Best 571 quotes in «jokes quotes» category

I enjoy life. I always enjoy jokes.

If I could email my jokes to the crowd and get the same immediate response [as during stand-up], I'd do that.

If fate doesn't make you laugh, you just don't get the joke.

If life a joke then I’m waiting for the punch. You all about the beef but me, I’m bout the bun.

I find that when I tell lawyer jokes to a mixed audience, the lawyers don't think they're funny and the non-lawyers don't think they're jokes.

If I should ever die, God forbid, I hope you will say, 'Kurt is up in heaven now.' That's my favorite joke.

If they invent a car that runs on stupid jokes, you could go far.

If life's a joke, then suicide's a bad punch line.

If you can make it sound exciting with a joke drum machine, you know you've got something.

If you can't joke about the most horrendous things in the world, what's the point of jokes? What's the point in having humor? Humor is to get us over terrible things.

If you find you are not understanding my explaination for a joke, hit F5 on your browser and the page will refresh and I will explain it again.

If there's one thing I know it's God does love a good joke.

If no meant no then every man would die a virgin.

If nothing is delightful without love and jokes, then live in love and jokes.

If you think something's funny, go with that. Most comedians pull jokes from a place of honesty.

If you keep up with pop culture, everybody knows the joke.

If you work at comedy too laboriously, you can kill what's funny in the joke.

If you let go of fart jokes, you've let go of a piece of humanity.

I have been sober for the longest time. Oh, it's over a decade now. No joke.

I guess I'm like Roger Miller who used to say that he didn't have as many jokes as he thought he did.

I have "come back" [to music scene] so many times, people are just like, Is this another one?... It's kind of like a joke to me now.

I initially signed up for Twitter just to do jokes I wasn't going to do in my stand-up routine.

I have my own gym. When you do jokes and they sell, you get a gym.

I joke sometimes that I live a protracted adolescence, that a part of me will always be twelve years old.

I joke that if she [Debbie Wasserman Schultz] could find a 3 a.m. slot in the Home Shopping Network, she would grab that. So those emails only confirm what we knew.

I just love that part of comedy, where you see somebody's jokes develop. They try something new to see what works, and I just love that part.

I like a President who tells jokes instead of appointing them.

I like the purity of stand-up because it is all about whether people laugh at your jokes. Either they laugh or they don't.

I like to create stuff. I like to express myself through jokes.

I like when people are trapped in the joke, when there's no escape. I like to lead people down the wrong path and then trap them.

I love inside jokes. I hope to be a part of one some day.

I love telling myself jokes. I think I'm a riot.

I love those people who do story-telling and who ramble on, but I don't do that, I tell jokes - the sort of jokes that anyone really could tell in the pub.

I'm a fun person. I like cracking jokes and being completely nerdy.

I'm a joke comic. I tell jokes. I like writing a joke, and I like when a joke works, and I like other comics who tell jokes.

I make a joke that I'm the Internet curmudgeon, but 'wary' is a good way to put it.

I'm a nobody, nobody is perfect, therefore I am perfect!

I'm an environmentalist. Most of my jokes are recycled.

I'm in nobody's circle, I've always been an outsider.

I'm not a joke guy; I'm not a stand-up comic.

I'm offended by political jokes. Too often they get elected.

I guess the tone of jokes is often, at best, irreverent, but it always comes from a place of deep love.

I joke around all the time, 'I'm Asian; I'm really good at math.'

I laugh and joke, but I don't get distracted very easily.

I'm a plethora of stolen jokes and kitschy references.

I'm banned from Middlebrook elementary for telling dirty jokes to the janitor. The janitor! He cleans up dirt for a living.

I'm not really very funny, I just keep recycling jokes.

I'm used to explaining to people why my jokes were funny.

I joke around a lot about the manic times because they're funny. We manics do outrageous things and it is part of our colorful nature.

I joke that I spent 38 years scouring the globe, going to war zones, trying to find the person with my exact birthday.