Best 3653 quotes in «humorous quotes» category

I have a love interest in every one of my films: a gun.

I have an existential map. It has 'You are here' written all over it.

I have a very low level of recognition, which is fine by me.

I have attended operas, whenever I could not help it, for fourteen years now; I am sure I know of no agony comparable to the listening to an unfamiliar opera.

I have learned from my mistakes, and I am sure I can repeat them exactly

I have neither the scholar's melancholy, which is emulation; nor the musician's, which is fantastical; nor the courtier's, which is proud; not the soldier's which is ambitious; nor the lawyer's, which is politic; nor the lady's, which is nice; nor the lover's, which is all these: but it is a melancholy of mine own, compounded of many simples, extracted from many objects, and indeed the sundry contemplation of my travels, which, by often rumination, wraps me in a most humorous sadness.

I have never heard enough classical music to be able to enjoy it; & the simple truth is, I detest it. Not mildly, but will all my heart. To me an opera is the very climax & cap-stone of the absurd, the fantastic the unjustifiable. I hate the very name of opera - partly because of the nights of suffering I have endured in its presence, & partly because I want to love it and can't.

I have my own views about Nature's methods, though I feel that it is rather like a beetle giving his

I have never had sexual relations with Monica Lewinsky. I've never had an affair with her.

I have no further use for America. I wouldn't go back there if Jesus Christ was President.

I have nothing but respect for you -- and not much of that.

I have read that, on the average, the Japanese are getting taller, but at the moment they seem to be about the same height as American junior-high-school students, only with fewer guns.

"I have seen those symptoms before," said Holmes, throwing his cigarette into the fire. "Oscillation upon the pavement always means an affaire de coeur.

I have tried to know absolutely nothing about a great many things, and I have succeeded fairly well.

I hope no one asks me to show them the ropes; I have no idea where they are. Maybe I could pull some strings and find out.

I hope we're not just human garbage drifting toward a big sewer. But I think so.

I intended to give you some advice but now I remember how much is left over from last year unused.

I intend to live forever. So far, so good. - T-SHIRT

I issued a number of denials to people I thought needed to hear them

I know a member of one of New York's first families (first as you drive up Tenth Avenue)

I know what men want. Men want to be really, really close to someone who will leave them alone.

I knew we were in for a long season when we lined up for the national anthem on opening day and one of my players said, 'Every time I hear that song I have a bad game.'

I like the word "indolence." It makes my laziness seem classy.

I like terra firma; the more firma, the less terra.

I like to be as diverse as possible. I think the humorous side and the serious side are both elements of my personality. It's what makes me who I am and if I was to neglect either one of those sides and just focus on one of them, it wouldn't be the full spectrum of my personality.

I'm a Christian-libertarian-environmentalist-capitalist-lunatic. It's a humorous way for me to describe that I'm not stereotypical.

I like to think 'The God Delusion' is a humorous book. I think, actually, it's full of laughs. And people who describe it as a polarizing book or as an aggressive book, it's just that very often they haven't read it.

I'll tell you how I'd like to be remembered: As a black man who won the heavyweight title - Who has humorous and who never looked down on those who looked up to him - A man who stood for freedom, justice and equality - And I wouldn't even mind if folks forgot how pretty I was.

I love my cigar too, but I take it out of my mouth once in a while.

I love the very exposed, humorous, imperfect, never-trying to-pretend-to-be-perfect journey that I have been on in my life.

I'll sleep when I'm dead.

I love bald men. Just because you've lost your fuzz don't mean you ain't a peach.

I love making people laugh, and to be able to be that humorous character was great. And I actually was very similar to Neville Longbottom. I was very shy and chubby-cheeked. I wasn't bullied at school, but I wasn't particularly outgoing. We were similar. And so I loved playing him.

I love sharing my stories and experiences with people and connecting to them on both a humorous and emotional level.

I love the protest signs protected by the First Amendment - some of them humorous, some of them passionate, some factual, some entirely incorrect - all of them free ideas.

I made myself platinum, but I was born a dirty blonde.

I'm always amazed to hear of air crash victims so badly mutilated that they have to be identified by their dental records. What I can't understand is, if they don't know who you are, how do they know who your dentist is?

I'm always relieved when someone is delivering a eulogy and I realize I'm listening to it.

I'm a misplaced American, but don't know where I was misplaced

I'm a woman of very few words, but lots of action.

I'm at the age where I want two girls. In case I fall asleep they will have someone to talk to.

I married a German. Every night I dress up as Poland and he invades me.

I mean you've got a conservative and right-winged press presence with really nothing on the other end of the political spectrum.

I mean, the question actors most often get asked is how they can bear saying the same things over and over again, night after night, but God knows the answer to that is, don't we all anyway; might as well get paid for it.

I'm easily persuaded that a really good novelist who gets inside somebody else's head could be serving a valuable purpose. I enjoy satirical novels that take a wry, humorous, ironic look at modern life.

I'm in Pittsburgh. Why am I here?

I'm for whatever gets you through the night

I miss New York. I still love how people talk to you on the street - just assault you and tell you what they think of your jacket.

I'm halfway through a novel set in two time frames - Austin in the 1960's and Alpine (Texas) in present day. It started out to be a small, lighthearted, humorous book about family relationships; I was tired of writing war stories and tragedies.

I misled people, including even my wife.