Best 3653 quotes in «humorous quotes» category

It is amusing that a virtue is made of the vice of chastity; and it's a pretty odd sort of chastity at that, which leads men straight into the sin of Onan, and girls to the waning of their color.

It is an inconvenience, being located in a city where taxes are ludicrously high, where you pay twice your annual income to rent an apartment that could easily be carried on a commercial airline flight.

It is a scientific fact that your body will not absorb cholesterol if you take it from another person's plate.

It is an old prerogative of kings to govern everything but their passions.

It is a sad truth, but we have lost the faculty of giving lovely names to things. Names are everything. I never quarrel with actions. My one quarrel is with words. The man who could call a spade a spade should be compelled to use one. It is the only thing he is fit for.

It is better to have a permanent income than to be fascinating.

It is better to be loved rather than feared, or feared rather than loved? It might perhaps be answered that we should wish to be both: but since love and fear can hardly exist together, if we must choose between them, it is far safer to be feared than loved.

It is better to be quotable than to be honest.

It is better to debate a question without settling it than to settle a question without debating it.

It is considered in England and the United States that the Government of South Africa is altogether too harsh with its native peoples. It is sadly humorous to notice that the native in South Africa, however, holds an exactly reverse opinion and the fault he finds with the South African Government is that it is far too lenient in its administration of laws throughout the native populace.

It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid.

It is easy for me to love myself, but for ladies to do it is another question altogether.

It is impossible to travel faster than light, and certainly not desirable, as one’s hat keeps blowing off.

It is no harm to be an ass, if one is content to bray and not kick.

" ... It is not my desire to wound the feelings of any person with whom I am connected in family bonds. I may be a hypocrite," said Mr. Pecksniff, cuttingly, "but I am not a brute.

It isn't what I do, but how I do it. It isn't what I say, but how I say it, and how I look when I do it and say it.

It isn't necessary to have relatives in Kansas City in order to be unhappy.

It (Lewinskygate) has...compromised his moral authority

It is our American habit if we find the foundations of our educational structure unsatisfactory to add another story or wing.

It is something to be able to paint a particular picture, or to carve a statue, and so to make a few objects beautiful; but it is far more glorious to carve and paint the very atmosphere and medium through which we look, which morally we can do. To affect the quality of the day, that is the highest of arts.

It is the business of little minds to shrink.

It is time to stop personal destruction and prying into private lives

It's a humorous statement that doesn't mean anything. You can't lie to God - it's ridiculous.

I trust that age doth not wither nor custom stale my infinite variety.

I try to sing many different kinds of songs. If I sing a batch of humorous songs, I'll throw in a deadly serious song. Or if I'm singing too many serious songs, I'll throw in a ridiculous song, to mix it up.

It's all right for a perfect stranger to kiss your hand as long as he's perfect.

"It's an old habit of mine, Wal'r," said the Captain, "any time these fifty year. When you see Ned Cuttle bite his nails, Wal'r, then you may know that Ned Cuttle's aground.

It's been part of my signature to incorporate my humor with my dance, or even just how I'm feeling. If I'm feeling humorous, which I am, most of the day, I tend to incorporate that. If I'm dancing freestyle, if I feel like I've gotten too serious, while I'm moving, I'll think, "All right, it's time to lighten up a little bit," and I do. It just feels good.

It's better to be a dictator than gay.

It's a wonderful way to live, and not a bad way to go, either. The average Frenchman is still smiling three months after he's dead.

It seems that for success in science or art, a dash of autism is essential.

It seems that Canada's historic mission is to come to the selfless aid both of its friends and of complete strangers, and then, once the crisis is over, to be well and truly ignored. Canada is the perpetual wallflower that stands on the edge of the hall, waiting for someone to come and ask her for a dance.

It seems an easy choice - sacrifice the tree for a human life - until one learns that three trees must be destroyed for each patient treated. Suddenly we must confront some tough questions. How important are the medical needs of future generations?

It's hard to enjoy practical jokes when your whole life feels like one.

It's good to know that if I behave strangely enough, society will take full responsibility for me.

It's rough to go through life with your contents looking as if they settled during shipping.

It's just as unpleasant to get more than you bargain for as to get less.

It's never just a game when you're winning.

It's not your blue blood, your pedigree or your college degree. It's what you do with your life that counts.

It's only words... unless they're true.

It's simple, if it jiggles, it's fat.

It's remarkable - most remarkable, the way these people manage, from time to time, a tragedy or a near-tragedy to break the even tenor of their ways,' said Mr. Tingley, in a tone of half-humorous superiority, by which he considered that he distinguished himself, subtly and inoffensively, from 'these people.

It's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library and go aaaaagghhhh' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in.

It's very frustrating making a picture in Paris. We work hard all day at the studio to get a love scene just right. Then, on my way home, I see couples on every street corner doing it better.

It's often pointed out that in Cuban cinema there are too many comedies, but a sense of humor is so much part of the Cuban idiosyncrasy. Curiously, the films that have been censored the most have been humorous.

It's weird that people expect me to be funny. I find it a real burden when I'm expected to be humorous on talk shows.

It (the double-clarinet in India) was primarily used for snake charming, since the snake would do almost anything to get the Indians to stop playing it.

It was pleasant to me to get a letter from you the other day. Perhaps I should have found it pleasanter if I had been able to decipher it. I don't think that I mastered anything beyond the date (which I knew) and the signature (which I guessed at). There's a singular and a perpetual charm in a letter of yours; it never grows old, it never loses its novelty. Other letters are read and thrown away and forgotten, but yours are kept forever - unread. One of them will last a reasonable man a lifetime.

It was decided almost two hundred years ago that English should be the language spoken in the United States. It is not known, however, why this decision has not been carried out.

I usually lump organized religion, organized labor, and organized crime together. The Mafia gets points for having the best restaurants