Best 888 quotes in «witty quotes» category

Liverpool's grand opera also gave us some light comedy - on hearing the news that the house of goalkeeper Pepe Reina was burgled, and his Porsche stolen, while he was heroically saving penalties at Anfield, fans took a typically witty line: police were said to be interviewing a man from the West London area, a certain Frank Lampard, whose whereabouts on Tuesday between 7.45pm and 10.15pm are unknown. Indeed.

Look, I don't want to wax philosophic, but I will say that if you're alive you've got to flap your arms and legs, you've got to jump around a lot, for life is the very opposite of death, and therefore you must at very least think noisy and colorfully, or you're not alive.

Love is blind, but marriage restores its sight.

Love is like a war; easy to start but hard to end and you never know where it might take you.

Love is the only passion which includes in its dreams the happiness of someone else.

Luckily the script [of X-files episode] was written wonderfully and that became who I was and I was quirky, and I was kind of agitated and not entirely happy, but at the same time, witty.

Magnetism, as you recall from physics class, is a powerful force that causes certain items to be attracted to refrigerators.

Man is a being with free will; therefore, each man is potentially good or evil, and it's up to him and only him (through his reasoning mind) to decide which he wants to be.

Mankind will never see an end of trouble until lovers of wisdom come to hold political power, or the holders of power become lovers of wisdom

Many a small thing has been made large by the right kind of advertising.

Many a witty inspiration is like the surprising reunion of befriended thoughts after a long separation.

Marriage: A word which should be pronounced "mirage".

Marriage is give and take. You'd better give it to her or she'll take it anyway.

Marriage isn't all that it's cracked up to be, let me tell you. Honestly. Marriage is probably the chief cause of divorce.

Men are those creatures with two legs and eight hands.

Men have become the tools of their tools.

Men are only as loyal as their options.

M. J. Putney's writing has always been magical; now that she has turned her hand to the telling of a fantasy tale, it sparkles on the page. Stolen Magic has to be one of the most delightful reads of the year, a witty, finely crafted tale that enchants from beginning to end. As always, Putney's intelligent wordsmithery, scholarship, eye for detail, and ability to bring to life irresistible characters add up to enjoyment on every page. Fast-moving and fun!

Mumps, measles, and puppy love are terrible after twenty.

Money has never made man happy, nor will it, there is nothing in its nature to produce happiness. The more of it one has the more one wants.

My mother always said don't marry for money, divorce for money.

My definition of an intellectual is someone who can listen to the William Tell Overture without thinking of the Lone Ranger.

My life needs editing.

Music has shaped men’s fashion and transposed in a playful and witty manner its riding or military heritage. It is difficult to figure out who leads but music and fashion are connected genetically.

My commentary's hilarious, not witty.

My father told me all about the birds and the bees, the liar - I went steady with a woodpecker till I was twenty one.

My mama is my best friend. We have fun, we can talk about anything, she always is on my side but really quick to tell me when I'm wrong. That's a true friend. She's loyal, smart, witty and intelligent. She loves family and loves to travel. All the things I love!

My occupation now, I suppose, is jail inmate.

My senior year of high school, I was voted Wittiest. So, several years later, I decided to try my hand at writing humor to see if I could be witty enough to make some money.

My philosophy towards life is to enjoy it to the fullest and have fun. I am one of those 'laugh-out-loud' kinds. I am quirky, yet witty.

No age is good to get married at. You got to be a fool to get married.

My school was so tough the school newspaper had an obituary section.

New Year's resolution: To refrain from saying witty, unkind things, unless they are really witty and irreparably damaging.

Never mistake motion for action.

Next time I see you, remind me not to talk to you.

No one can earn a million dollars honestly.

No man should travel until he has learned the language of the country he visits. Otherwise he voluntarily makes himself a great baby - so helpless and so ridiculous.

No object is so beautiful that, under certain conditions, it will not look ugly.

Nobody thanks a witty man for politeness when he puts himself on a par with a society in which it would not be polite to show one's wit.

No man is good enough to govern another man without the other's consent.

No one party can fool all of the people all of the time; that's why we have two parties

Nothing is more witty and grotesque than ancient mythology and Christianity; that is because they are so mystical.

Not one man in a beer commercial has a beerbelly.

Nothing spoils a good story like the arrival of an eyewitness.

Not only do I not know what's going on, I wouldn't know what to do about it if I did.

No woman can be handsome by the force of features alone, any more that she can be witty by only the help of speech.

Now it's virtually impossible to write a game that successfully provides challenge and frustration, and that's a shame. We are going to lose something that makes scientists, that makes doers, that makes hard-minded, witty, clever people, and I worry that those people aren't being made these days.

Nowhere are prejudices more mistaken for truth, passion for reason and invective for documentation than in politics.

Observe it, the vulgar often laugh, but never smile, whereas well-bred people often smile, and seldom or never laugh. A witty thing never excited laughter, it pleases only the mind and never distorts the countenance.

-Oh yes? Can you identify yourself? -Certainly. I'd know me anywhere.