Best 339 quotes in «sarcastic quotes» category

There's a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.

The typewriting machine, when played with expression, is no more annoying than the piano when played by a sister or near relation.

The triumph of sugar over diabetes.

They never open their mouths without subtracting from the sum of human knowledge.

The White House is giving George W. Bush intelligence briefings. You know? some of these jokes just write themselves.

The worst part of success is to try to find someone who is happy for you.

We are a nation of sheep, and someone else owns the grass.

This is one race of people for whom psychoanalysis is of no use whatsoever.

Usually I just let my songs do the talking. As a matter of fact I have long had an aversion to celebrities endorsing politics, and in some cases even other causes. I wonder about their motives. And I have to admit when celebrities get involved in political campaigns I tend to get a little bit sarcastic about it.

We are never deceived; we deceive ourselves.

This is one of those big, fat paperbacks, intended to while away a monsoon or two, which, if thrown with a good overarm action, will bring a water buffalo to its knees.

Those who are too smart to engage in politics are punished by being governed by those who are dumber.

Today is Valentine's Day - or, as men like to call it, Extortion Day!

Useless as a pulled tooth.

Well, I think we ought to let him hang there. Let him twist slowly, slowly in the wind.

We have so much time and so little to do. Strike that, reverse it.

We'll love you just the way you are if you're perfect.

We can lick gravity, but sometimes the paperwork is overwhelming.

We didn't lose the game; we just ran out of time.

We're having something a little different this year for Thanksgiving. Instead of a turkey, we're having a swan. You get more stuffing

We're both [with Mark Wahlberg] capable of being sarcastic, vicious, violent lunatics, but we hold each other in check, appeal to the best aspects of each other.

What do I think of Western civilization? I think it would be a very good idea.

What are the proper proportions of a maxim? A minimum of sound to a maximum of sense.

With sixty staring me in the face, I have developed inflammation of the sentence structure and definite hardening of the paragraphs.

When I see a man of shallow understanding extravagantly clothed, I feel sorry - for the clothes.

When you're being earnest, people think you're being sarcastic and when you're being sarcastic, they think you're being earnest. The moral in all this, of course, is that people should never attempt to communicate.

Women are never disarmed by compliments. Men always are. That is the difference between the sexes.

What I claim is to live to the full the contradiction of my time, which may well make sarcasm the condition of truth.

When an opera star sings her head off? she usually improves her appearance.

When ideas fail, words come in very handy.

When I first started writing, I was living in England and I had that uniquely English sense of sarcasm, which has definitely seemed to have left me. I am a naturalized American and my sensibility has become far more American.

Women like a man with a past, but they prefer a man with a present

Women with pasts interest men because they hope history will repeat itself.

Women have a wonderful instinct about things. They can discover everything except the obvious.

Women's intuition is the result of millions of years of not thinking.

You may admire a girl's curves on the first introduction, but the second meeting shows up new angles.

You have delighted us long enough.

years ago we would have been burned for this. Now what I am suggesting is that we've advanced.

You can always count on Americans to do the right thing - after they've tried everything else.

You have sensible women here [in England] but then, they are very devils--censorious, uncharitable, sarcastic--the women in Scotland have twice--thrice their freedom, with all their virtue--and are very conversable and agreeable--their educations are more finished.

Babe, I hate to break it to you, but you're one messed up mess." "I know!" I exclaimed before breaking off into a fit of laughter. "I ought to be admitted or put on some serious medication or something.

You slam a politician, you make out he's the devil, with horns and hoofs. But his wife loves him, and so did all his mistresses.

All right, we need a way to get into the palace. Any ideas?" "Ask nicely? Charge in? Fly? Wait, do you mean reasonable ones?

A man is a penis-wrinkle when calling him a dickhead would be a compliment.

You're constantly, in human culture, trying to balance between uplifting, heartfelt, sincere, earnestness that empowers and enlightens people, and the sarcastic cynicism that comes from just people's acquired bitterness over experiences.

(after Quigley deduces Duane is undead, and says he must not be a legitimate human.) Duane: "Legitimate?!" Plat, shall I legitimately drop you from another cliff?!

because I am the king of this world. That's right, Costello.' He stood once again, 'I was once the master and lord supreme of this dominion. These people are my people. The lonely virgins living in their moms' basement who never read a conspiracy theory they didn't believe, and who never saw a corpse within 25 miles of the Beltway that died of natural causes - they are,' and here McNamara raised his arms aloft, in the manner of a TV Evangelist, to mimic a Southern preachers accent, 'my people.

Do you know what happens when you play a country song backwards? You get your wife back, your dog back and your job back.

Begitu mudahnya orang dewasa menyimpulkan, menafsirkan, menilai, menghakimi, menamai, aku sering iri, katanya dengan mencibir, dan menyebutnya: mengetahui!

Being Kind, Is Not My Kind