Best 3653 quotes in «humorous quotes» category

Wakey wakey eggs and bacey!

Wait,' Momma says. I peek out with one eye, Daddy does too. Momma never, ever interrupts prayer. 'Uh, baby,' says Daddy, 'I was just finishing up.' 'I have something to add. Lord, bless my mom, and thank you that she went into her retirement fund and gave us the money for the down payment. Help us turn the basement into a suite so she can stay here sometimes.' 'No, Lord,' Daddy says. 'Yes, Lord,' says Momma. 'No, Lord.' 'Yes.' 'No, amen!

Walking the Camino de Santiago taught me the wonders of physical challenge, the wonders of spiritual freedom, and the wonders of baby powder.

Walking through life, we spend most of our energy choosing the right shoes.

Wann ist man erwachsen?... ..Paps meint: Wenn du Dinge tust, obwohl dir deine Eltern dazu geraten haben. Florian behauptet: Endgültig erwachsen bist du erst, wenn alle Pflanzen auf deinem Fensterbrett leben und du keine davon rauchen kannst.

Watch the fucking food!

Water is the most essential element in life, because without it you can't make coffee.

We all have this perfect little image of who we want to be, but it is unnecessary. Throw the image away. You're already you just be the best version of yourself.

Wealth and intelligence should not be categorized as relatives.

Wealth seldom fails to breed the fear of poverty.

We are a bed business, and a coffee-room business. We are not a general dining business, nor do we wish it. In consequence, when diners drop in, we know what to give 'em as will keep 'em away another time.

We are all copy cats. The only original 'thing' is God, And "him", hell, most of us know as little as we know cats.

We are grateful for a happy marriage and a glorious future. Four years of a happy marriage! Happy Anniversary my dearest husband, Jeremiah Nii Mama Akita! I love you with all my heart, soul and body.

We are flawed creatures with explosive feelings that subconsciously aspire to be non-violent sociopaths.

We are living a fantasy life in our heads, and our real life is passing by, moment by moment.Life is only lived in moments: anything else is a fantasy, a lie, an illusion.

We are sometimes dragged into a pit of unhappiness by someone else’s opinion that we do not look happy.

We are sometimes depressed by our failure to convince people who strongly believe that we are that we are definitely not depressed.

We are way less likely to love someone just because they love us than we are to hate someone just because they hate us.

wear flannel next to your skin, and never believe in eternal punishment.

Webster said, ''Time them skeeters get done with that old man, his French blood will be all gone and he will speak American as good as we do.

We do not recognize that we are addicted to some negative psychological habit, some terribly self-destructive patterns of thinking...

We have our difference in common.

Wees gerust, zij is helemaal echt en alles waard, het schilderij is een reproductie en geen fluit waard.

We create karma by all kinds of selfish actions.The first thing we must understand is that we are psychologically asleep.It is very difficult for us to be conscious of ourselves. We are not very aware. We must come to recognize that we do not pay attention.

We fell to wrestling again. We rolled all over the floor, in each other's arms, like two huge helpless children. He was naked and goatish under his robe, and I felt suffocated as he rolled over me. I rolled over him. We rolled over me. They rolled over him. We rolled over us.

We have to get rid of pain in ass. She will not let me have good time. We should take her out.” “Take her out where?” Hanni grinned. “You know. Take her out. Waste her. Bang bang. Curtains.” “Hanni, I don’t think we’re going to be able to waste the baroness, but I agree she’s not going to make things pleasant for us.” “Then we must plan way to make her go home.” “Make it not nice for her here. She likes to eat. Serve her very little food.” “For someone straight from the convent, you are quite devious,” I said. “What means devious?” “Sneaky.” “Oh, like pulling a fast one,” she said, beaming. “Yeah. Sure thing, baby.

We know already ample experience that it does not require much cleverness or much learning to be a governor, for there are a hundred round about us that scarcely know how to read.

Weird is just a side-effect of being awesome!

