Best 678 quotes in «attachment quotes» category

My trouble is that I think there is a track that things should stay on. I'm hooked to a belief that life should go a certain way. I develop an attachment to Plan A and set up my expectations accordingly. An important part of spiritual practice is to learn to let go, to recognize that Plan A exists only in my head.

Necessity is very often the mother of romance.

Never make anyone the centre of your world, create your own world and have someone come visit and stay if they may.

Once you understand the innate nature (relative self, prakruti) of the other person, you can remain in an attachment-free state with that person. It is Knowledge (Gnan) to understand the innate nature of a person, and once Knowledge arises, so will conduct.

No matter how wise a person is, but that is still an attribute of the non-Self, isn't it? And if one becomes attached to the attributes of the non-Self, then he has become attached to the non-Self!!

Once an opinion is formed, there will be attachment-abhorrence. A person without opinion is also without attachment-abhorrence.

One form of insecurity of attachment, called "disorganized/disoriented", has been associated with marked impairments in the emotional, social, and cognitive domains, and a predisposition toward a clinical condition known as dissociation in which the capacity to function in an organized, coherent manner is at times impaired. Studies have also found that youths with a history of disorganized attachments are at great risk of expressing hostility with their peers and have the potential for interpersonal violence as they mature (Lyons-Ruth & Jacobwitz, 1999; Carlson, 1998). This disorganized form of attachment has been proposed to be associated with the caregiver's frightened, frightening, or disoriented behavior with the child. Such experiences create a state of alarm in the child. The parents of these children often have an autobiographical narrative finding, as revealed in the Adult Attachment Interview, of unresolved trauma or grief that appears as a disorientation in their narrative account of their childhoods. Such linguistic disorientation occurs during the discussion of loss or threat from childhood experiences. Lack of resolution appears to be associated with parental behaviors that are incompatible with an organized adaptation on the part of the child. Lack of resolution of trauma or grief in a parent can lead to parental behaviors that create "paradoxical", unsolvable, and problematic situations for the child. The attachment figure is intended to be the source of protection, soothing, connections, and joy. Instead, the experience of the child who develops a disorganized attachment is such that the caregiver is actually the source of terror and fear, of "fright without solution", and so the child cannot turn to the attachment figure to be soothed (Main & Hesse, 1990). There is not organized adaptation and the child's response to this unsolvable problem is disorganization (see Hesse et al., this volume).

Out of the hobbled spirit of attachment, and the insecure need of belonging, come the gross judgments against those who do not belong.

One might say that the difficulty in rearing children has to do with the ambiguities of independence. The child must separate from the parents; the parent must allow the child to discover his or her own reality. Where there was one, there must be two. But this separation, though necessary, is a complex and often tormented experience. The relationship between separation and loving attachment has to be negotiated each time afresh... There is no theory that can totally guide the parent...In the act of creation, there is perhaps inevitable sadness…(p.20)

Play is also a way to be close and, even more important, a way to reconnect after the closeness has been severed. Chimpanzees like to tickle one another's palms, especially after they have had a fight. Thus, the second purpose of play serves our incredible - almost bottomless - need for attachment and affection and closeness.

Practice giving things away, not just things you don't care about, but things you do like. Remember, it is not the size of a gift, it is its quality and the amount of mental attachment you overcome that count. So don't bankrupt yourself on a momentary positive impulse, only to regret it later. Give thought to giving. Give small things, carefully, and observe the mental processes going along with the act of releasing the little thing you liked. (53) (Quote is actually Robert A F Thurman but Huston Smith, who only wrote the introduction to my edition, seems to be given full credit for this text.)

Prakruti [the relative self, innate nature] has opinions and may store them but we should stay in an opinion-free state. ‘We’ are separate and the relative self is separate from us. ‘We’ should play our part as a separate entity. We shouldn’t get involved with those problems.

Non-possession” does not mean having nothing. It does not mean to live as a penniless beggar. Rather than meaning having nothing, it is the idea of not possessing what we do not need. The more we possess, The more we have attachments.

