Best 339 quotes in «sarcastic quotes» category

A woman in love can't be reasonable - or she probably wouldn't be in love.

Being attacked by him is like being savaged by a dead sheep.

Being Politically Correct means always having to say you're sorry.

Being the offspring of English teachers is a mixed blessing. When the film star says to you, on the air, 'It was a perfect script for she and I,' inside your head you hear, in the sarcastic voice of your late father, 'Perfect for she, eh? And perfect for I, also?'

Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt.

Better never than late.

Behind every great man there is a surprised woman.

Chick flick is not a term used to praise a movie. Nobody says 'it's a great chick flick.' It's a way of being derisive. I'm not clear why it's ok to do it.

Conservatives want live babies so they can train them to be dead soldiers.

CARNIVOROUS, adj. Addicted to the cruelty of devouring the timorous vegetarian, his heirs and assigns.

Deliberate with caution, but act with decision and yield with graciousness, or oppose with firmness.

Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie' until you can find a rock.

Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.

Don't give a woman advice; one should never give a woman anything she can't wear in the evening.

Cultivate your curves - they may be dangerous but they won't be avoided.

Don't let you mind wander - it's far too small to be let out on its own.

Don't marry a man to reform him - that's what reform schools are for.

Don't look now, but there's one too many in this room and I think it's you.

Everyone knows what a hypocrite is. That's the guy who gripes about the sex, violence and nudity on his VCR.

Everyone has his day and some days last longer than others.

Events in the past may be roughly divided into those which probably never happened and those which do not matter.

Familiarity breeds contempt - and children.

For your information, I would like to ask a question.

Everything I write is personal, really. Even when I'm sarcastic, it's quite personal. And on this record, from the production to the singing to the performances, I got it really honest. To the modern ear, it seems soft. When you hear it against other things, it seems vulnerable. Lyrically and musically, though, this is more subtle. And, yes, it's asking a lot of someone who's used to being hit over the head with bright neon to listen to this.

Except during the nine months before he draws his first breath, no man manages his affairs as well as a tree does.

Getting married is like trading in the adoration of many for the sarcasm of one.

For hearts that are kindly, with virtue and peace, and not seeking blindly a hoard to increase; for those who are grieving o'er life's sordid plan; for souls still believing in heaven and man; for homes that are lowly with love at the board; for things th

God forbid that any book should be banned. The practice is as indefensible as infanticide.

German in the most extravagantly ugly language - it sounds like someone using a sick bag on a 747.

Have a place for everything and keep the thing somewhere else. This is not advice, it is merely custom.

Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.

He had a winning smile, but everything else was a loser.

He has no enemies, but he is intensely disliked by his friends.

Good women are no fun... The only good woman I can recall in history was Betsy Ross. And all she ever made was a flag.

He never chooses an opinion; he just wears whatever happens to be in style.

He knows nothing and thinks he knows everything. That points clearly to a political career.

He never said a foolish thing nor never did a wise one.

Here’s a bumper sticker I’d like to see: “We are the proud parents of a child who’s self-esteem is sufficient that he doesn’t need us promoting his minor scholastic achievements on the back of our car.

He has inhibited discussion by designating admonition as the method of dealing with a heretic- and the first method, too, because he is not a Christian. This is so that he would not seem to require correction again and again and before two or three witnesses as though he were a Christian. He ought to be corrected for the very reason that he is not to be disputed with. In addition, this is said because a controversy over the Scriptures can, clearly, produce no other effect than help to upset either the stomach or the brain.

He is one of those people who would be enormously improved by death.

He's a trellis for varicose veins.

Her skin was white as leprosy.

Her face was her chaperone.

He's so small, he's a waste of skin.

He's so snobbish he has an unlisted zip-code.

He's liked, but he's not well liked.

He thinks by infection, catching an opinion like a cold.

He was about as useful in a crisis as a sheep.

His voice was the most obnoxious squeak I ever was tormented with.

He was a solemn, unsmiling, sanctimonious old iceberg who looked like he was waiting for a vacancy in the Trinity.