Best 708 quotes in «sarcasm quotes» category

I can do only one thing at a time, but I can avoid doing many things simultaneously.

I can fluently speak five languages: English, emoji, sexting, sarcasm and sass.

I did a picture in England one winter and it was so cold I almost got married.

I don't like food that's too carefully arranged; it makes me think that the chef is spending too much time arranging and not enough time cooking. If I wanted a picture I'd buy a painting.

I don't know why we are here, but I'm pretty sure that it is not in order to enjoy ourselves.

I don't mind what language an opera is sung in so long as it is the language I don't understand.

I'd to do more stuff with less sarcasm.

I do sarcasm really poorly.

I find that the further I go back, the better things were, whether they happened or not.

I find it rather easy to portray a businessman. Being bland, rather cruel and incompetent comes naturally to me.

If the French were really intelligent, they'd speak English.

If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.

If the world should blow itself up, the last audible voice would be that of an expert saying it can't be done.

If you can find something everyone agrees on, it's wrong.

If you drink like a fish, don't drive: swim.

I have been complimented many times and they always embarrass me; I always feel that they have not said enough.

I grew up in Europe, where the history comes from.

If you find it hard to laugh at yourself, I would be happy to do it for you.

If you love someone set them free. If they come back, set them on fire.

If you're choking in a restaurant you can just say the magic words, 'Heimlich maneuver,' and all will be well. Trouble is, it's difficult to say 'Heimlich maneuver' when you're choking to death.

I grew up in an environment of jokes and sarcasm and puns. I talk that way, so I write that way.

I have only one ambition left: I should like to have a good epitaph.

I have my own views about Nature's methods, though I feel that it is rather like a beetle giving his

I have seen slower people than I am and more deliberate... and even quieter, and more listless, and lazier people than I am. But they were dead.

In order to fully realize how bad a popular play can be, it is necessary to see it twice.

I just want you that's it. All your flaws, mistakes, smiles, giggles, jokes, sarcasm. Everything. I just want you

I love Americans, but not when they try to talk French. What a blessing it is that they never try to talk English.

I see little hope for democracy as an effective form of government, but I admire the poetry of how it makes its victims complicit in their own destruction.

I squirm when I see athletes praying before a game. Don't they realize that if God took sports seriously he never would have created George Steinbrenner.

I tended to place my wife under a pedestal.

It ain't often that a man's reputation outlasts his money.

I think you want a little unofficial help. Three undetected murders in one year won't do, Lestrade. But you handled the Molesey Mystery with less than your usual - that's to say, you handled it fairly well.

It's a plastic surgeon you need, not a doctor

I thought the line 'I am the daughter of the former governor of Alaska' was very funny. I think the word is 'sarcasm.' In my family we think laughing is good. My parents raised me to have a sense of humor and to live a normal life.

It is after you have lost your teeth that you can afford to buy steaks.

It's a fitting irony that under Richard Nixon "launder" became a dirty word.

It's better to be black than gay because when you're black you don't have to tell your mother.

It is no secret that organized crime in America takes in over forty billion dollars a year. This is quite a profitable sum, especially when one considers that the Mafia spends very little for office supplies.

It is quite untrue that British people don't appreciate music. They may not understand it but they absolutely love the noise it makes.

It's easier to replace a dead man than a good picture.

I was so furious I was actually dizzy with it. There were so many bitchy, sarcastic observations to make, I was having a sarcasm stroke. "My God! You people! You're - you're so stupid you're making my eyeballs throb. They're throbbing, dammit!

I want either less corruption, or more chance to participate in it.

Many wealthy people are little more than janitors of their possessions.

I would like to live in Manchester, England. The transition between Manchester and death would be unnoticeable.

Krzhizhanovsky wanted to perform imaginary experiments with the nature of time and space. Outside, in the streets, the Communist state was busy performing such experiments for real. In response, Krzhizhanovsky's prose has a recklessly unstable tone in which delighted examination of impossible worlds can slip into ferocious political sarcasm.... It is a method for investigating how much unreality reality can bear.

Living, as I do, in an educated and scientific atmosphere, I could not have conceived that the first principles of zoology were so little known. Is it possible that you do not know the elementary fact in comparative anatomy, that the wing of a bird is really the forearm, while the wing of a bat consists of three elongated fingers with membranes between?

I would like to take you seriously, but to do so would be an affront to your intelligence.

Laws are like sausages, it is better not to see them being made.

Most turkeys taste better the day after; my mother's tasted better the day before.

Ministers fall like buttered slices of bread: usually on their good side.