Best 339 quotes in «sarcastic quotes» category

My whole family is very sarcastic and constantly making jokes.

Never criticize Americans. They have the best taste that money can buy.

Never put off till tomorrow what you can do day after tomorrow just as well.

Oh, I could spend my life having this conversation - look - please try to understand before one of us dies

No matter how you care to define it, I do not identify with the local group. Planet, species, race, nation, state, religion, party, union, club, association, neighborhood improvement committee; I have no interest in any of it. I love and treasure individuals as I meet them, I loathe and despise the groups they identify with and belong to.

Only the shallow know themselves.

Political correctness is tyranny with manners.

[on pop idol Donny Osmond] He has Van Gogh's ear for music.

Part of my reaction to my diagnosis of infertility was deeply sarcastic and critical, part of it was morbid, part of it was numb, part of it was neurotic and desperate. To mush all of those notes together would cancel them out. I ended up just trying to keep them as separate as possible.

PATRIOT, n. One to whom the interests of a part seem superior to those of the whole. The dupe of statesmen and the tool of conquerors.

People do not deserve to have good writing, they are so pleased with bad.

Please try not to be such a wiener-head.

People always tell me "Have a nice day." Well what if I don't want to? What if I want to have a crappy day?

Puberty is the sickest joke God plays on us. So you're just noticing members of the sex: "Girls girls, ooo". Naturally you want to look your best, and God says "No! You will look the worst you've ever looked in your life!

Put every great teacher in a room, and they'd agree about everything, but put their disciples in there and they'd argue about everything.

Science can never solve one problem without raising ten more problems.

Romance has been elegantly defined as the offspring of fiction and love.

Sarcastic Science, she would like to know, In her complacent ministry of fear, How we propose to get away from here When she has made things so we have to go Or be wiped out. Will she be asked to show Us how by rocket we may hope to steer To some star off there, say, a half light-year Through temperature of absolute zero? Why wait for Science to supply the how When any amateur can tell it now? The way to go away should be the same As fifty million years ago we came- If anyone remembers how that was I have a theory, but it hardly does.

She is a peacock in everything but beauty!

Scotland: That garret of the earth - that knuckle-end of England - that land of Calvin, oatcakes, and sulfur.

Sex is the last refuge of the miserable.

She looked as though butter wouldn't melt in her mouth - or anywhere else.

She's the kind of girl who climbed the ladder of success wrong by wrong.

She resembles the Venus de Milo: she is very old, has no teeth, and has white spots on her yellow skin.

She was developing what Mom called a bit of a sarcastic streak.

She was what we used to call a suicide blonde - dyed by her own hand.

She was so ugly she could make a mule back away from an oat bin.

She was like a sinking ship firing on the rescuers.

‎Should we do this now?" Pam gave an almost inaudible snort. She was smiling in the glow of the streetlight, suddenly exhilarated. "You waiting for an engraved invite?" Lord save me from sarcastic vampires.

She is a water bug on the surface of life.

Since I started making films, I've been a nut for dialogue. When I first saw Star Wars when I was 12 years old, I came home and recited all of the lines from it. Before I talked about Death Stars exploding and Tie Fighters I was talking about how funny Princess Leia was and how sarcastic Han Solo was. So to me that's always the most important thing, and I love hearing great actors say great lines.

Size does matter. There's a lot of ways to make people feel good, but personally I think it does enhance things.

Sisters don't need words. They have perfected a language of snarls and smiles and frowns and winks - expressions of shocked surprise and incredulity and disbelief. Sniffs and snorts and gasps and sighs - that can undermine any tale you're telling.

Some of the secret joys of living are not found by rushing from point A to point B, but by inventing some imaginary letters along the way.

Somehow I found him. Somehow I found Al's sarcastic thoughts, bitter and old. Tired, angry, bored. Alone.

Some folks are wise and some are otherwise.

Some people have no idea what they're doing, and a lot of them are really good at it.

Sometimes I need what only you can provide: your absence.

Sometimes the road less traveled is less traveled for a reason.

Suppose you were an idiot, and suppose you were a member of Congress; but I repeat myself.

So yes, this is a show about an adolescent girl, her friends, and various vampires. Vampires writing in diaries, vampires attending high school, vampires investigating various mysterious supernatural events, vampires tormenting each other, vampires eavesdropping on each other, and vampires being sarcastic about other vampires' hairstyles. Vampires embracing every possible opportunity to take off their shirts.

Sorry, I'm allergic to bullshit.

Sorry I’m so sarcastic. I feel really bad about it.

Strange as it may seem, my life is based on a true story

Ten men waiting for me at the door? Send one of them home, I'm tired.

The best way to hold a man is in your arms.

That is what I like about you, Mr. Dashwood," she said. "You are so decisive. It saves me the bother of thinking for myself." "That is what I like about you, Mrs. Dashwood," he said. "You are so sarcastic. It saves me the trouble of trying to be tactful and charming.

The Australian sense of humor is very dry, sarcastic, and very undercover. Like if I tell any jokes in America, people just think I'm serious! So I just quit telling any jokes whatsoever.

The best things in life are free - and $19.95.

The empty vessel makes the loudest sound.