Best 708 quotes in «sarcasm quotes» category

I find it rather easy to portray a businessman. Being bland, rather cruel and incompetent comes naturally to me.

I find that the further I go back, the better things were, whether they happened or not.

If you can find something everyone agrees on, it's wrong.

If the French were really intelligent, they'd speak English.

If the world should blow itself up, the last audible voice would be that of an expert saying it can't be done.

If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.

If you love someone set them free. If they come back, set them on fire.

If you find it hard to laugh at yourself, I would be happy to do it for you.

If you drink like a fish, don't drive: swim.

I grew up in Europe, where the history comes from.

If you're choking in a restaurant you can just say the magic words, 'Heimlich maneuver,' and all will be well. Trouble is, it's difficult to say 'Heimlich maneuver' when you're choking to death.

I grew up in an environment of jokes and sarcasm and puns. I talk that way, so I write that way.

I have seen slower people than I am and more deliberate... and even quieter, and more listless, and lazier people than I am. But they were dead.

I have been complimented many times and they always embarrass me; I always feel that they have not said enough.

I have only one ambition left: I should like to have a good epitaph.

I have my own views about Nature's methods, though I feel that it is rather like a beetle giving his

I see little hope for democracy as an effective form of government, but I admire the poetry of how it makes its victims complicit in their own destruction.

I just want you that's it. All your flaws, mistakes, smiles, giggles, jokes, sarcasm. Everything. I just want you

In order to fully realize how bad a popular play can be, it is necessary to see it twice.

I love Americans, but not when they try to talk French. What a blessing it is that they never try to talk English.

I tended to place my wife under a pedestal.

I squirm when I see athletes praying before a game. Don't they realize that if God took sports seriously he never would have created George Steinbrenner.

It ain't often that a man's reputation outlasts his money.

It is quite untrue that British people don't appreciate music. They may not understand it but they absolutely love the noise it makes.

I thought the line 'I am the daughter of the former governor of Alaska' was very funny. I think the word is 'sarcasm.' In my family we think laughing is good. My parents raised me to have a sense of humor and to live a normal life.

It is no secret that organized crime in America takes in over forty billion dollars a year. This is quite a profitable sum, especially when one considers that the Mafia spends very little for office supplies.

I think you want a little unofficial help. Three undetected murders in one year won't do, Lestrade. But you handled the Molesey Mystery with less than your usual - that's to say, you handled it fairly well.

It is after you have lost your teeth that you can afford to buy steaks.

It's a fitting irony that under Richard Nixon "launder" became a dirty word.

It's easier to replace a dead man than a good picture.

It's a plastic surgeon you need, not a doctor

It's better to be black than gay because when you're black you don't have to tell your mother.

I want either less corruption, or more chance to participate in it.

Most turkeys taste better the day after; my mother's tasted better the day before.

I would like to take you seriously, but to do so would be an affront to your intelligence.

Living, as I do, in an educated and scientific atmosphere, I could not have conceived that the first principles of zoology were so little known. Is it possible that you do not know the elementary fact in comparative anatomy, that the wing of a bird is really the forearm, while the wing of a bat consists of three elongated fingers with membranes between?

Ministers fall like buttered slices of bread: usually on their good side.

Most vegetarians look so much like the food they eat that they can be classified as cannibals.

Muscles come and go; flab lasts.

I was so furious I was actually dizzy with it. There were so many bitchy, sarcastic observations to make, I was having a sarcasm stroke. "My God! You people! You're - you're so stupid you're making my eyeballs throb. They're throbbing, dammit!

I would like to live in Manchester, England. The transition between Manchester and death would be unnoticeable.

Krzhizhanovsky wanted to perform imaginary experiments with the nature of time and space. Outside, in the streets, the Communist state was busy performing such experiments for real. In response, Krzhizhanovsky's prose has a recklessly unstable tone in which delighted examination of impossible worlds can slip into ferocious political sarcasm.... It is a method for investigating how much unreality reality can bear.

Laws are like sausages, it is better not to see them being made.

Many wealthy people are little more than janitors of their possessions.

My brothers are both 6 ft. 5 in., and if you have younger brothers who are bigger than you then you have to learn the ancient martial art of sarcasm.

My idea of an agreeable person is a person who agrees with me.

My husband gave me a necklace. It's fake. I requested fake. Maybe I'm paranoid, but in this day and age, I don't want something around my neck that's worth more than my head.

My films often have a very strong strain of irony, or even sarcasm, which is definitely related to homosexual camp. But it is by no means straightforward: quite often I am sincere when I appear to be sarcastic, and I am sarcastic when I appear to be sincere. I also try to contradict myself at least once a day, which is a camp must.

My natural-born sarcasm, when it's unimpeded, can be a bit overbearing at times and I'm the first to admit that.

My parents, grandparents, aunts and uncles were all funny, and I felt that energy, that delivery, that timing, that sarcasm. All that stuff seeped into my brain.