Best 79 quotes of Larry David on MyQuotes

Actually I walk around with the Emmy wherever I go, but I'm very casual about it.

A good compromise is when both parties are dissatisfied

Anyone can be confident with a full head of hair. But a confident bald man - there's your diamond in the rough.

A place to go - that's what my mother always instilled in me. You need a place to go. And you're worthless unless you have a place to go.

Being Larry David on Curb Your Enthusiasm was the best thing to happen to Larry David in life.

Did Bill Clinton actually think that he could get blow jobs from a Jewish woman and there would be no consequences?

Even back then, I exuded self-confidence, and that drives women crazy.

Even though the National Guard and Army Reserve see combat today, it rankles me that people assume it was some kind of waltz in the park back then.

Every relationship is just so tenuous and precarious.

Give a guy a girlfriend and a great job, he doesn’t need therapy.

Golf and dating don't mix.

Hey, I may loathe myself, but it has nothing to do with the fact that I'm Jewish.

Hitler really ruined that mustache for everybody. It’s really an interesting mustache, but now, no one can wear it.

I couldn't be happier that President Bush has stood up for having served in the National Guard, because I can finally put an end to all those who questioned my motives for enlisting in the Army Reserve at the height of the Vietnam War.

I defy anyone to produce any evidence that the word 'happy' has ever crossed my lips. I am not now, nor have I ever been, 'happy.'

I'd much rather be on stage talking to a couple of retards for twenty bucks than sitting at my desk thinking up jokes for...well let's say a few dollars more.

I don't like talking to people I KNOW, but strangers, I have no problem with.

I don't like to analyze my music too much. It just comes welling up out of the depths of my soul.

I don't write shows with dialogue where actors have to memorize dialogue. I write the scenes where we know everything that's going to happen. There's an outline of about seven or eight pages, and then we improvise it.

I’d rather have the thieves than the neighbors - the thieves don't impose. Thieves just want your things, neighbors want your time.

If I tried to flirt with a woman and she didn't know who I was, she would run away.

If you tell the truth about how you're feeling, it becomes funny.

I gave a funny speech at my wife's birthday party, and I'm thinking, 'Hey, I've still got it.'

I had a wonderful childhood, which is tough because it's hard to adjust to a miserable adulthood.

I guess I still feel that I'm a comedian; if I had to pick one thing that I feel like I could do, it would be that. That doesn't mean that I like it, but I feel that's what I am.

I had a job as a paralegal. I drove a cab.

I have no sense of well-being. There's no chance the well will run dry.

I learned the first night that IHOP's not the place to order fish.

I like to be quiet, and let people find me rather than having to shout at them.

I'm a jerk, that's who I am. I'm like everybody else.

I'm anti-cheese in a salad.

I'm a walking, talking enigma. We're a dying breed.

I'm not a person who embraces challenges. I run from challenges. I break world records running from challenges.

I'm not interested in closure. Some people just have heart attacks and die, right? There's no closure.

I'm really only happy when I'm on stage. I just feed off the energy of the audience. That's what I'm all about - people and laughter.

I'm surprised sometimes at how some of my actions are misinterpreted.

I'm trying to elevate small-talk to medium talk.

In those days, reserve duty lasted for six years, which, I might add, was three times as long as service in the regular army, although to be perfectly honest, I was unable to fulfill my entire obligation because I was taking acting classes and they said I could skip my last year.

I once stopped to pick up a girl, and then there was this creepy-looking guy standing behind the bushes waiting to jump out and get in, too. So I just quickly drove away.

It began to dawn on me that perhaps my country needed me more at home than overseas.

I tend to stay with the panic. I embrace the panic.

I think that for the most part, when I started doing comedy, it had become very commercialized.

I've always loathed rich people, so I've become who I've loathed, which makes it doubly difficult, if you can follow me.

I wanted to make a living, but I really was not interested in money at all. I was interested in being a great comedian.

I wasn't making fun of my father in-law's religion. And even if I was so what, it's a comedy. Religion should be made fun of, it's quite ridiculous isn't it. Think how people spend their lives, they have no idea. They go around as if this is a fact. It's so insane you know. If I really believed that stuff I'd keep it to myself. Lest somebody think I was out of my mind.

I was planning on my future as a homeless person. I had a really good spot picked out.

I was very fortunate to hook up with Jerry in the first place. The network was already committed to doing something with him, so I skipped a couple of hundred steps right there.

Let's not forget, I got divorced.

Luck always plays a part for everyone, whether they want to admit it or not. I was very lucky, and I know it.

Making a woman laugh. What is that about? And the prettier the woman, the more satisfaction I get. It doesn't make any sense, but I'm being honest.