Best 221 quotes in «romantic comedy quotes» category

I’d eat a picnic in Hades with him.

I didn't want to miss out on another second with this girl. Fuck everything. Fuck everyone. None of it mattered.

I don't get it. Why would you want to endure someone who squeezes the toothpaste the wrong way and deprives you of a simple pleasure every morning?

I don’t know why Kate was trying to impress him, as far as I could see the guy had all the allure and social grace of a psychotic slug with halitosis and a bad head cold.

I don't suppose you have a rocket powered helicopter hidden in your bra?

I'd rather be stung to death by a bunch of piss ants. ~Synola Harper, You're Busting My Nuptials

If I call him back here," Cooper whispered in her ear, "will you crawl up my body again?

If I looked like him,” Tara said. “I’d want to have sex with myself. All the time.

I find blow jobs to be highly respectable. In fact, I can’t think of many things I respect more than your lips around my cock.

If you are reading this, I'm dead. Don't celebrate too much. Jesus is watching.

If you don’t have sex with me right now, I swear I will light you on fire and bury your body in the desert.

If you’ve ever grown zucchini, you know they all ripen the same day. You wait all of June and July for zucchini. August rolls around, and one day—bam! You have more zucchini than you know what to do with. You start handing them out to your neighbors and friends at work because there’s no way any single person can handle all that zucchini. Not even if you’re smart and resourceful and have accumulated dozens of good recipes, not even a person who likes zucchini as much as I do.--Grace Savage

I give him a skeptical look. “You want to show me your dick?” “If it’ll help convince you.” He drains the last drops of his Scotch and stands up. “Come on, let’s go.

I gotta go but... I miss you. That's all." "I miss you too", I say hugging my body tightly with the sleeves of his shirt. This... Is falling.

I have been cheated. The file had a few pieces of worthless information about me and some of my performance reviews (which I had to sign– so it wasn’t anything new). The rest were blank pieces of paper, which Oliver obviously put in there to make it look more enticing. It also only briefly mentioned the meeting with Spencer, saying I had shown interest in marketing with a red pen mark at the bottom which said: Accused Marketing Director of being a narcissistic bastard. Follow up? They hadn’t even indicated whose side they were on, which is slightly disappointing.

I fight to keep my fingers from trembling. I have a sudden urge to lick him. That’s not part of the plan. Maybe I can take a bit of a detour, taste what’s on display, even though I probably shouldn’t. Going against the plan is never advisable. But maybe just a little peck – it’s harmless, right? I lean in, and my lips connect with his skin. The reasonable part of my brain reminds me, Not a good idea. The other needy and somewhat desperate parts counter with, Oh god. Best. Idea. Ever.

I know it must seem completely idiotic to you," Maddie said, hoping to coax at least a grunt from her, "hiring a date to your only sister's wedding and all." Louise slowly nodded. "I mean, who does such things nowadays, right? Women don't need men for anything. Well, they do need them for one thing. But that's all—and, really, debatable depending on your sexual orientation.

I look exactly like a toilet-roll-holder doll. A toilet-roll-holder doll with orange hair and a very round face.

I'm going to make love to you, Lanie. I'm not your first, but I will be the last.

I’m going to ear you like a starved man and I want you to keep your eyes on me the whole time. Are we clear?” – The Seduction Factor Casual Encounter 1

I’m probably getting too familiar with him, but there’s something about him that makes me feel like I would tell him anything. He asks these incredibly direct questions, things that some of my closest friends have never even thought to ask, and I’m inexplicably compelled to share all these deeply personal thoughts. He’s like human Xanax or something.

In all my twenty-seven years of life, I have never before noticed the astonishing similarities between my own head and a tenpin bowling ball. ... Ah, the colours. I should probably mention that the Luxurious Caramel, Sticky Treacle and Ash Blonde I asked for have somehow turned out to be Felt Tip Orange, Poo Brown and Ash . . . as in cigarette.

