Best 708 quotes in «sarcasm quotes» category

A good listener is usually thinking about something else.

A little sincerity is a dangerous thing, and a great deal of it is absolutely fatal.

A modest little person, with much to be modest about.

An appeal is when you ask one court to show its contempt for another court.

A narcissist is someone better looking than you are.

A lot of people think my sarcasm comes from insecurity and defensiveness, but I assure you I'm just being petty and cruel.

All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy - and Jill a wealthy widow.

An autobiography is the story of how a man thinks he lived.

And now I'm using sarcasm, to confess the whole thing so later I could say I already told you.

And then what? Said, 'Oh, I'm so sorry, Ms. Lane, I didn't mean to wrinkle your lovely blouse. May I press that for you?' Or perhaps you gouged it with one of your pretty pink nails?" I was really beginning to wonder what his hang-up with pink was, but I didn't resent the sarcasm in his voice.

An economist is a man who states the obvious in terms of the incomprehensible.

An epitaph is a belated advertisement for a line of goods that have been permanently discontinued.

An economist is a surgeon with an excellent scalpel and a rough-edged lancet, who operates beautifully on the dead and tortures the living.

Ants are so much like human beings as to be an embarrasment...They do everything but watch television.

a sarcastic expression, on a beast, is far more sinister than rage.

Any game plan? Xypher asked Sin. Don't die. I like it. Simple, bold. Impossible. Works for me. Kat scoffed at his sarcasm. What are you bitching about, Xypher? You're already dead. He laughed. You know, for once, it's good to be me.

A sarcastic person has a superiority complex that can be cured only by the honesty of humility.

As the poet said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.

As I said, this was my sarcastic summer. It was only long after that I recognized sarcasm as the protest of people who are weak.

A synonym is a word you use when you can't spell the word you first thought of.

Automatic simply means that you can't repair it yourself.

Avoid sarcasm. Don't insist on the last word.

Beethoven always sounds to me like the upsetting of a bag of nails, with here and there an also dropped hammer.

Better never than late.

Calamities are of two kinds: misfortunes to ourselves, and good fortune to others.

Canada has a passive-aggressive culture, with a lot of sarcasm and righteousness. That went with my weird messianic complex. The ego is a fascinating monster. I was taught from a young age that I had to serve, so that turned into me thinking I had to save the planet.

Creative semantics is the key to contemporary government; it consists of talking in strange tongues lest the public learn the inevitable inconveniently early.

Critics are reprimanded when they get sarcastic. How absurd! Is the torch of criticism supposed to shine without burning?

Crime is rampant. We even steal away from responsibility.

Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect.

Death will be a great relief. No more interviews.

Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

don't be angry with the gentleman for thinking, whatever be the cause, for I assure you he makes no common practice of offending in that way.

Don't be humble... you're not that great.

Don't consider sarcasm the 'be-all' and 'end-all' of verbal intercourse. Far too many people place way too much importance on the sarcasm instead of the talking, in and of itself, as a precious shared experience between people.

Do unto yourself as your Neighbours do unto Themselves and look Pleasant.

A lot of people try to use sarcasm to flirt, and it tends not to read well. Most people who are successful at flirting do so via instant message instead of email. The best way to flirt is to care deeply about whatever your date is saying and to focus all of your attention on him or her. Ask thoughtful questions. Take a keen interest in the conversation. Be enthusiastic.

Detection is, or ought to be, an exact science, and should be treated in the same cold and unemotional manner. You have attempted to tinge it with romanticism, which produces much the same effect as if you worked a love-story or an elopement into the fifth proposition of Euclid.

Everyone who ever walked barefoot into his child's room late at night hates Legos.

Every time I look at you I get a fierce desire to be lonesome.

Everything is worth precisely as much as a belch, the difference being that a belch is more satisfying.

For some reason that only a sociologist might be able to accurately explain, the Brazilian Press was extremely unkind to me, reporting only selective derogatory untruthful rumors (some of which are still around), harsh criticism, and unwarranted sarcasm. I was very hurt by this. It was such great disappointment... When I came back from Brazil at that time, I made a promise to myself that I would never, ever again sing in Brazil. So far [as of 2002], I have kept this promise, having declined each and every invitation or proposals to perform in Brazil. Once was enough!

Facts are stubborn, but statistics are more pliable.

Everything comes to him who waits, except a loaned book.

Growing up and living in England, I'm surrounded by grey skies and sarcasm, so when I came to America, my first impressions were bright, hopeful, cheerful.

He didn't see me looking at him, but I could tell the ceremony was having the same effect on him. He was enraptured. It was a rare and sweet look for him, reminding me of the tortured artist that lived beneath the sarcasm. I liked that about Adrian—not the tortured part, but the way he could feel so deeply and then transform those emotions into art.

Having the critics praise you is like having the hangman say you've got a pretty neck.

Hell hath no fury like a bureaucrat scorned.

He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary.

For your information, I would like to ask a question.