Welcome... to the Filthy Frank Show. If you're feeling suicidal, you've come to the right place. 'Cause I wanna fucking kill myself as well.

We live in a society where every business has a huge scope. Even if you open a shop selling snakes people will buy it. Thinking they will direct them to their neighbors house.

Well, Ben says you have to be married to get a girl pregnant. And me and Cindy are not married, so she couldn't get pregnant, see?

Well," he said. "I hope to God I never make forty -- I wouldn't know what to do with myself.

Well done girl, I . . I admire your treachery.' Ecruba hissed at Edith.

Well tarnation you're a meanie pants aren't you?" ~Miss Mary~

Well, I've got tomorrow morning off, so I thought I might spend that thinking about her. Basically, my plan is to maybe just romantically obsess over her but not really do anything about it.

Well,' said Mrs. Erdleigh, speaking kindly, as if to a child who has proposed a game inevitably associated with the breakage of china, 'I know trouble will come of it if we do.

Well?" said Loki. "What about you, Heimdall? Do you have any suggestions?" "I do," said Heimdall. "But you won't like it." Thor banged his fist down upon the table. "It does not matter whether or not we like it," he said. "We are gods! There is nothing that any of us gathered here would not do to get back Mjollnir, the hammer of the gods. Tell us your idea, and if it is a good idea, we will like it." "You won't like it," said Heimdall. "We will like it!" said Thor. "Well," said Heimdall, "I think we should dress Thor as a bride. Have him put on the necklace of the Brisings. Have him wear a bridal crown. Stuff his dress so he looks like a woman. Veil his face. We'll have him wear keys that jingle, as women do, drape him with jewels -" "I don't like it!" said Thor. "People will think... well, for a start they'll think I dress up in women's clothes. Absolutely out of the question. I don't like it. I am definitely not going to be wearing a bridal veil. None of us like this idea, do we? Terrible, terrible idea. I've got a beard. I can't shave off my beard." "Shut up, Thor," said Loki son of Laufey. "It's an excellent idea.

Well, so you don't get too cocky, I myself often complete the TV Guide crossword puzzle." He puffed out his chest. "In pen.

Well, it all started when I figured out that the janitor at my high school was the Angel of Death…

Well, thank the gods,' he sighed. 'Oh? And what would it be you're thanking them for?' Bahzell inquired, and Brandark grinned. 'For making roads and letting us find one. Not that I'm complaining, you understand, but this business of following you cross-country without the faintest idea where I am can worry a man.

Well, looks like you won't be reaching nirvana anytime soon." She pushed a stray lock of hair off her forehead and sniffed. "Yes, I suppose that's true. I guess I'll just have to settle for a trip to Idaho.

Well, she asked him questions about his age and his attainments. The fact that he was a Catholic gave her pause, but when I explained to her that the present Pope was a well-meaning sort of chap, she said she was prepared to meet him halfway.

We may be pilgrims passing through this world, but let's not be grim-pills in the process!

Wenigstens hatte sie mich zur Freundin, ich nahm sie mit nach Hause und dort liebten wir gemeinsam mehrere Hamster zu Tode. Wer als Hamster in einem Kinderzimmer wiedergeboren wird, der hat in seinem vorherigen Leben etwas sehr Elementares falsch gemacht.

We nearly had our asses handed to us in a sling by a bunny rabbit?

We’re automatons in a symphony conducted by a lunatic and performed by blind idealists.” Damon

We’re animals, primates to be precise,” I pointed out. “Games are role playing from our hunter gatherer days.” “That's nothing to be proud of,” he said, in a fair imitation of Papa's manner.

We're really awful animals. I mean, that dumb Barbra Streisand song, 'People who need people are the luckiest people in the world' - she's talking about cannibals. Lot's to eat.

We're going to the Underworld," Izzy said. She bounced a little as she said it, her eyes bright and her tone implying that "the Underworld" was akin to "Candy Land.

We sometimes try to impress people we just met by not trying to impress them.