Best 708 quotes in «sarcasm quotes» category

How careless of me!" By which she meant that she had deduced that he had found [them] in his pocket and pitied him for needing to be forever in the right.

How Gloomy it is, to pause, to cease and to rust unburn, to get used and be indistinct. Like to live is to breathe.

How long have you been with Raphael?” “You ask a lot of questions for a dead woman.” “What can I say? I prefer to die well-informed.

How's Alison getting on?' Conway snorted. 'Tucked up in the sick room like she's dying in some season finale. Little fadey voice on her and all. She's having a great old time.

How’s your first week so far?” Isabele asks. “Well, let me see,” I begin. “Chloe says my penmanship is shit, and I was only thirty minutes early this morning, which apparently means I’m late, but on the bright side, she thinks her non-fat, half-sweet, no-whip soy latte didn’t taste right and then she told me she’s not paying for it. Other than that, work is just fine.

I admire all my three sons-in-law highly. Wickham, perhaps is my favourite; but I think I shall like your husband quite as well as Jane's.

-I am alergic to these flowers. -I know.

I am so tired of this gothic crap,” I muttered. “Just once, I want to meet the villain in a cheerful, brightly lit room. Possibly one with kittens.

I BELIEVE EVERYONE IS SPECIAL . . . BUT SOME PEOPLE THINK . . . . IT'S JUST ANOTHER WAY OF SAYING NO-ONE IS

I believe sarcasm is the passive form of rudeness and should not be tolerated in the Body of Christ.

I bet she thought she was getting into a fight with a vanilla wafer on roller skates but little did she know she was getting into a fight with a spider sandwich.

I cannot speak well enough to be unintelligible.

I cannot believe you formed this plan," Clove said. "No one else would think of this but you." "That's true; I am very clever!" Ella wriggled next to Clove, peering. "That is the opposite of what I meant." Ella sighed. "Clove, please recognize the negative energy you are bringing into this space." "WE'RE IN A POTATO CART!" Ella shushed her. "I do everything for a reason. Just because you do not know that reason, does not make it silly." "Sometimes the reason is that you make bad choices," Clove muttered.

I couldn’t very well make a special delivery to the door of the constabulary now could I? And he’d have made the perfect scapegoat. That aura of misery he wraps himself in. So Byronesque. He’s too immersed in his own guilt to ever suspect it in another.

I’d heard street food was a big thing here in Mexico but I didn’t think it meant the creatures that lived on the street.

I could feel the heat rising in my cheeks. 'We spent one night together.' 'You had sex then?' 'No we crocheted a quilt.' I cocked my head to side and gave him my nastiest glare." Lorelei Preston to Agent Brody-The Wild Hunt

I didn’t intend it to come out sarcastically, but I guess that’s just where my tone of voice automatically goes these days.

I do not like the terms. I don’t get any offspring, any beloved, I cannot ask something that is not in your power and I do not get to have your soul?” Her lips twisted in a sarcastic smile, and I could tell I had managed to insult her. “Although I suppose that’s some other entity’s priority and not mine. But that aside, what’s left for me?

I discovered that politics is not entirely about agendas and manifestos of some old, sullen creep promising a better future of the country as a whole. Politics is being played everywhere and it starts from the very bedroom that you consider your safe haven.

I don’t have a sense of humor anymore. It’s literally just sarcasm and a general hate of the majority of the human population. -Fact of Life

I don’t believe this. This is utter shit!” I yelled. “Does it look like I’m lying?” Steven asked. I rolled my eyes at his incredibly stupid question, “I don’t know. Let me look at you with my x-ray vision to see through this stupid blindfold and I’ll get back to you.

I don't avoid Starbucks because it's Satanic, I avoid Starbucks because they over-roast their beans. Satanic is just a bonus.

I don’t get you people. You watch the Godfather on television and tons of people are getting shot and stabbed to death, blood splattering everywhere and it is entertaining. But, when they killed a horse, people were outraged.

I don’t like to think of my hips as a nuisance, but more of an asset. I mean, if this were, like 1642, my whole birthing hips would be worth many cows or something.

I don't know what it is about "magic happens"-stickers on cars but every time I see one I wanna get out my permanent marker and sneak over and write underneath it "so does cot death".

I don't need a mate,” she muttered, staring up at the bright circle of the early autumn moon. “But can't you send me a nice, sexy, strongmale to dance with? Pretty please?” She hadn't had a lover for close to eight months now, and it was starting to hurt on every level. “He doesn't even have to be smart, just good between the sheets.” Good enough to unsnap the tension in her body, allow her to function again. Because sex wasn't simply about pleasure for a cat like her—it was about affection, about trust, about everything good. “Though right this second, I'd take plain old hot sex.” That was when Riley walked out of the shadows. “Got an itch, kitty?” Snapping to her feet, she narrowed her eyes, knowing he had to have deliberately stayed downwind in order to sneak up on her. “Spying?” “When you're talking loud enough to wake the dead?” She swore she could feel steam coming out her ears.

I don't spend money on books. I write them myself.

I don’t recall either of you asking me, you know I’m a lady and I need to be asked and agree to it.

I don't profess any religion; I don't think it’s possible that there is a God; I have the greatest difficulty in understanding what is meant by the words ‘spiritual’ or ‘spirituality.' [Interview, The New Yorker, Dec. 26, 2005]

I'd tell you nice try, but... it wasn't.

If a son has a peaceful relationship with his father, if neither of them ever shows contempt for the other, then either the father is a fool, or the son is.

If by ‘foe’ you mean a brutal killer, then I suppose I’d fall into the ‘friend’ category,” I replied cynically. “Although in your case, we may have to find a secret option number three.

If I want to fuck a guy, I want to fuck a guy.

If Jack had followed him instead of trying to reclaim his car, he would undoubtedly have voiced his disappointment that they were not yet shooting laser cannons. Frankly, Richard thought dodging the police’s bullets would be problematic enough.

I feel, therefore, I am a fool.

If you are going to do that, would you mind not jostling the bed so much?' came a sarcastic voice near the head board. 'Perhaps you could roll around on the floor.

if the opponent praises you … you will not believe, you will take it as sarcasm. And, if the opponent curses you and criticizes you, you will not only believe it, you will take it as if he had made a declaration over a notarized stamped paper. So granted and guaranteed.

If you are a writer and you write/understand sarcasm please be thankful to the government and the masses. Without their hard work and supreme idiotism it wouldn't have been possible. You owe them the brutal sarcasm, they've earned it!

If only a stare can kill, I'm already a murderer.

I frowned at him. "Isn't sarcasm the opiate of the masses?" "You're thinking of religion," he replied. "Sarcasm is the Xanax of the morally bereft.

If this is how you feel about a desert, I can't wait until you see your first real tree. Your mind will explode.

If time is money and you wasted my time, then give me back my money!

If wrappings of cloth can impart respectability, the most respectable persons are the Egyptian mummies, all wrapped in layers and layers of gauze

If you are reading this, I'm dead. Don't celebrate too much. Jesus is watching.

If you don't understand it, it's art.

I glanced back to Yanni to see him smiling at us. "You two can stop being so cute now." "Well, Spencer can," Andrew deadpanned. "I, unfortunately, am cute all the time." I laughed. "It's true. He is.

If you turned your back on irony, it curdled into sarcasm. And what good was it then? Sarcasm was irony which had lost its soul.

I give away examples!

If your career doesn’t work out, write a book about it.

I got an 'A' in Business Marketing in college!- as if that means a goddamn thing in the real world...