Best 139 quotes in «lol quotes» category

I had to make water ” I said. It was the classic female excuse and no male in recorded history had ever questioned it. “I see ” the Inspector said and left it at that. Later I would have a quick piddle behind the caravan for insurance purposes. No one would be any the wiser.

I leave her to chemically combust and find Wren in the student council office, filling out extremely interesting paperwork. He’s buried behind piles of the stuff. I can barely see tufts of his blonde hair poking out. I reach into the paperwork pile and shove the two halves aside. Hundreds of them fall off the desk and to the floor. Papers drift through the air like snowflakes. Fat, boring-ass snowflakes. Wren looks up, face slack with shock. “Whatcha doing?” I ask. “Dividing up funding for the other clubs,” He whispers, clearly distraught. A paper plops onto his head and slides off dejectedly. I’m respectful for three seconds. “So anyway, I had this nightmare in which Jack was sexy and Kayla died.

I look like prep school Barbie," Nudge complained, as she entered the kitchen. She caught sight of me in my uniform and looked mollified. "Actually, you like prep school Barbie. I'm just Barbie's friend.

I love my haters, they rage and rage and all they do is spreading my word.

I mean if there was any justice in the world you wouldn't even have to go to school during your period. You'd just stay home for five days and eat chocolate and cry.

I'm not some character from a boys' manga." ~Yukio

In my book an erection constitutes personal growth.

I nod and smile and smile and nod, and when she turns away, I form a gun with my hand, place it to my temple, and pull the trigger. This girl is starved for attention. It's amazing to me when people are totally unaware of how bad they are at socializing.

In the interest of ultimate honesty,” Celine cut in, “I’m pretty sure that everyone present would appreciate it if you two got a room.” “I wouldn’t,” Dean grumbled. “I am unbothered by displays of physical and emotional intimacy,” Sloane volunteered. “The nuances and statistics underlying courtship behavior are quite fascinating.” The edges of Celine’s lips quirked upward as she met Sloane’s gaze. “You don’t say.” Sloane frowned. “I just did.

Please leave the stone on the seat, it is to keep out the mink.

I'm simpley one hell of a butler.

Interviewer: So. Tell me about your mother. Ezra: You're taping this, right? Interviewer: Audio only. Camera is faulty. Ezra: Okay, well for the benefit of the sight-impaired, I am now raising my… oh, dear… yes, it's my MIDDLE finger at Mr. Postgrad here. Interviewer: Mr. Mason... Ezra: Now I'm wiggling it. Interviewer: Terminating interview at 13:58 on 03/19/75. Ezra: Look at it wiggl- -audio ends-

I sigh. "I don't know what's happening to me." "They're called hormones." I shoot him a dirty look. "I'm serious." "Me too." He cocks his head at me. "That's like, biological and shit. Scientific. Maybe your lady bits are scientifically confused." "My lady bits?" "Oh, I'm sorry" - Kenji pretends to look offended - "would you rather I use the proper anatomical terminology? Because you lady bits do not scare me-" "Yeah, no thanks.

I should've worn a push-up bra. Not that it would've helped any. Push-up bras only really worked if there was something to actually push up.

I sort of fell." "Percy! Six hundred and thirty feet?

I think a platform is missing its go-go dancer, Sabine." Fey's brutal tone cut through our courtesies.

I remembered Father remarking once that if rudeness was not attributable to ignorance it could be taken as a sure sign that one was speaking to a member of the aristocracy.

It’s so fucking pretty.”
 He opened one eye and squinted down at her. “Did you just call my dick ‘pretty’?”

I walk into the bathroom and even though I don’t need to pee, I do anyway. I’m wearing a skirt that Amber forced me to put on and it’s so easy to use the bathroom when you’re in a skirt, it’s stupid not to take advantage of the opportunity. Besides, I’m pretty sure I’m getting a cab home right after I punch Ben in the face, so I might as well use the restroom while I’m here. Why am I justifying the fact that I’m peeing?

I want to do it too!” said Gazzy, sitting very, very quietly, completely motionless. “Nope,” said Nudge, shaking her head. “You stand out like a fart in church.

I will get your some clothes, a sword, and your very own assassin to join you on your quest." "Ooh, just what I've always wanted. A man whose job title had the word ass in it not once, but two times.

Luke captured my gaze again and said, "If beauty were time, you'd be eternity." My heart stopped. I was paralysed to look away from him (...) Thankfully, another senior boy who apparently wasn't dating anyone spoke. And when the words came out of his mouth, I understood why he was girlfriendless. "If you were a booger, I'd pick you first." A lot of yuck and that's gross penetrated the table's atmosphere. A rain of crumpled napkins showered over the boy. Of course, all the guys laughed at him, including Luke, who was finally looking away from me. I was never so grateful for such a tactless comment.

Most humans expressed affection by pressing their lips together, a simple act, so why would anyone feel the need to research the process?

No. No way. That name is reserved for females with grace and elegance, not this girl. This girl is...beastly.

Oh, god…” I whimper. “I haven’t done anything yet, baby,” Colton growls. “I know,” I pant. “I was just saying your name.

Okay. When he comes, you can see him?" "Yes. I can hear him, too. And he, uh..." She brushed the bandage on the side of her skull. I looked at her in bewilderment. Was she serious? "He hits you?" "Yes." "With his fist?" "Yes." John looked up from his coffee indignantly. "Man, what a dick!" I did roll my eyes this time and glared at John once they stopped. I don't know if you've ever seen a ghost, but I'm guessing that if you did, the thing didn't run over and punch you in the face. I'm guessing that's never happened to any of your friends, either.

