Best 888 quotes in «witty quotes» category

Tell the truth and you won't have so much to remember

Tell us your phobias and we will tell you what you are afraid of

Ten men waiting for me at the door? Send one of them home, I'm tired.

That's the trouble with directors. Always biting the hand that lays the golden egg.

The army slew a thousand and showed little pity The king ordered fealty from the conquered city The prince charmed its people with words wise and witty And the queen sat on a couch, looking very pretty

The backbone of surprise is fusing speed with secrecy.

The field of consciousness is tiny. It accepts only one problem at a time.

The English never draw a line without blurring it.

The best material model of a cat is another, or preferably the same, cat.

The best thing about humour is that it shows people they are not alone.

The best way to hold a man is in your arms.

The devil's most devilish when respectable.

The discovery of the good taste of bad taste can be very liberating. The man who insists on high and serious pleasures is depriving himself of pleasure; he continually restricts what he can enjoy; in the constant exercise of his good taste he will eventually price himself out of the market, so to speak. Here Camp taste supervenes upon good taste as a daring and witty hedonism. It makes the man of good taste cheerful, where before he ran the risk of being chronically frustrated. It is good for the digestion.

The four building blocks of the universe are fire, water, gravel and vinyl.

The good thing about masturbation is that you don't have to get dressed up for it.

The future is made of the same stuff as the present.

The graveyards are full of indispensable men.

The great joke is that a realist is an optimistic pessimist. That's very witty. Whether it's truthful or not, that I don't know.

The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on.

The hardest years in life are those between ten and seventy.

The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd rather not.

The more you read and observe about this Politics thing, the more you've got to admit that each party is worse than the other.

The next time you have a thought... let it go.

The only time I ever enjoyed ironing was the day I accidentally got gin in the steam iron.

There's a great power in words, if you don't hitch too many of them together.

The problems that exist in this world can not be solved by the level of thinking that created them.

There are lots of people who mistake their imagination for their memory.

There are some experiences in life which should not be demanded twice from any man, and one of them is listening to the Brahms Requiem.

The reason there are two senators for each state is so that one can be the designated driver.

There is nothing - absolutely nothing - half so much worth doing as simply messing about in boats.

There's a real emphasis on being witty in Scotland, even in crime novels.

There's no possibility of being witty without a little ill-nature - the malice of a good thing is the barb that makes it stick.

There are two ways of constructing a software design: One way is to make it so simple that there are obviously no deficiencies, and the other way is to make it so complicated that there are no obvious deficiencies. The first method is far more difficult.

There is an element of seduction in shoes that doesn't exist for men. A woman can be sexy, charming, witty or shy with her shoes.

The taxpayers are sending congressmen on expensive trips abroad. It might be worth it except they keep coming back

There's one thing that's really great about waking up early, and it's not jogging or greeting the day - it's just that that's when they make doughnuts.

The superfluous, a very necessary thing.

The term "rational" and its variants (rationality, rationalism) are used in a lot of contexts in economic debate, both positively and negatively, but nearly always sloppily or dishonestly. A specimen I've seen on more occasions than I can count is the line (usually presented with a sense of witty originality) "if you are opposed to economic rationalism, you must be in favor of economic irrationalism"... I've come to the conclusion that the word "rational" has no meaning that cannot better be conveyed by some alternative term and that the best advice is probably to avoid it altogether.

The simplest definition of advertising, and one that will probably meet the test of critical examination, is that advertising is selling in print.

This is one race of people for whom psychoanalysis is of no use whatsoever.

The trouble with children is that they're not returnable.

The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.

The way taxes are, you might as well marry for love

Things are more like they are now than they ever were before.

This isn't a particularly novel observation, but the world is full of people who think they can manipulate the lives of others merely by getting a law passed.

The time to relax is when you don't have time for it.

The trouble with the rat race is that even if you win, you're still a rat.

The world is divided into people who do things and people who get the credit.

This book fills a much-needed gap.

This is what I tell young women who ask me for career advice. People are going to try to trick you. To make you feel that you are in competition with one another. You're up for a promotion. If they go for a woman, it'll be between you and Barbara. Don't be fooled. You're not in competition with other women. You're in competition with everyone.