Best 118 quotes of Tucker Max on MyQuotes

A lot of people think that since I'm drunk in my stories, I must be drunk 24 hours a day. What kind of stupid logic is that? It'd be like if you saw Michael Jordan at a restaurant and were like, "Why aren't you in your basketball uniform?" I leave out way more than I put in.

And I’ve found that, what I now want the most in a woman is—I want a partner. I want someone who is my partner in life. Who supports me, and I support her. I can share all my experiences in life with her, and she can share hers back with me. Not only do we love each other, but we accept, embrace, nurture, and care for each other.

Anything that reflects the human condition back on humans in the entertainment medium is art.

As a general rule, whenever guys have problems approaching girls, it's because they're afraid of rejection or they're afraid of something specific. The way that you get over a fear like that is you figure out what the worst is that can happen.

At some point in their life, everyone thinks they should go to law school. You may in fact think you want to go to law school now.

Before you're famous it's stuff that seems like it'd be really cool, but once you get it, you realize it's not bad, but it's kind of hollow and meaningless.

But here's the thing about being honest: All the liars HATE you for it, and most of the people in the world are liars. They lie to their bosses, they lie to their families, they lie to themselves, they lie so much they don't even know they're lying anymore. If you have the courage to be honest even a little bit all those people will hate you for it, because their lie is reflected in your honesty. Oscar Wilde wasn't kidding when he said, "If you want to tell people the truth, make them laugh, otherwise they'll kill you.

Calling one thing 'literature' and another 'fiction' is a way to create status where there is none.

Corporate tweets are like one robot talking to another.

Critics stopped being relevant when they stopped writing to inform and contextualize, and when they started writing to signal who they are, to display their identity by their stance on what they are writing about. Criticism should never be about the critic, but thats what it has become, and that’s why no one cares about them anymore.

Due to the potent combination of my sexual recklessness and the slutty nature of some of the girls I have slept with, I have accumulated enough stories and anecdotes about abortion that they could name a Planned Parenthood clinic after me.

Even if I was a Republican, George Bush would have pushed me out of that party.

Failure either ruins you, or turns you into the man you can become.

Fat girls aren’t real people.

Frankly, I'd rather make a little bit less money if it means living in a better world for books and publishing in the future.

General reader feedback is usually pretty worthless. 99% of people give feedback that is irrelevant, stupid, or just flat out wrong. But that 1% of people who give good feedback are invaluable.

Getting offended is a great way to avoid answering questions that make you sound dumb.

Gotta love alcohol and sex hormones.

Guys, we spend our whole lives trying to get pussy, so when pussy comes to us, it's like, "Whoa, this is amazing!" At 27, I thought nothing could be better than that, but at 35, I've come to understand the darker side of it.

Halloween revolves around delicious candy, excessive alcohol, and horny women dressed as sluts. This also describes my vision of Heaven.

Helping reproductive services doesn't just help women in isolation. It helps men just as much.

Hey man, can you talk to dolphins and pilot whales with that huge forehead of yours?

Hollywood, it's just like high school. Whoever is pretty and popular, everyone wants to be with.

I am Shiva, Destroyer of Worlds.

I could never kill myself. What if it doesn't work. Then I'll have failed at the only thing that could save me from my failures. Where do you go from there?

I don't want to compare myself to Picasso, but he had four or five periods in his life. Any good artist grows and changes and matures.

I find it truly appalling that there are people in the world like you. You are a disgusting, vile, repulsive, repugnant, foul creature. Because of you, I don't believe in God anymore. No just God would allow someone like you to exist. (Quoting feedback from a reader)

If you don't have a job right now, and you have a computer and a basic intelligence level, I guarantee you can get a great job, paying really well, in less than three months. How? Learn to program.

If you just don't have any idea what you want to do, the worst thing you can do is go to law school. If you can go to college, maybe it's fine to have four years of fun and learn a little bit, that's okay, but if you have to go two hundred thousand dollars in debt, that's not something I would recommend.

If you make comedy, if you try and make comedy where no one gets upset or offended, you're going to fail.

If you read the book, you're not a journalist. You're some impostor! No journalist actually does any work.

If your parents ignored you, or if they are just not emotionally available, or if they yell a lot, that is a type of trauma.

If you want to be seen as courageous by some and hated by others, just say what you really think.

I hated being a lawyer and I wanted to like myself and like my job.

I have tons of fans in Canada. I've sold hundreds of thousands of books there.

I laugh at people who say things like 'I'm a good person, I just do bad things.' No, that's not how it works. What you do IS who you are.

I love women, I love alcohol, and I love combining the two. If God invented anything better than drunk sex with a hot girl, he kept it to himself.

I masterbate in the shower. My action figures judge me. Especially the Justice League.

I'm not even the coolest one of my friends. I'm just the guy who sat down and wrote everything down. Like I know plenty of people who do crazier stuff than I do.

I'm not some movie star relying on a studio. I have my own fans and I earned them.

I'm not West Coast at all. I was born in Atlanta, but I grew up in Kentucky, outside of Lexington, in Winchester.

I'm sorry, but I stand by my decision. I am now a member of the elite club of people that have fought a professional team mascot. You sir, are not in that club.

I never felt pressured to create more stories, but dealing with people became really aggravating.

I never understand why women think drama and bullshit are attractive to guys. They’re not. I’m going to be real clear about this, ladies, so pay attention: Prince Charming doesn't come to rescue cunty lunatics.

In training, there is no winning or losing. There is only learning.

I sold a million books because I have a lot of fans, not because people hate me.

I started writing because it was about making my friends laugh, and when you're talking to your friends, you can't bullshit.

I stop paying attention because as much as I love beauty, I hate stupidity, and seeing the two combined pisses me off.

I take a lull from my CamelBak and choke at its potency. It tastes like bad decisions. It's perfect.

It [eBook] is like introducing the machine gun to a revolutionary war. It changes everything. If you can reach your fans directly without having to go through a middle man, the entire economics of the publishing business changes.