Best 126 quotes of George Burns on MyQuotes

There are many ways to die in bed, but the best way is not alone.

There are two kinds of cruises - pleasure and with children.

There's an old saying, 'Life begins at forty.' That's silly. Life begins every morning you wake up.

There's nothing wrong with making love with the light on. Just make sure the car door is closed.

There will always be a battle between the sexes because men and women want different things. Men want women and women want men.

The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible.

Well, anybody can be a straight man if he hears well. You just have to wait for laughs. A straight man just repeats the questions and the comedian gets the laughs and you just wait for them and don't let them die completely at the tail end of the laugh.

What actresses do today when they appear on the screen is what they did once upon a time for getting to appear on the screen.

When I die I intend to take my music with me. I don't know what's out there, but I want to make sure it's in my key.

When I'm in front of an audience, all that love and vitality sweeps over me and I forget my age.

When I was in Vegas women were throwing their hotel keys at me. But it was after they checked out.

When I was young I was called a rugged individualist. When I was in my fifties I was considered eccentric. Here I am doing and saying the same things I did then and I'm labeled senile.

When Jack Benny has a party, you not only bring your own scotch, you bring your own rocks.

When they saw me walking down the street smoking a cigar, they'd say, 'Hey, that 14-year-old kid may be going places.' Of course it's also a good prop on the stage ... When you can't think of what you're supposed to say next, you can puff on your cigar until you think of your next line.

When we played the back end of a horse we always knew that if we worked hard and did a good job we could become the front end.

When you stop giving and offering something to the rest of the world, it's time to turn out the lights.

With the collapse of vaudeville new talent has no place to stink.

Yale men do not like to be told anything by people who didn't go to Yale. The closest I came to Yale was once I had one of their padlocks.

You can't help getting older, but you don't have to get old.

You know you're getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you're down there.

Young. Old. Just words. Inside we feel like our shoe size.

Happiness? A good cigar, a good meal, and a good woman - or a bad woman; it depends on how much happiness you can handle.

I'd rather be a failure in something that I love than a success in something that I hate.

The Pope's entrance was stunning. Maybe the Catholics know about miracles, and maybe they know about saints, but they've never received enough credit for what they know about show business.

There isn't a thing I can't do now that I didn't do when I was twenty-one...which gives you an idea of how pathetic I was when I was twenty-one. (That's a lie, but I might as well tell you something right here at the beginning of the book. Anytime I can get a laugh I'm not going to let the truth interfere with it.)

The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending; and to have the two as close together as possible.