Best 3653 quotes in «humorous quotes» category

This shirt is "dry-clean only"... Which means it's dirty.

This story is not and never was meant to challenge anyone's faith; however, if one's faith can be shaken by stories in a humorous novel, one may have a bit more praying to do.

This year, U.S. airlineswill carry a record 143 million passengers, who will be in the air for 382 million hours, during which they will be fed an estimated total of four peanuts.

Though she doesn't remember any trauma, she said that her parents told her she cried on a daily basis and her grandmother resorted to passing out candy so the kids would play with her. Though it was a humorous moment, Mila said, "I know, God bless her. She's an amazing, amazing woman.

Though philosophers like to define poetry as irrational fancy, for us it is practical, humorous, reasonable way of being ourselves.

Thou slave, thou wretch, thou coward! Thou little valiant, great in villainy! Thou ever strong upon the stronger side! Thou Fortune's champion, that dost never fight But where her humorous ladyship is by To teach thee safety.

Throughout most of my life, I raised tobacco. I want you to know that my own hands, all of my life, I put in the plant beds and transferred it! I hoed it! I've dug in it! I've sprayed it! I've chopped it! I've shredded it, spiked it, put it in the barn and stripped it and sold it!

Throughout my career, I've always portrayed characters that were humorous, but also weren't afraid to speak their minds, especially when it came to racy or controversial topics. I think this struck a chord with the LGBT community. We both also share a very strong love for animals. When you combine the two, it's a very strong match.

Time flies. It's up to you to be the navigator.

Time is a circus, always packing up and moving away.

'Tis a good thing to laugh at any rate; and if a straw can tickle a man, it is an instrument of happiness.

Tip the world over on its side and everything loose will land in Los Angeles.

To advertisers: "Do not compete with your agency in the creative area. Why keep a dog and bark yourself?

To be a colored man in America ... and enjoy it, you must be greatly daring, greatly stolid, greatly humorous and greatly sensitive. And at all times a philosopher.

To be ignorant of one's ignorance is the malady of the ignorant.

Today's parents grew up with the silly notion that music was meant to be heard.

To go into acting is like asking for admission to an insane asylum. Anyone may apply, but only the certifiably insane are admitted.

To succeed in the other trades, capacity must be shown; in the law, concealment of it will do.

Tokyo cab drivers are all ex-kamikaze pilots.

To me, an airplane is a great place to diet.

Too many pieces of music finish too long after the end.

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.

Tokyo is huge. Something like 15 million people live there, and my estimate is that at any given moment, 14.7 million of them are lost.

To me, fast food is when a cheetah eats an antelope.

To sit alone with my conscience will be judgment enough for me.

Touch her, and I'll freeze your testicles off and put them in a jar. Understand?

TV is chewing gum for the eyes.

Tragedy is a close-up; comedy, a long shot.

True humor is fun - it does not put down, kid, or mock. It makes people feel wonderful, not separate, different, and cut off. True humor has beneath it the understanding that we are all in this together.

Turn your melodrama into a mellow drama.This is quotes copyright © By Pumpkin Limited

Two wrongs don't make a right.

Unless you're writing for a humorous effect, elves or space aliens and all creatures who aren't human should at least be as strange as, oh, the French.

University politics are vicious precisely because the stakes are so small.

Unless we take action on climate change, future generations will be roasted, toasted, fried and grilled.

Ven you read the speeches in the papers, and see as vun gen'lman says of another, 'the Honourable member, if he vill allow me to call him so' you vill understand, sir, that that means, 'if he vill allow me to keep up that 'ere pleasant and uniwersal fiction.'

"Vell," said Mr. Weller, "Now I s'pose he'll want to call some witnesses to speak to his character, or p'raps to prove a alleybi. I've been a turnin' the bis'ness over in my mind, and he may make his-self easy, Sammy. I've got some friends as'll do either for him, but my adwice 'ud be this here-never mind the character, and stick to the alleybi. Nothing like a alleybi, Sammy, nothing.

Vote early and vote often.

War hath no fury like a non-combatant.

Wagner’s music is better than it sounds.

WARNING: This is assuming your spouse's name is Margaret.

Was he joking? Was he being sarcastic? Aggressive? Impertinent? Or just courteous? There was no telling from his impassive face. What a country, he thought despairingly. In Russia you always knew. If a man made a stern face he was threatening; if he was laughing uproariously, he was joking.

We admire Chaucer for his sturdy English wit.... But though it is full of good sense and humanity, it is not transcendent poetry.For picturesque description of persons it is, perhaps, without a parallel in English poetry; yet it is essentially humorous, as the loftiest genius never is.

Watch what people are cynical about, and one can often discover what they lack.

We are a nation of sheep, and someone else owns the grass.

We are born at the rise of the curtain and we die with its fall, and every night in the presence of our patrons we write our new creation, and every night it is blotted out forever; and of what use is it to say to audience or to critic, ''Ah, but you should have seen me last Tuesday?''

We all operate in two contrasting modes, which might be called open and closed. The open mode is more relaxed, more receptive, more exploratory, more democratic, more playful and more humorous. The closed mode is the tighter, more rigid, more hierarchical, more tunnel-visioned. Most people, unfortunately spend most of their time in the closed mode.

We are dealing with the best-educated generation in history. But they've got a brain dressed up with nowhere to go.

We decide to start with the best-known sight of all, the one that, more than any other, exemplifies what the Big Apple is all about: the Islip Garbage Barge.

We are told that Sin consists in acting contrary to God's commands, but we are also told that God is omnipotent. If He is, nothing contrary to His will can occur; therefore when the sinner disobeys His commands, He must have intended this to happen.

We are masters of the unsaid words, but slaves of those we let slip out.