Best 58 quotes in «funny love quotes» category

A light heart lives long.

Alimony is like buying hay for a dead horse.

But even if we take matrimony at its lowest, even if we regard it as no more than a sort of friendship recognised by the police, there must be degrees in the freedom and sympathy realised, and some principle to guide simple folk in their selection.

Friendship is love minus sex and plus reason. Love is friendship plus sex minus reason

Give a man a free hand and he'll run it all over you.

A man's wife has more power over him than the state has.

Don't be silly. I'll write you twice a week.

I don't know if I want to get married again.

If I eat a huge meal and I can get the girl to rub my belly, I think that's about as romantic as I can think of.

If I had no sense of humor I should long ago have committed suicide.

I don't have a boyfriend right now. I'm looking for anyone with a job that I don't have to support.

If you have nothing but love for your avocados, and you take joy in turning them into guacamole, all you need is someone to share it with.

If it's true that men are such beasts, this must account for the fact that most women are animal lovers.

If women didn't exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning.

If you want to sacrifice the admiration of many men for the criticism of one, go ahead, get married.

In love, women are professionals, men are amateurs.

I'm dating a woman now who, evidently, is unaware of it.

It's a funny thing that when a man hasn't anything on earth to worry about, he goes off and gets married.

In my house I'm the boss, my wife is just the decision maker.

I went to a meeting for premature ejactulators. I left early.

I wouldn't be caught dead marrying a woman old enough to be my wife.

I want a man who's kind and understanding. Is that too much to ask of a millionaire?

Like good wine, marriage gets better with age - once you learn to keep a cork in it.

Love is blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener.

Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, half shut afterwards.

Love ain't nothing but sex misspelled.

Love loves to love love.

Marriage is like putting your hand into a bag of snakes in the hope of pulling out an eel.

Love is like war; easy to begin, hard to end.

Love is telling someone their hair extensions are showing.

My best birth control now is just to leave the lights on.

Men aren't necessities, they're luxuries.

My wife gets all the money I make. I just get an apple and clean clothes every morning.

My life acccomplishments? Sanity, and you

Never get married in college; it's hard to get a start if a prospective employer finds you've already made one mistake.

Marriage is a wonderful invention: then again, so is a bicycle repair kit.

The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open.

My wife was afraid of the dark. Then she saw me naked, and now she's afraid of the light.

Respectable people do not write music or make love as a career.

On quiet nights, when I'm alone, I like to run our wedding video backwards, just to watch myself walk out of the church a free man.

Real love amounts to withholding the truth, even when you're offered the perfect opportunity to hurt someone's feelings.

The secret of a successful marriage is not to be at home too much.

The triumph of hope over experience.

Well, you know, the definition of second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.

Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age - as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.

Then there was a man who said, 'I never knew what real happiness was until I got married; by then it was too late'

True friends stab you in the front.

You call it madness, but I call it love.

Women love a self-confident bald man.

Women marry men hoping they will change. Men marry women hoping they will not.