Best 708 quotes in «sarcasm quotes» category

Whom the gods wish to destroy they first call promising.

Why have computers? Politicians are far more calculating.

Why was I born with such contemporaries?

Wit is the salt of conversation, not the food, and few things in the world are more wearying than a sarcastic attitude towards life.

You never realize how short a month is until you pay alimony.

You can't find any true closeness in Hollywood, because everybody does the fake closeness so well.

You know you're getting old when everything hurts. And what doesn't hurt doesn't work.

Yet, I didn't understand that she was intentionally disguising her feelings with sarcasm; that was usually the last resort of people who are timid and chaste of heart, whose souls have been coarsely and impudently invaded; and who, until the last moment, refuse to yield out of pride and are afraid to express their own feelings to you.

You had to learn at a certain age what sarcasm is, you know?

You really don’t want to take that tone with me. (Varyk) Well, I do have several others we can choose from. Contemptuous. Angry. Snide. Aggravated. How about I just settle on extreme sarcasm and we call it even? (Dev)

You see, that is the sad, sorry, terrible thing about sarcasm. It's really funny.

Acardi! We should have killed him on the spot and you wouldn't let me! You didn't even listen." "Fine," I said, glaring at him. "Next time you want to commit murder, give me a call. You dagger them, I'll chop them into little tiny pieces and toss them into the East River." For the first time, I noticed the shadows beneath his eyes, the gauntness on his face. He lowered his voice, rubbing his temples as if he had a migraine. "This isn't the time for sarcasm, Liana." "No, apparently it's murder time.

[about a hat] You can put it on and say, "Hey you, person without a hat! I've got something you don't! How did I get it? Probably by being worth more to society.

A full glass of patience with a pinch of sarcasm is all you need to deal~

Alexander turned slowly to appraise Maya. It had to be uncomfortable getting that treatment up close, but she didn’t seem to care. Maybe wolves were tougher than vampires – or at least more ballsy, you know, for a girl who only had metaphorical balls.

Ah don’t worry about Jonah. Something must have crawled up his ass.” Billy pauses. “Something big.” “I hope he made sure to get its weight for takeoff,” I mutter, reaching for my running shoes. Billy’s barking laughter carries through the cool breeze.

Ah, well, when you explain it like that, it seems obvious," said Mudge. "Of course, it always seems obvious once it's been explained.

Ah, sarcasm. The final refuge of the desperate.

A good lover? One percent talent and ninety nine percent hard work.

Ah, Proph." Tom paused. "You did have a nightmare last night." "And here I thought maybe I dreamed it," Prophet muttered sarcastically.

A man is not mature unless he gets a certificate of maturity from a woman.

A lot of people have it in for me. It's practically a school sport.

All My Bitches Are Mad At Me Right Now.

All right, we need a way to get inot the palace. Any ideas?" "Ask nicely? Charge in? Fly? Wait, do you mean reasonable ones?

A mind is a terrible thing...

Am I sure how old I am? Wait, let me get out all my fingers and toes so I'm sure I haven't miscounted.

A multi-party system is a system in which multiple political parties run for national election thus turning it into a multi-party chaos.

An appropriate joke should contain elements of information that sounds realistic, logical and entertaining which can amuse others to listen you when initiating a meaningful conversation.

An accessible introduction to the nature of political thought. Just what I always wanted.

... And I wondered if we had disappointed God so much, that he wrote us off as pets, just alive to entertain.

And her dumplings were so light they would float in the air and you'd have to catch 'em to eat 'em.

And fetch some straw. We’ll put it between us and the ground. No reason we shouldn’t sleep soft tonight.” “Straw. I love luxury.

And involuntarily I compared the childish sarcasm, the religious sarcasm of Voltaire with the irresistible irony of the German philosopher whose influence is henceforth ineffaceable.

And since he cannot spend and use aright The little time here given him in trust, But wasteth it in weary undelight Of foolish toil and trouble, strife and lust, He naturally claimeth to inherit The everlasting Future, that his merit May have full scope; as surely is most just.

And that, my friends, is how a revolution dies. -Haymitch Abernathy

Anyone that says his mind will be probably regarded a fool, but the true artist is not moved by the comments about the looks of his painting or remarks that are dreadfully sarcastic, but hearken now! That he who says what others want to hear hasn't said anything of his own.

And your neihjbour is sitting next door weeping as she watches her child facing a crowd of Palestiniankids armed with rocks which could take your boy's eye out or give him brain damage if god forbids he took off his helmet one of those dusty stones hit him in the head

Any boy who'd love a sailboat-patterned, swimsuited sausage who tames rabid foxes would be wonderful. And impossible.

A painting is worth a thousand confused art-gallery visitors.

Are you a house-wife, Mrs Silvers?' he asked. 'What would you recommend for getting burger relish out of a white shirt?' The seething woman cranked the venom-level of her gaze up to eleven, and Raven smiled pleasantly back.

Are you cold? No, Brainiac; I’m on flipping Vibrate Mode.

A psycho murderer who lubed. How considerate.

Arch turned and looked at Ian. The other man was fiddling with the neckline of his shirt. “You're just jealous, Ian, and wishing you had a soul mate of your own. In fact, I don't think any woman will be safe until you get one.” Ian shot him an unamused look at his words.

Are you suggesting I’m working with the zombies? That I paid them to pretend to attack me so that I’d trick you into letting me join you?”“Did you?” Mr. Holland demanded.“Yeah, okay,” I said in a sugar-sweet tone. “You’re right. I was having dinner with Zombie Carl the other night. You know, steaks, rare, and a bottle of vintage type A. He told me all his secrets, but too bad for you I promised him I wouldn’t tell. In exchange I asked him to gather his best undead buddies and stalk me through my friend’s yard. And oh, yeah, it was totally fine if they wanted to use me as an all-night dinner buffet, because having organs is so last season.

Arjuro made a scoffing sound. ‘You think Lumatere will invade because of you? Are you that important?’ Froi looked away. ‘Isaboe would invade if you kidnapped a servant, let alone a friend.’ ‘Isaboe? We’re on first-name terms with the Queen of Lumatere, are we?’ Gargarin asked. Froi found himself bristling. ‘What? Do you think I’m some cutthroat for hire who they found hanging around the palace walls with the words “I want to kill a Charynite King” tattooed on my arse?

As a general rule, I preferred not to have my soul reaped.

As soon as I entered the hall, everyone stopped talking. Clearly, as in most places like this one, gossip had spread faster than I could walk. That didn’t bother me, not now. Taking a deep breath, I announced my arrival – ‘Alex’ style

... As could the sarcasm in her voice. "yes, she's bleeding to deat Lu upstairs, but i thought I'd avoid telling you right away, because I like to draw the suspense out.

As if I'd had time to drug it in the two milliseconds she'd let me out of her sight.

As my laughter faded, he shot me an amused glance. "You should laugh more often. It's far less nauseating than your speaking voice." "That may be the nicest thing you've ever said to me." "Don't let it go to your head.