Best 708 quotes in «sarcasm quotes» category

You mean people don't like to see hypocrisy in their leadership? Shocking.

You might as well laugh at yourself, everyone else is.

You must be a blast on long car rides.” “Oh, I am. You haven't experienced fun until you try to fuck in the front seat of a Civic.

You're about as delicate as an AK-47.

You're a cat," she said automatically. "Your powers of perception are astounding," the cat drawled. "Although I feel obliged to point out, in the interests of ontological exactitude, that I am in fact only half cat. Personally, though, I have always considered it the better half." "And you can talk," Alice said, working her way through the situation. "Better and better! With brains like that, I can see how you monkeys took over the world.

You really are a ray of sunshine, aren’t you?

You're back where you swore yourself you wouldn't be The familiar shackles you can't tell from your own skin Your head's under water when you learned to swim On a road to hell, congratulations, you're free...

You’re being sarcastic.” “No, actually I was being flippant, but I can do sarcastic if you’d rather.

You're just a huge romantic at heart, aren't you?" "If there's cash involved, I'm anything you want me to be.

You're just Little Miss Optimist, aren't you? Do you come with accessories, like a glass half full and lemons to make into lemonade, too?

You're not a lawyer, are you?' asked the nurse suspiciously. 'One of those geniuses who gets a degree while they're still in nappies?' Artemis sighed. 'A genius, yes. A lawyer, hardly. I am, mademoiselle, a customer.' And suddenly the nurse was all charm. 'Oh, a customer! Why didn't you say so? I'll show you right in. Would sir care for tea, coffee or perhaps something stronger?' 'I am thirteen years old, mademoiselle.' 'A juice?' 'Tea would be fine. Earl Grey if you have it. No sugar, obviously; it might make me hyperactive.

You're not a loser. You're almost as smart as me, which makes you one of the smartest people on the planet.

You’re sure you didn’t leave? Didn’t try to explore Thunder Bay again, maybe go down to the park and, I don’t know, dismember some poor jogger?

You see why I married her, Mycroft? The exquisite juxtaposition of ladylike threads and backhanded compliments proved irresistible.

- You shouldn't flaunt your cross. I think religion it's a deeply personal thing. - Do you think boobs and ass are not personal things? People consider ordinary displaying them.

You should remove your jacket," the Mage said. "Use it to shade your head." She didn't want to remove her one sign of authority, her one piece of armor, though in both respects the jacket offered little right now. "I'm a Mechanic." "I know that. Is there anyone around that you need to impress?

You’ve missed a lot of things. But mostly I think you’ve missed several opportunities to leave. Let me assist you to the door so that you won’t miss this next one.

99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

You were dropped as a child, weren't you?" Varen asked her. "Maybe once or twice," Gwen said, "but at least I wasn't raised by highly literate vampires who, every night just before bed, fed me a steady diet of dark sarcasm and gothic horror fiction." "Every morning before bed," Varen corrected. Stepping forward, he moved toward the headstone. "We slept during the day.

You will never find me in trouble. You will find me in the library. If you can remember where that is.

A careful blending of sarcasm, irony, and teasing, bickering has its own distinctive cadence and rhythm and is as difficult to master as French, Spanish, or any elective second language. Like Chinese, the fine points of bickering can be discerned in the subtle rise and fall of the voice. If not practiced properly, bickering can be mistaken for its less sophisticated counterpart: whining.

A consensus means that everyone agrees to say collectively what no one believes individually.

Action speaks louder than words but not nearly as often.

Acting is like roller skating. Once you know how to do it, it is neither stimulating nor exciting.

An autobiography is the story of how a man thinks he lived.

A little sincerity is a dangerous thing, and a great deal of it is absolutely fatal.

A narcissist is someone better looking than you are.

A good listener is usually thinking about something else.

All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy - and Jill a wealthy widow.

A lot of people think my sarcasm comes from insecurity and defensiveness, but I assure you I'm just being petty and cruel.

A lot of people try to use sarcasm to flirt, and it tends not to read well. Most people who are successful at flirting do so via instant message instead of email. The best way to flirt is to care deeply about whatever your date is saying and to focus all of your attention on him or her. Ask thoughtful questions. Take a keen interest in the conversation. Be enthusiastic.

A modest little person, with much to be modest about.

An appeal is when you ask one court to show its contempt for another court.

And then what? Said, 'Oh, I'm so sorry, Ms. Lane, I didn't mean to wrinkle your lovely blouse. May I press that for you?' Or perhaps you gouged it with one of your pretty pink nails?" I was really beginning to wonder what his hang-up with pink was, but I didn't resent the sarcasm in his voice.

And now I'm using sarcasm, to confess the whole thing so later I could say I already told you.

An economist is a man who states the obvious in terms of the incomprehensible.

An epitaph is a belated advertisement for a line of goods that have been permanently discontinued.

An economist is a surgeon with an excellent scalpel and a rough-edged lancet, who operates beautifully on the dead and tortures the living.

Any game plan? Xypher asked Sin. Don't die. I like it. Simple, bold. Impossible. Works for me. Kat scoffed at his sarcasm. What are you bitching about, Xypher? You're already dead. He laughed. You know, for once, it's good to be me.

Ants are so much like human beings as to be an embarrasment...They do everything but watch television.

A synonym is a word you use when you can't spell the word you first thought of.

As the poet said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.

a sarcastic expression, on a beast, is far more sinister than rage.

A sarcastic person has a superiority complex that can be cured only by the honesty of humility.

As I said, this was my sarcastic summer. It was only long after that I recognized sarcasm as the protest of people who are weak.

Avoid sarcasm. Don't insist on the last word.

Automatic simply means that you can't repair it yourself.

Beethoven always sounds to me like the upsetting of a bag of nails, with here and there an also dropped hammer.

Calamities are of two kinds: misfortunes to ourselves, and good fortune to others.

Better never than late.