Best 3653 quotes in «humorous quotes» category

It's good to know that if I behave strangely enough, society will take full responsibility for me.

It's hard to enjoy practical jokes when your whole life feels like one.

It's just as unpleasant to get more than you bargain for as to get less.

It's never just a game when you're winning.

It's not your blue blood, your pedigree or your college degree. It's what you do with your life that counts.

It's often pointed out that in Cuban cinema there are too many comedies, but a sense of humor is so much part of the Cuban idiosyncrasy. Curiously, the films that have been censored the most have been humorous.

It's only words... unless they're true.

It's simple, if it jiggles, it's fat.

It's rough to go through life with your contents looking as if they settled during shipping.

It's remarkable - most remarkable, the way these people manage, from time to time, a tragedy or a near-tragedy to break the even tenor of their ways,' said Mr. Tingley, in a tone of half-humorous superiority, by which he considered that he distinguished himself, subtly and inoffensively, from 'these people.

It's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library and go aaaaagghhhh' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in.

It's very frustrating making a picture in Paris. We work hard all day at the studio to get a love scene just right. Then, on my way home, I see couples on every street corner doing it better.

It's weird that people expect me to be funny. I find it a real burden when I'm expected to be humorous on talk shows.

It (the double-clarinet in India) was primarily used for snake charming, since the snake would do almost anything to get the Indians to stop playing it.

It was decided almost two hundred years ago that English should be the language spoken in the United States. It is not known, however, why this decision has not been carried out.

It was pleasant to me to get a letter from you the other day. Perhaps I should have found it pleasanter if I had been able to decipher it. I don't think that I mastered anything beyond the date (which I knew) and the signature (which I guessed at). There's a singular and a perpetual charm in a letter of yours; it never grows old, it never loses its novelty. Other letters are read and thrown away and forgotten, but yours are kept forever - unread. One of them will last a reasonable man a lifetime.

I used to have Mad Cow's disease, but I'm alright Nooooooooow.

It was you readers who really came through, proving once again that when the American people decide to "get involved" in a problem, it is best not to let them have any sharp implements.

It would be a service to mankind if the pill were available in slot machines and the cigarette were placed on prescription.

I've always felt England was a great place for a comic to work. It's an island and the audience can't run very far.

I used to think that the brain was the most wonderful organ in my body. Then I realized who was telling me this.

I've always had a theory that some of us are born with nerve endings longer than our bodies

I usually lump organized religion, organized labor, and organized crime together. The Mafia gets points for having the best restaurants

I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial.

I've always wanted to go to Switzerland to see what the army does with those wee red knives.

I've been thinking of humorous things since I was... I can't remember when. All the way through elementary school, all the way through junior high, all the way through high school, through college and after college, I was thinking of the same kinds of things that I say in front of an audience now.

I've heard Eric Clapner, ... I think it was a wonderful thing that Eric Clapner the musician did...So I think that's the wonderful part about it, but listen - I like Eric Clapner!

I've never been married, but I tell people I'm divorced so they won't think something is wrong with me.

I've been in more laps than a napkin.

I've been things and seen places.

I've never been quarantined. But the more I look around the more I think it might not be a bad idea.

I've no time for broads who want to rule the world alone. Without men, who'd do up the zipper on the back of your dress?

I've spent enough time with soldiers to know that once they get to know you and they loosen up and become themselves, they are some of the biggest hams and most charismatic, cocky, fun, humorous guys I've ever met.

I wanted to do an hour-long show, and I wanted to something that was dramatic and sometimes funny and humorous, as well. I'm just delighted to have this opportunity to be a part of this project.

I was always treated as if I had insisted on being born, in opposition to the dictates of reason, religion, and morality, and against the dissuadinig arguments of my best friends.

I was able to read poets that were - allowed me to be humorous without being silly.

I was trampled to death by a man who believed his luggage would be the first piece off. If he were an experienced traveler, he would know that the first piece of luggage belongs to no one. It's just a dummy suitcase to give everyone hope.

I was not elected to produce a pile of vetoes.

I was on Batman with "Superheavy" or "Zero Year" where there was a lot of fun and bombast, but it was also personal. [In All-Star], I wanted to take that to its complete extreme, like the end of the Earth extreme, where it's over-the-top humorous, yet at the same time really deeply about what I think is of this particular moment in time, at least for me. The things I'm terrified of and the things I'm hopeful about. My life is the page.

I wonder whether if I had an education I should have been more or less a fool that I am.

I wear a necklace, cause I wanna know when I'm upside down.

I wish I was a phone machine. I wish if I saw somebody on the street I didn't want to talk to I could just go, "Excuse me, I'm not here right now, If you just leave a message, I can walk away.

I won't say ours was a tough school, but we had our own coroner. We used to write songs like, "What I'm going to do if I grow up".

I would have made a good pope.

Japan is our rival, not our enemy. Japan is a competitor... Bashing a Toyota won't make a better car.

I would rather have a nod from an American, than a snuff- box from an emperor.

I would rather undergo a vasectomy via Weed Whacker than attend an opera.

Japan has a low crime rate, unless you count the fact that approximately every fifteen minutes the entire Cabinet gets indicted for taking bribes.

Jaw-jaw is better than war-war.

Japan is, you often feel, an improved version of the United States.