Best 339 quotes in «sarcastic quotes» category

Goody. That must be why they were looking for a 22-caliber anything when they came by with their search warrant this morning.' 'They didn't!' 'They did.' 'When?' 'Oddly enough, right before I upped my meds.

Guys like him? They were the worst kind. All looks and no heart. Guys not like him? They were all deceiving, freaking asshats.

I already know how I'm going to die"..."How?" I asked. "Spider bite. Or being sarcastic at the wrong time.

He’s a doctor,” Timur says. “Ah? It must be shocking for you, then. This hospital.

I discovered that politics is not entirely about agendas and manifestos of some old, sullen creep promising a better future of the country as a whole. Politics is being played everywhere and it starts from the very bedroom that you consider your safe haven.

...ia melamun dengan tatapan sekosong orang yang merasa tak perlu lagi membayangkan masa depan sebab masa depan akan sama dengan apa yang ia lakukan kemarin dan saat ini.

I couldn’t see her, obviously, but I knew exactly what she was doing. She’d sunk into the nearest chair, eyes squeezed closed with her thumb and pointer pinched tightly across the bridge of her nose. The Sixes at the cabin had dubbed it her What did Dez do now? expression. Before everything in my world turned upside down, I would have been proud to have an expression named after me. Hell, if Dad had done it, I would have considered life a victory

I could use all the confidence I could get. If possible, I would steal some from the egotistical Chase. He had more than enough to spare.

I don't like him. He makes me laugh. It'll wrinkle my face.

I’d venture to guess that a list of things you know nothing about could fill volumes.

I don’t need a hero. I was blessed with a large amount of common sense, which is of infinitely more use than a man.

If one wishes to elicit a reaction from the elusive species known as 'reservus quietgirlius,' one must poke.

If you don't understand it, it's art.

If this constant bitter disappointment was love, then I was perfectly fine not to have anything to do with it.

I needed to make choices for me, whoever I was. I’d say I needed to find myself, if that didn’t sound like I was heading into the Himalayas, taking only a backpack stuffed with angst and clean underwear

If you wish to be part of my life, the door is always open.The door remains open if you choose to leave..but don't just hover in the doorway with indecision because you're blocking the traffic!

I have a new found respect for Atlas.

I'll never understand ninety-nine percent of humanity. - Enoch

I'm still furious with you," she murmured, kissing a line down his chest. "Oh, God, please don't be furious," he choked out quickly. "Every female I know is furious with me. Rosalyn throws tantrums, and Charlotte hasn't spoken to me or written since you left." He moved his hands to unbutton her gown. "The morning I thought you'd sailed out of my life I started drinking and didn't stop until I'd finished two bottles. For three days I had a blistering headache, and Nedda couldn't for the life of her stop banging things." He groaned. "And I can't even begin to tell you about your sisters.

In every day and in every way, we're all that much closer to death.

I stared at the phone, thankful it stopped bouncing right before tumbling over the edge. If I told Mom I needed another phone, she’d have a llama

I really do mean to offend you, you know.

I sort of fell." "Percy! Six hundred and thirty feet?

In the battle of DNAs, your DNA will always win against the DNA of your father.

It was a master surgeon, him that ampytated me - out of college and all - Latin by the bucket, and what not; but he was hanged like a dog, and sun-dried like the rest, at Corso Castle.

It pains me to admit this, but Roger was a good sight less stupid than most children.

It's not hard to fail...it's hard to accept you failed...but once that's out of the way, it's pretty smooth sailing

It’s so obvious that you’re gonna ask a good looking dude to be with you for the rest of your holiday while you only know his name for like 2 hours, 32 minutes, 12 seconds.” “Trisha! Being mean is my job! June, you’re so predictable, like, it’s not a shock for us if you’re gonna ask a good looking dude to be with you for the rest of your holiday while you only know his name for like 2 hours, 33 minutes, 2 seconds.

Murderous thieves make their home here." She failed to keep the tremor from her voice. "Absolutely," Jonas replied. "Dangerous animals too." "Without a doubt." She slanted a look toward him. "Perfect place for you." He repressed a snort. "Oh, such compliments, your highness. You're going to make me blush.

Little-known fact about cheerleaders: They keep schedules that would make grown marines cry.

Madame will forgive me for not perceiving her busyness. It is a sign of the highest breeding to be able to be busy whilst appearing idle to the uninformed observer.

Never trust your colleagues. Work politics are founded by them.

My maid never sweeps under the bed so I asked her to do so today. Found a pen, three pairs of shoes and the man I had lost two years ago.

Perfect! Now we're being chased by hoards of monkeys! Perhaps you would care to name their species as we're attacked, just so I can appreciate the special traits of said monkey as it kills me!" "At least when the monkeys are harassing you, you dont have any time to harass me!

One time, I went to a restaurant and I asked the waiter for some food for thought. He left, came back, and tried shoving a sirloin in my ear.

Nietzsche said ‘What doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger,’” Jim said to me as we slogged along another trash-strewn roadside." “Yeah, right,” I said. “How about radiation?

No, but as a vampire, I'm able to detect subtle shifts in emotional energy.

Politics to me was the whining of an old braggart too proud to admit his faults and too vain to try something new. All of their agendas and manifestos were nothing but a lucrative offer to deceive the fools and encourage the clever in deceiving more fools.

So, you're telling me the zoo commissioned you to make a zombie panda in order to avoid a potential international incident.

PRINT the ticket, take the ride!

So what's it to be, Bear?" Dev lifted his leg and gave a sarcastic slap to his thigh. "By golly, I'll take door number two, Bob. You know the one that calls for straight suicide with a side of mutilation and pain? Sign my hairy ass up for that and don't be late.

The more silent you are at bed during times of crisis, the more are the chances of an amicable, dignified and a not so counterproductive interchange of romantic exuberance.

The Black Pit of Despair is temporarily closed for renovations. We apologize for any inconvenience.

The jusitce is blind. Turn the surveillance cameras off!

There you are," Cardan says as I take my place beside him. "How has the night been going for you? Mine has been full of dull conversation about how my head is going to find itself on a spike.

The problem is that in this jail there are too many mosquitoes, they don't let me sleep.

The only difference between having an affair here and having an affair there was that the American men would always ended up losing half of his estates over a woman he was infatuated just as much as the next tramp who would come his way, while Japanese men would only earn more respect from their subordinates through the possession of much younger women, as a sign of prowess and affluence, while their wives at home, as if there were rule books distributed nationally on the “proper” marriage etiquette for all young Japanese women to read before they enter into the matrimony, would turn a blind eye on their disloyalty quietly.

The worst thing about the dead rising? (Other than, you know, all the zombies?) The smell. Nothing kills the mood like the odor of three day old road kill and poo... -Katherine Anita Cho(KyCH)

Wait-you mean the Mall, as in a bunch of museums in DC that we would wander around and I'd pretend like I understood modern art while really thinking, holy crap, a gremlin could have painted that and for all we know did, or the mall, as in picking out a new pair of shoes, eating food that's terrible for us, and making up life stories for all the people that pass us?" 'I can see now that I must have meant the second.' "What a smart boy.

Time is a taunter of cheated hearts