Best 888 quotes in «witty quotes» category

Every time a message seems to grab us, and we think, 'I just might try it,' we are at the nexus of choice and persuasion that is advertising.

Every two years the American politics industry fills the airwaves with the most virulent, scurrilous, wall-to-wall character assassination of nearly every political practitioner in the country - and then declares itself puzzled that America has lost trust in its politicians.

Experience is one thing you can't get for nothing.

Fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds worth of distance run.

Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.

Experience is simply the name we give our mistakes.

Faced with having to change our views or prove that there is no need to do so, most of us immediately get busy on the proof.

Flying is learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss.

Genius is born-not paid

From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Someday I intend reading it.

Getting older is no problem. You just have to live long enough.

Girls have an unfair advantage over men: if they can't get what they want by being smart, they can get it by being dumb.

Generally speaking, there is more wit than talent in the world. Society swarms with witty people who lack talent.

Give me the luxuries and I can dispense with the necessities.

Food is an important part of a balanced diet.

Giving birth is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head.

Give me chastity and continence, but not yet.

Give me a smart idiot over a stupid genius any day.

Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws.

Grave authors say, and witty poets sing, That honest wedlock is a glorious thing.

Great God! This is an awful place.

Guilt: the gift that keeps on giving.

Half the world is composed of people who have something to say and can't, and the other half who have nothing to say and keep on saying it.

Hatred is blind, as well as love.

He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up

Glenda Adams has written a wicked and witty novel.

He in a few minutes ravished this fair creature, or at least would have ravished her, if she had not, by a timely compliance, prevented him.

Hemingway was a jerk.

Here’s a bumper sticker I’d like to see: “We are the proud parents of a child who’s self-esteem is sufficient that he doesn’t need us promoting his minor scholastic achievements on the back of our car.

History is littered with the wars which everybody knew would never happen.

Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance?

How long was I in the army? Five foot eleven.

Human blunders usually do more to shape history than human wickedness.

I am like a Rolls- Royce. I can run without an engine, purely on reputation

I am prepared to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.

I am so frickin' cool and delicious and pretty and witty and sharp! I love every inch of me! Who wouldn't?

He who can, does. He who cannot, teaches.

I believe in censorship. I made a fortune out of it.

I believe there is something out there watching us. Unfortunately, it's the government.

I can be your best friend or your worst enemy. You seem to prefer the latter.

I didn't know how babies were made until I was pregnant with my fourth child.

I didn't like parties.I didn't know how to dance and people frightened me, especially people at parties. They attempted to be sexy and gay and witty and although they hoped they were good at it, they weren 't. They were bad at it. Their trying so hard only made it worse.

I'd like to do music in the same way - in a witty way. People think of YG artists as rarely appearing on TV but I'd like to make Big Bang fans happy through various mediums.

I'd never been in play long enough for the flowers to die in the dressing room

I'd luv to kiss ya, but I just washed my hair.

Grove giveth and Gates taketh away.

I appreciate my my sleep In sleep my conversation is witty My home is dusted My office work is up to date The dog is even well behaved And food is on the table on time But then when I'm asleep I don't have you to clutter and confuse My hungry heart

I cannot sing, dance or act; what else would I be but a talk show host.

I can't sing very well but I'd like to try.

I don't have to look up my family tree, because I know that I'm the sap.