Best 214 quotes of Bob Hope on MyQuotes

A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don't need it.

A few years ago he had a big heart transplant in Chicago, a five-hour operation. It took the doctors four hours to get him on the operating table.

A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but mean your mother.

After the 1984 Summer Olympics, Reagan wanted to add the U.S. volleyball team to his Cabinet. He figured if they can't shove his programs down Congress' throat, nobody can.

A James Cagney love scene is one where he lets the other guy live.

All British castles and old country homes are supposed to be haunted. It's in the lease.

America is a country where the Olympics and the divorce lawyers both have the same slogan - Go for the Gold.

And on nearby islands, the Japanese army was eating raw fish. We felt sorry for them. We didn't know that in America after the war, you wouldn't be able to get into a sushi joint without a reservation. And we thought they lost.

A photographer kept shooting me every time I swung. I was very flattered until I found out he was from Field and Stream.

Arnold Palmer is the biggest crowd pleaser since the invention of the portable sanitary facility.

A sense of humor is good for you. Have you ever heard of a laughing hyena with heart burn?

As soon as the war ended, we located the one spot on earth that hadn't been touched by the war and blew it to hell.

As the colonel and I sat swapping stories in the plane, a jet aircraft buzzed past our window. I asked the colonel what type of aircraft it was, and he said, "Don't worry about it, Bob. . . if you can see it, it's obsolete.

At the Academy Award Dinners all the actors and actresses in Hollywood gather around to see what someone else thinks about their acting besides their press agents.

Audiences are my best friends. You never tire of talking with your best friends.

A very, very religious man. Every time I eat a peanut, I feel immortal.

Baseball is a soap opera that plays out day after day, one that a lot of elderly women watch until the characters and the plot becomes a part of their life. She got to enjoy the personal side of the players. They were her kids. The Braves were her family.

Be happy you guys. Be proud! You know what you are: you're God's frozen people.

Bigamy is the only crime where two rites make a wrong.

Bing Crosby and I play a lot of golf together and I have a small course at my place where we often play for side stakes. The only troulbe is that when I win, I always have to engage and attorney before I can draw the money.

Bing Crosby and I weren't the types to go around kissing each other. We always had a light jab for each other. One of our stock lines used to be "There's nothing I wouldn't do for Bing, and there's nothing he wouldn't do for me." And that's the way we go through life - doing nothing for each other!

Celebrities have a way of touching our lives. Perhaps we are influenced by their screen image, or perhaps by their acquired status. Here are some celebrity quotes about Christmas. You will find that just like everybody else, celebrities also enjoy the little pleasures of Christmas.

Chiropractic is a wonderful means of natural healing!

Congratulations to whoever is finally booking music we love. It's going to get us out of the house after dark!

Congress may be going home for the holidays soon. How can you beat a Christmas gift like that?

Contrary to what certain comedians have led you to believe, the national French pastime is picnicking.

Culture is the ability to describe Jane Russell without moving your hands

Cypress Point is such a beautiful place, but it's also very exclusive. They had a very successful membership drive last month. They drove out forty members.

Democrats have an answer to the unemployment problem. They're all running for the Presidency.

Did you see where President Reagan finally got a hearing aid? People have been telling him to get one for years, but he couldn't hear them.

Don't people know that they don't have to heckle the president of the United States? That's what Congress is for.

Drugs are very much a part of professional sports today, but when you think about it, golf is the only sport where the players aren't penalized for being on grass.

Dying is to be avoided because it can ruin your whole career.

Eighty is when you order a steak and the headwaiter puts it through the blender. Or when you wake up as many times during the night as Burt Reynolds, but not for the same reason.

Eisenhower admitted that the budget can't be balanced and McCarthy said the communists are taking over. You don't know what to worry about these days - whether the country will be overthrown or overdrawn.

England occupies a warm spot in my affections. It was the scene of my greatest performance. I was born there.

English clubs are very exclusive. I played Royal Foxshire and they made me wear a suit and tie. . . in the shower.

Everybody is afraid they won't have any money after they die, but Jack Benny discovered a way to take it with him. He had his appendix taken out and a piggy bank put in.

Everybody knows what California smog is - that's fog with the vitamins removed.

Every Naval vessel has a contingent of Marines aboard. After all, the Sailors have to have someone to dance with.

Everyone's nervous these days. Ronald McDonald has hired six bodyguards, and that's just to protect his buns.

Failure is the only thing I've ever been a success at.

Following his doctor's orders, Nikita (Khrushchev) has cut his drinking in half. He's leaving out the water.

For the first time, you can actually see the losers turn green

Four of us slept in the one bed. When it got cold, mother threw on another brother.

Foursomes have left the first tee there and have never been seen again. They just find their shoelaces and bags.

Free speech isn't dead in Germany and Italy, merely the speakers.

Gerry Ford is easy to spot on the course. He drives the cart with the red cross painted on top.

Go figure a crazy, mixed-up country where ballet outsells boxing. I wouldn't be surprised if their wrestling was on the level.

Golf is a funny game. It's done much for health, and at the same time has ruined people by robbing them of their peace of mind. Look at me, I'm the healthiest idiot in the world.