Best 708 quotes in «sarcasm quotes» category

Women do not lie about their age. In fact, no woman ever has, its just that memory is the first thing to go.

Women KNOW, we just know. Even if we didn't know, we would know. Men won't get this, but women will..because we KNOW

Women strive to be the change they want to see in the mirror.

Word of advice - never ask a terrorist the question 'What would you do for a Klondike bar?'.

Wouldn’t you like to know,” I smiled. “I travel. Shit happens.

Would somebody please tell him whose idea it had been to kill the entire state of Colorado?

Wow," she said. "It's like you're teaching me something and being all wise." "You are not easy to get along with," Skulduggery said.

Yeah, because you'll really be showing them, won't you. Talk about cutting up your wrists to spite your fate.

Yeah, and we could fly in on dragons and release a cloud of sugar plum fairies to tiptoe in an get the watch.

Yes, I curse God all the time. On some days for giving us such a short life, and on others for giving us such a long one.

Yes. Reyn is our resident horse master. He has an excellent seat." I grinned. "I've noticed." Reyn's face tightened and Nell flushed, looking embarrassed. "It's an equestrian term." "Really? I thought you were talking about his ass.

You are quite possibly the least smooth guy I know,” she mumbled. “You can’t even put your arm around me without tripping up.

You are in good shape for a dead man.

You are soft person you said. But you're soft as shit: it is very soft but stinking!

You are such a kind and caring man, and so sizzling hot and studly. Please, please don’t go nutty on me.

You can't expect them to wear a big sandwich board with spy on it or a special spying hat.

You couldn't find your dick in the dark, you scheming, sleaze-mongering scumwad.

You could heal him?" I asked, glancing at Hal. "Could," said the wysling, "but won't, until I get what's mine." I pressed my lips together and took a deep breath. "You're heartless and selfish." "I agree," he said, steepling his pale hands together and pointing them at the floor. "Any decent human being would offer to heal him anyway. However, since I'm neither decent nor a human being, I feel pretty all right about it.

You don’t like my restaurant, Miss Connor?” “I couldn’t say since the waiting list to get in is six months long.” One side of his mouth curved up. “This is true.” His finger lingered, and I tried to swallow the nervous lump in my throat. “I think you can call me by my first name now, seeing as how you’re touching my boob. That puts us a little past formality, don’t you think?

You do know you’re one of the hot ones, right? You could have any dom in this room if you looked marginally more approachable than an underfed piranha having a bad day.

You don't have to make fun of it." "Actually I do," I said. "I make fun of almost everything.

You don’t want a girlfriend. You want a therapist whom you can be intimate with.

You have the chance to remain silent. Everything you say will be misused.

You have to be a sexologist: when I wish your fuckin' advice, I'll let you know.

You have the most lovely skin,”  Finn told her. “Like mahogany. Like the finest river loam. Could I touch it?” “You are touching it, Casanova,”  Rita answered, eyes on the blood pressure dial. “Behave.” “Casanova?”  Finn shot Diego a questioning glance. “Famous lover.” “Ah. A compliment?” “Sarcasm.”  Please don’t make me explain sarcasm. “Typical.” Apparently, it wouldn’t be necessary.

You know," Cecily said, "you really didn't have to throw that man through the window." "He wasn't a man," Gabriel said, scowling. "He was an Unseelie Court faerie. One of the nasty ones." "Is that why you chased him down the street?" "He had no business showing images like that to a lady," Gabriel muttered, though it had to be admitted that the lady in question had hardly turned a hair, and seemed more annoyed with Gabriel for his reaction than impressed by his chivalry. "And I do think it was excessive to hurl him into the canal." "He'll float." The corners of Cecily's mouth twitched. "It was very wrong.

You jealous souls are primeval without a doubt, Teach yourself to eat better instead of trying to eat one's heart out.

You his brother?' 'Yes, damn it!' I burst out. "And all I want is to get my hands on whoever did this to him!' 'Funny,' said a dick dryly, 'but so do we.' I didn't like him much after that. Sarcasm is out of place when a man has just been brought face to face with personal tragedy. ("Walls That Hear You")

You know, Gilan, sarcasm isn't the lowest form of wit. It's not even wit at all.

You know, Mac,”Cadmus said still looking out the window. “We may have to work on the way we tell our story …apparently it’s not amusing enough.” “I’ll try to include a joke between ‘he bled to death’and ‘the city burned’.”Machaon responded tersely.

You know politicians', Rosa said. 'They're sensitive as schoolgirls, and more vengeful.

You like? she asked Slade. He gave her a head nod and she vanished behind the curtain. That's my sister, he said, pointing at the closed curtain. I shrugged. "I'm glad you guys are so close.

You must be a blast on long car rides.” “Oh, I am. You haven't experienced fun until you try to fuck in the front seat of a Civic.

You might as well laugh at yourself, everyone else is.

You mean people don't like to see hypocrisy in their leadership? Shocking.

You're about as delicate as an AK-47.

You're a cat," she said automatically. "Your powers of perception are astounding," the cat drawled. "Although I feel obliged to point out, in the interests of ontological exactitude, that I am in fact only half cat. Personally, though, I have always considered it the better half." "And you can talk," Alice said, working her way through the situation. "Better and better! With brains like that, I can see how you monkeys took over the world.

You're just Little Miss Optimist, aren't you? Do you come with accessories, like a glass half full and lemons to make into lemonade, too?

You're back where you swore yourself you wouldn't be The familiar shackles you can't tell from your own skin Your head's under water when you learned to swim On a road to hell, congratulations, you're free...

You're just a huge romantic at heart, aren't you?" "If there's cash involved, I'm anything you want me to be.

You're not a lawyer, are you?' asked the nurse suspiciously. 'One of those geniuses who gets a degree while they're still in nappies?' Artemis sighed. 'A genius, yes. A lawyer, hardly. I am, mademoiselle, a customer.' And suddenly the nurse was all charm. 'Oh, a customer! Why didn't you say so? I'll show you right in. Would sir care for tea, coffee or perhaps something stronger?' 'I am thirteen years old, mademoiselle.' 'A juice?' 'Tea would be fine. Earl Grey if you have it. No sugar, obviously; it might make me hyperactive.

You’re sure you didn’t leave? Didn’t try to explore Thunder Bay again, maybe go down to the park and, I don’t know, dismember some poor jogger?

You really are a ray of sunshine, aren’t you?

You’re being sarcastic.” “No, actually I was being flippant, but I can do sarcastic if you’d rather.

You're not a loser. You're almost as smart as me, which makes you one of the smartest people on the planet.

You see why I married her, Mycroft? The exquisite juxtaposition of ladylike threads and backhanded compliments proved irresistible.

- You shouldn't flaunt your cross. I think religion it's a deeply personal thing. - Do you think boobs and ass are not personal things? People consider ordinary displaying them.

You should remove your jacket," the Mage said. "Use it to shade your head." She didn't want to remove her one sign of authority, her one piece of armor, though in both respects the jacket offered little right now. "I'm a Mechanic." "I know that. Is there anyone around that you need to impress?

You’ve missed a lot of things. But mostly I think you’ve missed several opportunities to leave. Let me assist you to the door so that you won’t miss this next one.

You will never find me in trouble. You will find me in the library. If you can remember where that is.