Best 888 quotes in «witty quotes» category

Judges ought to be more learned, than witty, more reverend, than plausible, and more advised, than confident. Above all things, integrity is their portion and proper virtue.

Just because you do not take an interest in politics doesn't mean politics won't take an interest in you!

Knowledge is realizing that the street is one way; wisdom is looking in both directions anyway.

Know yourself. Don't accept your dog's admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful.

Laugh not too much; the witty man laughs least: For wit is news only to ignorance. Lesse at thine own things laugh; lest in the jest Thy person share, and the conceit advance.

Let's have some new cliches.

Letting Go: A Little Bit at a Time is filled with big ideas that just might change your life. Wise, witty, and important.

Let's say you have $1,000,000 tied up in your little company and suddenly your advertising isn't working and sales are going down. And everything depends on it. Your future depends on it, your family's future depends on it, other people's families depend on it. Now, what do you want from me? Fine writing? Or do you want to see the goddamned sales curve stop moving down and start moving up?

Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier 'n puttin' it back in.

Love is like a war; easy to start but hard to end and you never know where it might take you.

Life is something to do when you can't get to sleep.

Liverpool's grand opera also gave us some light comedy - on hearing the news that the house of goalkeeper Pepe Reina was burgled, and his Porsche stolen, while he was heroically saving penalties at Anfield, fans took a typically witty line: police were said to be interviewing a man from the West London area, a certain Frank Lampard, whose whereabouts on Tuesday between 7.45pm and 10.15pm are unknown. Indeed.

Look, I don't want to wax philosophic, but I will say that if you're alive you've got to flap your arms and legs, you've got to jump around a lot, for life is the very opposite of death, and therefore you must at very least think noisy and colorfully, or you're not alive.

Love is blind, but marriage restores its sight.

Love is the only passion which includes in its dreams the happiness of someone else.

Many a small thing has been made large by the right kind of advertising.

Magnetism, as you recall from physics class, is a powerful force that causes certain items to be attracted to refrigerators.

Many a witty inspiration is like the surprising reunion of befriended thoughts after a long separation.

Luckily the script [of X-files episode] was written wonderfully and that became who I was and I was quirky, and I was kind of agitated and not entirely happy, but at the same time, witty.

Man is a being with free will; therefore, each man is potentially good or evil, and it's up to him and only him (through his reasoning mind) to decide which he wants to be.

Mankind will never see an end of trouble until lovers of wisdom come to hold political power, or the holders of power become lovers of wisdom

Marriage is give and take. You'd better give it to her or she'll take it anyway.

Marriage: A word which should be pronounced "mirage".

Marriage isn't all that it's cracked up to be, let me tell you. Honestly. Marriage is probably the chief cause of divorce.

Men are those creatures with two legs and eight hands.

Men are only as loyal as their options.

M. J. Putney's writing has always been magical; now that she has turned her hand to the telling of a fantasy tale, it sparkles on the page. Stolen Magic has to be one of the most delightful reads of the year, a witty, finely crafted tale that enchants from beginning to end. As always, Putney's intelligent wordsmithery, scholarship, eye for detail, and ability to bring to life irresistible characters add up to enjoyment on every page. Fast-moving and fun!

Men have become the tools of their tools.

Mumps, measles, and puppy love are terrible after twenty.

Money has never made man happy, nor will it, there is nothing in its nature to produce happiness. The more of it one has the more one wants.

Music has shaped men’s fashion and transposed in a playful and witty manner its riding or military heritage. It is difficult to figure out who leads but music and fashion are connected genetically.

My commentary's hilarious, not witty.

My life needs editing.

My definition of an intellectual is someone who can listen to the William Tell Overture without thinking of the Lone Ranger.

My father told me all about the birds and the bees, the liar - I went steady with a woodpecker till I was twenty one.

My mama is my best friend. We have fun, we can talk about anything, she always is on my side but really quick to tell me when I'm wrong. That's a true friend. She's loyal, smart, witty and intelligent. She loves family and loves to travel. All the things I love!

My philosophy towards life is to enjoy it to the fullest and have fun. I am one of those 'laugh-out-loud' kinds. I am quirky, yet witty.

My mother always said don't marry for money, divorce for money.

My occupation now, I suppose, is jail inmate.

My senior year of high school, I was voted Wittiest. So, several years later, I decided to try my hand at writing humor to see if I could be witty enough to make some money.

My school was so tough the school newspaper had an obituary section.

Never mistake motion for action.

New Year's resolution: To refrain from saying witty, unkind things, unless they are really witty and irreparably damaging.

No man is good enough to govern another man without the other's consent.

Next time I see you, remind me not to talk to you.

No age is good to get married at. You got to be a fool to get married.

Nobody thanks a witty man for politeness when he puts himself on a par with a society in which it would not be polite to show one's wit.

No man should travel until he has learned the language of the country he visits. Otherwise he voluntarily makes himself a great baby - so helpless and so ridiculous.

Not one man in a beer commercial has a beerbelly.

No one can earn a million dollars honestly.