Best 3653 quotes in «humorous quotes» category

Error is a hardy plant; it flourishes in every soil.

Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.

Europeans, like some Americans, drive on the right side of the road, except in England, where they drive on both sides of the road; Italy, where they drive on the sidewalk; and France, where if necessary they will follow you right into the hotel lobby.

Even more exasperating than the guy who thinks he knows it all is the one who really does.

Even the intellectual crowd will have none of me. Physically, I look like one of them. Graying at the temples, I walk with a slight limp and wear thick glasses.

Ever notice that Soup for One is eight aisles away from Party Mix?

Every cloud has its silver lining but it is sometimes a little difficult to get it to the mint.

Every Harvard class should have one Democrat to rescue it from oblivion.

Every man has his follies - and often they are the most interesting thing he has got.

Every single bit of entertainment is escapism. It's because you are saying, "Let's see what this other person's life is like." And also it's beyond escapism, its entertainment and art as such can elevate the species. The entertainer supposedly is the muse. They're the ones who tell you what is wrong with society in a humorous way. They're the ones who do an expose about this or a documentary about that about the injustice of this. So it can be a very powerful medium.

Everyone is in favor of free speech. Hardly a day passes without its being extolled, but some people's idea of it is that they are free to say what they like, but if anyone else says anything back, that is an outrage.

Everyone has the right to run his own life- even if you're heading for a crash. What I'm against is blind flying.

Everything that goes up must come down. But there comes a time when not everything that's down can come up.

Facts are the enemy of truth.

Experience is what you have after you've forgotten her name.

Experimental music scores are enigmatic, opaque, demanding, irritating, humorous, childlike; the best, like Cardew's Treatise, are also inspiring, giving rise, on occasion, to a music of vitality, intelligence and elegance.

Everywhere in the world, music enhances a hall, with one exception: Carnegie Hall enhances the music.

Exactly. She does not shine as a wife even in her own account of what occurred. I am not a whole-souled admirer of womankind, as you are aware, Watson, but my experience of life has taught me that there are few wives having any regard for their husbands who would let any man's spoken word stand between them and that husband's dead body. Should I ever marry, Watson, I should hope to inspire my wife with some feeling which would prevent her from being walked off by a housekeeper when my corpse was lying within a few yards of her.

Facebook just sounds like a drag, in my day seeing pictures of peoples vacations was considered a punishment

Fate laughs at probabilities.

Famous designers think nothing of putting their names on your clothing, but would have the servants set the dogs on you if you ever tried to put your name on their clothing.

Feb. 9, 1999 Dear Friend, Without your previous support, Bill Clinton and I would not have won our victories for the American people in 1992 and 1996. ... And to win in 2000, I need you by my side.

Figures often beguile me, particularly when I have the arranging of them myself; in which case the remark attributed to Disraeli would often apply with justice and force: "There are three kinds of lies: lies, damned lies, and statistics.

Flying from the United States to Tokyo takes approximately as long as law school.

First of all, I choose the great roles, and if none of these come, I choose the mediocre ones, and if they don't come, I choose the ones that pay the rent.

First, there was Confucius. Then, the sayings of Chairman Mao. And now the pithy, ironic, and humorous insights of Ai Weiwei. I thoroughly enjoyed reading this collection, which reflects a well-developed philosophy as well as a keen understanding of the Chinese Communist system. This is China made easy and interesting.

Flattery is like cologne water, to be smelt, not swallowed.

Following his doctor's orders, Nikita (Khrushchev) has cut his drinking in half. He's leaving out the water.

Flying is hours and hours of boredom sprinkled with a few seconds of sheer terror.

French name. English accent. American school. Anna confused.

For every book you buy, you should buy the time to read it.

For lack of a better term, they've labeled me a sex symbol. It's flattering and it should happen to every bald, overweight guy.

For me it was just exciting to see fake news catching on like that. We don't you know, it's interesting. I think we don't make things up. We just distill it to, hopefully, its most humorous nugget. And in that sense it seems faked and skewed just because we don't have to be subjective or pretend to be objective. We can just put it out there.

Free speech isn't dead in Germany and Italy, merely the speakers.

Freud: If it's not one thing, it's your mother

From Paris we took the Orient Express to Vienna. I must say I was terribly disappointed; nobody was murdered on the train.

Funny, isn't it? The airlines go to all that trouble to keep you from taking a gun on board, then they just hand you a dinner roll you could kill a musk ox with.

Gandhi has sound economic and cultural reasons for encouraging the revival of cottage industries, but he does not counsel a fanatical repudiation of all modern progress. Machinery, trains, automobiles, the telegraph have played important parts in his own colossal life! Fifty years of public service, in prison and out, wrestling daily with practical details and harsh realities in the political world, have only increased his balance, open-mindedness, sanity, and humorous appreciation of the quaint human spectacle.

For four years we've been cooperating exhaustively

For those who believe in the quote, Laughter is the best medicine and are looking for a divorce quote on the lighter side, the following divorce sayings range from mildly humorous to outrageously funny: Men are just like a book - with a beginning, middle and an end.

For your popular rumour, unlike the rolling stone of the proverb, is one which gathers a deal of moss in its wanderings up and down.

"Fussy eater" is a euphemism for "big pain in the ass.

Getting married is like trading in the adoration of many for the sarcasm of one.

Get your mind unbound and free; and then from the loosest, highest, best place you have, with the fastest and most humorous mind you can get together, you can reach out and make a try at understanding Spirit.

Give me a museum and I'll fill it.

Getting older is no problem. You just have to live long enough.

Get well cards have become so humorous that if you don't get sick you're missing half the fun.

Give a small boy a hammer and he will find that everything he encounters needs pounding.

God has a brown voice, as soft and full as beer.

God is indeed dead. He died of self-horror when He saw the creature He had made in His own image.