Best 3653 quotes in «humorous quotes» category

Unrequited love is a billion times less intolerable than unrequited hate.

Until you have experienced raccoons mating underneath your bedroom at three in the morning, you have missed one of life's sensational moments.

Vampies" I said carefully. "Sure. It all fitts," Massha nodded. "The plae skin, the sharp fangs, the red eyeliner, the way they turn into bats." "Turned into bats?" "You missed that Boss" Guido suplloed.

Vegans are always wrong, but damn pleased with themselves

Veil wouldn’t make his military invincible, but it would render every other military indefensible. Veil was it. Game over, fuckholes.

Very few problems cannot be solved by either coffee, wine or chocolate.

Vegtables, what food eats before it becomes food.

Versteht sich, muß er sie bezahlen !" sagte er sich; aber er konnte schon wissen, daß er seinen Söhnen nie etwas zurückforderte und daß sie ihm nie etwas zu erstatten begehrten. Das ist Eltern gesund und läßt sie zu hohen Jahren kommen, auf daß sie erleben, wie ihre Kinder wiederum von den Enkeln lustig geschröpft werden, und so geht es von Vater auf Sohn und alle bleiben bestehen und haben guten Appetit.

Victory! Catherine wanted to pull the front of her top over her head and run around the office making V-signs. Of course she wouldn’t do that

Vrekeners actually exist? L, The King

Wait. Are you about to do something really stupid? -GUARD

Wait. Did you just call me brave and beautiful? -Loki

Wait here, Miz Meg, and we'll holler when we're undressed and under the covers. We know it don't bother you seein' our backsides since you're a widow and all, but it'd sure bother us… even though you've seen "em before. We kinda like to keep 'em to ourselves

Wakey wakey eggs and bacey!

Wait,' Momma says. I peek out with one eye, Daddy does too. Momma never, ever interrupts prayer. 'Uh, baby,' says Daddy, 'I was just finishing up.' 'I have something to add. Lord, bless my mom, and thank you that she went into her retirement fund and gave us the money for the down payment. Help us turn the basement into a suite so she can stay here sometimes.' 'No, Lord,' Daddy says. 'Yes, Lord,' says Momma. 'No, Lord.' 'Yes.' 'No, amen!

Walking the Camino de Santiago taught me the wonders of physical challenge, the wonders of spiritual freedom, and the wonders of baby powder.

Walking through life, we spend most of our energy choosing the right shoes.

Wann ist man erwachsen?... ..Paps meint: Wenn du Dinge tust, obwohl dir deine Eltern dazu geraten haben. Florian behauptet: Endgültig erwachsen bist du erst, wenn alle Pflanzen auf deinem Fensterbrett leben und du keine davon rauchen kannst.

Watch the fucking food!

Water is the most essential element in life, because without it you can't make coffee.

We all have this perfect little image of who we want to be, but it is unnecessary. Throw the image away. You're already you just be the best version of yourself.

Wealth and intelligence should not be categorized as relatives.

Wealth seldom fails to breed the fear of poverty.

We are a bed business, and a coffee-room business. We are not a general dining business, nor do we wish it. In consequence, when diners drop in, we know what to give 'em as will keep 'em away another time.

We are all copy cats. The only original 'thing' is God, And "him", hell, most of us know as little as we know cats.

We are grateful for a happy marriage and a glorious future. Four years of a happy marriage! Happy Anniversary my dearest husband, Jeremiah Nii Mama Akita! I love you with all my heart, soul and body.

We are flawed creatures with explosive feelings that subconsciously aspire to be non-violent sociopaths.

We are living a fantasy life in our heads, and our real life is passing by, moment by moment.Life is only lived in moments: anything else is a fantasy, a lie, an illusion.

We are sometimes dragged into a pit of unhappiness by someone else’s opinion that we do not look happy.

We are way less likely to love someone just because they love us than we are to hate someone just because they hate us.

We are sometimes depressed by our failure to convince people who strongly believe that we are that we are definitely not depressed.

wear flannel next to your skin, and never believe in eternal punishment.

Webster said, ''Time them skeeters get done with that old man, his French blood will be all gone and he will speak American as good as we do.

We create karma by all kinds of selfish actions.The first thing we must understand is that we are psychologically asleep.It is very difficult for us to be conscious of ourselves. We are not very aware. We must come to recognize that we do not pay attention.

We have to get rid of pain in ass. She will not let me have good time. We should take her out.” “Take her out where?” Hanni grinned. “You know. Take her out. Waste her. Bang bang. Curtains.” “Hanni, I don’t think we’re going to be able to waste the baroness, but I agree she’s not going to make things pleasant for us.” “Then we must plan way to make her go home.” “Make it not nice for her here. She likes to eat. Serve her very little food.” “For someone straight from the convent, you are quite devious,” I said. “What means devious?” “Sneaky.” “Oh, like pulling a fast one,” she said, beaming. “Yeah. Sure thing, baby.

We fell to wrestling again. We rolled all over the floor, in each other's arms, like two huge helpless children. He was naked and goatish under his robe, and I felt suffocated as he rolled over me. I rolled over him. We rolled over me. They rolled over him. We rolled over us.

We do not recognize that we are addicted to some negative psychological habit, some terribly self-destructive patterns of thinking...

Wees gerust, zij is helemaal echt en alles waard, het schilderij is een reproductie en geen fluit waard.

We have our difference in common.

Welcome... to the Filthy Frank Show. If you're feeling suicidal, you've come to the right place. 'Cause I wanna fucking kill myself as well.

Weird is just a side-effect of being awesome!

We know already ample experience that it does not require much cleverness or much learning to be a governor, for there are a hundred round about us that scarcely know how to read.

We live in a society where every business has a huge scope. Even if you open a shop selling snakes people will buy it. Thinking they will direct them to their neighbors house.

Well, Ben says you have to be married to get a girl pregnant. And me and Cindy are not married, so she couldn't get pregnant, see?

Well," he said. "I hope to God I never make forty -- I wouldn't know what to do with myself.

Well done girl, I . . I admire your treachery.' Ecruba hissed at Edith.

Well tarnation you're a meanie pants aren't you?" ~Miss Mary~

Well, thank the gods,' he sighed. 'Oh? And what would it be you're thanking them for?' Bahzell inquired, and Brandark grinned. 'For making roads and letting us find one. Not that I'm complaining, you understand, but this business of following you cross-country without the faintest idea where I am can worry a man.

Well, looks like you won't be reaching nirvana anytime soon." She pushed a stray lock of hair off her forehead and sniffed. "Yes, I suppose that's true. I guess I'll just have to settle for a trip to Idaho.

Well, she asked him questions about his age and his attainments. The fact that he was a Catholic gave her pause, but when I explained to her that the present Pope was a well-meaning sort of chap, she said she was prepared to meet him halfway.