Best 87 quotes in «masturbation quotes» category

Self improvement is masturbation. Now self destruction.

This is a rumour-filled society and if people want to sit around and talk about whom I've dated, then I'd say they have a lot of spare time and should consider other topics... or masturbation.

The only shame in masturbation is the shame of not doing it well.

When I'm all alone and I'm by myself, little Peter keeps me company.

Women are denied masturbation even more severely than men and that's another method of control-they're not taught to please themselves.... Most women-it takes them a while to warm up to the "situation" but once they get into it, I'm sure they're going to get just as hooked as-well, everyone I know is!

We know that more than seventy to eighty percent of women masturbate, and ninety percent of men masturbate, and the rest lie.

Writing a book is like masturbation, and making a movie is like an orgy.

After discovering him in his threesome, I spent the next two weeks in bed suffering from a severe case of vagina elbow. It's a condition not unlike tennis elbow, but you get it from masturbating.

Always buy pornographic books in hardback because they're easier to hold with one hand.

A man cannot really be called (sexually) confident if he has never bought his woman a vibrator.

Coco Chanel is said to have said that a girl should be two things: who and what she is. I say a girl should do two things: what and who she wants.

And now Kit’s cock—which had mostly been used for taking a leak before that moment—woke up and screamed I WANT! FEED ME ASSHOLE! And Kit had given it a good handshake until it threw up.

A writer should be able to open a window or two for others to see the world and themselves in a new light. Anything less is just self–indulgence and intellectual masturbation.

baptizing all containers with an orifice that appeals to their cock is the trivial pursuit of little boys" (23) (rbt: every "boy" i know has done this at least 15 times -- why?)

Describing my sexual history and scope of experience; am surrendering; in conclusion an epic failure 'I'm a master at setting people off...of this it may continue...

...Don't tell me he's bisexual! Don't tell me this is more of the guy in the hallway! Don't tell me he wants us to have it off together, Philip Roth fucking Philip Roth! That, I'm afraid, is a form of masturbation too fancy even for me.

Everything you do wih thoughts in mind is masturbation, the real thing is somewhere else.

En ting er fagkyndig analyse, en annen ting kvaksalveranalyse og onaniterapi.

Everything you do with thoughts in mind is masturbation, the real thing is somewhere else.

For most men, at the very least, sex is a daily deal. Men need to come. If they aren’t doing it with you, then they’re doing it with themselves – or worse, with someone else.

Excessive masturbation is a sign that you are routinely in a high electromagnetic interference (EMI) environment.

For the most expensive way to realize an orgasm, men open their wallets. For the cheapest, they close their eyes.

Homer, in the second book of the Iliad says with fine enthusiasm, "Give me masturbation or give me death." Caesar, in his Commentaries, says, "To the lonely it is company; to the forsaken it is a friend; to the aged and to the impotent it is a benefactor. They that are penniless are yet rich, in that they still have this majestic diversion." In another place this experienced observer has said, "There are times when I prefer it to sodomy." Robinson Crusoe says, "I cannot describe what I owe to this gentle art." Queen Elizabeth said, "It is the bulwark of virginity." Cetewayo, the Zulu hero, remarked, "A jerk in the hand is worth two in the bush." The immortal Franklin has said, "Masturbation is the best policy." Michelangelo and all of the other old masters--"old masters," I will remark, is an abbreviation, a contraction--have used similar language. Michelangelo said to Pope Julius II, "Self-negation is noble, self-culture beneficent, self-possession is manly, but to the truly great and inspiring soul they are poor and tame compared with self-abuse." Mr. Brown, here, in one of his latest and most graceful poems, refers to it in an eloquent line which is destined to live to the end of time--"None knows it but to love it; none name it but to praise.

How would it look in the newspaper - Lonely sex-crazed youngster pays a heavy price for touching himself too hard in Fanny Leone’s name. What would his body look like: sprawled over Fanny's nude picture, still clasping his organ as if it meant more to him than anything else in the world? How many people died with their pants down, their freakiness becoming the stuff of lewd gossip, the butt of every joke at every corner of the country? They died a thousand deaths all the way to hell and even afterwards and he didn't want to be one of them.

If a writer has the desire to communicate by writing and be heard, then he necessarily cares about seeing it in print. I suppose it's the difference between masturbation and making love—the real writer wants to touch another person.

I hung a picture of him above my bed and learned by hand the internal workings of the female combustion engine.

I just want mind-boggling sex tonight, but I don’t think you can beat my vibrator.

