Best 708 quotes in «sarcasm quotes» category

Now, Mr. Antonio. I understand that there are people who are close to you who want me dead.” “No, mija. They don’t want you dead.” “Then explain this.” I handed him the picture. He chuckled again. “No, they don’t want you dead. That would be too easy. They want revenge.” Cold sweat broke out all over me, but I kept my face calm. I looked at him straight in the eye. “Well, then they are going to be quite disappointed, aren’t they?” I flashed my teeth at him. “Senorita, you might want to warn Senor Smith, you see, my nephew he doesn’t like to share, and if he sees another man after you, he’ll get very, eh, aggressive.” The silver fox looked at me and winked. “Oh, he won’t have to worry.” I said as I was walking out the door. “I doubt he will be alive long enough to know Agent Smith.” Then I slammed the door.

Now, to be sure, Mrs Varden thought, here is a perfect character. Here is a meek, righteous, thoroughgoing Christian, who, having mastered all these qualities, so difficult of attainment; who, having dropped a pinch of salt on the tails of all the cardinal virtues, and caught them everyone; makes light of their possession, and pants for more morality. For the good woman never doubted (as many good men and women never do), that this slighting kind of profession, this setting so little store by great matters, this seeming to say, ‘I am not proud, I am what you hear, but I consider myself no better than other people; let us change the subject, pray’—was perfectly genuine and true. He so contrived it, and said it in that way that it appeared to have been forced from him, and its effect was marvellous. Aware of the impression he had made—few men were quicker than he at such discoveries—Mr Chester followed up the blow by propounding certain virtuous maxims, somewhat vague and general in their nature, doubtless, and occasionally partaking of the character of truisms, worn a little out at elbow, but delivered in so charming a voice and with such uncommon serenity and peace of mind, that they answered as well as the best. Nor is this to be wondered at; for as hollow vessels produce a far more musical sound in falling than those which are substantial, so it will oftentimes be found that sentiments which have nothing in them make the loudest ringing in the world, and are the most relished.

No zek had the right to stay one second in his workroom without the supervision of a free employee because prudence dictated that the prisoner would be bound to use that unsupervised second to break into the steel safe with a lead pencil, photograph its secret documents with a trouser button, explode an atom bomb, and fly to the moon.

Nusidriekė eilė prie neišvengiamos fotosienelės, fotografai skubėjo, pozuojantieji nerimavo, ar gerai atrodys nuotraukose ir ar budintis portalo redaktorius prisimins jų pavardę, o gal tiesiog parašys "šventinio renginio akimirkos".

Och, they suit you, Queenie! Promise me you'll wear them.

Of course. I died today, and now I'm going to fight aliens with a light saber. Maybe after that we can look for mermaids. Or unicorns." "No," he says. "Just aliens." Was that the barest hint of humour in his tone?

Oh! I know what I wanted to tell you – you’ll never guess who Thomas is chasing after now…” Hmmm, never guess or can’t be bothered to guess – it was a hard call. I yawned again, glancing at the bed, which was inviting me to clamber back inside and pull the sheet over my head. So tempting, but not practical.

Oh, for the love of God. There is no agent more agent than you. I swear you have pin-striped ties encrypted into your DNA. When you die, the coffin is going to read Property of the FBI.

Oh. I get it now. God had Nader beat my ass and my mom leave my dad just so Jodi could learn how to chop onions and use a propane grill. Great. Awesome.

Oh I'd be more than happy to hold, I'll just spend the time working on that brain tumor.

Oh, that's great. That way, when things have quieted down, and we come up for air, or money, or re-supply, we'll get a nice explosive package from him that says "so nice to see you again" in a way that only multi-megaton yields can.

Oh no. Oh God. I couldn't possibly be so stupid." "Don't limit yourself. You can be anything you wish.

Oh, to be the author of prison letters. It's a young girl's dream come true.

Once a small planet is discovered, astronomers try to determine which category it belongs to. This is like biologists trying to classify a new animal as either being a mammal or reptile.

One comforting thing about the Trump White House is that you aren't forced to choose between malice and incompetence.

Ove looks at the group assembled around him, as if he's been kidnapped and taken to a parallel universe. For a moment he thinks about swerving off the road, until he realises that the worst case scenario would be that they all accompanied him into the afterlife.

On the line beside Describe your family, I wrote, "Bad." What is your favorite subject in school? "None." List three of your favorite activities. "Soccer, ballet, and fighting." Two of those favorite activities were lies but one of them was the truth. I am fond of fighting.

Out of the corner of my eye, I can see Felicity and Ann hunched over their ornaments as if they were fascinating relics from an archaeological dig. I note that their shoulders are trembling, and I realize that they are fighting laughter over my terrible plight. There's friendship for you.

