Best 708 quotes in «sarcasm quotes» category

You’re being sarcastic.” “No, actually I was being flippant, but I can do sarcastic if you’d rather.

You're just a huge romantic at heart, aren't you?" "If there's cash involved, I'm anything you want me to be.

You're just Little Miss Optimist, aren't you? Do you come with accessories, like a glass half full and lemons to make into lemonade, too?

You're not a lawyer, are you?' asked the nurse suspiciously. 'One of those geniuses who gets a degree while they're still in nappies?' Artemis sighed. 'A genius, yes. A lawyer, hardly. I am, mademoiselle, a customer.' And suddenly the nurse was all charm. 'Oh, a customer! Why didn't you say so? I'll show you right in. Would sir care for tea, coffee or perhaps something stronger?' 'I am thirteen years old, mademoiselle.' 'A juice?' 'Tea would be fine. Earl Grey if you have it. No sugar, obviously; it might make me hyperactive.

You're not a loser. You're almost as smart as me, which makes you one of the smartest people on the planet.

You’re sure you didn’t leave? Didn’t try to explore Thunder Bay again, maybe go down to the park and, I don’t know, dismember some poor jogger?

You see why I married her, Mycroft? The exquisite juxtaposition of ladylike threads and backhanded compliments proved irresistible.

- You shouldn't flaunt your cross. I think religion it's a deeply personal thing. - Do you think boobs and ass are not personal things? People consider ordinary displaying them.

You should remove your jacket," the Mage said. "Use it to shade your head." She didn't want to remove her one sign of authority, her one piece of armor, though in both respects the jacket offered little right now. "I'm a Mechanic." "I know that. Is there anyone around that you need to impress?

You’ve missed a lot of things. But mostly I think you’ve missed several opportunities to leave. Let me assist you to the door so that you won’t miss this next one.

You were dropped as a child, weren't you?" Varen asked her. "Maybe once or twice," Gwen said, "but at least I wasn't raised by highly literate vampires who, every night just before bed, fed me a steady diet of dark sarcasm and gothic horror fiction." "Every morning before bed," Varen corrected. Stepping forward, he moved toward the headstone. "We slept during the day.

You will never find me in trouble. You will find me in the library. If you can remember where that is.

99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

A careful blending of sarcasm, irony, and teasing, bickering has its own distinctive cadence and rhythm and is as difficult to master as French, Spanish, or any elective second language. Like Chinese, the fine points of bickering can be discerned in the subtle rise and fall of the voice. If not practiced properly, bickering can be mistaken for its less sophisticated counterpart: whining.

Acting is like roller skating. Once you know how to do it, it is neither stimulating nor exciting.

A consensus means that everyone agrees to say collectively what no one believes individually.

A good listener is usually thinking about something else.

Action speaks louder than words but not nearly as often.

A little sincerity is a dangerous thing, and a great deal of it is absolutely fatal.

All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy - and Jill a wealthy widow.

A modest little person, with much to be modest about.

A lot of people think my sarcasm comes from insecurity and defensiveness, but I assure you I'm just being petty and cruel.

A lot of people try to use sarcasm to flirt, and it tends not to read well. Most people who are successful at flirting do so via instant message instead of email. The best way to flirt is to care deeply about whatever your date is saying and to focus all of your attention on him or her. Ask thoughtful questions. Take a keen interest in the conversation. Be enthusiastic.

An autobiography is the story of how a man thinks he lived.

A narcissist is someone better looking than you are.

An appeal is when you ask one court to show its contempt for another court.

And now I'm using sarcasm, to confess the whole thing so later I could say I already told you.

An economist is a surgeon with an excellent scalpel and a rough-edged lancet, who operates beautifully on the dead and tortures the living.

And then what? Said, 'Oh, I'm so sorry, Ms. Lane, I didn't mean to wrinkle your lovely blouse. May I press that for you?' Or perhaps you gouged it with one of your pretty pink nails?" I was really beginning to wonder what his hang-up with pink was, but I didn't resent the sarcasm in his voice.

An epitaph is a belated advertisement for a line of goods that have been permanently discontinued.

An economist is a man who states the obvious in terms of the incomprehensible.

a sarcastic expression, on a beast, is far more sinister than rage.

Ants are so much like human beings as to be an embarrasment...They do everything but watch television.

Any game plan? Xypher asked Sin. Don't die. I like it. Simple, bold. Impossible. Works for me. Kat scoffed at his sarcasm. What are you bitching about, Xypher? You're already dead. He laughed. You know, for once, it's good to be me.

A sarcastic person has a superiority complex that can be cured only by the honesty of humility.

As the poet said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.

As I said, this was my sarcastic summer. It was only long after that I recognized sarcasm as the protest of people who are weak.

Beethoven always sounds to me like the upsetting of a bag of nails, with here and there an also dropped hammer.

Automatic simply means that you can't repair it yourself.

A synonym is a word you use when you can't spell the word you first thought of.

Avoid sarcasm. Don't insist on the last word.

Creative semantics is the key to contemporary government; it consists of talking in strange tongues lest the public learn the inevitable inconveniently early.

Better never than late.

Calamities are of two kinds: misfortunes to ourselves, and good fortune to others.

Canada has a passive-aggressive culture, with a lot of sarcasm and righteousness. That went with my weird messianic complex. The ego is a fascinating monster. I was taught from a young age that I had to serve, so that turned into me thinking I had to save the planet.

Crime is rampant. We even steal away from responsibility.

Critics are reprimanded when they get sarcastic. How absurd! Is the torch of criticism supposed to shine without burning?

Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect.

Death will be a great relief. No more interviews.

Don't be humble... you're not that great.