Best 339 quotes in «sarcastic quotes» category

What are the proper proportions of a maxim? A minimum of sound to a maximum of sense.

What do I think of Western civilization? I think it would be a very good idea.

What I claim is to live to the full the contradiction of my time, which may well make sarcasm the condition of truth.

When an opera star sings her head off? she usually improves her appearance.

When I first started writing, I was living in England and I had that uniquely English sense of sarcasm, which has definitely seemed to have left me. I am a naturalized American and my sensibility has become far more American.

When ideas fail, words come in very handy.

When you're being earnest, people think you're being sarcastic and when you're being sarcastic, they think you're being earnest. The moral in all this, of course, is that people should never attempt to communicate.

When I see a man of shallow understanding extravagantly clothed, I feel sorry - for the clothes.

Women like a man with a past, but they prefer a man with a present

With sixty staring me in the face, I have developed inflammation of the sentence structure and definite hardening of the paragraphs.

Women have a wonderful instinct about things. They can discover everything except the obvious.

Women with pasts interest men because they hope history will repeat itself.

Women are never disarmed by compliments. Men always are. That is the difference between the sexes.

Women's intuition is the result of millions of years of not thinking.

years ago we would have been burned for this. Now what I am suggesting is that we've advanced.

You can always count on Americans to do the right thing - after they've tried everything else.

(after Quigley deduces Duane is undead, and says he must not be a legitimate human.) Duane: "Legitimate?!" Plat, shall I legitimately drop you from another cliff?!

You slam a politician, you make out he's the devil, with horns and hoofs. But his wife loves him, and so did all his mistresses.

You have delighted us long enough.

You have sensible women here [in England] but then, they are very devils--censorious, uncharitable, sarcastic--the women in Scotland have twice--thrice their freedom, with all their virtue--and are very conversable and agreeable--their educations are more finished.

You may admire a girl's curves on the first introduction, but the second meeting shows up new angles.

You're constantly, in human culture, trying to balance between uplifting, heartfelt, sincere, earnestness that empowers and enlightens people, and the sarcastic cynicism that comes from just people's acquired bitterness over experiences.

Babe, I hate to break it to you, but you're one messed up mess." "I know!" I exclaimed before breaking off into a fit of laughter. "I ought to be admitted or put on some serious medication or something.

All right, we need a way to get into the palace. Any ideas?" "Ask nicely? Charge in? Fly? Wait, do you mean reasonable ones?

A man is a penis-wrinkle when calling him a dickhead would be a compliment.

because I am the king of this world. That's right, Costello.' He stood once again, 'I was once the master and lord supreme of this dominion. These people are my people. The lonely virgins living in their moms' basement who never read a conspiracy theory they didn't believe, and who never saw a corpse within 25 miles of the Beltway that died of natural causes - they are,' and here McNamara raised his arms aloft, in the manner of a TV Evangelist, to mimic a Southern preachers accent, 'my people.

Educational system in America is not as good as in China. You may be an idiot. It is hard to tell with you white people.

Being Kind, Is Not My Kind

Caroline's lips thinned, her face flushed. "My husband, sir, has more secrets in his tiny, insignificant mind than the entire British War Department has had on file since its inception." She huffed with pure, disgusted outrage, lowering her gaze to the floor to murmur, "I'll kill him.

Carpe Diem, just remember that we're partying on the Titanic.

Do you know what happens when you play a country song backwards? You get your wife back, your dog back and your job back.

Begitu mudahnya orang dewasa menyimpulkan, menafsirkan, menilai, menghakimi, menamai, aku sering iri, katanya dengan mencibir, dan menyebutnya: mengetahui!

Compassion: listening to a month’s worth of snivelling when you break up with yet another asshole.

Dragons lick my boots, I don't want to bloody be he—

I already know how I'm going to die"..."How?" I asked. "Spider bite. Or being sarcastic at the wrong time.

Goody. That must be why they were looking for a 22-caliber anything when they came by with their search warrant this morning.' 'They didn't!' 'They did.' 'When?' 'Oddly enough, right before I upped my meds.

Guys like him? They were the worst kind. All looks and no heart. Guys not like him? They were all deceiving, freaking asshats.

Fejezzük be ezt a beszélgetést. Túlságosan sok benne a felkiáltójel.

Flyaways should be called siblings because they are annoying and they get in the way.

Gankis lifted an arm to point at the distant shale cliffs. "And in the face of it there were thousands of little holes, little what-you-call-'ems..." "Alcoves," Kennit supplied in an almost dreamy voice. "I call them alcoves, Gankis. As would you, if you could speak your own mother tongue.

Girls, on the other hand, have always come easy. I don't know why that is, exactly. Maybe it's the outsider vibe and a well-placed brooding look. Maybe it's something I think I see sometimes in the mirror, something that reminds me of my father. Or maybe I'm just damn easy on the eyes.

He’s a doctor,” Timur says. “Ah? It must be shocking for you, then. This hospital.

...ia melamun dengan tatapan sekosong orang yang merasa tak perlu lagi membayangkan masa depan sebab masa depan akan sama dengan apa yang ia lakukan kemarin dan saat ini.

I could use all the confidence I could get. If possible, I would steal some from the egotistical Chase. He had more than enough to spare.

I couldn’t see her, obviously, but I knew exactly what she was doing. She’d sunk into the nearest chair, eyes squeezed closed with her thumb and pointer pinched tightly across the bridge of her nose. The Sixes at the cabin had dubbed it her What did Dez do now? expression. Before everything in my world turned upside down, I would have been proud to have an expression named after me. Hell, if Dad had done it, I would have considered life a victory

I don't like him. He makes me laugh. It'll wrinkle my face.

I don’t need a hero. I was blessed with a large amount of common sense, which is of infinitely more use than a man.

I discovered that politics is not entirely about agendas and manifestos of some old, sullen creep promising a better future of the country as a whole. Politics is being played everywhere and it starts from the very bedroom that you consider your safe haven.

I’d venture to guess that a list of things you know nothing about could fill volumes.

If you don't understand it, it's art.