Best 571 quotes in «jokes quotes» category

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    Hillary Clinton wouldn't have make a joke about wiping the server clean with a towel or now we find out about bashing old Blackberries to get rid of them or the fact that she had 13 Blackberries.

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    Humor is based on surprise, and surprise is a milder way of saying shock. It's surprise that makes the joke.

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    Humor is an attitude, a survivor’s way of looking at life. It’s not about telling jokes.

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    Humor is when the joke's on you but hits the other fellow first -- before it boomerangs.

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    I actually like jokes as well as things that are sort of fun.

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    I ain't apologizing for anything, especially if it's a joke.

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    I always joke that every novel is really about the same thing: one person's struggle against society.

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    I am a rune a carrot a little joke

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    I always joke and say I want to invent a comfortable stiletto and then retire.

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    I always make the joke that I go home, to one of my homes, to go and do laundry so I can go on the road again.

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    I am the illegal alien of commentary. I will do the jokes that no one else will do.

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    I am so happy that I married a comedy writer. He's never not without a joke. No matter where we are.

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    I come up with my jokes by thinking of a topic.

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    I can never tell a joke, I've always found it easier to just fall over.

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    I can't defend someone else's jokes. I can only defend my jokes, and I have to live with my own jokes.

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    I can't crack jokes because I don't have any.

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    I'd like to start with the chimney jokes - I've got a stack of them. The first one is on the house.

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    I'd like to think I'd never do a gratuitous fart joke.

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    I do jokes about what's funny, and both sides are funny.

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    I don't care if my jokes are appropriate for a kid.

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    I don't consider myself a comedian because I don't really concern myself too much with jokes.

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    I don't do a lot of political jokes. Too many are getting elected.

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    I don't approve of political jokes; I have seen too many of them get elected.

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    I don't consider myself a comic but a performer. A comic tells bad jokes.

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    I don't do any jokes that old. I might have maybe one or two jokes from high school that I still do.

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    I don't really tell a joke, I react to situations. The whole thing is just looking at somebody and showing all our weaknesses and exaggerating them, and that's how it becomes funny.

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    I don't know any jokes, which is embarrassing. I wish I did.

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    I don't like to joke about dating.

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    I enjoy life. I always enjoy jokes.

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    If life a joke then I’m waiting for the punch. You all about the beef but me, I’m bout the bun.

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    If fate doesn't make you laugh, you just don't get the joke.

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    If I should ever die, God forbid, I hope you will say, 'Kurt is up in heaven now.' That's my favorite joke.

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    If no meant no then every man would die a virgin.

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    If nothing is delightful without love and jokes, then live in love and jokes.

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    If I could email my jokes to the crowd and get the same immediate response [as during stand-up], I'd do that.

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    I find that when I tell lawyer jokes to a mixed audience, the lawyers don't think they're funny and the non-lawyers don't think they're jokes.

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    If life's a joke, then suicide's a bad punch line.

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    If you find you are not understanding my explaination for a joke, hit F5 on your browser and the page will refresh and I will explain it again.

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    If there's one thing I know it's God does love a good joke.

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    If they invent a car that runs on stupid jokes, you could go far.

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    If you can make it sound exciting with a joke drum machine, you know you've got something.

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    If you can't joke about the most horrendous things in the world, what's the point of jokes? What's the point in having humor? Humor is to get us over terrible things.

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    If you keep up with pop culture, everybody knows the joke.

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    If you let go of fart jokes, you've let go of a piece of humanity.

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    If you think something's funny, go with that. Most comedians pull jokes from a place of honesty.

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    I guess the tone of jokes is often, at best, irreverent, but it always comes from a place of deep love.

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    If you work at comedy too laboriously, you can kill what's funny in the joke.

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    I guess I'm like Roger Miller who used to say that he didn't have as many jokes as he thought he did.

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    I have been sober for the longest time. Oh, it's over a decade now. No joke.

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    I initially signed up for Twitter just to do jokes I wasn't going to do in my stand-up routine.

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