Best 339 quotes in «sarcastic quotes» category

Is a vegetarian permitted to eat animal crackers?

I saw what a mess a lot of people could make of their lives when they're smitten. Some of them go temporarily insane. They find a person who they think holds the key to their happiness-the only key to their happiness... My work has always been my greatest happiness

I see you're a man with ideals. I better be going before you've still got them.

Isn’t making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool?

I suddenly thought about being backstage, and I think it shocks you to meet the people you shared your bedrooms with. And a lot of them either take themselves too seriously or don't know how to take themselves at all. But I wanted to be aware in a very sarcastic way that every song I've written has probably been written about 12-16 times before. And doing that makes it very hard for me to accept serious singer-songwriters in the world, the up-and-comers, the ones who are out there who let that define their every move, who live and die and breathe for it. It's a bit of a tragedy, I think.

It has been said that democracy is the worst form of government except all the others that have been tried.

I think I am, therefore, I am... I think.

I've been things and seen places.

I thought I could make a sarcastic joke about it. But it's based on my own struggle with how much to give, how much it's really helping or not, and how foolish or not I feel. Giving sometimes backfires.

It's all right for a perfect stranger to kiss your hand as long as he's perfect.

It's never just a game when you're winning.

It was unnerving, the way she could go from cool efficiency to sarcastic to sweet within the space of thirty seconds. I found it very manipulative and controlling. It put the other person constantly on-guard. And it was extremely intimidating because you never knew when she was going to snap. I made a mental note to refine these skills within myself.

It is a noteworthy fact that kicking and beating have played so considerable a part in the habits which necessity has imposed on mankind in past ages that the only way of preventing civilized men from beating and kicking their wives is to organize games in which they can kick and beat balls.

I've been in more laps than a napkin.

I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial.

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.

I've no time for broads who want to rule the world alone. Without men, who'd do up the zipper on the back of your dress?

I wish I'd known you when you were alive.

I was so furious I was actually dizzy with it. There were so many bitchy, sarcastic observations to make, I was having a sarcasm stroke. "My God! You people! You're - you're so stupid you're making my eyeballs throb. They're throbbing, dammit!

Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

I wish to thank my parents for making it all possible? and I wish to thank my children for making it necessary.

I would not want to put him in charge of snake control in Ireland.

I would challenge you to a battle of wits, but I see you are unarmed!

Love built on beauty, soon as beauty, dies.

Little things affect little minds.

Love is like a booger, you pick and pick at it. Then when you get it you wonder how to get rid of it.

Love sucks. Sometimes it feels good. Sometimes it's just another way to bleed.

Love is the delightful interval between meeting a beautiful girl and discovering that she looks like a haddock.

Mail your packages early so the post office can lose them in time for Christmas.

My films often have a very strong strain of irony, or even sarcasm, which is definitely related to homosexual camp. But it is by no means straightforward: quite often I am sincere when I appear to be sarcastic, and I am sarcastic when I appear to be sincere. I also try to contradict myself at least once a day, which is a camp must.

Marriage is the chief cause of divorce.

McDonald's being the official restaurant of the Olympics is like smoking being the official medicine of cancer.

Most of the time, the songs have jokes in them, little sarcastic things, or purposely kitsch or something. So that's going along with a story, like I do in life, just talking to myself and making fun of stuff and laughing at stuff that's serious. And sometimes it's a good idea to put the laughing into the songs. Sometimes it's not. Sometimes it's all right just to be serious. But most of the songs have some kind of joke in them.

[on pop idol Donny Osmond] He has Van Gogh's ear for music.

My whole family is very sarcastic and constantly making jokes.

Never put off till tomorrow what you can do day after tomorrow just as well.

No matter how you care to define it, I do not identify with the local group. Planet, species, race, nation, state, religion, party, union, club, association, neighborhood improvement committee; I have no interest in any of it. I love and treasure individuals as I meet them, I loathe and despise the groups they identify with and belong to.

Oh, I could spend my life having this conversation - look - please try to understand before one of us dies

Only the shallow know themselves.

Never criticize Americans. They have the best taste that money can buy.

Part of my reaction to my diagnosis of infertility was deeply sarcastic and critical, part of it was morbid, part of it was numb, part of it was neurotic and desperate. To mush all of those notes together would cancel them out. I ended up just trying to keep them as separate as possible.

PATRIOT, n. One to whom the interests of a part seem superior to those of the whole. The dupe of statesmen and the tool of conquerors.

People always tell me "Have a nice day." Well what if I don't want to? What if I want to have a crappy day?

People do not deserve to have good writing, they are so pleased with bad.

Romance has been elegantly defined as the offspring of fiction and love.

Put every great teacher in a room, and they'd agree about everything, but put their disciples in there and they'd argue about everything.

Please try not to be such a wiener-head.

Political correctness is tyranny with manners.

Puberty is the sickest joke God plays on us. So you're just noticing members of the sex: "Girls girls, ooo". Naturally you want to look your best, and God says "No! You will look the worst you've ever looked in your life!

Science can never solve one problem without raising ten more problems.