Best 708 quotes in «sarcasm quotes» category

You have the chance to remain silent. Everything you say will be misused.

You have to be a sexologist: when I wish your fuckin' advice, I'll let you know.

You have the most lovely skin,”  Finn told her. “Like mahogany. Like the finest river loam. Could I touch it?” “You are touching it, Casanova,”  Rita answered, eyes on the blood pressure dial. “Behave.” “Casanova?”  Finn shot Diego a questioning glance. “Famous lover.” “Ah. A compliment?” “Sarcasm.”  Please don’t make me explain sarcasm. “Typical.” Apparently, it wouldn’t be necessary.

You his brother?' 'Yes, damn it!' I burst out. "And all I want is to get my hands on whoever did this to him!' 'Funny,' said a dick dryly, 'but so do we.' I didn't like him much after that. Sarcasm is out of place when a man has just been brought face to face with personal tragedy. ("Walls That Hear You")

You jealous souls are primeval without a doubt, Teach yourself to eat better instead of trying to eat one's heart out.

You know," Cecily said, "you really didn't have to throw that man through the window." "He wasn't a man," Gabriel said, scowling. "He was an Unseelie Court faerie. One of the nasty ones." "Is that why you chased him down the street?" "He had no business showing images like that to a lady," Gabriel muttered, though it had to be admitted that the lady in question had hardly turned a hair, and seemed more annoyed with Gabriel for his reaction than impressed by his chivalry. "And I do think it was excessive to hurl him into the canal." "He'll float." The corners of Cecily's mouth twitched. "It was very wrong.

You know, Gilan, sarcasm isn't the lowest form of wit. It's not even wit at all.

You know, Mac,”Cadmus said still looking out the window. “We may have to work on the way we tell our story …apparently it’s not amusing enough.” “I’ll try to include a joke between ‘he bled to death’and ‘the city burned’.”Machaon responded tersely.

You know politicians', Rosa said. 'They're sensitive as schoolgirls, and more vengeful.

You like? she asked Slade. He gave her a head nod and she vanished behind the curtain. That's my sister, he said, pointing at the closed curtain. I shrugged. "I'm glad you guys are so close.

You mean people don't like to see hypocrisy in their leadership? Shocking.

You might as well laugh at yourself, everyone else is.

You must be a blast on long car rides.” “Oh, I am. You haven't experienced fun until you try to fuck in the front seat of a Civic.

You're a cat," she said automatically. "Your powers of perception are astounding," the cat drawled. "Although I feel obliged to point out, in the interests of ontological exactitude, that I am in fact only half cat. Personally, though, I have always considered it the better half." "And you can talk," Alice said, working her way through the situation. "Better and better! With brains like that, I can see how you monkeys took over the world.

You're about as delicate as an AK-47.

You really are a ray of sunshine, aren’t you?

You're back where you swore yourself you wouldn't be The familiar shackles you can't tell from your own skin Your head's under water when you learned to swim On a road to hell, congratulations, you're free...

You’re being sarcastic.” “No, actually I was being flippant, but I can do sarcastic if you’d rather.

You're just a huge romantic at heart, aren't you?" "If there's cash involved, I'm anything you want me to be.

You're not a lawyer, are you?' asked the nurse suspiciously. 'One of those geniuses who gets a degree while they're still in nappies?' Artemis sighed. 'A genius, yes. A lawyer, hardly. I am, mademoiselle, a customer.' And suddenly the nurse was all charm. 'Oh, a customer! Why didn't you say so? I'll show you right in. Would sir care for tea, coffee or perhaps something stronger?' 'I am thirteen years old, mademoiselle.' 'A juice?' 'Tea would be fine. Earl Grey if you have it. No sugar, obviously; it might make me hyperactive.

You’re sure you didn’t leave? Didn’t try to explore Thunder Bay again, maybe go down to the park and, I don’t know, dismember some poor jogger?

You're just Little Miss Optimist, aren't you? Do you come with accessories, like a glass half full and lemons to make into lemonade, too?

You're not a loser. You're almost as smart as me, which makes you one of the smartest people on the planet.

You should remove your jacket," the Mage said. "Use it to shade your head." She didn't want to remove her one sign of authority, her one piece of armor, though in both respects the jacket offered little right now. "I'm a Mechanic." "I know that. Is there anyone around that you need to impress?

You see why I married her, Mycroft? The exquisite juxtaposition of ladylike threads and backhanded compliments proved irresistible.

- You shouldn't flaunt your cross. I think religion it's a deeply personal thing. - Do you think boobs and ass are not personal things? People consider ordinary displaying them.

You were dropped as a child, weren't you?" Varen asked her. "Maybe once or twice," Gwen said, "but at least I wasn't raised by highly literate vampires who, every night just before bed, fed me a steady diet of dark sarcasm and gothic horror fiction." "Every morning before bed," Varen corrected. Stepping forward, he moved toward the headstone. "We slept during the day.

You’ve missed a lot of things. But mostly I think you’ve missed several opportunities to leave. Let me assist you to the door so that you won’t miss this next one.

Action speaks louder than words but not nearly as often.

99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

A careful blending of sarcasm, irony, and teasing, bickering has its own distinctive cadence and rhythm and is as difficult to master as French, Spanish, or any elective second language. Like Chinese, the fine points of bickering can be discerned in the subtle rise and fall of the voice. If not practiced properly, bickering can be mistaken for its less sophisticated counterpart: whining.

A consensus means that everyone agrees to say collectively what no one believes individually.

You will never find me in trouble. You will find me in the library. If you can remember where that is.

Acting is like roller skating. Once you know how to do it, it is neither stimulating nor exciting.

A good listener is usually thinking about something else.

A modest little person, with much to be modest about.

A lot of people think my sarcasm comes from insecurity and defensiveness, but I assure you I'm just being petty and cruel.

A lot of people try to use sarcasm to flirt, and it tends not to read well. Most people who are successful at flirting do so via instant message instead of email. The best way to flirt is to care deeply about whatever your date is saying and to focus all of your attention on him or her. Ask thoughtful questions. Take a keen interest in the conversation. Be enthusiastic.

An appeal is when you ask one court to show its contempt for another court.

A little sincerity is a dangerous thing, and a great deal of it is absolutely fatal.

All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy - and Jill a wealthy widow.

A narcissist is someone better looking than you are.

An autobiography is the story of how a man thinks he lived.

And then what? Said, 'Oh, I'm so sorry, Ms. Lane, I didn't mean to wrinkle your lovely blouse. May I press that for you?' Or perhaps you gouged it with one of your pretty pink nails?" I was really beginning to wonder what his hang-up with pink was, but I didn't resent the sarcasm in his voice.

And now I'm using sarcasm, to confess the whole thing so later I could say I already told you.

An economist is a man who states the obvious in terms of the incomprehensible.

An epitaph is a belated advertisement for a line of goods that have been permanently discontinued.

An economist is a surgeon with an excellent scalpel and a rough-edged lancet, who operates beautifully on the dead and tortures the living.

Ants are so much like human beings as to be an embarrasment...They do everything but watch television.

Any game plan? Xypher asked Sin. Don't die. I like it. Simple, bold. Impossible. Works for me. Kat scoffed at his sarcasm. What are you bitching about, Xypher? You're already dead. He laughed. You know, for once, it's good to be me.