In an unexpected move, Bryce reached for my hand and pulled me to his side. “Play along. We’ll straighten this out later.” Good Lord, the school hottie was touching me. It felt like I’d won some sort of geek-girl lottery. And depending on how this played out, Bryce could be the answer to my boyfriend problems. If he wanted me to cover for him, then he needed to help me with my overprotective brothers.

I need a hug from you to make me feel better about the fact I need a hug from you.

I rock in his arms under the stars and the blanket of night air, unwilling or unable to tear myself away.

I'm a guy. Unless the dirt attacks first, I leave it in peace.

I simply regard romantic comedies as a subgenre of sci-fi, in which the world created therein has different rules than my regular human world.

I thank God every day for bringing you into my life. I know I don't deserve you, but I'm a better man because of you.

I want the strings. I want the ball and fucking chain. I want to be so tied to you that you can’t ever slip away from me again.

I want to rip the rest of those buttons open and climb him like a monkey in a banana tree. Oh God, what I would do with his banana...

I was a witch and like a witch, deserved to have a house fall on top of me while wearing my favorite shoes

I was just wondering how long we were going to pretend like we annoyed each other before we started sleeping together.

Lo aspetto, e ancora non ci credo. Aspetto il mio futuro facendo un tuffo nel passato.

Longing to know more about each other, Tinderella and her prince began that day a nightly journey of long conversations filled with the excitement of new beginnings. Every night, a kaleidoscope of butterflies fluttered their wings in her stomach, as two hearts learned to find a new rhythm beating as one.

Love is simple, if you allow it to be simple." Julian to Hannah, Take A Chance

Maggie chiuse gli occhi e contò sino a dieci. Uno, due, tre… Se voleva arrivare a casa di sua sorella prima che facesse notte, non aveva altra scelta che chiedere al cowboy di accompagnarla. Certo, avrebbe sempre potuto optare per il motel e attraversare quelle duecento iarde pullulanti di lupi. Un altro ululato. No, non avrebbe potuto. «Lupi» disse Mitch, il braccio sinistro che sporgeva indolente dal finestrino, il mozzicone del sigaro stretto tra le dita. «Lupi» ripeté lei con un’alzata di spalle, come se si trattasse di barboncini addestrati. Poi mosse un paio di passi esitanti verso il pick-up. Quell’affare era così alto che dovette allungare il collo e sollevare la testa per parlare al cowboy. «Mi chiedevo…» mormorò vincendo ogni residua resistenza. Lui rimase immobile, se non per il sopracciglio sinistro che scattò verso l’alto. «… se per caso tu non potessi darmi uno strappo.» Lui finse di prendere in considerazione la cosa. Poi, con un altro sbuffo di fumo, disse: «Mi sembrava che avessi rifiutato la mia offerta, dieci minuti fa...». «Perché non intendevo esserti di disturbo» rispose lei come se si stesse rivolgendo alla duchessa di Kent. E di fatti lui scoppiò a ridere. «Essermi di disturbo? Dopo avermi assalito come un ninja? Ma sarò magnanimo. Dai, sali.» Maggie tirò un sospiro di sollievo. Era così stanca e infreddolita che anche quel pick-up scassato le parve per un istante una limousine. «Dove metto la valigia?» «Buttala dietro, nel cassone.» Buttare nel cassone la sua Samsonite rosa, costata una cifra improponibile? «Preferirei sistemarla in cabina, se non ti spiace.» «In cabina non c’è posto, qua dietro è pieno di roba. A meno che tu preferisca viaggiare nel cassone e la valigia sul sedile…» Lei rimase zitta, gli occhi sgranati, per nulla certa che quella fosse solo una battuta. «Ok, ci penso io» tagliò corto lui, aprendo la portiera e scivolando a terra con un balzo. Afferrò il trolley per la maniglia e, senza un’altra parola, lo fece volare nel cassone. Oh! Il botto risuonò nelle orecchie di Maggie come una granata. Risistemandosi lo Stetson sulla testa, il cowboy girò intorno al pick-up e con un sorriso esagerato aprì la portiera del passeggero. «Sali, sorella di Suzie, o vuoi che dia una mano anche a te?»

