity, it wouldn't make any difference which you called in - if you had a good nurse.

If ye live enough befure thirty ye won't care to live at all afther fifty.

I niver knew a pollytician to go wrong ontil he's been contaminated by contact with a business man.

It don't make much difference what you study, so long as you don't like it.

It is more comfortable to feel that we are a slight improvement on a monkey than such a fallin' off from the angels.

It must be a good thing to be good or ivrybody wudden't be pretendin' he was.

It [Thanksgiving] was founded by the Puritans to give thanks for bein' preserved from the Indians, an' we keep it to give thanks we are preserved from the Puritans.

I wonder why you can always read a doctor's bill and you can never read his prescription.

Many a man that couldn't direct ye to th' drug store on th' corner when he was thirty will get a respectful hearin' when age has further impaired his mind.

Many a man that could rule a hundherd millyon sthrangers with an ir'n hand is careful to take off his shoes in the front hallway whin he comes home late at night.

Meditation is a gift confined to unknown philosophers and cows. Others don't begin to think till they begin to talk or write.

Most vegetarians I ever see looked enough like their food to be classed as cannibals.

Most vegetarians look so much like the food they eat that they can be classified as cannibals.

No matter whether the Constitution follows the flag or not, the Supreme Court follows the election returns.

No, sir, th' dimmycratic party ain't on speakin' terms with itsilf. Whin ye see two men with white neckties go into a sthreet car an' set in opposite corners while wan mutthers Thraiter an' th' other hisses Miscreent ye can bet they're two dimmycratic leaders thryin' to reunite th' gran' ol' party.

One of the strangest things about life is that the poor, who need the money the most, are the ones that never have it.

Opportunity knocks at every man's door once. On some men's door it hammers till it breaks down the door and then it goes in and wakes him up if he's asleep, and ever afterward it works for him as a night watchman.

Stories are meant to comfort the afflicted, and afflict the comfortable.

Swearing was invented as a compromise between running away and fighting.

That is, no matther whether th' constitution follows th' flag or not, th' supreme coort follows th' iliction returns.

Th' dead ar-re always pop'lar. I knowed a society wanst to vote a monyment to a man an' refuse to help his fam'ly, all in wan night.

The American nation in the sixth ward is a fine people; they love the eagle - on the back of a dollar.

The only good husbands stay bachelors: They're too considerate to get married.

The past always looks better than it was; it's only pleasant because it isn't here.

There aint any news in being good. You might write the doings of all the convents of the world on the back of a postage stamp, and have room to spare.

There are no friends at cards or world politics

There's always wan encouragin' thing about th' sad scientific facts that come out ivrv week in th' pa-apers. They're usually not thrue.

The wise people are in New York because the foolish went there first, that's the way the wise men make a living.

The world is not growing worse and it is not growing better - it is just turning around as usual.

Th' newspaper does ivrything f'r us. It runs th' polis foorce an' th' banks, commands th' milishy, controls th' ligislachure, baptizes th' young, marries th' foolish, comforts th' afflicted, afflicts th' comfortable, buries th' dead an' roasts thim aftherward.

Trust ivrybody-but cut th' cards.

Vice goes along way towards making life bearable. A little vice now and then is relished by the best of men.

What is instinct? It is the natural tendency in one when filled with dismay to turn to his wife.

What's wan man's news is another man's throubles.

When 'tis an aven thing in th' prayin', may th' best man win ... an' th' best man will win.