Our young don't play outside anymore; they've lost their innocence too early in their lives. We walk around the house ignoring one another, we see each other as separate, we abuse the earth; we kill each other in the name of God, we worship the Dollar bill, we fear life to the point of harming unborn and sacred lives, we insult each other because of the color of our skin; we've created many Gods to fit our wants. We are condemning our lives to an existence of attachment and discontent, we are asleep, and we must wake up!

Renunciation and saiyam are two different things. Renunciation is where one gives up all marital ties, parental ties, financial ties and material possessions. What is saiyam? When anger, pride, deceit, greed and attachment-abhorence are under control, then it is considered as saiyam.

Remaining absolutely non-acquisitive (aparigrahi) amidst all possessions is the ultimate ‘test examination’.

Remember, thoughts are only thoughts. You can choose to believe them or to not believe them. You can choose to change your perspective. You decide what you give power to. Choose thoughts that are helpful rather than harmful.

Saiyam parinaam (a resultant state free of anger-pride-deceit-greed and attachment-abhorrence) is not an activity of the Self. It is an intermediate state. The activity of the Self happen when the independent [original] Self is Seen.

Research on organised abuse emphasises the diversity of organised abuse cases, and the ways in which serious forms of child maltreatment cluster in the lives of children subject to organised victimisation (eg Bibby 1996b, Itziti 1997, Kelly and Regan 2000). Most attempts to examine organised abuse have been undertaken by therapists and social workers who have focused primarily on the role of psychological processes in the organised victimisation of children and adults. Dissociation, amnesia and attachment, in particular, have been identified as important factors that compel victims to obey their abusers whilst inhibiting them from disclosing their abuse or seeking help (see Epstein et al. 2011, Sachs and Galton 2008). Therapists and social workers have surmised that these psychological effects are purposively induced by perpetrators of organised abuse through the use of sadistic and ritualistic abuse. In this literature, perpetrators are characterised either as dissociated automatons mindlessly perpetuating the abuse that they, too, were subjected to as children, or else as cruel and manipulative criminals with expert foreknowledge of the psychological consequences of their abuses. The therapist is positioned in this discourse at the very heart of the solution to organised abuse, wielding their expertise in a struggle against the coercive strategies of the perpetrators. Whilst it cannot be denied that abusive groups undertake calculated strategies designed to terrorise children into silence and obedience, the emphasis of this literature on psychological factors in explaining organised abuse has overlooked the social contexts of such abuse and the significance of abuse and violence as social practices.

Secure attachment has been linked to a child's ability to successfully recover and prove resilient in the presence of a traumatic event.

SELFHOOD AND DISSOCIATION The patient with DID or dissociative disorder not otherwise specified (DDNOS) has used their capacity to psychologically remove themselves from repetitive and inescapable traumas in order to survive that which could easily lead to suicide or psychosis, and in order to eke some growth in what is an unsafe, frequently contradictory and emotionally barren environment. For a child dependent on a caregiver who also abuses her, the only way to maintain the attachment is to block information about the abuse from the mental mechanisms that control attachment and attachment behaviour.10 Thus, childhood abuse is more likely to be forgotten or otherwise made inaccessible if the abuse is perpetuated by a parent or other trusted caregiver. In the dissociative individual, ‘there is no uniting self which can remember to forget’. Rather than use repression to avoid traumatizing memories, he/she resorts to alterations in the self ‘as a central and coherent organization of experience. . . DID involves not just an alteration in content but, crucially, a change in the very structure of consciousness and the self’ (p. 187).29 There may be multiple representations of the self and of others. Middleton, Warwick. "Owning the past, claiming the present: perspectives on the treatment of dissociative patients." Australasian Psychiatry 13.1 (2005): 40-49.

The capacity to form attachments on equal terms is considered evidence of emotional maturity. It is the absence of this capacity which is pathological. Whether there may be other criteria of emotional maturity, like the capacity to be alone, is seldom taken into account.

The greatest challenge of parenting is in the inner work it requires: the strength and confidence in believing that we are not in control of, but the answer for our children.

Theirs was a tug-of-war and neither could let go. Both felt the burn and still wouldn't let go. Some might call it a game for neither could admit defeat.

