Best 339 quotes in «sarcastic quotes» category

Little things affect little minds.

Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

Love is like a booger, you pick and pick at it. Then when you get it you wonder how to get rid of it.

Love built on beauty, soon as beauty, dies.

Mail your packages early so the post office can lose them in time for Christmas.

Love is the delightful interval between meeting a beautiful girl and discovering that she looks like a haddock.

Love sucks. Sometimes it feels good. Sometimes it's just another way to bleed.

Most of the time, the songs have jokes in them, little sarcastic things, or purposely kitsch or something. So that's going along with a story, like I do in life, just talking to myself and making fun of stuff and laughing at stuff that's serious. And sometimes it's a good idea to put the laughing into the songs. Sometimes it's not. Sometimes it's all right just to be serious. But most of the songs have some kind of joke in them.

Marriage is the chief cause of divorce.

McDonald's being the official restaurant of the Olympics is like smoking being the official medicine of cancer.

Never put off till tomorrow what you can do day after tomorrow just as well.

My films often have a very strong strain of irony, or even sarcasm, which is definitely related to homosexual camp. But it is by no means straightforward: quite often I am sincere when I appear to be sarcastic, and I am sarcastic when I appear to be sincere. I also try to contradict myself at least once a day, which is a camp must.

My whole family is very sarcastic and constantly making jokes.

Never criticize Americans. They have the best taste that money can buy.

No matter how you care to define it, I do not identify with the local group. Planet, species, race, nation, state, religion, party, union, club, association, neighborhood improvement committee; I have no interest in any of it. I love and treasure individuals as I meet them, I loathe and despise the groups they identify with and belong to.

[on pop idol Donny Osmond] He has Van Gogh's ear for music.

Oh, I could spend my life having this conversation - look - please try to understand before one of us dies

Only the shallow know themselves.

Puberty is the sickest joke God plays on us. So you're just noticing members of the sex: "Girls girls, ooo". Naturally you want to look your best, and God says "No! You will look the worst you've ever looked in your life!

Part of my reaction to my diagnosis of infertility was deeply sarcastic and critical, part of it was morbid, part of it was numb, part of it was neurotic and desperate. To mush all of those notes together would cancel them out. I ended up just trying to keep them as separate as possible.

PATRIOT, n. One to whom the interests of a part seem superior to those of the whole. The dupe of statesmen and the tool of conquerors.

People do not deserve to have good writing, they are so pleased with bad.

Put every great teacher in a room, and they'd agree about everything, but put their disciples in there and they'd argue about everything.

People always tell me "Have a nice day." Well what if I don't want to? What if I want to have a crappy day?

Please try not to be such a wiener-head.

Political correctness is tyranny with manners.

Sex is the last refuge of the miserable.

Sarcastic Science, she would like to know, In her complacent ministry of fear, How we propose to get away from here When she has made things so we have to go Or be wiped out. Will she be asked to show Us how by rocket we may hope to steer To some star off there, say, a half light-year Through temperature of absolute zero? Why wait for Science to supply the how When any amateur can tell it now? The way to go away should be the same As fifty million years ago we came- If anyone remembers how that was I have a theory, but it hardly does.

Science can never solve one problem without raising ten more problems.

Romance has been elegantly defined as the offspring of fiction and love.

Scotland: That garret of the earth - that knuckle-end of England - that land of Calvin, oatcakes, and sulfur.

She is a peacock in everything but beauty!

She is a water bug on the surface of life.

She resembles the Venus de Milo: she is very old, has no teeth, and has white spots on her yellow skin.

She looked as though butter wouldn't melt in her mouth - or anywhere else.

She's the kind of girl who climbed the ladder of success wrong by wrong.

She was developing what Mom called a bit of a sarcastic streak.

She was like a sinking ship firing on the rescuers.

She was what we used to call a suicide blonde - dyed by her own hand.

Sisters don't need words. They have perfected a language of snarls and smiles and frowns and winks - expressions of shocked surprise and incredulity and disbelief. Sniffs and snorts and gasps and sighs - that can undermine any tale you're telling.

She was so ugly she could make a mule back away from an oat bin.

Size does matter. There's a lot of ways to make people feel good, but personally I think it does enhance things.

‎Should we do this now?" Pam gave an almost inaudible snort. She was smiling in the glow of the streetlight, suddenly exhilarated. "You waiting for an engraved invite?" Lord save me from sarcastic vampires.

Since I started making films, I've been a nut for dialogue. When I first saw Star Wars when I was 12 years old, I came home and recited all of the lines from it. Before I talked about Death Stars exploding and Tie Fighters I was talking about how funny Princess Leia was and how sarcastic Han Solo was. So to me that's always the most important thing, and I love hearing great actors say great lines.

Some folks are wise and some are otherwise.

Somehow I found him. Somehow I found Al's sarcastic thoughts, bitter and old. Tired, angry, bored. Alone.

Some people have no idea what they're doing, and a lot of them are really good at it.

Sometimes I need what only you can provide: your absence.

Sometimes the road less traveled is less traveled for a reason.

Sorry, I'm allergic to bullshit.