Best 66 quotes in «fart quotes» category

Any man can fart in a closed room and say that he commands the wind

And now to sleep, to dream...perchance to fart.

At one time or another, farts have coincided with every other sound, including this quote.

As pissed as a fart in a vacuum cleaner.

Did I not tell you earlier that a Jew is such a noble, precious jewel that God and all the angels dance when he farts?

I am happy everywhere except in places where I see glitz and rich farts. I am happiest in Brooklyn, where the concentration of rich farts is minimal.

Don't be more serious than God. God invented dog farts.

Farts and poop are still funny and will always be funny.

Have you been sniffing fairy farts?

I don't usually fly in first class, but I fart in first class.

Modern music is three farts and a raspberry, orchestrated.

If I could light my own farts I could fly to the moon or at least Uranus.

If it doesn't fart or eat hay, she isn't interested.

I have a pacemaker in, but it doesn't work very well, because every time I fart the garage door opens.

I'm into paradoxes. I wanted to make an album about them, but the group told me I was a pretentious fart. They were right.

I'm not a fan of purposely farting in front of other people. If you have to fart, leave the room.

I'm only interested in heavy metal when it's me who's playing it. I suppose it's a bit like smelling your own farts.

I tell a lot of fart and poop jokes. I can't help it. I have no filter, and it just comes out.

Maybe it was me," Grandma said."Sometimes they sneak out.Did I fart?

I have a playlist of farts on my phone.

I thought the fart was a human thing. It's something to do with like, arse cheeks, or whatever.

Let me see if I can put this in scientific terms: Think of autism like a fart, and vaccines are the finger you pull to make it happen.

Right now, the old guys, the old farts, if you will, are still running the show, and the women haven't gotten their place yet at all.

Robert Plant asked me to marry him, but I said 'no.' I mean, you just don't want to marry someone you've wanted to do it with since you were thirteen, because, well, if he farts, I would, like, die!

My father once told me, and it's stuck with me to this day: As you walk through life, every time you fart it pushes you forward.

My waist is a 30. The jeans are a 28. When I fart, the Reeboks blow off.

ObamaCare is to health care as a fart is to an elevator.

Some of them relate to farts but they are not fart jokes. They would just be a fart in the joke but it's about something else.

Success is like a fart - only your own smells nice.

So, you're worried that a pink dragon will fly over the concent and fart nerve gas on us?

A celebrity farts, and everyone endures, but the unpopular will be thrased to death.

That has less significance than a dog's fart.

There is Harlan Ellison the human being, who takes a crap a couple of times a day, and who farts, and who eats chicken croquettes, if I can find them. And then there is the writer, this writer-person, who is a much finer person than I. Much more orderly, much more meaningful. Worthier, than I [am].

The worst thing a girl could do on a date is fart louder than me.

Your job today is to pass gas. You do that and we can start feeding you liquids. No fart, no food.

You stand out like a fart in a church.

The average pregnant woman farts 15 times that!

Though I've turned 21, I don't drink. I'm an old hag now. I'm just an old fart.

You never want to look like an old fart doing young rap music.

Coinman lets out another legendary explosive from his hindquarters!

An employer’s fart is music to his employees’ ears.

He that lives upon hope will die farting.

Griselda, satisfied she’d solved the riddle, and the pressure relieved, farted. She prescribed a bowl of tansy, good for killing worms and cleansing the bowels.

I swear by the self-assurance with which elderly men sitting in public tilt sideways to allow the gas to escape loudly.

I don't know the ultimate fate of a suppressed fart.

« Maman ! hurle Carmen, en voyant que je partais et que j'avais déjà un pied dehors. Ne t'en va donc pas comme ça ! Laisse-nous quelque chose, en attendant que Lucien trouve du travail ! » « Tout ce que j'peux vous laisser, c'est ça ! » que j'leurs dis , en levant une jambe et en lâchant un pet.

I want to do it too!” said Gazzy, sitting very, very quietly, completely motionless. “Nope,” said Nudge, shaking her head. “You stand out like a fart in church.

Listening to her spooling out impractical and transcendental picture-concepts like a hyperventilating tickertape he felt the weight lift from him, floating in a sweet and putrid lager fart to dissipate beneath the starry, vast obsidian pudding bowl of closing time, inverted and set down upon the Burroughs as though keeping flies away.

Love is like a fart. It's warm, unpredictable. And sometimes it stinks, but it can also be the best feeling in the world. That's why I'm so happy that I passed you that day. I know now...I fart you

My sweet naughty girl I got your hot letter tonight and have been trying to picture you frigging your cunt in the closet. How do you do it? Do you stand against the wall with your hand tickling up under your clothes or do you squat down on the hole with your skirts up and your hand hard at work in through the slit of your drawers? Does it give you the horn now to shit? I wonder how you can do it. Do you come in the act of shitting or do you frig yourself off first and then shit? It must be a fearfully lecherous thing to see a girl with her clothes up frigging furiously at her cunt, to see her pretty white drawers pulled open behind and her bum sticking out and a fat brown thing stuck half-way out of her hole. You say you will shit your drawers, dear, and let me fuck you then. I would like to hear you shit them, dear, first and then fuck you. Some night when we are somewhere in the dark and talking dirty and you feel your shite ready to fall put your arms round my neck in shame and shit it down softly. The sound will madden me and when I pull up your dress.