Mancano venti miglia a Limerick» disse, mostrandosi molto interessata al percorso. «So leggere i cartelli, grazie» rispose lui, gelido. Piera sbuffò. «Volevo solo rendermi utile, non mettere in dubbio le tue doti di maschio alfa!» La frase le uscì male, provocatoria senza volerlo essere, e infatti, piccato, lui emise un ah! alquanto sarcastico e batté il pugno con violenza sul volante, facendo suonare il clacson. Piera sussultò, sorpresa se non spaventata. «Mi sento di tutto, ti assicuro, tranne che maschio, alfa, beta o delta che sia.» Ecco, ci siamo. «E per il quieto vivere» proseguì lui, «farò persino finta che la notte scorsa tu non mi abbia trattato come un sex-toy…» Questa volta un ah! sarcastico uscì dalle labbra di Piera. «Un sex cosa? Scusa, non ho capito bene.» «Un sex-toy.» «Non so neppure cosa sia.» «Non ne avevo il minimo dubbio.» «Lo prendo come un complimento.» «Prendilo come vuoi. Coniglietti, AH!» «Cosa c’entrano i conigli, adesso?» «Lascia perdere.» «No, spiegati, per favore.» «Una che dorme con dei conigli addosso non può certo sapere cosa sia un sex-toy.» «Ohhh! La mia camicia da notte non è di tuo gusto? Va’ al diavolo, Jean!

Mark Twain said, "Humor is mankind's greatest blessing." Dorsey Bing said, "I'll take womankind's greatest blessing: more wine.

Me: Cake, brownies, ice cream? GO! Zach: Yes. Me: NO! Pick one! HURRY Me: I’m at the store getting ready to check out and I NEED TO KNOW. I can’t decide. Help a cute, hangry girl out, would ya. Zach: How about…a brownie cake with ice cream. Me: I think I just came. Zach: I am known for my skills.

Meet Jake — He’s illegally hot and his dirty-talking will make you dizzy! Meet Hunter— He’s outspoken, impulsive and a rugged piece of eye candy! These Two Alpha Billionaires Believe In Sharing...Everything!

Men know that most women want to have an emotional connection with someone before they sleep with them. Men know that a lot of women think it's romantic to be friends first, and then the friendship blossoms into a relationship. Men know that they have to jump through all these hoops first, before they can get laid. And that's really all romance and courtship is to a man: hoops he has to jump through to get laid.

