Best 126 quotes of George Burns on MyQuotes

Acting is all about honesty. If you can fake that, you've got it made.

Age to me means nothing. I can't get old; I'm working. I was old when I was twenty-one and out of work. As long as you're working, you stay young. When I'm in front of an audience, all that love and vitality sweeps over me and I forget my age.

A married couple that plays cards together is just a fight that hasn't started yet.

And God said 'Let there be Satan, so people don't blame everything on me. And let there be lawyers, so people don't blame everything on Satan.'

As long as you're working, you stay young.

At home we ate fish every Friday, as Catholics were then supposed to do. Being Jewish, I compromised. I wore a hat when I ate fish, out of respect for my own religion and the fish's family.

At my age flowers scare me.

A young mind in a healthy body is a wonderful thing. Especially for an old man with an open night.

Being an actor is easy, just picture someone in a room and you outside waiting for your cue to go in. Elliot Gould's been trying that for forty years.

Be quick to learn and wise to know.

Be sure to wear a good cologne, a nice aftershave lotion, and a strong underarm deodorant. And it might be a good idea to wear some clothes, too.

Bridge is a game that separates the men from the boys. It also separates husbands and wives.

By [age] 93, I had shrunk quite a lot. My car was known as the Phantom Cadillac. People would see it whizzing by and they would swear there was no driver.

Critics are eunuchs at a gang bang.

Define your business goals clearly so that others can see them as you do.

Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.

Dress simply. If you wear a dinner jacket, don't wear anything else on it ... like lunch or dinner.

Everyday happiness means getting up in the morning, and you can't wait to finish your breakfast. You can't wait to do your exercises. You can't wait to put on your clothes. You can't wait to get out. And you can't wait to come home, because the soup is hot.

Everyday happiness means you can't wait to come home, because the soup is hot.

Everything that goes up must come down. But there comes a time when not everything that's down can come up.

Fall in love with what you're going to do for a living. To be able to get out of bed and do what you love to do for the rest of the day is beyond words. I'd rather be a failure in something I love than be successful in something I hate.

First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.

From Paris we took the Orient Express to Vienna. I must say I was terribly disappointed; nobody was murdered on the train.

Happiness? A good cigar, a good meal, a good cigar and a good woman - or a bad woman; it depends on how much happiness you can handle.

Happiness is a dry martini and a good woman ... or a bad woman.

How can I die? I'm booked.

I can't understand why I flunked American history. When I was a kid there was so little of it.

I don't believe in dying. It's been done. I'm working on a new exit. Besides, I can't die now - I'm booked.

I don't care what you do for a living. If you love it, you are a success.

I don't have a drinking problem. I drink. I get drunk. I fall down, no problem.

I don't worry about getting old. I'm old already. Only young people worry about getting old.

I don't worry about getting old. I'm old already. Only young people worry about getting old. When I was 65, I had Cupid's eczema. I don't believe in dying. It's been done. I'm working on a new exit. Besides, I can't die now - I'm booked.

I'd rather be over the hill than under it.

I drink coffee with my right hand, and I smoke with my left. But I talk with both hands.

I'd say that about 82 percent of what I write is bad, but don't go by me; I'm as bad a judge as I am a writer. Look, if it were all good, you'd be paying twice as much for this book.

If I get big laughs, I'm a comedian. If I get little laughs, I'm a humorist. If I get no laughs, I'm a singer.

If I had taken my doctor's advice and quit smoking when he advised me to, I wouldn't have lived to go to his funeral.

I find you have to take each day as it comes and be thankful for who's left and whatever you can still do.

If I paid $3 or $4 for a cigar, first I'd sleep with it.

If I paid ten dollars for a cigar, first I'd make love to it, then I'd smoke it.

If it's a good script I'll do it. And if it's a bad script, and they pay me enough, I'll do it.

If you ask what is the single most important key to longevity, I would have to say it is avoiding worry, stress and tension. And if you didn't ask me, I'd still have to say it.

If you live to be one hundred, you've got it made. Very few people die past that age.

If you were married to Marilyn Monroe, you'd cheat with some ugly girl.

I get a standing ovation just standing

I honestly think it is better to be a failure at something you love than to be a success at something you hate.

I like women to be attracted to me. See, when you get 60 years old, and they know you're 60, the only women you can get are 55-year-old women, and I like younger women.

I love to sing, and I love to drink scotch. Most people would rather hear me drink scotch.

I look better, feel better, make love better and I'll tell you something else....I never lied better.

I look to the future because that's where I'm going to spend the rest of my life.