Best 3653 quotes in «humorous quotes» category

Some people would not be dead if they have not gotten the things or people they had prayed for.

Some people wouldn’t still be sane, if they were not religious or superstitious; some wouldn’t be disabled or dead.

Something Stinks in Denmark

Sometimes being successful means pissing people off

Sometimes even a "Yes" can be fatal for our Souls

Sometimes I think the world has gone completely mad. And then I think, "Aw, who cares?" And then I think, "Hey, what's for supper?

Sometimes i wish that I was a man so I could tell haters to 'blow me.

Sometimes life is like living in a chamber of Liquid Oxygen. Liquid don't allow you to live and Oxygen don't let you die.

Sometimes life takes oreos. But we have to learn to deal with it.

Sometimes not having a clue is better than having a clue.

Sometimes stupid is right," Megan said, then paused. "Hell. I hope nobody ever quotes me on that one.

Sometimes we know people who are too wonderful for words. I am not one of them. Or you, for that matter, as you well know.

Some women have kissed—and some are kissing—a lot of frogs, even though the very first man that they have each kissed was and is still a prince.

Some women walk towards a better future. Others have chauffeurs.

So much for a great opening speech, that sucker done tucked tail and is hiding in the deepest part of my brain, sucking its thumb.

So. Monday. We meet again. We will never be friends—but maybe we can move past our mutual enmity toward a more-positive partnership.

Sorry about your bad luck.

Soon the grizzly was joined by a brown bear, a sun bear, and a beaver suffering from an identity crisis of magnificent proportion

Sorry, I didn't see the big X with the words Top Secret Government Laboratory on the map, did you?

Sophie raised her head. Light filtering through the trees dappled her face. “Hawk.” Charlotte looked up as well. A bird of prey soared above the treetops, circling around them. “It’s dead,” Sophie said. “George is guiding it. He is very powerful.”The realization washed over Charlotte in a cold gush of embarrassment. “Is George spying on Richard and me?” “Always,” Sophie said. “All those perfect manners are a sham. He spies on everyone and everything. Declan hasn’t been able to conduct a single business meeting in the past year without George’s knowing all the details. He does let go when you make love. He is a prude.” “‘Prude’ is a coarse word. He has a sense of tact,” Charlotte corrected before she caught herself. “A sense of tact,” Sophie repeated, tasting the words. “Thank you. The other one is somewhere around here, too.” “The other one?” Sophie surveyed the woods. “I can smell you, Jack!” “No, you can’t,” a distant voice answered

Sophronia felt bound to object. "I, for one, should prefer not to shoot at someone I like." "Admirable scruples, Miss Temminnick. Get over them. For you will do it anyway.

sooner or later the graveyards are full of everybody

Sorry," I said. There was little healing power in the word, but maybe the Inspectre wasn't looking to heal. Maybe he didn't want someone to fix it. It had been broken too long for me to think anything I said would actually help. It was like trying to put a Band-Aid on a shark bite. Sometimes people just needed to vent and get it out of their system.

Sorry, maybe this is the head injury talking, but … what?

So, Shannon,” she said as she put on her seat belt. “Tell me all about yourself.” I hated to hear that question. Just once, I wished I had the girlballs to say, I work for the federal government in a department that I cannot disclose, but I can tell you that I’m trained to kill using nothing more than a toothpick. So when you say you’ll call, you damn well better do it...

Sorry. Sometimes my mouth engages before making contact with my brain.

So the world was nuts and he'd suddenly discovered a kink for geeks. There were worse things.

So we waited. I felt useless. I felt like I was in the way. I wished I had some nervous habits so I could indulge in them.

So what are you supposed to do with it?" He eyed her incredulously. "For real? It's called a butt plug. What do you think you're supposed to do with it?" She scratched her nose and nodded, trying not to let the apprehension show. "Okay. I'll do it. But if it hurts, just let me know and I'll take it out, stat. Don't be a hero." He gaped at her and shook his head. "Aw, no. Sweetie. That's not for me.

So, you think that some other government made her?” He asked perplexed, “Russia? China? Wait, don't tell me, Japan. They're always a few years ahead of us.

