Best 66 quotes in «fart quotes» category

The greatest fart ive herd of all time came from a man called big al bundy. As we were leaving work, he was in full momentum walking with great pace and a spring in his step telling every one a story. And then came straight outa crapton, RUMPA, PUMP, THUMP!. In a 3 part fart it hesitated to exit big al on first and second attempt, but on the 3rd and final push he flexed his right leg giving more rev than a Ferrari. He let off an atomic bomb, it could have welded the titanic back together. Best part about it, bundy just kept on bobbing along outa work with his spade in hand and wife beater tucked into levies.

What happened next… well, I'm going to blame it on the fact that I was scared. And I had just flown or fallen or something through about eighty years worth of Time. Or maybe it was the beans. I farted. I farted loud enough that it echoed around the small closet, bounced off all four walls and finally escaped through the open door. At least that's what it did in my mind's eye.

There's a place for farts, and there's a place for sharts.

This Nicholas anon leet fle a fart As greet as it had been a thonder-dent, That with the strook he was almoost yblent; And he was redy with his iren hoot, And Nicholas amydde the ers he smoot. Of gooth the skyn an hande-brede aboute, The hoote kultour brende so his toute, And for the smert he wende for to dye.

To fart or not to fart, that is the question.

Wait!" said Erbrechen, suddenly feeling jovial. "I change my mind. Never shite again. Ever. Anywhere." It was a small thing, but of such small things were life's joys truly made. The thought, he knew, would keep him smiling for days. "The world is a comedy, intoned Erbrechen, tittering, "and each must play his fart.

The notion of "cause and effect" is sometimes useful in real life, and it can even be interesting in art, but I'm more interested in "cause and cause" or "effect and effect" or "and and and".

A fart is just your arse applauding.

You’re lucky you’re good in bed.” “Oh.” He grabbed at my foot. “I think you keep me around for other reasons.” I slanted him a look out of the corner of my eye. “Right now, for the life of me I can’t think what those reasons are.” Braden tugged harder on my foot, raising his fingers towards it. “Take it back or the foot getsit.” Oh hell no! I yanked at my appendage. “Braden, no.” Deaf to my warning, he started to tickle me,his grip tightening as I laughed breathlessly and kicked out, trying to get free. He wouldn’t stop. Ruthless! “Braden,” I panted hysterically, attempting to shove at him with my arms but struggling as he continued his war on my feet. I laughed harder, ribs aching, and then… horror. I broke wind. Big time. Braden immediately let go of my feet, his loud, rumbling laugh filling the room, laughter that only deepened when I lost balance, from kicking out at him and then being abruptly let go, and fell off the couch with an undignified thud. Mortified as he collapsed against the couch belly laughing at my fart then fall, I grabbed a cushion and launched it at him from my position on the floor. Of course this only made the idiot laugh harder. I warred between feeling humiliation at farting in front of him, something you just didn’t do in company, and laughing, since his was so infectious. “Braden!” I whined. “Shut up. It’s not funny,” I huffed, my lips caught in part smile, part grimace. “Oh babe,” he tried to catch his breath, wiping a tear from the corner of his eye as he grinned down at me. “That was definitely funny.” He held out a hand to help me up. I slapped it away. “You’re such an immature a-hole.” “Hey, I’m not the one who just let off.” Oh God, it was so awful. I groaned, falling onto my back and covering my eyes with my hands. “Jocelyn,” I felt his hand on my knee and heard the amusement in his voice. “Babe, why are you so embarrassed? It was just a fart. Brilliantly timed I might add.” I sucked in the mortification. “Oh my God, shut up.” He chuckled again and I snapped open my furious eyes. “You’re enjoying this!” “Well yeah,” he huffed, eyes bright. “I’ve never seen you embarrassed before. Even when I walked in on you naked you gave me attitude and acted like you didn’t care. That you’re mortified by a fart is really quite adorable.” “I am not adorable!” “Oh I think you are.

A happy fart never comes from a miserable ass.

And now to sleep, to dream...perchance to fart.

Don't be more serious than God. God invented dog farts.

Any man can fart in a closed room and say that he commands the wind

As pissed as a fart in a vacuum cleaner.

At one time or another, farts have coincided with every other sound, including this quote.

Did I not tell you earlier that a Jew is such a noble, precious jewel that God and all the angels dance when he farts?

Farts and poop are still funny and will always be funny.

I don't usually fly in first class, but I fart in first class.

Have you been sniffing fairy farts?

I am happy everywhere except in places where I see glitz and rich farts. I am happiest in Brooklyn, where the concentration of rich farts is minimal.

If it doesn't fart or eat hay, she isn't interested.

If I could light my own farts I could fly to the moon or at least Uranus.

I'm not a fan of purposely farting in front of other people. If you have to fart, leave the room.

I have a playlist of farts on my phone.

I have a pacemaker in, but it doesn't work very well, because every time I fart the garage door opens.

I'm into paradoxes. I wanted to make an album about them, but the group told me I was a pretentious fart. They were right.

I tell a lot of fart and poop jokes. I can't help it. I have no filter, and it just comes out.

I'm only interested in heavy metal when it's me who's playing it. I suppose it's a bit like smelling your own farts.

Maybe it was me," Grandma said."Sometimes they sneak out.Did I fart?

I thought the fart was a human thing. It's something to do with like, arse cheeks, or whatever.

Let me see if I can put this in scientific terms: Think of autism like a fart, and vaccines are the finger you pull to make it happen.

My waist is a 30. The jeans are a 28. When I fart, the Reeboks blow off.

Modern music is three farts and a raspberry, orchestrated.

My father once told me, and it's stuck with me to this day: As you walk through life, every time you fart it pushes you forward.

Success is like a fart - only your own smells nice.

ObamaCare is to health care as a fart is to an elevator.

Robert Plant asked me to marry him, but I said 'no.' I mean, you just don't want to marry someone you've wanted to do it with since you were thirteen, because, well, if he farts, I would, like, die!

Right now, the old guys, the old farts, if you will, are still running the show, and the women haven't gotten their place yet at all.

Some of them relate to farts but they are not fart jokes. They would just be a fart in the joke but it's about something else.

So, you're worried that a pink dragon will fly over the concent and fart nerve gas on us?

The average pregnant woman farts 15 times that!

That has less significance than a dog's fart.

The worst thing a girl could do on a date is fart louder than me.

There is Harlan Ellison the human being, who takes a crap a couple of times a day, and who farts, and who eats chicken croquettes, if I can find them. And then there is the writer, this writer-person, who is a much finer person than I. Much more orderly, much more meaningful. Worthier, than I [am].

Your job today is to pass gas. You do that and we can start feeding you liquids. No fart, no food.

Though I've turned 21, I don't drink. I'm an old hag now. I'm just an old fart.

You never want to look like an old fart doing young rap music.

An employer’s fart is music to his employees’ ears.

You stand out like a fart in a church.

A celebrity farts, and everyone endures, but the unpopular will be thrased to death.