Best 185 quotes of Ogden Nash on MyQuotes

Ogden Nash

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    Ogden Nash

    A bird in the open never looks Like its picture in the birdie books - Or if it once did, it has changed its plumage, And plunges you back into ignorant gloomage.

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    Ogden Nash

    Abracadabra, thus we learn The more you create, the less you earn. The less you earn, the more you're given, The less you lead, the more you're driven, The more destroyed, the more they feed, The more you pay, the more they need, The more you earn, the less you keep, And now I lay me down to sleep. I pray the Lord my soul to take If the tax-collector hasn't got it before I wake.

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    Ogden Nash

    A cough is something that you yourself cant help, but everybody else does on purpose just to torment you.

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    Ogden Nash

    A dressing is not a compote A dressing is not a custard It consists of pepper and salt, Vinegar, oil and mustard.

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    Ogden Nash

    A husband is a guy who tells you when you've got on too much lipstick and helps you with your girdle when your hips stick.

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    Ogden Nash

    A husband is a man who two minutes after his head touches the pillow is snoring like an overloaded omnibus.

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    Ogden Nash

    All husbands are alike, but they have different faces so you can tell them apart.

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    Ogden Nash

    All that glitters is sold as gold.

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    Ogden Nash

    Among other things I think humor is a shield, a weapon, a survival kit. So here we are several billion of us, crowded into our global concentration camp for the duration. How are we to survive? Solemnity is not the answer, any more than witless and irresponsible frivolity is. I think our best chance lies in humor, which in this case means a wry acceptance of our predicament. We don't have to like it but we can at least recognize its ridiculous aspects, one of which is ourselves.

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    Ogden Nash

    And one of his partners asked Has he vertigo? and the other glanced out and down and said Oh no, only about ten feet more.

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    Ogden Nash

    And you stagger down to break your fast. Greasy bacon and lacquered eggs And coffee composed of frigid dregs.

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    Ogden Nash

    An occasional lucky guess as to what makes a wife tick is the best a man can hope for, Even then, no sooner has he learned how to cope with the tick than she tocks.

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    Ogden Nash

    Another good thing about gossip is that it is within everybody's reach, And it is much more interesting than any other form of speech.

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    Ogden Nash

    Any kiddie in school can love like a fool, But Hating, my boy, is an Art.

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    Ogden Nash

    At another year I would not boggle Except that when I jog I joggle.

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    Ogden Nash

    Authors of all races, be they Greeks, Romans, Teutons, or Celts, Can't seem just to say anything is the thing it is but have to go out of their way to say that it is like something else.

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    Ogden Nash

    Bankers are just like anybody else, only richer

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    Ogden Nash

    Basketball, a game which won't be fit for people until they set the basket umbilicus-high and return the giraffes to the zoo.

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    Ogden Nash

    Beneath this slab John Brown is stowed. He watched the ads, And not the road.

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    Ogden Nash

    But that wasn't fancy enough for Lord Byron, oh dear me no, he had to invent a lot of figures of speech and then interpolate them, With the result that whenever you mention Old Testament soldiers to people they say Oh yes, they're the ones that a lot of wolves dressed up in gold and purple ate them.

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    Ogden Nash

    Celery, raw, Develops the jaw

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    Ogden Nash

    Certainly there are lots of things in life that money won't buy, but it's very funny- Have you ever tried to buy them without money?

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    Ogden Nash

    Commitments the voters don't know about can't hurt you.

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    Ogden Nash

    Dogs display reluctance and wrath If you try to give them a bath. They bury bones in hideaways And half the time they trot sideaways.

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    Ogden Nash

    Don't Cry Darling, It's Blood All Right

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    Ogden Nash

    Don't over-analyze your marriage; it's like yanking up a fragile indoor plant every 20 minutes to see how its roots are growing.

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    Ogden Nash

    Do you think my mind is maturing late, or simply rotted early?

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    Ogden Nash

    Every Englishman is convinced of one thing, viz.: That to be an Englishman is to belong to the most exclusive club there is.

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    Ogden Nash

    Every new year is the direct descendant, isn't it, of a long line of proven criminals?

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    Ogden Nash

    God in His wisdom made the fly And then forgot to tell us why.

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    Ogden Nash

    Good wine needs no bush, And perhaps products that people really want Need no hard-sell or soft-sell TV push. Why not? Look at pot.

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    Ogden Nash

    Happiness is having a scratch for every itch.

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    Ogden Nash

    Here is a pen and here is a pencil, here's a typewriter, here's a stencil, here's a list of today's appointments, and all the flies in all the ointments, the daily woes that a man endures -- take them, George, they're yours!

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    Ogden Nash

    Here lies my past, Goodbye I have kissed it; Thank you kids, I wouldn't have missed it.

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    Ogden Nash

    Here's a good rule of thumb; too clever is dumb.

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    Ogden Nash

    Here's a toast to the roast that good fellowship lends, with the sparkle of beer and wine; May its sentiment always be deeper, my friends, than the foam at the top of the stein. Then here's to the heartening wassail, wherever good fellows are found; Be its master instead of its vassal, and order the glasses around.

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    Ogden Nash

    He without benefit of scruples - His fun and money soon quadruples.

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    Ogden Nash

    Home is heaven and orgies are vile, But I like an orgy, once in a while.

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    Ogden Nash

    How confusing the beams from memory's lamp are; One day a bachelor, the next a grampa. What is the secret of the trick? How did I get so old so quick?

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    Ogden Nash

    How easy for those who do not bulge to not overindulge!

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    Ogden Nash

    How Sunday into Monday melts!

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    Ogden Nash

    Humor is hope's companion in arms. It is not brash, it is not cheap, it is not heartless. Among other things I think humor is a shield, a weapon, a survival kit.

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    Ogden Nash

    Humor is the best means of surviving in a difficult world.

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    Ogden Nash

    Husbands are things that wives have to get used to putting up with. And with whom they breakfast with and sup with. They interfere with the discipline of nurseries, And forget anniversaries, And when they have been particularly remiss, They think they can cure everything with a great big kiss.

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    Ogden Nash

    I am a conscientious man, when I throw rocks at seabirds I leave no tern unstoned.

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    Ogden Nash

    I claim there ain't Another Saint As great as Valentine.

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    Ogden Nash

    I don't care how unkind the things people say about me so long as they don't say them to my face.

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    Ogden Nash

    I don't mind their having a lot of money, and I don't care how they employ it, but I do think that they damn well ought to admit they enjoy it.

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    Ogden Nash

    I'd rather be a great bad poet than a good bad poet.

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    Ogden Nash

    I drink because she nags, she said I nag because he drinks. But if the truth be known to you, He's a lush and she's a shrew.