Best 23 quotes of Jay London on MyQuotes

After all these years I had the privilege of naming my private part, cause we have nicknames. So I named my private part pride... it's not much but at least I have my pride.

A guy gave me a job at an information booth - no questions asked.

A window of opportunity for me usually involves a rock.

Did you know that today will never be tomorrow.

I don't need to worry about identity theft because no one wants to be me.

I'm convinced my cockroaches have military training, I set off a roach bomb - they diffused it.

I'm on performance enhancing drugs, so I may cause drowsiness.

I once dated a weather girl, we talked up a storm.

I recorded my hair this morning, tonight I'm watching the highlights

It all started when my dog began getting free roll over minutes

I told my therapist I was having nightmares about nuclear explosions. He said don't worry it's not the end of the world.

I wanted to take up music, so my father bought me a blunt instrument. He told me to knock myself out.

I was going to buy a book on hair loss, but the pages kept falling out.

I was lonely driving here tonight so I hugged the road.

I went out with a promiscuous impressionist. She did everybody.

I went to an audition the other day, they were casting 13 people to be clouds, 14 people showed up, it was overcast.

I went to the doctor and he said I had acute appendicitis, and I said compared to who?

I went to the store and bought lady fingers, when I got home I noticed one of the fingers was missing so I went back to the store and the manager was nice enough to give me the finger.

My father would take me to the playground, and put me on mood swings

My girlfriend bought me a down jacket, she said it fit my personality.

My whole family is lactose intolerant and when we take pictures we can't say cheese.

They asked me what I thought about euthanasia. I said I'm more concerned about the adults.

You might recognize me, I'm the fourth guy from the left on the evolutionary chart.