Best 888 quotes in «witty quotes» category

It's absolutely impossible, but it has possibilities.

It's a kind of spiritual snobbery that makes people think they can be happy without money.

It's very witty and it's great to see teenage characters have control that way. And you can actually hear about sex and pot and it's okay, it's not completely bad and you can't say that to teenagers.

I've always wanted to go to Switzerland to see what the army does with those wee red knives.

It used to be that people could be painfully boring in private. Facebook changed all that.

I usually lump organized religion, organized labor, and organized crime together. The Mafia gets points for having the best restaurants

It was a typically British birth... I was three at the time. They had a strike in the maternity ward... I came out in sympathy.

I've been around so long, I knew Doris Day before she was a virgin.

I've been enjoying 'Life on the Mississippi' by Mark Twain that I picked up at the airport randomly. It's very witty and interesting to read about his time as a steamboat pilot.

I've been blessed, because the type I started in was competition based. It was about being witty and smart and innovative and different. I don't get backlash like some of the reality shows today because that's not who I am.

I've met many thinkers and many cats, but the wisdom of cats is infinitely superior.

I've been to Canada, and I've always gotten the impression that I could take the country over in about two days.

I've never had a humble opinion. If you've got an opinion, why be humble about it?

I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me . . they’re cramming for their final exam.

I want my brain to slide back into the slot it was meant to be in, rest there the way it did before the fall of last year, back when I was young, witty, and my teachers said I had incredible promise.

I was so amazingly witty when I had the No. 1 movie, you have no idea. People laughed at every single one of my jokes. Then when I hadn't had a hit for three or four years, some of these same people pretended they didn't see me when I walked in the room.

I was the kid next door's imaginary friend.

I was born in very sorry circumstances. Both of my parents were very sorry

I was so naive as a kid I used to sneak behind the barn and do nothing.

I will vote for the first candidate who promises to use nuclear missiles against LinkedIn.

I went to my doctor and asked for something for persistent wind. He gave me a kite.

I wish I had more hands, so I could give those titties four thumbs down!

I wish I had the nerve not to tip.

Judges ought to be more learned, than witty, more reverend, than plausible, and more advised, than confident. Above all things, integrity is their portion and proper virtue.

I worship the quicksand he [Richard Nixon] walks in.

I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult.

I would have girls regard themselves not as adjectives but as nouns.

I would rather stay positive and get 50 percent good results, than stay negative and get 100 percent bad results!

Just because you do not take an interest in politics doesn't mean politics won't take an interest in you!

Knowledge is realizing that the street is one way; wisdom is looking in both directions anyway.

Letting Go: A Little Bit at a Time is filled with big ideas that just might change your life. Wise, witty, and important.

Know yourself. Don't accept your dog's admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful.

Laugh not too much; the witty man laughs least: For wit is news only to ignorance. Lesse at thine own things laugh; lest in the jest Thy person share, and the conceit advance.

Let's say you have $1,000,000 tied up in your little company and suddenly your advertising isn't working and sales are going down. And everything depends on it. Your future depends on it, your family's future depends on it, other people's families depend on it. Now, what do you want from me? Fine writing? Or do you want to see the goddamned sales curve stop moving down and start moving up?

Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier 'n puttin' it back in.

Let's have some new cliches.

Love is blind, but marriage restores its sight.

Life is something to do when you can't get to sleep.

Love is like a war; easy to start but hard to end and you never know where it might take you.

Liverpool's grand opera also gave us some light comedy - on hearing the news that the house of goalkeeper Pepe Reina was burgled, and his Porsche stolen, while he was heroically saving penalties at Anfield, fans took a typically witty line: police were said to be interviewing a man from the West London area, a certain Frank Lampard, whose whereabouts on Tuesday between 7.45pm and 10.15pm are unknown. Indeed.

Look, I don't want to wax philosophic, but I will say that if you're alive you've got to flap your arms and legs, you've got to jump around a lot, for life is the very opposite of death, and therefore you must at very least think noisy and colorfully, or you're not alive.

Love is the only passion which includes in its dreams the happiness of someone else.

Luckily the script [of X-files episode] was written wonderfully and that became who I was and I was quirky, and I was kind of agitated and not entirely happy, but at the same time, witty.

Mankind will never see an end of trouble until lovers of wisdom come to hold political power, or the holders of power become lovers of wisdom

Magnetism, as you recall from physics class, is a powerful force that causes certain items to be attracted to refrigerators.

Man is a being with free will; therefore, each man is potentially good or evil, and it's up to him and only him (through his reasoning mind) to decide which he wants to be.

Many a witty inspiration is like the surprising reunion of befriended thoughts after a long separation.

Many a small thing has been made large by the right kind of advertising.

Marriage is give and take. You'd better give it to her or she'll take it anyway.

Marriage: A word which should be pronounced "mirage".