Milano, una scuola media statale, maggio 2014 «Professoressa, è arrivato un altro genitore, sa, per il colloquio…» Piera alzò gli occhi al cielo e guardò l’orologio: undici e dieci minuti. Dieci minuti di ritardo e nessun appuntamento. Sospirò. Parlare con un altro genitore voleva dire perdere quasi completamente l’ora buca che di solito utilizzava per correggere i compiti o fare qualche piccola commissione. E, accidempolina, aveva visto quell’abitino nella merceria di viale Brianza. L’unica merceria ancora aperta a Milano e l’aveva beccata lei! Dio, non era forse patetico comprare i vestiti in merceria? Forse solo sua nonna e le sue diaboliche amichette novantenni lo facevano ancora. Ma l’abitino era a buon mercato, semplice come piaceva a lei e… color grigio topo. Possibile che si vestisse solo di grigio? E senza nessuna dannatissima sfumatura, per giunta! Sorrise amaro, pensando ad altre sfumature, anche se non era quello il momento di piangere sulla sua castissima vita di single. Ora doveva incontrare il genitore ritardatario, privo di buona creanza e di un accidente di appuntamento. Be’, per questa volta avrebbe chiuso un occhio, anche perché forse si trattava della mamma di Diamante De Braud che aveva convocato già da un paio di settimane, ma che ancora non si era vista. Secondo Diamante, che tutti chiamavano Didi, la madre era in Irlanda a risposarsi da qualche parte. In Irlanda? A risposarsi con un leprechaun? Di certo un’altra frottola della ragazzina. Ok, era ora di vedere la genitrice inopportuna. «Le dica che arrivo fra cinque minuti, Flaminia» disse. La commessa la guardò con uno strano sorrisino sulle labbra. «Gli dica. È un papà. E non so se mi sono spiegata.» Non so se mi sono spiegata. No che non ti sei spiegata, Flaminia! Ora anche le commesse erano diventate petulanti? E quel sorrisetto ammiccante che diavolo voleva dire? Come se non avesse ricevuto nessuna gomitata metaforica nello sterno, finse di ributtarsi a capofitto sul compito che stava correggendo e con un che di acido rispose: «Gli dica, allora. Grazie». «Il genitore mi ha anche detto di dirle che lui ha molta fretta…» Piera alzò lo sguardo davanti a sé e sentì una fitta di rabbia trafiggerla. «È in ritardo e ha pure fretta?» Ora lo sistemo io, questo maleducato, pensò alzandosi con troppa foga e dirigendosi verso la porta con fare minaccioso. «Il registro, professoressa! Non dovrebbe portarlo con sé?» le ricordò Flaminia. Decisamente petulante. Trattenendo un’imprecazione, che in ogni caso non sarebbe stata molto più spinta di un perdindincibacco!, Piera si bloccò, girò su immaginari cardini e tornò sui suoi passi. Poi, a testa alta e col registro ben stretto in mano, passò di fianco a Flaminia che la guardava ancora con quello strano sorrisino. «Vedrà, professoressa, non se ne pentirà.» «Forse sarà lui, a pentirsene» mormorò lei tra i denti. Avrebbe detto il fatto suo a quel maleducato. Come no?

I feel like I've been ironing all day in high heels and no brassiere. ~Tizzy Donovan, Laid Out and Candle Lit

I truly believed Facebook was created by Satan as a way to turn completely sane people into obsessed stalkers.

It’s a good thing I enjoy icing. Very much, in fact.” Luke replies, holding my gaze and smiling charmingly. I think I need water, a gulp of something to cool me down, because I’m no longer thinking of icing on a cupcake. The icing is all over me. And he’s … licking.

It’s like I’m suddenly a hormonally charged teenager or living in a bad romance novel: I suddenly can’t stop myself from noticing every man around me. Which means that Darcy, Samantha, and Michael are probably right. Plus, there was that disturbing dream about Voldemort this morning. I need to lose my gay-husband virginity before I lose my mind entirely. I need to find someone to sleep with me. And the fact that I don’t have the faintest idea how to make that happen is just further proof that it needs to. —SINGLE-MINDED

It was sweet he was checking on me. He didn’t have to, but he knew that Blair and I were friends. Sisters, even. And he wanted to protect her friends like he’d protect her. Well, maybe not the same way. If there was a gun fight he’d probably use me as a shield to protect her. But still, he cared.

It was Valentine's Day and I had spent the day in bed with my life partner, Ketel One. The two of us watched a romance movie marathon on TBS Superstation that made me wonder how people who write romantic comedies can sleep at night. At some point during almost every romantic comedy, the female lead suddenly trips and falls, stumbling helplessly over something ridiculous like a leaf, and then some Matthew McConaughey type either whips around the corner just in the nick of time to save her or is clumsily pulled down along with her. That event predictably leads to the magical moment of their first kiss. Please. I fall all-the-time. You know who comes and gets me? The bouncer. Then, within the two hour time frame of the movie, the couple meet, fall in love, fall out of love, break up, and then just before the end of the movie, they happen to bump into each other by "coincidence" somewhere absolutely absurd, like by the river. This never happens in real life. The last time I bumped into an ex-boyfriend was at three o'clock in the morning at Rite Aid. I was ringing up Gas-X and corn removers.

I’ve got more faith in my shotgun than any man, that’s for sure.

I wanted Audrey Hepburn in Funny Face, not Bridal Munchkin Drag Queen in A Gypsy Wedding Sequin Frenzy.