Best 708 quotes in «sarcasm quotes» category

A man is not mature unless he gets a certificate of maturity from a woman.

A mind is a terrible thing...

Am I sure how old I am? Wait, let me get out all my fingers and toes so I'm sure I haven't miscounted.

An accessible introduction to the nature of political thought. Just what I always wanted.

A multi-party system is a system in which multiple political parties run for national election thus turning it into a multi-party chaos.

An appropriate joke should contain elements of information that sounds realistic, logical and entertaining which can amuse others to listen you when initiating a meaningful conversation.

And fetch some straw. We’ll put it between us and the ground. No reason we shouldn’t sleep soft tonight.” “Straw. I love luxury.

And her dumplings were so light they would float in the air and you'd have to catch 'em to eat 'em.

And involuntarily I compared the childish sarcasm, the religious sarcasm of Voltaire with the irresistible irony of the German philosopher whose influence is henceforth ineffaceable.

... And I wondered if we had disappointed God so much, that he wrote us off as pets, just alive to entertain.

And since he cannot spend and use aright The little time here given him in trust, But wasteth it in weary undelight Of foolish toil and trouble, strife and lust, He naturally claimeth to inherit The everlasting Future, that his merit May have full scope; as surely is most just.

And that, my friends, is how a revolution dies. -Haymitch Abernathy

And your neihjbour is sitting next door weeping as she watches her child facing a crowd of Palestiniankids armed with rocks which could take your boy's eye out or give him brain damage if god forbids he took off his helmet one of those dusty stones hit him in the head

A painting is worth a thousand confused art-gallery visitors.

Any boy who'd love a sailboat-patterned, swimsuited sausage who tames rabid foxes would be wonderful. And impossible.

Anyone that says his mind will be probably regarded a fool, but the true artist is not moved by the comments about the looks of his painting or remarks that are dreadfully sarcastic, but hearken now! That he who says what others want to hear hasn't said anything of his own.

A psycho murderer who lubed. How considerate.

Are you a house-wife, Mrs Silvers?' he asked. 'What would you recommend for getting burger relish out of a white shirt?' The seething woman cranked the venom-level of her gaze up to eleven, and Raven smiled pleasantly back.

Arch turned and looked at Ian. The other man was fiddling with the neckline of his shirt. “You're just jealous, Ian, and wishing you had a soul mate of your own. In fact, I don't think any woman will be safe until you get one.” Ian shot him an unamused look at his words.

Are you suggesting I’m working with the zombies? That I paid them to pretend to attack me so that I’d trick you into letting me join you?”“Did you?” Mr. Holland demanded.“Yeah, okay,” I said in a sugar-sweet tone. “You’re right. I was having dinner with Zombie Carl the other night. You know, steaks, rare, and a bottle of vintage type A. He told me all his secrets, but too bad for you I promised him I wouldn’t tell. In exchange I asked him to gather his best undead buddies and stalk me through my friend’s yard. And oh, yeah, it was totally fine if they wanted to use me as an all-night dinner buffet, because having organs is so last season.

Are you cold? No, Brainiac; I’m on flipping Vibrate Mode.

Arjuro made a scoffing sound. ‘You think Lumatere will invade because of you? Are you that important?’ Froi looked away. ‘Isaboe would invade if you kidnapped a servant, let alone a friend.’ ‘Isaboe? We’re on first-name terms with the Queen of Lumatere, are we?’ Gargarin asked. Froi found himself bristling. ‘What? Do you think I’m some cutthroat for hire who they found hanging around the palace walls with the words “I want to kill a Charynite King” tattooed on my arse?

As if I'd had time to drug it in the two milliseconds she'd let me out of her sight.

As a general rule, I preferred not to have my soul reaped.

... As could the sarcasm in her voice. "yes, she's bleeding to deat Lu upstairs, but i thought I'd avoid telling you right away, because I like to draw the suspense out.

As my laughter faded, he shot me an amused glance. "You should laugh more often. It's far less nauseating than your speaking voice." "That may be the nicest thing you've ever said to me." "Don't let it go to your head.

At least that left hope for him. Except "Beauty and the Geek" wasn’t exactly the proper translation of the popular fairy tale.

As soon as I entered the hall, everyone stopped talking. Clearly, as in most places like this one, gossip had spread faster than I could walk. That didn’t bother me, not now. Taking a deep breath, I announced my arrival – ‘Alex’ style

Egotist, n. A person of low taste, more interested in himself than in me.

At the last moment, Kellan swerved around him, quickly leaving the zombie behind. “Why didn't you just hit him?” Jayden asked, turning to look behind us as we sped away. I did, too. The zombie spun around as he immediately started to follow us. “I didn't want to mess up my paint job,” Kellan sarcastically replied as he turned on the street that would lead us to the store. “Plus, I just washed it.

Balekin and Orlagh are planning your murder,” I say flustered. “Yes,” he says lazily. “So why did I wake at all?

Beauty is in the eye of the jury.

Behind every successful woman is a hungry man.

Being Kind, Is Not My Kind

Being skilled in Catsism is like being a ninja only deadlier and not so silent. The only bad thing is the sickening grammar you have to use.

But there was no going back to that idyllic time when only one god wanted to kill me.

Big people never scare me. I am a little man. I can easily hide.

Breslin gives me his wise-teacher smile, which is kind and crinkly and would make me feel warm all over if I was dumber than a bag of hair.

But the people only talked about how ugly her face looked. No one even bothered to mention what a sweet, kindhearted girl she was. Now, don’t be amazed! That is just the nature of humans, to notice the one flaw among a person’s ten good qualities.

Cam's wings were so bright they were almost blinding as they pulsed. "Holy Hell," Callie whispered, blinking. "More or less," Arriane said

Can you enter a house uninvited?" "No." "Why?" "That would be rude.

Clearly, she hadn’t heard of the two words ‘social’ and ‘life’.

Claire shook her head, the little pom-poms on her knitted cap batting at each other. 'I was never doing this.' Eleanor cocked her head to the side with a crooked smile. 'Right. You'll just stand there and watch me do it.

Collectivism is the best solution for a society in harmony. It will be a success when you find a living being, plant or microorganism that it can be applied to.

Casting sarcasm ain't easy.. It needs hard work and a big mug of cappuccino!

Chalk again?" Cal seemed almost disappointed. "Too bad there's no chalk monster." Penn snorted with amusement. Chalk monster. That was like saying it was a vampire. Everyone knew vampires didn't exist. Zombies who drank blood to stay alive. Ridiculous.

Charming. We're going to be murdered in our beds.

Chris had been a genuinely nice guy – a guy with a warm heart and friendly demeanour. What’s more, he, Mortimer, had lived and laughed alongside him – something his dead companions didn’t exactly evoke. OK. So they had their uses from time to time and offered him company when he desired it. Even so, that was it. They were dead, not living. Anyway, their conversations weren’t exactly inspiring.

come humans, fulfill your evolutionary purpose adn build your hound a fire." Oberon

Congress should make it so that all sex scenes in all films should be provided with a screaming baby sound track. That should help take away all the fun and may show a major decrease in unwanted pregnancies without having to provide birth control to anyone.