Our lips met and parted, and his tongue slid deep to taste me. The sounds from the peanut gallery—choking and retching—and the tug on my robe instantly drained the heat from the encounter. “That’s disgusting,” Kola assured me with a glare that a six-year-old shouldn’t have had. “Why?” I asked snidely. “Your mouth has germs,” he informed me haughtily. “That’s why you told Hannah not to lick Chilly.” “No, I told her not to lick Chilly because the cat doesn’t like to be licked by her.” “He licks his body.” “He does,” Hannah, our four-year-old, agreed with a nod. “Kola’s right.” “But he doesn’t want you to do it,” I assured my daughter. “How do you know?” Kola questioned. I had to think. Kola waited, squinting at me. “Do not lick the cat! Nobody licks the cat!” Sam ordered when the silence stretched for too long.

Remember our friend Mark?" Wylan winced. Let's say the mark is a tourist walking through the Barrel. He's heard it's a good place to get rolled, so he keeps patting his wallet, making sure it's there, congratulating himself on just how alert and cautious he;s being. No fool he. Of course every thime he pats his back pocket or the front of his coat, what is he doing? He's telliing every thief on the Stave exactly where he keeps his scrub." "Saints," grumbled Nina. "I've probably done that." "Everyone does," said Inej. Jesper lifted a brow. "Not everyone." "That's only because you never have anything in your wallet," Nina shot back. "Mean." "Factual." "Facts are for the unimaginative," Jesper said with a dismissive wave.

She spoke throught her teeth. "Almost, dear. What were the real words you used? The bad words. It's okay to say them again, just this once." I shrugged, "fine. I said'. . . just 'cause Daddy wants you to suck on his ding-a-ling.

Somehow she had climbed halfway up his body before he managed to grasp her waist. He plucked her off and set her on her feet. She started to climb up his body again. “Are you having fun?” he asked suspiciously. “We’re on the fucking moon!” she shouted. “There’s nothing here!” He stared at her. “I don’t think you’re having fun.” “No air!” He shook his head. “Think about that logically. Could you have possibly said those words if there truly was no air? Of course there’s no air or atmosphere outside this bubble—” “Ofcoursethere’snofuckingairhereorfuckingatmosphereonthefuckinggoddamnMOONyouGODDAMNFUCKINGCRAZYMORONICDJINN…” “Grace,” he roared in her face.

(Some girl) "You said we'd have breakfast!" (Jasper) "If i live, i'll buy you waffles." "You don't have enough money to buy her waffles," Wylan grumbled. "Be quite. We're in a library.

Speaking of fruit, I'm down--I mean, he's down--to his underwear.

Strong creatures don't form herds. Have they never heard of a lone wolf? Cats are cute, and wolves are cool. So in essence, loners are cute and cool.

I remembered that Johnson had declared portrait painting to be an improper employment for a woman. “Public practice of any art and staring in men’s faces is very indelicate in a female,” he had said. Well I’d seen Dr. Johnson’s face in the book’s frontispiece and I couldn’t imagine anyone male or female wanting to stare into it for any length of time —the man was an absolute toad.

It’s when I’m around some people that my entire vocabulary goes on vacation. Like now

I've always been a monster,' Scapegrace told her, 'but now, finally, my physical for reflects my inner darkness.' 'You smell terrible.' 'That's the smell of evil.' 'It's like rancid meat and bad eggs.' 'Evil," Scapegrace insisted.

Love is as we will it to be." ~ Amunhotep El Bey

Make your decision, one moment you need to follow somebody for awesome stuff. But other you just add him to your favourites authors and you check out everyday his progress, awesome.

Maruman does not loll.

My friends call me Wrath," says Raffe. "My enemies call me Please Have Mercy. What's your name, soldier boy?" Raffe's mocking tone brings a flush to my cheeks for no reason.

My hands wrapped around his waist, traveling up the broad expanse of his back, mooth and hard, and... "Give it a rest, already," Tod snapped from somewhere behind his brother. "It already smells like sex in here, and you're both still dressed. You have no idea how messed up that is.

My name," I tell Wilbur in the most dignified voice I can find, "Was inspired by Harriet Quimby, the first female American pilot and the first woman ever to cross the Channel in an aeroplane. My mother chose it to represent freedom and bravery and independence, and she gave it to me just before she died." There's a short pause while Wilbur looks appropriately moved. Then Dad says, "Who told you that?" "Annabel did." "Well, it's not true at all. You were named after Harriet the tortoise, the second longest living tortoise in the world." There's a silence while I stare at Dad and Annabel puts her head in her hands so abruptly that the pen starts to leak into her collar. "Richard," she moans quietly. "A tortoise?" I repeat in dismay. "I'm named after a tortoise? What the hell is a tortoise supposed to represent?" "Longevity?

Natural talent!" crowed Vincent, sweeping my sweaty self up into his arms and pacing across the room, holding me like a trophy. "Of course my girlfriend's got it. In truckloads! How else could she have slain a giant evil zombie, single-handedly saving my undead body?

Next, I wasn't willing to mimic a dude. I'd done it twice and it wasn't something I wanted to do again. Ever. Extra body parts and things dangling in place they shouldn't? No way.

Nothing says awkward like coming in your pants while dry humping.

Only love will attract love.”~ Amunhotep El Bey

Our neighbors were so excited when a black family moved in that they got them a welcome basket with the first three seasons of The Cosby Show on DVD.

Sexual reproduction and food -- humans' two favorite subjects.

She's your lobster. C'mon you guys. It's a known fact that lobsters fall in love and mate for life. You can actually see old lobster couples, walking around their tank, you know, holding claws". ...

Shoes are stupid. Why do people wear them?" -Bliss He laughed, "So they don't step on a nail and get tetanus, that's why." -Cade "Wear. Where. Wear. W's are wwweeird."-Bliss