Best 76 quotes of George Lopez on MyQuotes

80% of the women who were asked if they fake orgasms said yes. Actually, they said Yes! Oh God, Yes!

A Dodger uniform just doesn't look good with a cummerbund.

An animal has to suffer for us old-school Latinos to get what we want.

Angie, I've seen my mom wrestle two cops to the ground with a taser dart in her neck, and you cry when your shoes pinch. Good luck, Bambi!

As Latinos, you want [people] to come to America - not necessarily Latinos, but [anyone who wants] to come here for a better life. That's kind of how this country was founded and the history of this country.

As long as you're a tax deduction, you'll always be safe in my house.

At the factory, I deal with ex-cons, substance abusers, and sexual harassers. And I'm not just talking about my mom.

Barack Obama may be black, but John McCain is the first Albino presidential candidate: he's completely see-through!

By the time I was 11, I wanted to be a comedian. So all those years later, I've managed to achieve my dream as a kid, and it wasn't easy. I'm on the [Hollywood] Walk of Fame and I'm one of the 25 most influential Hispanics in America, according to Time Magazine. I think my duty is to go back and tell kids, 'Whatever color you are, wherever you come from, anything and everything is possible.' And I'm living proof.

David Letterman is the best late-night talk show host right now, hands down, and has been since he first took the desk.

Everything we play when we are growing up, is team related. In this game (of golf) you can find all the answers yourself. You don't need to throw the ball in the air and play catch with yourself. You get a bucket of balls and go out there with your clubs, and you hit and learn and you get better. And there's no top.

Finally there is someone that you can invest in that looks like you, speaks like you, relates to things you relate to, and make our culture okay to talk about.

From now on, we're home schooling you. Whatever we don't know, you don't know. When did the Korean War start? I don't know, and neither do you!

George: Why've you had a grudge against your brother for 15 years? Benny: We Lopezes are a proud people... George: You have a birthday lunch at Denny's every month. We're not that proud!

I actually graze at several of the homes while Im playing. There a lot of food going on. I drink and eat and use the restrooms in a lot of the houses. What better way to really get closer to the fans than to steal their soap from the restrooms as they allow you to enter their homes?

I believe that there are certain things that could be taken care of that you don't need a strong political background in.

I can never do nothing in this house!

I'd love to have Michael Jackson [in my show] because he's black and white. So he would appeal to a universal demographic.

I do everything one at a time, one day at a time. It's the only way I can do all what I want. I stopped watching [most of] the news and entertainment shows. I think it's helped me to stay a little clearer. Do I need to know what Kevin Federline is doing? And I don't sleep a lot. I'm always connected to [my work].

I'd shake his hand, but I think that's what's holding up his pants.

If laughter is the best medicine, I promise to continue to make you laugh as my wife and I work together with the National Kidney Foundation to save lives.

If the worst thing that can happen is that nobody laughs, then I can deal with that, because the worst thing that can happen at the factory is that I could lose a limb or be crushed by a huge machine.

If you had a personal trainer, you would probably eat him. I know that in every fat person, there's a skinny person inside, but you could have all the season's contestants of America's Next Top Model in you. I hope I get reincarnated as your feet. That way, you'd never see my face again... Oh, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have insulted you. Because in my country, cows are sacred.

if you make waffles, throw out the first one.

If you want a show to succeed, you're going to have to have a certain amount of people watch who are non-black and non-Latino. If you can't cross over, you don't belong on TV. That's not just me saying it. That's just the way it is.

I got a pain in my chest, and I can't breathe

I grew up not having a father. Golf is the father I never had. It taught me honesty and respect and discipline and it taught me to control my temperament.

I had a very difficult childhood. I was surrounded by people who had both parents, which made me feel different. Having a bit of a rougher existence early on, it made me appreciate the work ethic that my grandparents instilled in me.

I have dogs in my house and much like teenagers at some point, they leave the parents. Even though they're in the same house, they live independently. I think that's how I live with the Chihuahuas.

I look at movies, unfortunately, and I still see a lot of movies [lacking diversity].

I love comedy and I would write things to myself as an exercise in writing. I didn't do well for years, and I quit. I started to break down why I was afraid and started to look at people I admired, like Richard Pryor, Eddie Murphy, Freddie Prinze, George Carlin and all.

I'm a big fan of reality shows. I thought the first one, Dukes of Hazzard, captured white people perfectly.

I'm not afraid to take on somebody or say something that somebody will find offensive because unfortunately in comedy, you can't say anything really good without offending somebody.

I prefer my Mexican food to have a little bit of an animal that suffered a little bit. That's some of the best food.

I spend a lot of time alone and my wife understands that I need to be alone. I enjoy being alone. But I'm never lonely.

I think it's easier for African American and white comics to be praised than it is Latinos because they think our culture or our humor is substandard. I mean, I just don't think they want to give us credit. I just don't think that they see us as important enough to be at their level. I'm the longest-produced comedy at Warner Bros. and I don't feel special. They come over and say hello. But everybody's gonna make a lot of money and I don't feel like I'm special to them.

I think we all feel the same things most of the time, we just don't know how to put it into words. When I'm on stage, I say it. The truth makes people laugh.

It's a great day in America when white people, black people and Latinos can all come together and pick on another minority.

It's an honor to walk in the footsteps of a legend. As host I intend to honor the tradition of The Bob Hope Classic and have a great time blazing a new path.

It's not even about black and white anymore, because so many people are from mixed backgrounds and mixed ethnicities, and it's just a great time to be able to pull all that together.

It was June 4, 1979, the first time I went on stage. I didn't know I could do it but I knew I couldn't not do it. I quit everything in my life and this was the one thing I couldn't quit.

I used to be ashamed by the way that I grew up. I tried to lie my way through better times, but when you think that honesty and truth is really your best weapon you embrace it and put it behind you. In the end, it drives you and motivates you to do good work. No one should be ashamed about where they come from as long as you desire to be a compassionate and decent person.

I want to tell you about a woman I have been married to for ten years, my wife, Ann, who speaking truthfully, saved me from myself. Who saved me from destroying myself because of my background. Who saved me from wasting my life, drinking my life away, never fulfilling my dreams because of what I had come from, and truly believing and loving - truly the first person to ever truthfully, unconditionally love me.

Life is great and golf has been one of the great parts of it for me.

Life is moments going by, but if you don't grab them, they're gone. For a long time, the only moments that were available were bad ones. So now I make sure to grab the good ones.

Look, I made a commitment to corn 17 years ago. Sure, I'm a man. I like to go to a barbecue and see beans that I like: baked beans, red beans, black beans, big plump garbanzos. But in the end, I always come home to my sweet, sweet corn.

Making a movie about one group of people isolates the larger majority. That's what I require of the projects that I'm involved with. I would not ever make a movie strictly for Latinos.

Marijuana brownies are amazing. Very simple to make, too. Just get some Duncan Hines brownie mix and cook the weed right in there. Drop it right in with the butter. I don't know who came up with this idea first, but it's sheer genius.

Max: What's a period? George: It's a bullet we dodge, go get ready.

My grandmother instilled in me a toughness that comes with survival. She was a tough lady and never truly enjoyed her life. She would always worry about things and I would tell her that it wasn't going to get her anywhere and it didn't. I wasn't even that smart back then, but I knew that worrying about everyone else wasn't good for her health. As Latinos, we stress and worry so much about the future when the future is today. As long as we protect what's good in our lives, we will be all right.