Best 3518 quotes in «humour quotes» category

Your teacher did not want to be a teacher. He wanted to be a meter reader at the electric utility. Meter readers do not have to put up with children, work comparatively little, and what is more important, have greater opportunity for corruption and are hence both better off and held in higher regard by society.

Your wolf is eating that man. I thought you should know.

Your weakness slit your own throat.

You see, I have trouble with authority. Whenever someone tells me to do something, I get the sudden and very strong urge to do the exact opposite. Sometimes I can control it. But mostly I just lose.

You see football isn’t just about 90 minutes, it‘s about passion and, yes, if you like, about life. We men will do things under the umbrella of football fandom that we would never dream of doing in any other sphere of life, and within the pages that follow I will try and explain why.

You seem to like helping, taking care of people," he said. "That is admirable." "You enjoy being nurtured?" "Well, that isn’t all you promise. When you touch me, I feel a fire at my center. You want me to grow and find my true story, my purpose. You seem to want to be there when I see new things. You want to share and enjoy my discoveries.

You shouldn’t do it if you hate it. That’s just prostitution.

You should get a better boyfriend. One with an IQ higher than a turnip.

you 'son of a fish' who does not even know his own father

You stay here. I'll whistle if it's safe to follow me." "What will you do if it *isn't* safe?" "Scream.

You should visit the Palatine. It's at the top of that hill . . ." "I know where the Palatine is, Dexter, I was visiting Rome before you were born." "Yes, who was emperor back then?

You shouldn't panic so much," Siris said. "You'll never be a good thief if you panic.

You sure you don't want me to bring you back something?" Her eyes moved in the direction of his office. "A hit man? Some holy water?

You think!” cried Mama. “She’s just a-looking after your backside and mine.” But at least her arms let up. Shioni could breathe again. “It’d take five of her to look after your backside.” Mama seemed to find his rudeness amusing. A beaming smile lit up her round face like the sun leaping above the hills of Abyssinia in the morning. “Better a plump, well-padded rump, than the rear end of a skinny goat like you, eh?

You thought I was peculiar,” she said in a muffled voice. His mouth brushed the edge of her ear and settled against her neck. She felt that he was smiling. “Darling love… you are.

You talk like we're in open warfare." "Aren't we?" The man blew on his tea. "You're pointing a gun at something." "I'm annoyed.

You think I can't get it up anymore, maybe? Lemme tell you, you eat enough garlic and it stands up every time.

You’ve got a big ego, Fuentes.” “That’s not all I’ve got.

You two look like potatoes.

You've got to be fucking kidding me!” The words are out of my mouth before I can put my brain into gear. He must have felt the pain from five pairs of eyes burning straight into the side of his head. Red hot, radioactive beams buzzing onto his temple as he quickly turns his attention to the group of people staring at him. Then his eyes fall on me. Yet again, I melt on the spot at the chocolate pools looking at me.

You want them to give Batman counselling sessions?" "It's genius. Just make Bruce Wayne get over his shit, then, presto, no more Batman. The baddies win by default.

You want my help or not?” I say, putting my hand on my hips and looking sassier than Rhianna. All I need now is a latex outfit, plastic whip and chain-mail lead. I know I’ve got him just where I want him.

You want fantasy? Here's one... There's this species that lives on a planet a few miles above molten rock and a few miles below a vacuum that'd suck the air right out of them. They live in a brief geological period between ice ages, when giant asteroids have temporarily stopped smacking into the surface. As far as they can tell, there's nowhere else in the universe where they could stay alive for ten seconds. And what do they call their fragile little slice of space and time? They call it real life.

You want the truth? I’ve been fucked and betrayed often enough to not trust anybody. And that includes you.” Frank shrugged. “Don’t take it personal.” “Join the club. We meet Tuesdays. We never share the location with each other, and we show up armed.

You were in the trunk while they —” This time, Gentry closed his eyes. “Please. I’m going to have flashbacks. I don’t want flashbacks.” Sophie couldn’t contain their amusement any longer and broke out into laughter. “Odette, you naughty girl!” “I didn’t know he was back there!” She didn’t turn around. Odette didn’t want to see the look on Sophie’s face. “If I did, I wouldn’t have climbed into Keahi’s lap in the first place!” “Okay!,” Gentry said. “I don’t need visuals, either.

You were not acquainted with my father, Mr Morville. I have often been sorry that you were not, for you would have been excessively pleased with one another. My father was a great reader, though not, of course, during the hunting-season.

You will always end up in frustration whenever you try to produce outside your purpose.

You will do well to take advantage of Madame's short residence to get up your French a little... You will be glad of this, my dear, when you have reached France, where you will find they speak nothing else.

You will suffer, son of Hades!’ What else is new? Nico thought.

You will try to improve me, Captain, but I tell you it cannot be done. I am resigned to moral apathy and corporeal decrepitude, and have done with projections. No, Captain,” with a pining sigh, “I think I will simply sit in the shade and wait for either a customer or death, the latter I might prefer, at such a point.

A British villain never loses their sense of humour.

All humour is critical, you know? You make stupid jokes. I mean, stupidity is an infirmity, isn't it?

A little humour is good for the soul - regardless of how old you may be.

Campo, as everyone in chess recognized, had a 2600 rating as a politician.

A sense of humour is a sense of proportion.

At home I've got a very puerile, juvenile sense of humour.

But alas! Like many another consummation devoutly to be wished, the actual performance was a disappointing one.

By pagans the Jews (and later Christians) were seen as perverse, almost indeed as atheists, for they denied the very existence of other gods.

A musician cannot move others unless he too is moved. He must of necessity feel all of the affects that he hopes to arouse in his audience, for the revealing of his own humour will stimulate a like humour in the listener.

A sense of humour and a little lack of respect: That's what you need to make a legend survive.

As soon as I got funny, I killed any majestic intentions in my work.

DIAPHRAGM, n. A muscular partition separating disorders of the chest from disorders of the bowels.

Cynicism is the humour of hatred

DISCUSSION, n. A method of confirming others in their errors.

For a poet to depict a poet in poetry is a hazardous experiment; in regarding one's own trade a sense of humour and a little wholesome cynicism are not amiss.

Even with the darkest and most distressing subjects in movies there's always going to be humour not far away, just under the surface. And it does help otherwise we'd just get ourselves into a massive trough of depression if there wasn't humour just around the corner.

everybody fancies they have that rare thing, a sense of humour.

Having a sense of humour is really key. You have to have a sense of humour with these things and I've just tried to remain who I am. My life has changed. It's changed in the fact that I don't have the freedoms I did before, but I've also got a huge amount of other freedoms that came along with it.

Humour in its highest reach mingles with pathos: it voices sorrow for our human lot and reconciliation with it.

HELPED are those who laugh with a pure heart; theirs will be the company of the jolly righteous.