In the nineteenth century, girls who learned to develop orgasmic capacity by masturbation were regarded as medical problems. Often they were 'treated' or 'corrected' by amputation or cautery of the clitoris or 'miniature chastity belts,' sewing the vaginal lips together to put the clitoris out of reach, and even castration by surgical removal of the ovaries. But there are no references in the medical literature to the surgical removal of testicles or amputation of the penis to stop masturbation in boys. In the United States, the last recorded clitoridectomy for curing masturbation was performed in 1948-- on a five-year-old girl.

I peer through the spectral, polluted, nicotine-sodden windows of my sock at these old lollopers in their kiddie gear. Go home, I say. Go home, lie down, and eat lots of potatoes. I had three handjobs yesterday. None was easy. Sometimes you really have to buckle down to it, as you do with all forms of exercise. It's simply a question of willpower. Anyone who's got the balls to stand there and tell me that a handjob isn't exercise just doesn't know what he's talking about. I almost had a heart-attack during number three. I take all kinds of other exercise too. I walk up and down the stairs. I climb into cabs and restaurant booths. I hike to the Butcher's Arms and the London Apprentice. I cough a lot. I throw up pretty frequently, which really takes it out of you. I sneeze, and hit the tub and the can. I get in and out of bed, often several times a day.

I reach down and grab my cock the rolling scenery in my mind far from peaceful

Is squirting myth or magic? French scientists say myth, squirting girls say magic. And I say: those who can, do, and they do so because squirting is fun.

I think I know what he is REALLY doing in there... and thinking about ME while doing it." (continuing) "But when he thinks of me, he thinks: sister! Think: Byblis! BYBLIS! I don't think of him as my brother, I think of him as CAUNUS!

It is through electromagnetic radiation research that I have become a world leading expert on insane masturbators.

It's true,' Vanya now, 'look at the forms of capitalist expression. Pornographies: pornographies of love, erotic love, Christian love, boy-and-his-dog, pornographies of sunsets, pornographies of killing, and pornographies of deduction--ahh, that sigh when we guess the murderer--all these novels, these films and songs they lull us with, they're approaches more comfortable and less so, to that Absolute Comfort.' A pause to allow Rudi a quick and sour grin. 'The self-induced orgasm.

Masturbation and meditation both promote physical and mental wellbeing.

Masturbation = Imagination + Activity. Worry = Imagination + Negativity.

Masturbation is not the happiest form of sexuality, but the most advisable for him who wants to be alone and think. I detect the aroma of this pleasant vice in most philosophers, and a happily married logicians is almost a contradiction in terms. So many sages have regarded Woman as temptress because fornication often leads to marriage, which usually leads to children, which always leads to a respectable job and pretending to believe the idiocies your neighbors believe. The hypocrisy of the sages has been to conceal their timid onanism and call it celibacy.

Masturbating is no more sinful than praying or meditating.

Masturbation is a function of sleep deprivation, electromagnetic exposures, hormones and ingested stimulants.

Our sexual pleasure happens within us, not on or inside our partners’ genitals.

Most if not all sexually active people do not really love having sex; they merely love experiencing an orgasm every now and then.

Next time she’d have to ask him to keep the light on while he did it, so she could watch his face. That was the best part of the whole thing as far as she was concerned, the way a guy’s face contorted so violently and then relaxed, as if some terrible mystery had just been solved.

Not everyone who condemns masturbation can masturbate.

Nothing cures depression like a quality jerk-off session in the bathtub, followed by a jog around the block.

Of all the various kinds of sexual intercourse, this has the least to recommend it. As an amusement, it is too fleeting; as an occupation, it is too wearing; as a public exhibition, there is no money in it. It is unsuited to the drawing room, and in the most cultured society it has long been banished from the social board. It has at last, in our day of progress and improvement, been degraded to brotherhood with flatulence. Among the best bred, these two arts are now indulged in only private--though by consent of the whole company, when only males are present, it is still permissible, in good society, to remove the embargo on the fundamental sigh.

One of my specialties is insane masturbators.

Real scratching is superior to masturbation, in my opinion. One can masturbate up to the age of seventy, and even beyond, but in the end it becomes a mere habit. Whereas to scratch myself properly I would have needed a dozen hands. I itched all over, on the privates, in the bush up to the navel, under the arms, in the arse, and then patches of eczema and psoriasis that I could set raging merely by thinking of them. It was in the arse I had the most pleasure, I stuck in my forefinger up to the knuckle. Later, if I had to shit, the pain was atrocious. But I hardly shat any more.

Parthenogenesis means never having your mother tell you to stop doing that or you'll go blind.

Reading - like masturbation - is something you do alone and very little in life brings more pleasure.

Real scratching is superior to masturbation, in my opinion.