Best 708 quotes in «sarcasm quotes» category

The National Rifle Association says, 'Guns don't kill people. People do'. But I think the gun helps.

The old system of having a baby was much better than the new system, the old system being characterized by the fact that the man didn't have to watch.

The one function that TV news performs very well is that when there is no news we give it to you with the same emphasis as if it were.

The time for action is past! Now is the time for senseless bickering!

There are more bad musicians than there is bad music.

There are several differences between a footballl game and a revolution. For one thing, a football game usually lasts longer and the participants wear uniforms. Also there are more injuries at a football game.

"There are one or two elementary rules to be observed in the way of handling patients," he remarked, seating himself on the table and swinging his legs. "The most obvious is that you must never let them see that you want them. It should be pure condescension on your part seeing them at all; and the more difficulties you throw in the way of it, the more they think of it. Break your patients in early, and keep them well to heel.

There are too many confusing things present. Things I know. Thoughts I have. Sarcasm. Things I think I ought to be doing and places I ought to be going. Always other places.

There is no such thing as an underestimate of average intelligence.

The right of education of the female sex, as it is in a manner everywhere neglected, so it ought to be generally lamented. Most in this depraved later age think a woman learned and wise enough if she can distinguish her husband's bed from another's.

The secret of a successful restaurant is sharp knives.

The trouble with a kitten is that eventually it becomes a cat.

The trouble with her is that she lacks the power of conversation but not the power of speech.

The truth is simple, you do not die from love. You only wish you did.

The United States is a nation of laws: badly written and randomly enforced.

This music won't do. There's not enough sarcasm in it.

The word aerobics comes from two Greek words: aero, meaning “ability to,” and bics, meaning “withstand tremendous boredom.

They didn’t have novels back then. (Tory) History says they didn’t have books, yet what’s this thing in my hand? It’s square, bound paper that’s been written on. Looks like a book to me. (Acheron) Thank you, Captain Sarcasm. How nice of you to join us again. (Tory)

They take the paper and they read the headlines. So they've heard of unemployment and they've heard of bread-lines. And they philanthropically cure them all by getting up a costume charity ball.

The world is a stage, but the play is badly cast.

We didn't lose the game; we just ran out of time.

Today's public figures can no longer write their own speeches or books, and there is some evidence that they can't read them either.

We are suffering from too much sarcasm.

When a young man begins to go down hill everything seems to be greased for the occasion.

We have the best government that money can buy.

Well, I'm a bacteriologist, you know. I live in a nine-hundred-diameter microscope. I can hardly claim to take serious notice of anything that I can see with my naked eye.

What's on your mind, if you will allow the overstatement.

We English are good at forgiving our enemies; it releases us from the obligation of liking our friends.

We had got as far as this, when who should walk in but the gentleman himself, who had been drinking his beer in the taproom and had heard the whole conversation. Who was I? What did I want? What did I mean by asking questions? He had a fine flow of language, and his adjectives were very vigorous.

Well, if crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight?

We're having something a little different this year for Thanksgiving. Instead of a turkey, we're having a swan. You get more stuffing

What I claim is to live to the full the contradiction of my time, which may well make sarcasm the condition of truth.

What is the use of straining after an amiable view of things, when a cynical view is most likely to be the true one?.

When my wife and I met, I couldn't talk to her - and my defense mechanism is sarcasm. I belittle someone with verbal pokes and prods. I did it to her out of complete awe. When friends introduced us, I said 'Hi' - and turned my back. Later, I called my mom and best friend and said, 'I think I just met my wife.'

When I was a boy I was told that anybody could become President. I'm beginning to believe it.

When people are free to do as they please, they usually imitate each other.

When those waiters ask me if I want some fresh ground pepper, I ask if they have any aged pepper.

Why was I born with such contemporaries?

Whom the gods wish to destroy they first call promising.

Why have computers? Politicians are far more calculating.

When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to youth, think of Algebra.

You know you're getting old when everything hurts. And what doesn't hurt doesn't work.

Yet, I didn't understand that she was intentionally disguising her feelings with sarcasm; that was usually the last resort of people who are timid and chaste of heart, whose souls have been coarsely and impudently invaded; and who, until the last moment, refuse to yield out of pride and are afraid to express their own feelings to you.

Wit is the salt of conversation, not the food, and few things in the world are more wearying than a sarcastic attitude towards life.

You can't find any true closeness in Hollywood, because everybody does the fake closeness so well.

You had to learn at a certain age what sarcasm is, you know?

You see, that is the sad, sorry, terrible thing about sarcasm. It's really funny.

You really don’t want to take that tone with me. (Varyk) Well, I do have several others we can choose from. Contemptuous. Angry. Snide. Aggravated. How about I just settle on extreme sarcasm and we call it even? (Dev)

You never realize how short a month is until you pay alimony.

[about a hat] You can put it on and say, "Hey you, person without a hat! I've got something you don't! How did I get it? Probably by being worth more to society.