Best 87 quotes in «masturbation quotes» category

There are some socks that shouldn't be washed by your mom.

There will be others, many others. You’ll try desperately to digest a single word through the acronym-laden gibberish, while beginning to wonder what the point of all this is, and also why you didn’t feel that staple you just sent into your thigh. You usually do. You’ll wonder what your company even does. After six years, you have no idea what an information system is, do you? Maybe you should ask. Maybe that’s how this ends. You’ll imagine how poetic it would be to simply unmute yourself and say, “Sorry to interrupt, guys, but what’s an information system?” Still, your mind will drift further, envisioning how much more tolerable this call would be if you could just slowly masturbate during it. So you do. You masturbate during it. And it’s beautiful. Masturbating, invisible within your three-walled fortress. Invisible… invisible… practically invisible.

You cannot blame porn. When I was young, I used to masturbate to Gilligan's Island.

To masturbate is to imagine: physically.

What were you doing to it in my bed?” “Touching it.” “How? Show me.

When it comes to sex: some men treat women as objects; some women treat objects as men.

The USA is turning into a nation filled with insane masturbators.

To masturbate or not to masturbate, that is the question.

We would not be ashamed of doing some of the things we do in private, if the number of sane human beings who do them in public were large enough.

Whether you studied sexology or not, nobody will teach you how to screw, nobody will point to your vagina and say, hey that's where you pee and bonk! And nobody will say, hey, your penis can ejaculate when you stroke or slide it into a woman's punani!

Do you know what 'masturbation' is? I think you probably do because you are older than me. But just in case, I will tell you. Masturbation is when you rub your genitals until you have an orgasm. Wow!

Your imagination and some masturbation is a much better alternative to finding out what kind of person a bit of casual sex transforms you into.

I can imagine you touching my private parts. With just the thought of you I can't help, but touch myself.

Every time I talk to a fancy journalist and they ask what I do in my free time my scumbag brain goes 'say masturbate, it'll be hilarious'.

German radicalism: freedom-masturbation.

Everyone thinks their whole life should be at least as much fun as masturbation.

I thought the whole masturbation thing was really odd and really weird.

If God had intended us not to masturbate, He would have made our arms shorter.

Jon Lovitz. Jon, your act is like masturbation: you're the only one who enjoys it, and you should be arrested for doing it in public.

I used to think masturbation was not really sex because it only involved me. That's a very limited view of human sexuality, and it isn't going to work for women.

If masturbation is a crime then I should be on death row.

Masturbation is not the happiest form of sexuality, but the most advisable for him who wants to be alone and think.

Masturbation! The amazing availability of it!

Novels, except as aids to masturbation, play no part in contemporary life.

The only shame in masturbation is the shame of not doing it well.

[On masturbation:] I think that it is part of human sexuality, and perhaps it should be taught.

This is a rumour-filled society and if people want to sit around and talk about whom I've dated, then I'd say they have a lot of spare time and should consider other topics... or masturbation.

Love is what makes sex more than masturbation. If there is no love even if you are really with a partner you masturbate with a partner.

Self improvement is masturbation. Now self destruction.

When they say take from my body, I think I'll take from mine instead. Getting off, getting off while they're all down stairs.

We know that more than seventy to eighty percent of women masturbate, and ninety percent of men masturbate, and the rest lie.

Writing a book is like masturbation, and making a movie is like an orgy.

When I'm all alone and I'm by myself, little Peter keeps me company.

After discovering him in his threesome, I spent the next two weeks in bed suffering from a severe case of vagina elbow. It's a condition not unlike tennis elbow, but you get it from masturbating.

Always buy pornographic books in hardback because they're easier to hold with one hand.

A man cannot really be called (sexually) confident if he has never bought his woman a vibrator.

And now Kit’s cock—which had mostly been used for taking a leak before that moment—woke up and screamed I WANT! FEED ME ASSHOLE! And Kit had given it a good handshake until it threw up.

En ting er fagkyndig analyse, en annen ting kvaksalveranalyse og onaniterapi.

Everything you do wih thoughts in mind is masturbation, the real thing is somewhere else.

Everything you do with thoughts in mind is masturbation, the real thing is somewhere else.

Excessive masturbation is a sign that you are routinely in a high electromagnetic interference (EMI) environment.

For most men, at the very least, sex is a daily deal. Men need to come. If they aren’t doing it with you, then they’re doing it with themselves – or worse, with someone else.

For the most expensive way to realize an orgasm, men open their wallets. For the cheapest, they close their eyes.

Women are denied masturbation even more severely than men and that's another method of control-they're not taught to please themselves.... Most women-it takes them a while to warm up to the "situation" but once they get into it, I'm sure they're going to get just as hooked as-well, everyone I know is!

A writer should be able to open a window or two for others to see the world and themselves in a new light. Anything less is just self–indulgence and intellectual masturbation.

baptizing all containers with an orifice that appeals to their cock is the trivial pursuit of little boys" (23) (rbt: every "boy" i know has done this at least 15 times -- why?)

Coco Chanel is said to have said that a girl should be two things: who and what she is. I say a girl should do two things: what and who she wants.

Describing my sexual history and scope of experience; am surrendering; in conclusion an epic failure 'I'm a master at setting people off...of this it may continue...

...Don't tell me he's bisexual! Don't tell me this is more of the guy in the hallway! Don't tell me he wants us to have it off together, Philip Roth fucking Philip Roth! That, I'm afraid, is a form of masturbation too fancy even for me.

Homer, in the second book of the Iliad says with fine enthusiasm, "Give me masturbation or give me death." Caesar, in his Commentaries, says, "To the lonely it is company; to the forsaken it is a friend; to the aged and to the impotent it is a benefactor. They that are penniless are yet rich, in that they still have this majestic diversion." In another place this experienced observer has said, "There are times when I prefer it to sodomy." Robinson Crusoe says, "I cannot describe what I owe to this gentle art." Queen Elizabeth said, "It is the bulwark of virginity." Cetewayo, the Zulu hero, remarked, "A jerk in the hand is worth two in the bush." The immortal Franklin has said, "Masturbation is the best policy." Michelangelo and all of the other old masters--"old masters," I will remark, is an abbreviation, a contraction--have used similar language. Michelangelo said to Pope Julius II, "Self-negation is noble, self-culture beneficent, self-possession is manly, but to the truly great and inspiring soul they are poor and tame compared with self-abuse." Mr. Brown, here, in one of his latest and most graceful poems, refers to it in an eloquent line which is destined to live to the end of time--"None knows it but to love it; none name it but to praise.