Best 87 quotes of Bo Burnham on MyQuotes

All you god damn dirty Catholics can cath-o-lick my balls.

And an anteater plus a large hungry mutant ant? An ironic way to die.

And if ten percent of men are gay and twenty percent of men are Chinese, what are the odds that a men chosen at random spends his free time and mealtime while on his knees.

And two balls minus one, six titles at the tour de France.

Back home they call me the tie-dye shirt kid. Well, that and faggot.

Bitches and hoes don't exist because the hoes know Bo's a feminist.

Comedy is very strange to me and I don't fully understand it's purpose or function.

Comedy should be a source of positivity. I don't want to bully people, and I don't want people to come to my show to feel terrible about something. I'm actually very open to having a conversation about what I should or shouldn't say.

Drugs kill, just like cancer. So don't smoke... tumors.

Do you guys like impressions? "Why?" That was Socrates.

For fifteen cents a day you can feed an African, they eat pennies.

For some comedians it feels so cool to be like: 'I'll say anything, man!'. I'm not quite there yet.

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone. I'm thankful for all of you. I am not thankful for the pilgrims. Buckles should never be on hats.

Happy Thanksgiving! I broke into Best Buy and stole a copy of Pocahontas to celebrate.

Humour is often linked to shared experience. Like, a guy gets up and says, "Have you noticed public restrooms have really inefficient hand-dryers?" Oh my God, yes I have, hahaha, really good point, they should... fix that. It's good to know that somebody finally gets me!

I actually wrestled in high school. I was only in one match, and I lost... my virginity.

I always wanted to be a comedian and actor. I basically stumbled into the music medium, though. I'm OK, but that's about it. I like to think I'm good enough not to negatively affect the performance.

I chose to do comedy instead of going to college.

I don't consciously try to make things difficult as much as I try to make them a little different. I like all kinds of laughs. I tried to make a show that elicit groans, guffaws, chuckles, boos.

I don't like calling myself a "feminist" only because I don't think I've done anything active enough to call myself one. It'd be like calling myself a civil rights activist just because I'm not racist.

I don't try to call myself a poet. But I know that my stuff is pretty literal, in that the themes are pretty simple and on the surface.

I don't want to try to recreate for no reason. Like, me in my bedroom, singing songs to a camera was a special thing that was at that time in my life. But I'm just not that kid. I like the format of it, but I want to be able to release things for free.

I do think that stand-up comedy in general heavily favors masculinity and so I like to act a little feminine onstage.

If comedy is about surprises, about tension, there's a lot of tension and surprise there, in the fact that people are expecting this to be natural.

If you can think of all the times in your life, some of the happiest times were probably when you were laughing. And some of the worst times in your life you were being laughed at.

If your belief is hateful towards people, I couldn't respect that.

I get more ass than a giant donkey stable.

I got a safe full of cherries 'cause I pop it and lock it.

I just try to do things on stage that I think the audience would enjoy. And I try to draw on and add to acts that I've enjoyed watching.

I know it's the comedian's instinct to say, "Do it, man, nothing's off-limits! It's cool, bro!" I don't know if that's the answer for me. "Do I really want to make a joke about a miscarriage when a woman in the audience might have had one?" I don't worship comedy; at the end of the day I don't fall to the altar of comedy unquestioningly.

I love you like a gay geneticist loves designer genes.

I'm a drunken midget with a loaded gun, a loaded gun.

I'm a stand up comic and I always sit and slouch, and I got my girlfriend pregnant on my sterile uncles pull-out couch.

I met a bipolar bear. He laughed, cried, then wanted a threesome.

I'm friends with a lot of comedians, but we don't talk about material. Most comedians I know don't watch a lot of other comedy.

I'm gay for Jesus, fill me with your grace. Pour your love all over me, but please aim away from my face.

I misdirect the audience, so they have no idea where they are or who they're listening to.

I'm not a grown up until everybody realises I'm a grown up. When everyone remembers me as the dirty kid singing little songs I am the dirty little kid.

I'm very interested in trying to make comedy shows that are a bit bigger, more theatrical, more of a "show." Some people might say I'm trying too hard, but that's a compliment to me. I like to inject a bit of production value and flair to comedy, or at least to my little corner of comedy.

In comedy, falling means laughter. You can take something sacred and make it silly. The more sacred it is, the funnier it is. It has a bigger drop to fall.

I never felt like I was stealing anyone's fans as much as I was introducing some younger people to comedy who will eventually find tons of other comedians that they love.

I never said I was funny, OK, so stop staring at me.

In the distance, Bo saw a fairy. A fairy so beautiful that he felt proud of being called one in highschool.

I saw a giraffe with a short neck That was sad Or a deer

I see young people being dismissed for supposedly wanting only "stupid" and "easy" material, or that they don't have an attention span longer than three minutes. I disagree with all those statements; I just think they aren't true. I'm saying that our generation wants stuff that is substantial and challenging, as well as thoughtful and endearing. Well, I don't know if I'm doing that, but I'm trying.

Is there anything better than pussy? Yeah, a really good book.

I think controversy has this allusion of being controversial but it's totally not, which is why I'm trying to get away from it because it's just easy and automatic.

I think no matter what you do, a certain amount of people are going to call you a sellout, somehow, you know. If I ever start trying to make a living on it.

It's not most important to communicate myself on stage as it is to be as funny or interesting as I possibly can on stage. I feel more like I'm doing a play whose main character just happens to share my name.

I've been doin' drive-bys all of my life. Except the bullets are newspapers, the car is my bike.