Best 106 quotes in «funny inspirational quotes» category

When I look back on all these worries, I remember the story of the old man who said on his deathbed that he had had a lot of trouble in his life, most of which had never happened

When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second.

When I was born I was so surprised I didn't talk for a year and a half.

When you don't know what you're doing, fake it.

When someone says, "I want a programming language in which I need only say what I want done," give him a lollipop.

Women will never be as successful as men because they have no wives to advise them.

You can learn many things from children. How much patience you have, for instance.

Women tend to be problem solvers. We work together.

You can’t be that kid standing at the top of the waterslide, overthinking it. You have to go down the chute.

While I was drying off Maddie after her bath tonight, she said, 'I love you' to me for the first time. It sounded like 'All lub boo,' but I didn't care. To reciprocate, I showed her what an ex-Marine looks like when he cries.

You should bring something into the world that wasn't in the world before. It doesn't matter what that is. It doesn't matter if it's a table or a film or gardening-everyone should create. You should do something, then sit back and say 'I did that.'

You should just dump the whole saving the world plan and go with global domination. It's probably be more fun.

According to the group People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals, fish have feelings too. Whenever my sons go fishing they always tell me, "Dad it doesn't hurt a fish to get hooked." Well I watch and I see and I believe it's painful for the fish.

All good things come to those who wait.

All people know the same truth. Our lives consist of how we choose to distort it.

You're at your best when you don't know what you're doing.

I realize nobody's coming to save me. I must save myself. I must be my own super hero. Although I am open to a sidekick.

All things come to those who wait.

A mother is the best friend God ever gave.

Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your rest home.

Any fool can criticize, condemn and complain - and most fools do.

A sense of humor is the ability to understand a joke-and that the joke is oneself.

Among the most striking things that I have learned is how much we have in common. I've sat down with people everywhere, discussing what was in their hearts and on their minds. And it doesn't take long to find commonality, which is often overlooked, ignored, dismissed, and rejected otherwise.

Even the gods love jokes.

Computers are good at following instructions, but not at reading your mind.

Behold the turtle. He makes progress only when he sticks his neck out.

Concerning the difference between man and the jackass: some observers hold that there isn't any. But this wrongs the jackass.

Don't take life too seriously.

Even I don't know what you're doing, and I know everything.

Happiness does not come from doing easy work but from the afterglow of satisfaction that comes after the achievement of a difficult task that demanded our best.

Everyone has a doctor in him or her; we just have to help it in its work. The natural healing force within each one of us is the greatest force in getting well. Our food should be our medicine. Our medicine should be our food. But to eat when you are sick, is to feed your sickness.

He has a heart of gold - only harder.

Here cometh April again, and as far as I can see the world hath more fools in it than ever.

Humor is most powerful thing that uses laughter as it base to chase your blues away.

I ain't sleeping. I'm just taking a good look at the insides of my eyelids.

I am opposed to millionaires, but it would be dangerous to offer me the position.

How can I have morning sickness when I don't get up till noon?

[Hope is] the dream of a waking man.

I base most of my fashion taste on what doesn't itch.

I expect Woman will be the last thing civilized by Man.

I don't have false teeth. Do you think I'd buy teeth like these?

If we threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's, we'd grab ours back.

I consider that a man's brain originally is like a little empty attic, and you have to stock it with such furniture as you choose.

If you don't have wrinkles, you haven't laughed enough.

If you owe the bank $100 that's your problem. If you owe the bank $100 million, that's the bank's problem.

I'm a big health-food freak and a vegetarian devotee.

I guess good things come to those who wait.

If you are afraid of being lonely, don't try to be right.

I'm not overweight. I'm just nine inches too short.

Interviewing is tough, especially if you don't know what you're looking for.