Best 76 quotes of Ray Romano on MyQuotes

Ray Romano

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    Ray Romano

    As an actor, that's nerve-wracking enough [drunk and doing coke] because you have to do it at the right level.

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    Ray Romano

    Each day it's like: 'How many more days am I going to feel young and vibrant? I feel young and vibrant now, but I also feel the aches and pains a little bit.

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    Ray Romano

    Everyone should have kids. They are the greatest joy in the world. But they are also terrorists. You'll realize this as soon as they are born and they start using sleep deprivation to break you.

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    Ray Romano

    Every parent knows that for a kid, the car is chloroform.

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    Ray Romano

    Flappers sounds like where waitresses go after they're too old to work at Hooters.

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    Ray Romano

    For a sitcom sex scene, you get in bed and that's the end of the scene. It quick and it was fast, but it was foreign territory for me. Not for Bobby. Bobby Cannavale has been down that road before. With my character, I think it will be a one-and-out. I don't think you'll see my character [in Vinyl] naked again, so relax everybody.

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    Ray Romano

    For the sake of your marriage, get a king-size bed. And if you really want to stay married, get two.

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    Ray Romano

    Having children is like living in a frat house - nobody sleeps, everything's broken, and there's a lot of throwing up.

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    Ray Romano

    I am like Hugh Hefner minus anything good about his life.

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    Ray Romano

    I came from an Italian house. The refrigerator was always full. I never knew you had to buy food. I thought there were food fairies that came at night.

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    Ray Romano

    Identical twins. I'm glad they're identical 'cause you save money on photographs. That's what I like. Yeah. Here's my little boy. I got another one just like it.

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    Ray Romano

    I did 15 shows a week when I lived in New York. I did five shows on a Friday and seven shows on a Saturday. It was everything I did and it was my sole source of income.

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    Ray Romano

    I do know its important to keep the romantic spark alive in your marriage. But with four kids, sometimes it's enough just to keep yourself alive.

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    Ray Romano

    I don't know if you want to see the Everybody Loves Raymond guy in a nude scene.

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    Ray Romano

    I don't want to be a spokesman for family values, but that's the way my standup is perceived.

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    Ray Romano

    I'd rather be in Las Vegas 104 degrees than New York 90 degrees, you know why? Legalized prostitution. In any weather that takes the edge off.

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    Ray Romano

    If a guy's ever telling you a four-hour sex story with a straight face, just feel sorry for him. Not for lying to you, but for lying to himself. As a matter of fact, stop him right in the middle of the story and just hug him. Nine times out of ten he'll just break down and cry. He knows you know.

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    Ray Romano

    I feel like this is a dream - and I apologize for how I dressed some of you.

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    Ray Romano

    If golf wasn't enjoyable and there wasn't a lot of humor and enjoyment, even though the game is so frustrating, you would wonder why you put yourself through it.

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    Ray Romano

    If I have sex, I know my quarterly estimated taxes must be due. And if it's oral sex, I know it's time to renew my driver's license.

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    Ray Romano

    If I'm really considering doing film from now on then that is the smart thing to do, or you can go either way. You can just do the same character over and over again and make a different comedy like over and over again.

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    Ray Romano

    If you are someone, you know, with fame, whatever amount, it's good to be married to someone who's not impressed with that at all.

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    Ray Romano

    I had a very Italian house - the "plastic furniture you couldn't sit on" house. Did anybody have the museum house? For a kid it's traumatic. Towels you can never touch. China no one's ever gonna use. Everything is for a special occasion that never happens. My mother was waiting for the Pope to show up for dinner. Or Sinatra. Or Chachi.

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    Ray Romano

    I had to be naked [in Vinyl], but I was almost more nervous about having to be drunk. The director wasn't going to yell, "Too big!," during the nude scene. For the drunk scene, you can be bad drunk or good drunk. We'll see. My wife was not happy, hearing about it.

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    Ray Romano

    I have the show because I'm insecure. It's my insecurity that makes me want to be a comic, that makes me need the audience.

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    Ray Romano

    I have this mistress: show business. I get a lot of love and adulation from outside, and [my wife] lets me have that, while she does all the real-life stuff that counts — making sure the kids are going to school and all that. I married a saint — well, a saint who curses.

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    Ray Romano

    I have this mistress: show business.

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    Ray Romano

    I just don't want to play the same guy again over and over.

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    Ray Romano

    I'll be spending the holidays with my family. Nothing special, just some light bickering and biting sarcasm.

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    Ray Romano

    I love hitting into the rough because it gets me close to the people.

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    Ray Romano

    I'm always giving myself the Alzheimer's test. My shrink told me to do this. It takes one minute. You name every word that comes to mind that begins with the letter F.

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    Ray Romano

    I married a saint - well, a saint who curses.

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    Ray Romano

    I'm now unemployed. It's a weird feeling with no work, but at least there's still golf. Standup comedy is like my core, it's what I do. But I want to be a pro golfer. It's a love/hate relationship with golf. I can come away feeling so serene, and yet, it's the thing that I can let get to me to throw a club and say curses that don't even exist. I'm obsessed with something that won't let me master it. I don't know. I need therapy.

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    Ray Romano

    In a way, comedy is like sex. The more noise you hear, the better you think you're doing.

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    Ray Romano

    In school, I wasn't a very good student - I was very irresponsible and never did the studying but always liked to get the laugh.

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    Ray Romano

    I put myself on tape and the cool thing was that Martin Scorsese had never heard of me. He had never seen [Everybody Loves Raymond]. I was just an unknown actor to him. I don't want to sound conceited, like he has to know who I am, but that seemed a little odd. He's a film genius. He doesn't watch sitcoms.

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    Ray Romano

    I still feel like an immature idiot inside, but I look in the mirror and - as a friend of mine once said- this old guy keeps getting in the way.

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    Ray Romano

    It seems to be a common denominator with a lot of comics, this low self-esteem thing.

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    Ray Romano

    It's starting to feel good, although I don't like feeling too good - that's not where my comedy comes from.

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    Ray Romano

    It was very nerve-wracking for me. I had to be drunk and have a threesome. I'm not that guy. Bobby Cannavale is that guy. But it was Vegas and things got crazy, and it happened. We go to Vegas to try to sign Elvis Presley and things get crazy. My character [in Vinyl] is stoned.

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    Ray Romano

    I've had people say to me, 'Look at the sky, the fields, the ocean, the beautiful sunset. Isn't that proof positive of God?' Following that line of thought, look at the magnificent rainbows after a big rainstorm. Isn't that proof positive that God is gay?

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    Ray Romano

    I was at home waiting for projects. I was on Parenthood and there was one season left, and I was thinking, "What's next?" I'm at this age where I'm trying to write my own script, and they sent this over and I decided to put myself on tape.

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    Ray Romano

    I wasn't really that informed about the two-year-old. Oh, I'd read about them, and occasionally I'd see documentaries on the Discovery Channel showing two-year-olds in the wild, where they belong.

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    Ray Romano

    I would get my student loans, get money, register and never really go. It was a system I thought would somehow pan out.

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    Ray Romano

    Mike Royce and I have always had success writing what we know. What we know now is that we're middle-aged, neurotic and fat.

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    Ray Romano

    My career has been my craziest adventure.

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    Ray Romano

    My daughter's tricycle said "Some Assembly Required." It came in a jar.

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    Ray Romano

    My kids are growing up and it's hard to accept they are their own person and they're independent.

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    Ray Romano

    My theory has always been that everyone in show business is there because they were deprived of some attention as a child.

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    Ray Romano

    My wife gets all the money I make. I just get an apple and clean clothes every morning.