Best 571 quotes in «jokes quotes» category

It is not a sin to be seventy but it is also no joke.

I took my girl to dinner, and she laughed so hard at one of my jokes that she dropped her tray.

It’s a basic rule of humor that a joke is always at somebody’s expense. Really good jokes, however, tend to be at everyone’s expense.

It's much easier to make jokes about not having kids.

It's mandatory in this day and age to be considered to have a sense of humor and to demonstrate it. You're not paying me for a joke, You're paying me for the right joke.

It's easy for someone to joke about scars if they've never been cut.

It's not a stereotype if it's always true.

It's not appropriate to joke about the Ku Klux Klan.

It was a bit of fun. But of course like anything that starts as a joke, people started to take it all seriously!

It's perfectly okay if you don't understand every single one of them. For one thing, I make a lot of corny jokes, and you have to be 40 years old to get some of them.

It's really stupid to defend your own jokes. That is for other people to do if they choose to.

It was almost funny. Life seemed downright accidental in its brevity, and death a punch line to a lousy joke.

It was a joke, okay? If we thought it would actually be used, we wouldn't have written it!

I've always been terrible on regular sitcoms with lots of jokes. I don't know how to tell jokes.

I've been burn when it comes to my hair that it ain't no joke.

I've been paying alimony since I was 14 and child support since 15. That's a joke, but not by much

It wasn't until I became more confident with myself and I put myself forward instead of the jokes; at first it was put the jokes out there and I'm just behind the jokes.

I wanted to be funny. And I'm always acknowledged for my pranks and jokes nowadays.

I was going to start off tonight with an Obama joke but I don't want to get audited by the IRS.

I used to joke that if acting didn't work out, poetry was my commonsense fallback.

I want my tombstone to read: If this is a joke, I don't get it.

I was born in the West Village in New York, and then when I was about four my family moved to what they joke is the suburbs, the Upper West Side. I lived there for most of my childhood.

Johnny Carson started the jokes about me and Marlin in his monologues.

Jokes are grievances.

Jokes are unanswerable objections.

Jokes are better than war. Even the most aggressive jokes are better than the least aggressive wars. Even the longest jokes are better than the shortest wars.

Jokes are very curious things psychologically.

Jokes do finish themselves. I really do see them as ongoing conversations about personal themes that I ruminate on.

Just because something makes you smile or laugh ... doesn't mean it's a joke.

Jewish comedians do the best Jewish jokes, and anyone else doing that, they don't have a right to, because they're not coming from that experience. I know that's a slightly heightened example, but it's the same thing. We're bumpkins, so we can make bumpkin jokes.

Larry David finds a way to make jokes about the Holocaust. It would never have occurred to me. And it was funny.

Life plays the same lovely and agonizing joke on all of us.

Laughter is the only tenable attitude in a universe which is a joke played on itself.

Man, after all my grandma put into me learning the piano, that was a hard day, telling her I was telling jokes for a living.

Michael Gambon telling filthy jokes and Alan Rickman talking about scrambled eggs, just really normal things, and yet they're these amazingly, superb, famous actors. I feel so privileged to have been around them on the set of Harry Potter.

Living is a pretty grim joke, but a joke just the same.

My favorite Aggie joke? I'm sorry I don't understand the question

Men love a joke - on the other fellow. But your really humorous woman loves a joke on herself.

My friends joke that I raised the Titanic and never left the Rockies.

My friends always joke that I run on batteries.

Most of my jokes are racist - usually about the Irish.

My favourite things are jokes, friendliness and feeling comfortable.

My friends joke because I will take my clothes off, at the drop of a hat.

Neil Hamburger writes such cutting jokes.

My memoirs are full of humor, I had to change jokes because it was a little too dark.

Never put a razor inside your nose - even as a joke.

My whole family is very sarcastic and constantly making jokes.

My whole life, I've been telling jokes.

My music started out as a complete joke, so really all I was doing was going for witty punchlines to make all of my buddies laugh.

Never joke at funerals, or during business transactions.