Best 74 quotes of Bauvard on MyQuotes

Alphabet: a symbolic system used in algebra, with applications that have yet to be discovered by dyslexics and two thirds of college graduates.

A man is always devoted to something more tangible than a woman - the idea of her.

Artists are the serfs of a leisure society.

Bike lane: the section of the road that accommodates wide loads and has speed bumps to protect drunk drivers.

Bragging about your compassion is the first step towards feeling a genuine emotion.

Careers are not made in a family business, they are born – by patricide. Then they die from neglect, and avoid the tragedy of being put out of business.

Divorce runs high these days, but I’m an exception to the norm. I got divorced when marriage was still popular.

Education: learning to find your purpose. Upon finding your purpose: what did I learn?

Einstein’s remark on the limitlessness of human stupidity is made even more disturbing by the discovery that infinity comes in different sizes. Answering ‘How much stupider?’ or trying to measure the minimal idiocy bounded by an IQ test are mysteries which are themselves infinitely less alarming than simply attempting to tally the anti-savant population. One can count all the natural idiots (they’re the same as the even number of idiots – twice as many), but the number of real idiots continues forever: all the counting idiots (finger reckoners) plus all the fractional idiots (geniuses on a bad day) plus all the irrational idiots (they go on and on and on) add up to a world in which the approaching upper limit of our set of natural resources has its complement in the inexhaustible lower limit of our set of mental ones.

Embarrassing facts, those would really help our children remember their classroom lessons better.

Envy is for people who don’t have the self-esteem to be jealous.

Every child that receives life advice should keep in mind that in every parent’s past, there’s leftover booze and contraceptives.

Experience: the vehicle of history. Teenagers: the driving force behind fatal accidents.

First people lose their hair, then their vices, then their motivation. Then a toupee brings it all flowing back.

Flatterers should be mistrusted, especially when they praise the dead. To seek a place in society is self-serving, but to seek one in history affects everyone.

Folk wisdom: quaint sayings of urban sophisticates compiled from the suburbs.

Give up your dreams; you'll accomplish more without sleep.

Have a baby shower, then an abortion. Now you just have to lose a little weight to squeeze into all your skimpy new outfits.

Humor is not an end in itself, but a tool to understanding. A dense head must be tickled with an ax.

I bet there are a lot of women out there who want to sleep with a guy who reads. And being the head of the reading foundation, I’m very well endowed.

I don't believe in failure. I'm perseverant - I believe in failing.

I don’t read biographies for moral instruction, or for a history lesson. I want to know what people are saying about me.

If all women revealed their age, men would have nothing to hide from each other.

If you want more development in your relationship, move to an urban area.

If you want to change the world, just change yourself. The world needs traitors.

I get a lot of big ideas, and occasionally I actually come up with one myself.

I had a dream about you. I was a ventriloquist trying to share your fashion secrets, but you wouldn’t talk. So we put on a strip show for the department store sale, and I was arrested for theft – I took away your dignity as a mannequin

I had a dream about you. I was sitting on your couch, relating my succession of ideas on subconscious influence. I asked you what they meant, and you told me that free associations were a bad way to advance my political career.

I had a dream about you. We couldn't decide on a sunrise. You wanted a tan, I only cared about the view. Then World War III fulfilled both our desires.

I had a dream about you. You suggested to split the profits, so I did. I threw one half in the furnace to power the steam engine, and the other half in the air to distract our pursuers.

I had a dream about you. You were being hung. I had a sword in one hand and a stool in the other. I couldn’t decide which one to use, so I stood on the stool and threw myself on the sword. It was the least I could do to protest capital punishment.

I had a dream about you. You were lost in a daydream, when I walked in and you began screaming. But I know that could never actually happen. In real life I only enter people’s nightmares.

I hope people of the future will remember my books for being burned, and I challenge an elite few to imagine the embers of the last copy.

I lacked the knowledge of linear perspective needed to get into the art school, so now I whitewash walls and imagine I’m heaven’s landscape painter.

I lost something magical in the process of growing up – my disillusionment.

I love the smell of a new book, but I prefer inhaling fresh bottles of ink and glue. They get me more lightheaded – unless I read the book.

I love working with my hands. My writing is rough, my paper bruised with ink stains.

Injuries heal, but wrinkles are the scars of time.

I shed a tear when I meet somebody who always quits. Reliable people are so rare in this world.

I study men like I study books: I skim their midsections.

I threw an etiquette party and served nothing but beans and sparkling water. The topic of conversation was ‘excuse me’.

Just relax. Everyone around you is working too hard.

Liver failure is the easiest way to say 'no' to alcohol.

Men only treat women like princesses when they want to use them like prostitutes.

Mom always said I was born to sit in the electric chair, but I'm proving her wrong. I'm going to die on my knees, begging for my life.

Night clubs are where Americans learn the laws of motion.

Political debate: when charlatans come together to discuss their principles.

Pure joy is rare. That’s why for every meal I eat a really bloody steak.

Quote: a banal proverb that is considered profound when uttered by a celebrity.

Religious fasting is the best way to cure an anorexic's spirit: in heaven her condition will be normal.