Best 571 quotes in «jokes quotes» category

It wasn't until I became more confident with myself and I put myself forward instead of the jokes; at first it was put the jokes out there and I'm just behind the jokes.

I used to joke that if acting didn't work out, poetry was my commonsense fallback.

I've been burn when it comes to my hair that it ain't no joke.

I wanted to be funny. And I'm always acknowledged for my pranks and jokes nowadays.

I've been paying alimony since I was 14 and child support since 15. That's a joke, but not by much

I've always been terrible on regular sitcoms with lots of jokes. I don't know how to tell jokes.

I was going to start off tonight with an Obama joke but I don't want to get audited by the IRS.

Jewish comedians do the best Jewish jokes, and anyone else doing that, they don't have a right to, because they're not coming from that experience. I know that's a slightly heightened example, but it's the same thing. We're bumpkins, so we can make bumpkin jokes.

I was born in the West Village in New York, and then when I was about four my family moved to what they joke is the suburbs, the Upper West Side. I lived there for most of my childhood.

I want my tombstone to read: If this is a joke, I don't get it.

Johnny Carson started the jokes about me and Marlin in his monologues.

Jokes are grievances.

Jokes are unanswerable objections.

Jokes are better than war. Even the most aggressive jokes are better than the least aggressive wars. Even the longest jokes are better than the shortest wars.

Jokes are very curious things psychologically.

Jokes do finish themselves. I really do see them as ongoing conversations about personal themes that I ruminate on.

Laughter is the only tenable attitude in a universe which is a joke played on itself.

Just because something makes you smile or laugh ... doesn't mean it's a joke.

Larry David finds a way to make jokes about the Holocaust. It would never have occurred to me. And it was funny.

Life plays the same lovely and agonizing joke on all of us.

Man, after all my grandma put into me learning the piano, that was a hard day, telling her I was telling jokes for a living.

Living is a pretty grim joke, but a joke just the same.

Most of my jokes are racist - usually about the Irish.

Men love a joke - on the other fellow. But your really humorous woman loves a joke on herself.

My favourite things are jokes, friendliness and feeling comfortable.

My favorite Aggie joke? I'm sorry I don't understand the question

Michael Gambon telling filthy jokes and Alan Rickman talking about scrambled eggs, just really normal things, and yet they're these amazingly, superb, famous actors. I feel so privileged to have been around them on the set of Harry Potter.

My friends joke because I will take my clothes off, at the drop of a hat.

My friends joke that I raised the Titanic and never left the Rockies.

My memoirs are full of humor, I had to change jokes because it was a little too dark.

My friends always joke that I run on batteries.

Neil Hamburger writes such cutting jokes.

Never put a razor inside your nose - even as a joke.

My music started out as a complete joke, so really all I was doing was going for witty punchlines to make all of my buddies laugh.

Never joke at funerals, or during business transactions.

One of my biggest problems with comedy was that I did not understand some of the jokes.

My whole family is very sarcastic and constantly making jokes.

My whole life, I've been telling jokes.

Only the saints would joke so about the gods, because it was either joke or scream, and they alone knew it was all the same to the gods.

... nothing broke my heart like the slow death of a shared joke that had once seemed genuinely funny.

ORTHODOX, n. An ox wearing the popular religious joke.

People confuse the subject of the joke with the target of the joke, and they're very rarely the same.

Penn & Teller stopped doing practical jokes, and the reason is we got much too good at it.

People joke about me that I talk in voiceovers. I have that sort of inflection. But I do talk in voiceovers. I have done it my whole life.

Remember, the Legislature is the joke, not our campaign.

People that do "bits" and "jokes" or "one-liners" are going by the wayside.

Round-heads and Wooden-shoes are standing jokes.

Same thing, like my commercials are often times really funny because I tend to find 30 seconds is a really good amount of time to tell a joke.

Really, I'm pretty laid-back, always cracking jokes.

She laughed when there was no joke. She danced when there was no music. She had no friends, yet she was the friendliest person in school.