Best 25 quotes in «poop quotes» category

  • By Anonym

    My most smelly job was at a kennels and cattery, and I basically spent all day scooping poop.

  • By Anonym

    I respect so much the work that so many women do, but that's just not what I do. I have a job where I advertise yogurt that makes you poop, and people love it and tell me about their bowel movements, every day.

  • By Anonym

    I use an app called ChoreMonster. The kids earn points for brushing teeth or picking up the dog poop. It's genius.

  • By Anonym

    I would like to apologize for referring to George W. Bush as a 'deserter.' What I meant to say is that George W. Bush is a deserter, an election thief, a drunk driver, a WMD liar, and a functional illiterate. And he poops his pants.

  • By Anonym

    Poop humor is fun. If you do the toilet scenes well and commit to them, they can be really, really powerful.

  • By Anonym

    On one level, I am a total softie, sort of depressed and afraid of losing the people I love or failing them. To disguise that, there's all this harsh, poop-centric, external swagger, full of nastiness. I'm a cloaking device.

  • By Anonym

    Ram it up your poop chute.

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  • By Anonym

    A small, light object landed on my head. I looked around. Another small something hit me. I looked up. After a third thing hit me, I untangled a couple of deer droppings from my hair. It was spotted deer poop. I must be one of the only kids on the planet to recognise the sultana-like pellets of hares and deer and the boulders left by elephant and rhino. I heard a cackle behind me and turned to receive a handful of deer pellets full in the face.

  • By Anonym

    Sometimes on the journey, you step in dog poop. But you don't let the whole journey be about the fact that your shoe got poop on it.

  • By Anonym

    They tell you that at his age, all they do is eat, sleep, and poop. And what I've learned is they can actually do all three at the same time. Who knew?

  • By Anonym

    Woke up this morning to the incredible news that I was nominated for an Emmy, and a shower full of dog poop. Apparently my dog is so excited, she has explosive diarrhea. I truly could not be more thankful to the Emmy voters for including me in this brilliant company of extraordinary women. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go clean up an enormous amount of dog poop out of my shower. Yay!

  • By Anonym

    You know we fixate on the food so much itself: “Oh, the ultimate brownie or the ultimate this or that” -- well, let me tell you something: It’s all poop in about 12 hours, okay? The real power that food has is its ability to connect human beings to each other -- that’s the stuff right there and, to me, everything else is secondary to that.

  • By Anonym

    Pets enrich our lives...and poop on our floors!

  • By Anonym

    Dogs are angels full of poop.

  • By Anonym

    I was still a newlywed and certainly wasn't to the point where I felt comfortable yelling, "I'm going to shit my pants any second!" But the sweating had started, which was followed by the tears. "I'm not feeling well, and need to get home," I told him. "Ok, but I have to obey the speed limit because of all the kids in the neighborhood," he replied. I was pleading with him to hurry up when he came to a complete stop. I screamed at him, "Why are we stopping?" He rolled down the window. "Retreat." I could see the flag lowering in the distance, the beautiful orange sun setting behind it. In the opposite direction I could see the roof line of our home - so close, yet so far away. As Retreat played, I surrendered. I pooped my pants. I took one for the flag. Now that's patriotism.

  • By Anonym

    We need to pull over now," she screeched as she gagged. "Paper is not supposed to be made out of poop.” "Did it taste like poop?" Hank inquired as he quickly pulled into a rest stop filled with church buses. "Since I don't eat poop," Dima snapped, "I wouldn't know." "But you do eat people?" "I do not eat people," she yelled. "But your people eat people?" I prodded nicely. "Occasionally," she hissed. "And your people sniff each other's asses when in animal form..." She had a point - and a foul one at that.

  • By Anonym

    You are all made of real poop.

  • By Anonym

    Basement smells bad. Look for cat poops, change litter.

  • By Anonym

    Some people are so positive, that when they slip in dog poop, they pirouette

  • By Anonym

    Sticking a straw up your butt won't get rid of the constipation.

  • By Anonym

    That whole first year, jeez, your entire life revolves around poop. The presence of poop. The absence of poop. The discovery of poop. The aromatic sensation of poop. The waiting for poop. Seriously, I can't express how much of your life will be spent waiting for poop once you have children.

  • By Anonym

    The reason why women think men should spend a lot of money on an engagement ring is because women are the ones who get to clean up all the poop (stains and toilet bowl swirls included) that is provided by every family member living in the house until they die.

  • By Anonym

    This was a true pants-pooping moment.

  • By Anonym

    Aside from battles, the history of nations seemed to consist of nothing but powerless old poops like myself, heavily medicated and vaguely beloved in the long ago, coming to kiss the boots of young psychopaths.

  • By Anonym

    Eat like a bird, poop like an elephant.