Best 888 quotes in «witty quotes» category

If you want to be witty, work on your character and say what you think on every occasion.

If you want your children to listen, try talking softly - to someone else.

If you were plowing a field, which would you rather use? Two strong oxen or 1024 chickens?

I guess the only thing to do now is meet his parents. I'm sure they're decent people. I mean they gotta be if they named their son Gaylord Focker.

I had a terrible education. I attended a school for emotionally disturbed teachers.

I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me.

I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it.

I have found men who didn't know how to kiss. I've always found time to teach them.

I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.

I identify more with women than with men. I guess I have a strong feminine side.

I haven't committed a crime. What I did was fail to comply with the law.

I have yet to see any problem, however complicated, which, when you looked at it in the right way, did not become still more complicated.

I have often regretted my speech, never my silence.

I know that you cannot hate other people without hating yourself.

I know not whether Laws be right, Or whether Laws be wrong; All that we know who be in jail Is that the wall is strong; And that each day is like a year, A year whose days are long.

I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were a toaster and a radio.

I looked at Bria. “How do you put up with him?” Bria started to open her mouth, but Finn piped up instead. “She puts up with me because I happen to be rich, handsome, charming, a witty conversationalist, and exceptionally talented in bed,” he smirked. “Flexible too.” I groaned. “I did not need to hear those last two.

I like a girl who's smart, they have to be able to grasp witty sarcasm.

I like my man to be witty; he needs a sense of humour and needs to be extremely well-mannered.

I look for fun and smarts - a witty, strong sexy woman.

I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.

Imagine a puddle waking up one morning and thinking, " This is an interesting world I find myself in, an interesting hole I find myself in; fits me rather neatly, doesn't it? In fact it fits me staggeringly well! It must have been made to have me in it!

I'm against picketing, but I don't know how to show it.

I love my cigar too, but I take it out of my mouth once in a while.

I'm afraid of the dark,and suspicious of the light.

I'm a woman of very few words, but lots of action.

I'm at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life. In fact, I've just had a mirror put over my kitchen table.

I'm for whatever gets you through the night

I'm going to show you the real New York - witty, smart, and international - like any metropolis. Tell me this: where in Europe can you find old Hungary, old Russia, old France, old Italy? In Europe you're trying to copy America, you're almost American. But here you'll find Europeans who immigrated a hundred years ago - and we haven't spoiled them. Oh, Gio! You must see why I love New York. Because the whole world's in New York.

I'm no model lady. A model's just an imitation of the real thing.

I'm hopefully touring with Colin Baker next year in Perfect Strangers. I have performed with Sylvia Simms in poetry and music evenings. I would love to do those for the rest of my career - they are so fun and witty.

I'm like Bush, I see the world more like checkers than chess.

I'm not so much interested in the return ON my money as I am in the return OF my money.

I never forget a face, but in your case I'll make an exception.

I'm such a good lover because I practice a lot on my own.

I'm trying to think of a witty comeback, when Boggs says brusquely, “Well, don't expect us to be too impressed. We just saw Finnick Odair in his underwear.” I decide to go ahead and like Boggs.

I must be getting absent-minded. Whenever I complain that things aren't what they used to be, I always forget to include myself.

I'm willing to admit that I may not always be right, but I am never wrong.

I never cared for fashion much, amusing little seams and witty little pleats: it was the girls I liked.

I never put on a pair of shoes until I've worn them at least five years.

Interesting - I use a Mac to help me design the next Cray.(when he was told that Apple Inc. had recently bought a Cray supercomputer to help them design the next Mac )

I never said most of the things I said.

In expanding the field of knowledge we but increase the horizon of ignorance.

I praise God for you, sir: your reasons at dinner have been sharp and sententious; pleasant without scurrility, witty without affectation, audacious without impudency, learned without opinion, and strange with-out heresy.

I only read biographies, metaphysics and psychology. I can dream up my own fiction.

In two words, impossible.

I only do one thing at a time; otherwise, I get confused and then I can't trick you.

I rant, therefore I am

I read part of it all the way through.

I read the script [of Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency] and went, "I haven't read anything this good, in a long time." I thought it was absolutely brilliant. The dialogue is so sparkling, smart and witty. You also have these insane, crazy characters, like energy sucking vampires and holistic assassins. It's all completely weird.