Best 339 quotes in «sarcastic quotes» category

Somehow I found him. Somehow I found Al's sarcastic thoughts, bitter and old. Tired, angry, bored. Alone.

Some folks are wise and some are otherwise.

Some of the secret joys of living are not found by rushing from point A to point B, but by inventing some imaginary letters along the way.

Some people have no idea what they're doing, and a lot of them are really good at it.

Sometimes I need what only you can provide: your absence.

Sometimes the road less traveled is less traveled for a reason.

Sorry, I'm allergic to bullshit.

Sorry I’m so sarcastic. I feel really bad about it.

So yes, this is a show about an adolescent girl, her friends, and various vampires. Vampires writing in diaries, vampires attending high school, vampires investigating various mysterious supernatural events, vampires tormenting each other, vampires eavesdropping on each other, and vampires being sarcastic about other vampires' hairstyles. Vampires embracing every possible opportunity to take off their shirts.

Strange as it may seem, my life is based on a true story

That is what I like about you, Mr. Dashwood," she said. "You are so decisive. It saves me the bother of thinking for myself." "That is what I like about you, Mrs. Dashwood," he said. "You are so sarcastic. It saves me the trouble of trying to be tactful and charming.

Suppose you were an idiot, and suppose you were a member of Congress; but I repeat myself.

Ten men waiting for me at the door? Send one of them home, I'm tired.

The Australian sense of humor is very dry, sarcastic, and very undercover. Like if I tell any jokes in America, people just think I'm serious! So I just quit telling any jokes whatsoever.

The empty vessel makes the loudest sound.

The best way to hold a man is in your arms.

The English have a miraculous power of turning wine into water.

The English think soap is civilization.

The best things in life are free - and $19.95.

The English contribution to world cuisine: the chip.

The lack of money is the root of all evil.

The higher a monkey climbs, the more you see of its behind.

Their demeanor is invariably morose, sullen, clownish and repulsive. I should think there is not, on the face of the earth, a people so entirely destitute of humor, vivacity, or the capacity for enjoyment.

The little dictator who went to Moscow in his green fatigues to receive a bear hug did not forsake the doctrine of Lenin when he returned to the West and appeared in a two-piece suit. (On Daniel Ortega Saavedra)

There are only two ways of telling the complete truth - anonymously and posthumously.

[The papists] ought to have sympathy with us weak, poor Christians, and not condemn us or make fun of us because we are learning so childishly to toddle along the benches, nay, to creep in the mire, and cannot skip and dance, on such light feet and legs, over and outside of God's commandments, as they do, the strong heroes and giants ... God forbid that we should!

The triumph of sugar over diabetes.

There's a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.

The White House is giving George W. Bush intelligence briefings. You know? some of these jokes just write themselves.

The typewriting machine, when played with expression, is no more annoying than the piano when played by a sister or near relation.

Today is Valentine's Day - or, as men like to call it, Extortion Day!

The worst part of success is to try to find someone who is happy for you.

They never open their mouths without subtracting from the sum of human knowledge.

This is one of those big, fat paperbacks, intended to while away a monsoon or two, which, if thrown with a good overarm action, will bring a water buffalo to its knees.

This is one race of people for whom psychoanalysis is of no use whatsoever.

Those who are too smart to engage in politics are punished by being governed by those who are dumber.

Useless as a pulled tooth.

We are a nation of sheep, and someone else owns the grass.

Usually I just let my songs do the talking. As a matter of fact I have long had an aversion to celebrities endorsing politics, and in some cases even other causes. I wonder about their motives. And I have to admit when celebrities get involved in political campaigns I tend to get a little bit sarcastic about it.

We'll love you just the way you are if you're perfect.

We are never deceived; we deceive ourselves.

We can lick gravity, but sometimes the paperwork is overwhelming.

We didn't lose the game; we just ran out of time.

We have so much time and so little to do. Strike that, reverse it.

Well, I think we ought to let him hang there. Let him twist slowly, slowly in the wind.

We're both [with Mark Wahlberg] capable of being sarcastic, vicious, violent lunatics, but we hold each other in check, appeal to the best aspects of each other.

What are the proper proportions of a maxim? A minimum of sound to a maximum of sense.

We're having something a little different this year for Thanksgiving. Instead of a turkey, we're having a swan. You get more stuffing

What I claim is to live to the full the contradiction of my time, which may well make sarcasm the condition of truth.

What do I think of Western civilization? I think it would be a very good idea.