Best 888 quotes in «witty quotes» category

If it doesn't sell, it isn't creative.

If it's the Psychic Network why do they need a phone number?

If I wanted to go crazy I would do it in Washington because it would not be noticed

If it were done when 'tis done, then 'twere well. It were done quickly.

If I were in this business only for the business, I wouldn't be in this business.

If one studies too zealously, one easily loses his pants.

If people concentrated on the really important things in life, there'd be a shortage of fishing poles.

If truth is beauty, how come no one has their hair done in the library?

If women dressed for men, the stores wouldn't sell much - just an occasional sun visor.

If you want your children to listen, try talking softly - to someone else.

If you ever become a mother, can I have one of the puppies?

If you want to be witty, work on your character and say what you think on every occasion.

If you can't beat them, arrange to have them beaten.

If you have a secret, people will sit a little bit closer.

If you live to be one hundred, you've got it made. Very few people die past that age.

If you're ridin' ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and then to make sure it's still there

If you were plowing a field, which would you rather use? Two strong oxen or 1024 chickens?

I haven't committed a crime. What I did was fail to comply with the law.

I guess the only thing to do now is meet his parents. I'm sure they're decent people. I mean they gotta be if they named their son Gaylord Focker.

I had a terrible education. I attended a school for emotionally disturbed teachers.

I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me.

I have found men who didn't know how to kiss. I've always found time to teach them.

I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.

I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it.

I have often regretted my speech, never my silence.

I like my man to be witty; he needs a sense of humour and needs to be extremely well-mannered.

I have yet to see any problem, however complicated, which, when you looked at it in the right way, did not become still more complicated.

I identify more with women than with men. I guess I have a strong feminine side.

I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were a toaster and a radio.

I know not whether Laws be right, Or whether Laws be wrong; All that we know who be in jail Is that the wall is strong; And that each day is like a year, A year whose days are long.

I know that you cannot hate other people without hating yourself.

I like a girl who's smart, they have to be able to grasp witty sarcasm.

I look for fun and smarts - a witty, strong sexy woman.

I looked at Bria. “How do you put up with him?” Bria started to open her mouth, but Finn piped up instead. “She puts up with me because I happen to be rich, handsome, charming, a witty conversationalist, and exceptionally talented in bed,” he smirked. “Flexible too.” I groaned. “I did not need to hear those last two.

I love my cigar too, but I take it out of my mouth once in a while.

I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.

I'm against picketing, but I don't know how to show it.

I'm afraid of the dark,and suspicious of the light.

Imagine a puddle waking up one morning and thinking, " This is an interesting world I find myself in, an interesting hole I find myself in; fits me rather neatly, doesn't it? In fact it fits me staggeringly well! It must have been made to have me in it!

I'm at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life. In fact, I've just had a mirror put over my kitchen table.

I'm a woman of very few words, but lots of action.

I'm for whatever gets you through the night

I'm going to show you the real New York - witty, smart, and international - like any metropolis. Tell me this: where in Europe can you find old Hungary, old Russia, old France, old Italy? In Europe you're trying to copy America, you're almost American. But here you'll find Europeans who immigrated a hundred years ago - and we haven't spoiled them. Oh, Gio! You must see why I love New York. Because the whole world's in New York.

I'm not so much interested in the return ON my money as I am in the return OF my money.

I'm like Bush, I see the world more like checkers than chess.

I'm no model lady. A model's just an imitation of the real thing.

I'm hopefully touring with Colin Baker next year in Perfect Strangers. I have performed with Sylvia Simms in poetry and music evenings. I would love to do those for the rest of my career - they are so fun and witty.

I'm such a good lover because I practice a lot on my own.

I never cared for fashion much, amusing little seams and witty little pleats: it was the girls I liked.

I'm trying to think of a witty comeback, when Boggs says brusquely, “Well, don't expect us to be too impressed. We just saw Finnick Odair in his underwear.” I decide to go ahead and like Boggs.