The whole world is indeed trapped by misery. What is the misery about? Due to ignorance of one’s own Real Self (agnanta). Due to ignorance of one’s own Real Self (agnanta), attachment-abhorrence (raag-dwesh) keeps on occuring, which leads to this misery. Only through Gnan [Knowledge of the Real Self] can one prevail in a misery-free state. There is no other solution at all.

The whole worldly life is of the non-Self complex (pudgal). But to have attachment-abhorrence in that non-Self complex, is called karmic bondage, and not to have attachment-abhorrence in that non-Self complex, is called liberation.

The world has not seen the equanimity (sambhaav) of the Gnanis (enlightened Ones) at all. In fact, the Gnani has a state of absolute detachment (vitaraagata) in attachment (raag). The people of the world look for vitaraagata in vitaraagata. Actually, one should have vitaraagata in raag.

The worldly vision is filled with infinite infatuations and attachments and no one can escape from it; [hence] there is no alternative other than staying in Gnani’s feet [surrendering to the enlightened one is the only alternative].

They say that people are innately afraid of those who need them, they say that people are afraid of "clingy-ness", afraid of attachment, afraid of being needed by another. But I beg to disagree. I believe that people, when looking at someone who is needy of them, see themselves and see their own fears and they go away because they can't handle those fears; it's their own neediness that they're afraid of! They're afraid to want and to need, because they're afraid of loss and of losing, so when they see these things in another, that's when they run away. Nobody is actually running away from other people; everybody is really running away from themselves!

This world is a museum. In a museum you have to see and know; you can eat and drink but you cannot take anything out of it. Do not get attached. Enjoy everything, but if you take anything away from it, you will have to come back to the ‘museum’ (this world).

Those who have an attachment to the tried and true, and the way things are, are threatened by these impulses and the change they initiate. Which is the very reason why you must cultivate curiosity, courage, and creativity.

Throughout history, the most brutal cultures have always been distinguished by maternal-infant separation.

To be free of insistence [free of forcing one's own opinion] is the path of Vitragta [attachment-free state, the enlightened one]. Quit insisting at all places. To even insist on the truth, God has considered it as ignorance. There is no insistence in ‘Us’ whatsoever!

To lose awareness of what is helpful or harmful in the worldly life is moh (Illusory vision & attachment).

Too many Americans are spurred to achieve, rather than to attach.

Try not to seek after the true Only cease to cherish opinions. (172)

Tully starts in again. 'See, the hidden value can go way deeper than sentimental attachment. Sometimes you feel it down to your soul. Like maybe you're the one person who appreciates a work of art that everybody else hates. [...] This thing you treasure, this thing nobody else wants, could also be what you'd call organic. It could be alive. [...] That's what falling in love is, isn't it? Discovering the hidden value in someone.

We should understand the mother and child as a mutually responsive dyad. They are a symbiotic unit that make each other healthier and happier in mutual responsiveness. This expands to other caregivers too. -Darcia Narvaez

What attachments can you let go of to thrive more and stress less? What commitments can you make that will help you to fly higher in an endeavor that matters?

What cannot be communicated to the [m]other cannot be communicated to the self.

Physical pleasures are not associated with attachment-abhorrence; the belief in an opinion itself is attachment-abhorrence.

... sexual abuse by the mother is considered to he one of the most traumatic forms of abuse. In some ways it's the ultimate betrayal.

Space, like time, engenders forgetfulness; but it does so by setting us bodily free from our surroundings and giving us back our primitive, unattached state ... Time, we say, is Lethe; but change of air is a similar draught, and, if it works less thoroughly, does so more quickly.

Stop falling for those who won't raise you up in the future.

Strangers were a fairytale full of possibilities not yet corrupted by reality while caregivers were the reality – and everything that couldn't be counted upon.

Swish floral curtain with laces dancing out on air but is tied to its past interwoven with numerous rings of attachments.

Taming attachment,does not mean becoming cold and disinterested. On the contrary, it means learning to have a composed control over our mind through understanding

That is to say, attachments to signs of accomplishment (drod rtags) and circumstantial effects are precisely what are called Negative Forces [demons].

The best, highest love comes without attachment or expectation.

The capacity for dissociation enables the young child to exercise their innate life-sustaining need for attachment in spite of the fact that principal attachment figures are also principal abusers.