So you're getting back together with her? Just like that? Muriel asks. "Not 'just like that'..." "How then?" Muriel enjoys playing devil's advocate. "For starters, it will have to be long distance for a while..." She doesn't let up. "For a while? Have you booked the U-Haul already?

So...you really feel a difference from drinking it?" Lad asked. I nodded. He nearly jumped out of the chair and charged past me to the kitchen. I followed him. "What are you doing?" "Getting you a refill.

soy un chico de 29 tacos aficionado a la música,un cantautor con estilo pop y letras buenas, malas y peores... pero mías.

Space: the gaping hole between land and other land.

Special Super Bowl Wisdom of the Ages: "Unger Games" If your meals depend on you beating the Seahawks, you're gonna go "'Unger-y.

Special Post-Super Bowl Wisdom of the Ages: "Eating Crow" This year, it just tastes like Seahawk.

Special Super Bowl Wisdom of the Ages: "Wilson or Brady?" The writing is on the ball...

Speaking of tongues, they are the main reason I'm a nervous wreck. Ryan is a senior and well, sadly, I'm not all that experienced with boys. I mean, I'm a freshman and have been to dances with boys my age and even have gone out with boys, but I've never really kissed them. Not like I hope to kiss Ryan anyway. Bobby Robinson did shove his tongue into my mouth one time, when we were kissing under the bleachers at a football game, but it didn't feel so good. I'm pretty sure he didn't have it exactly right. So I talked to my friends, Katie and Lisa, about how to properly make out. But, well, here is just a bit of their unhelpful advice. Just let him take the lead, do what ever he does. Um, couldn't that get me into a lot of trouble? Just sort of kiss his tongue, but try not to drool. Don't open your mouth too wide. And then, just open your mouth wide. See? Stupid, conflicting information. And this from girls who supposedly know how to do this! I feel like I'm an undercover CIA agent trying to wrestle vital information out of a ruthless double agent, and the fate of the free world depends upon it. All the while, the President is yelling at me in a panic, saying, Somebody! Anybody! Just get me the truth!

Special Super Bowl Wisdom of the Ages: "Marshawn Lynch" Not really shy. Still extremely embarrassed he believed you can't be charged for beating up on large groups of people-as long as you are carrying a football.

Special Super Bowl Wisdom of the Ages: "Tom Brady's balls" Nothing more than a publicity stunt to keep the NFL Network from losing San Francisco's market share.

Spider or gum? Spider or gum? I thought quickly trying to come up with a believable excuse when I blurted out, “I swallowed a spider!” What? I swallowed a spider? What the hell is wrong with me?!

Stella explained that when he had arrived, because of his English accent, she had assumed that he was me, and had asked where his fridge was. She didn't tell me what his reply was, and we can only hazard a guess, but I was impressed that he had been prepared to stay the night. It is surely a brave man who goes ahead and checks into an establishment where the first question is 'Where's your fridge?'. Especially if, as he had done, you had arrived by motorcycle.

Stand back you fool! Can't you see I have no idea what I'm doing? (Clark shouts, while felling a poplar with a chainsaw)

Stella turned to us. "One of us is going to have to swim it. Any volunteers?" Jamie shook his head. "Not it. Sharks, first of all, and second of all, sharks" - The Retribution of Mara Dyer

...Stella’s tiny butt stuck in the air as she stretched to reach a weed. She was wearing a pair of jeans and a button-down pink and white checked shirt that was tucked into the elastic waistband of her pants. She reminded Rusty of an elf. “Excuse me, Stella?” “You stop right there if you have trouble on your mind. As you can see, I have plenty of birds, and I’ll knock you out with one of them,” Stella said without looking up. Rusty wanted to say that she’d yank up her own plastic flamingo and work Stella over with it in a heartbeat. Instead, she took a calming breath and said, “I made something you might like to have.” “If it’s a grenade launcher, I’m listening, Achmed.

Sticks and Stones may break my bones, but whips and chains excite me. So throw me down, tie me up, and show me how you like me.

Start wherever you are! Low hanging fruit really tastes as good as the high stuff.

Still trying to save the world?” “Always,” I said, “and in case you haven’t noticed, it’s working. The world is still here.

Stop crying. You're giving archangels everywhere a bad name.

Stop explaining to others, people will only understand from their level of discernment.