Best 339 quotes in «sarcastic quotes» category

Those who are too smart to engage in politics are punished by being governed by those who are dumber.

Usually I just let my songs do the talking. As a matter of fact I have long had an aversion to celebrities endorsing politics, and in some cases even other causes. I wonder about their motives. And I have to admit when celebrities get involved in political campaigns I tend to get a little bit sarcastic about it.

Useless as a pulled tooth.

Today is Valentine's Day - or, as men like to call it, Extortion Day!

We are a nation of sheep, and someone else owns the grass.

We are never deceived; we deceive ourselves.

We didn't lose the game; we just ran out of time.

We have so much time and so little to do. Strike that, reverse it.

We'll love you just the way you are if you're perfect.

We're both [with Mark Wahlberg] capable of being sarcastic, vicious, violent lunatics, but we hold each other in check, appeal to the best aspects of each other.

We can lick gravity, but sometimes the paperwork is overwhelming.

Well, I think we ought to let him hang there. Let him twist slowly, slowly in the wind.

What are the proper proportions of a maxim? A minimum of sound to a maximum of sense.

What do I think of Western civilization? I think it would be a very good idea.

What I claim is to live to the full the contradiction of my time, which may well make sarcasm the condition of truth.

We're having something a little different this year for Thanksgiving. Instead of a turkey, we're having a swan. You get more stuffing

When ideas fail, words come in very handy.

When I see a man of shallow understanding extravagantly clothed, I feel sorry - for the clothes.

When I first started writing, I was living in England and I had that uniquely English sense of sarcasm, which has definitely seemed to have left me. I am a naturalized American and my sensibility has become far more American.

When an opera star sings her head off? she usually improves her appearance.

When you're being earnest, people think you're being sarcastic and when you're being sarcastic, they think you're being earnest. The moral in all this, of course, is that people should never attempt to communicate.

With sixty staring me in the face, I have developed inflammation of the sentence structure and definite hardening of the paragraphs.

Women have a wonderful instinct about things. They can discover everything except the obvious.

Women like a man with a past, but they prefer a man with a present

Women's intuition is the result of millions of years of not thinking.

Women with pasts interest men because they hope history will repeat itself.

Women are never disarmed by compliments. Men always are. That is the difference between the sexes.

years ago we would have been burned for this. Now what I am suggesting is that we've advanced.

You have sensible women here [in England] but then, they are very devils--censorious, uncharitable, sarcastic--the women in Scotland have twice--thrice their freedom, with all their virtue--and are very conversable and agreeable--their educations are more finished.

You have delighted us long enough.

You're constantly, in human culture, trying to balance between uplifting, heartfelt, sincere, earnestness that empowers and enlightens people, and the sarcastic cynicism that comes from just people's acquired bitterness over experiences.

You can always count on Americans to do the right thing - after they've tried everything else.

You may admire a girl's curves on the first introduction, but the second meeting shows up new angles.

(after Quigley deduces Duane is undead, and says he must not be a legitimate human.) Duane: "Legitimate?!" Plat, shall I legitimately drop you from another cliff?!

A man is a penis-wrinkle when calling him a dickhead would be a compliment.

because I am the king of this world. That's right, Costello.' He stood once again, 'I was once the master and lord supreme of this dominion. These people are my people. The lonely virgins living in their moms' basement who never read a conspiracy theory they didn't believe, and who never saw a corpse within 25 miles of the Beltway that died of natural causes - they are,' and here McNamara raised his arms aloft, in the manner of a TV Evangelist, to mimic a Southern preachers accent, 'my people.

All right, we need a way to get into the palace. Any ideas?" "Ask nicely? Charge in? Fly? Wait, do you mean reasonable ones?

Babe, I hate to break it to you, but you're one messed up mess." "I know!" I exclaimed before breaking off into a fit of laughter. "I ought to be admitted or put on some serious medication or something.

Being Kind, Is Not My Kind

Compassion: listening to a month’s worth of snivelling when you break up with yet another asshole.

You slam a politician, you make out he's the devil, with horns and hoofs. But his wife loves him, and so did all his mistresses.

Begitu mudahnya orang dewasa menyimpulkan, menafsirkan, menilai, menghakimi, menamai, aku sering iri, katanya dengan mencibir, dan menyebutnya: mengetahui!

Dragons lick my boots, I don't want to bloody be he—

Do you know what happens when you play a country song backwards? You get your wife back, your dog back and your job back.

Fejezzük be ezt a beszélgetést. Túlságosan sok benne a felkiáltójel.

Flyaways should be called siblings because they are annoying and they get in the way.

Educational system in America is not as good as in China. You may be an idiot. It is hard to tell with you white people.

Girls, on the other hand, have always come easy. I don't know why that is, exactly. Maybe it's the outsider vibe and a well-placed brooding look. Maybe it's something I think I see sometimes in the mirror, something that reminds me of my father. Or maybe I'm just damn easy on the eyes.

Goody. That must be why they were looking for a 22-caliber anything when they came by with their search warrant this morning.' 'They didn't!' 'They did.' 'When?' 'Oddly enough, right before I upped my meds.

Guys like him? They were the worst kind. All looks and no heart. Guys not like him? They were all deceiving, freaking asshats.