Best 3653 quotes in «humorous quotes» category

I hope no one asks me to show them the ropes; I have no idea where they are. Maybe I could pull some strings and find out.

I hope we're not just human garbage drifting toward a big sewer. But I think so.

I intended to give you some advice but now I remember how much is left over from last year unused.

I knew we were in for a long season when we lined up for the national anthem on opening day and one of my players said, 'Every time I hear that song I have a bad game.'

I know a member of one of New York's first families (first as you drive up Tenth Avenue)

I know what men want. Men want to be really, really close to someone who will leave them alone.

I love making people laugh, and to be able to be that humorous character was great. And I actually was very similar to Neville Longbottom. I was very shy and chubby-cheeked. I wasn't bullied at school, but I wasn't particularly outgoing. We were similar. And so I loved playing him.

I love my cigar too, but I take it out of my mouth once in a while.

I love sharing my stories and experiences with people and connecting to them on both a humorous and emotional level.

I love the protest signs protected by the First Amendment - some of them humorous, some of them passionate, some factual, some entirely incorrect - all of them free ideas.

I love the very exposed, humorous, imperfect, never-trying to-pretend-to-be-perfect journey that I have been on in my life.

I'm a Christian-libertarian-environmentalist-capitalist-lunatic. It's a humorous way for me to describe that I'm not stereotypical.

I made myself platinum, but I was born a dirty blonde.

I'm always amazed to hear of air crash victims so badly mutilated that they have to be identified by their dental records. What I can't understand is, if they don't know who you are, how do they know who your dentist is?

I'm always relieved when someone is delivering a eulogy and I realize I'm listening to it.

I'm a misplaced American, but don't know where I was misplaced

I married a German. Every night I dress up as Poland and he invades me.

I'm at the age where I want two girls. In case I fall asleep they will have someone to talk to.

I'm a woman of very few words, but lots of action.

I mean, the question actors most often get asked is how they can bear saying the same things over and over again, night after night, but God knows the answer to that is, don't we all anyway; might as well get paid for it.

I'm easily persuaded that a really good novelist who gets inside somebody else's head could be serving a valuable purpose. I enjoy satirical novels that take a wry, humorous, ironic look at modern life.

I mean you've got a conservative and right-winged press presence with really nothing on the other end of the political spectrum.

I like terra firma; the more firma, the less terra.

I like the word "indolence." It makes my laziness seem classy.

I like to be as diverse as possible. I think the humorous side and the serious side are both elements of my personality. It's what makes me who I am and if I was to neglect either one of those sides and just focus on one of them, it wouldn't be the full spectrum of my personality.

I like to think 'The God Delusion' is a humorous book. I think, actually, it's full of laughs. And people who describe it as a polarizing book or as an aggressive book, it's just that very often they haven't read it.

I'll sleep when I'm dead.

I'll tell you how I'd like to be remembered: As a black man who won the heavyweight title - Who has humorous and who never looked down on those who looked up to him - A man who stood for freedom, justice and equality - And I wouldn't even mind if folks forgot how pretty I was.

I intend to live forever. So far, so good. - T-SHIRT

I issued a number of denials to people I thought needed to hear them

I'm halfway through a novel set in two time frames - Austin in the 1960's and Alpine (Texas) in present day. It started out to be a small, lighthearted, humorous book about family relationships; I was tired of writing war stories and tragedies.

I'm in Pittsburgh. Why am I here?

I miss New York. I still love how people talk to you on the street - just assault you and tell you what they think of your jacket.

I misled people, including even my wife.

Imitation is the sincerest form of television.

I'm just trying to portray what I find ironic or humorous.

I'm just trying to suppress my natural impulses and get back to work.

I'm not a drinker, my body won't tolerate...eh...spirits, really. I had two martinis New Years Eve and I tried to hi-jack an elevator and fly it to Cuba.

I'm not a robot; I have a personality and I have emotions. I have a humorous side to me and an angry side to me.

I'm not going to parse the statement. You've got the statement I made earlier and the statement speaks for itself.

I'm not going to get into the ring with Tolstoy.

I'm not overweight. I'm just nine inches too short.

I'm not saying that women don't think about sex also. I'm saying that women are capable, for at least brief periods of time, of not thinking about sex, and that most guys are not.

I'm pushing 60 years of age...and that's enough exercise for me.

I'm really interested in the link between creativity and humor because humor is a type of creativity, and I do think that humorous people and humorous health helps creativity.

I'm short enough and ugly enough to succeed on my own.

I'm so far gone that I'm telling the truth. It sounds like a foreign language.

I'm sorry. I don't recall

I'm strong, I'm tough, I still wear my eyeliner.

I'm sure I spent more time in Texas than anybody else who had run for President recently.