Past misdeeds must only serve as a reference point in calm conversation about lessons learned or actions that taught us to behave better. They should never be bantered about with sarcasm, anger, or nastiness.

people don't generally believe themselves to be evil. Just strong. And they think that the world owes them something

...Peabody had better retire to her bed; she is clearly in need of recuperative sleep, she has not made a sarcastic remark for fully ten minutes.

Please, be sure to display your stickers, so that I won’t misplace any of you. I lost a few people, while crossing the street, during the last tour. I didn’t think it was a big deal, but apparently, the boss frowns upon that sort of thing.

Playful, positive sarcasm is different from negative mean sarcasm, and many people don't know the difference.

Please do not think that I am accusing socialists of insincerity or that I wish to hold them up to scorn either as bad democrats or as unprincipled schemers and opportunists. I fully believe, in spite of the childish Machiavellism in which some of their prophets indulge, that fundamentally most of them always have been as sincere in their professions as any other men. Besides, I do not believe in insincerity in social strife, for people always come to think what they want to think and what they incessantly profess. As regards democracy, socialist parties are presumably no more opportunists than are any others; they simply espouse democracy if, as, and when it serves their ideals and interests and not otherwise. Lest readers should be shocked and think so immoral a view worthy only of the most callous of political practitioners, ...

Poor people! They build tunnels to reach the light.

Politics to me was the whining of an old braggart too proud to admit his faults and too vain to try something new. All of their agendas and manifestos were nothing but a lucrative offer to deceive the fools and encourage the clever in deceiving more fools.

Sarcasm is a manifestation of anger, and anger can make you the puppet of your opponents.

Push my buttons, and I'll push you off a bridge.

Relationships are so much like the United States - they only really thrive when faced with an external threat.

Repeat a lie a thousand times and it become a successful political campaign.

Sa ngalan ng nagpangalan sa kanilang lahat. Sa ngalan ng mga hindi napangalanan at sa mga hindi mapangalanan. Sa ngalan ng tinatawag sa maraming pangalan : Orus, Onus, Defles, Burgos...

Satan impregnated my mother one lovely spring morning. We didn’t have the heart to tell my father.

Puns are just another form of sarcasm, which may or may not make you - smile, giggle, or laugh.

Sarcasm is one of the many services I offer to people who ask stupid questions!

Seeing his daughter slowly die, coupled with his infinite sadness and misery, the clockmaker becomes a recluse to the tower of the castle and begins to build something behind closed doors, not even his daughter knows what he’s up to. For five years, she only sees him briefly at meal-times before locking himself up in the tower once again..." "...Did he have a bathroom in the tower?" "Yes, Jack. A big one! En-suite! Power-shower and spa! Where was I!?

Sarcasm is the new staircase to stardom.

Sascha nodded. "Want me to wait?" "Do I want my mate to wait in a deserted forest while a dangerous Psy fugitive remains on the loose? Wait, let me think." "Sarcasm does not suit you." She kissed him again, laughter in her eyes.

She could be a fire hazard. Maybe we should remove her from the ship before she spontaneously combusts.

She'd asked him what it was like to be in there, doing nothing but then being woken up to speak to somebody you couldn't see. He'd said that it was like being woken from a deep and satisfying sleep, to be asked questions while you kept your eyes closed. He was quite happy. Sight was over-rated anyway.

She searched through the dark for Brinn’s face, expecting a warm welcome. A hug, a hello. Anything. Footsteps stomped toward her, followed by the sting of a palm against her face. All right, that worked too.

She never saw the point of making fun of strangers – how could you possibly know enough about them to hit below the belt?

She tapped out a beat on the edge of the piano as I tripped and plummeted through the refrain of “Spacebar,” trying to translate the synth chords into a piano bit on the fly. It had been a million years since I’d played it. But it was still catchy. Whoever had written this song had known what they were doing.

She thinks you're stalking me." "Why the hell would I do that? I see too much of your ugly mug as it is.

She said yes. If only she didn't talk so much!

She was looking at me as if I was a painting too, to be examined for symbols and meaning, and she couldn't decide in the end if I really was just a mass of pointless daubs

She washed he hands,then looked at my side. "you haven't even had it stitched?" She said incredulously. "I've been rather busy," I said. "With the running like hell and hiding all night.

Some of us are looking at the stars, but all of us are living in the gutter.

Sir Mark Turner," he said. "I speak with the tongues of a thousand angels. Butterflies follow me wherever I go. Birds sing when I take a breath.

So does anyone have a good survival strategy, or is there no hope for getting out of this nightmare?’ asks the Colonel. ‘We came up with a big, fat zero. I don’t know how we’re going to survive the blood hunt,’ says Dee. ‘That wasn’t the nightmare I was referring to,’ says the Colonel. ‘Death by stupid comments is what I was talking about.

So many authors, so little time to disqualify them!