Best 708 quotes in «sarcasm quotes» category

The right of education of the female sex, as it is in a manner everywhere neglected, so it ought to be generally lamented. Most in this depraved later age think a woman learned and wise enough if she can distinguish her husband's bed from another's.

The secret of a successful restaurant is sharp knives.

The time for action is past! Now is the time for senseless bickering!

The truth is simple, you do not die from love. You only wish you did.

The United States is a nation of laws: badly written and randomly enforced.

The world is a stage, but the play is badly cast.

The trouble with a kitten is that eventually it becomes a cat.

The trouble with her is that she lacks the power of conversation but not the power of speech.

They take the paper and they read the headlines. So they've heard of unemployment and they've heard of bread-lines. And they philanthropically cure them all by getting up a costume charity ball.

The word aerobics comes from two Greek words: aero, meaning “ability to,” and bics, meaning “withstand tremendous boredom.

This music won't do. There's not enough sarcasm in it.

They didn’t have novels back then. (Tory) History says they didn’t have books, yet what’s this thing in my hand? It’s square, bound paper that’s been written on. Looks like a book to me. (Acheron) Thank you, Captain Sarcasm. How nice of you to join us again. (Tory)

We English are good at forgiving our enemies; it releases us from the obligation of liking our friends.

We are suffering from too much sarcasm.

Today's public figures can no longer write their own speeches or books, and there is some evidence that they can't read them either.

We didn't lose the game; we just ran out of time.

Well, I'm a bacteriologist, you know. I live in a nine-hundred-diameter microscope. I can hardly claim to take serious notice of anything that I can see with my naked eye.

We had got as far as this, when who should walk in but the gentleman himself, who had been drinking his beer in the taproom and had heard the whole conversation. Who was I? What did I want? What did I mean by asking questions? He had a fine flow of language, and his adjectives were very vigorous.

Well, if crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight?

What I claim is to live to the full the contradiction of my time, which may well make sarcasm the condition of truth.

We're having something a little different this year for Thanksgiving. Instead of a turkey, we're having a swan. You get more stuffing

What's on your mind, if you will allow the overstatement.

What is the use of straining after an amiable view of things, when a cynical view is most likely to be the true one?.

When a young man begins to go down hill everything seems to be greased for the occasion.

When my wife and I met, I couldn't talk to her - and my defense mechanism is sarcasm. I belittle someone with verbal pokes and prods. I did it to her out of complete awe. When friends introduced us, I said 'Hi' - and turned my back. Later, I called my mom and best friend and said, 'I think I just met my wife.'

When those waiters ask me if I want some fresh ground pepper, I ask if they have any aged pepper.

We have the best government that money can buy.

When I was a boy I was told that anybody could become President. I'm beginning to believe it.

When people are free to do as they please, they usually imitate each other.

Why have computers? Politicians are far more calculating.

Whom the gods wish to destroy they first call promising.

Wit is the salt of conversation, not the food, and few things in the world are more wearying than a sarcastic attitude towards life.

Why was I born with such contemporaries?

Yet, I didn't understand that she was intentionally disguising her feelings with sarcasm; that was usually the last resort of people who are timid and chaste of heart, whose souls have been coarsely and impudently invaded; and who, until the last moment, refuse to yield out of pride and are afraid to express their own feelings to you.

You had to learn at a certain age what sarcasm is, you know?

You know you're getting old when everything hurts. And what doesn't hurt doesn't work.

When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to youth, think of Algebra.

You really don’t want to take that tone with me. (Varyk) Well, I do have several others we can choose from. Contemptuous. Angry. Snide. Aggravated. How about I just settle on extreme sarcasm and we call it even? (Dev)

You never realize how short a month is until you pay alimony.

[about a hat] You can put it on and say, "Hey you, person without a hat! I've got something you don't! How did I get it? Probably by being worth more to society.

Acardi! We should have killed him on the spot and you wouldn't let me! You didn't even listen." "Fine," I said, glaring at him. "Next time you want to commit murder, give me a call. You dagger them, I'll chop them into little tiny pieces and toss them into the East River." For the first time, I noticed the shadows beneath his eyes, the gauntness on his face. He lowered his voice, rubbing his temples as if he had a migraine. "This isn't the time for sarcasm, Liana." "No, apparently it's murder time.

A full glass of patience with a pinch of sarcasm is all you need to deal~

A good lover? One percent talent and ninety nine percent hard work.

Ah don’t worry about Jonah. Something must have crawled up his ass.” Billy pauses. “Something big.” “I hope he made sure to get its weight for takeoff,” I mutter, reaching for my running shoes. Billy’s barking laughter carries through the cool breeze.

Ah, Proph." Tom paused. "You did have a nightmare last night." "And here I thought maybe I dreamed it," Prophet muttered sarcastically.

Ah, well, when you explain it like that, it seems obvious," said Mudge. "Of course, it always seems obvious once it's been explained.

Ah, sarcasm. The final refuge of the desperate.

Alexander turned slowly to appraise Maya. It had to be uncomfortable getting that treatment up close, but she didn’t seem to care. Maybe wolves were tougher than vampires – or at least more ballsy, you know, for a girl who only had metaphorical balls.

All My Bitches Are Mad At Me Right Now.

All right, we need a way to get inot the palace. Any ideas?" "Ask nicely? Charge in? Fly? Wait, do you mean reasonable ones?