Best 3518 quotes in «humour quotes» category

Links, sagte Humboldt. Wieso links, fragte Bonpland. Also rechts, sagte Humboldt. Aber warum rechts? Zum Teufel, rief Humboldt, jetzt werde es ihm zu blöd.

Listen, I didn’t ask for a face and body girls find attractive. But thanks to the mixture of my parents’ DNA, I’ve got them, and I’m not ashamed to use ’em.

Listen to me very carefully, and think hard about what happens if you go over my head to do something for me that you think is right. What is my normal reaction?” Gabe slumps slightly. “Not favourable?

Living out in the wilds of Manitoba, I write a lot as a substitute for human interaction. I'm quite shy and retiring. Think of me as some gentle, wide-eyed woodland creature, more afraid of you, than you are of it... like a grizzly bear.

Long before the season ended - if not before it start! - Damerel would be heaven knows where, strewing rose-leaves about for some abandoned male to tread on! Well, one thing at least I'm determined on! if he *must* indulge in such wasteful habits he shall strew his rose-leaves for me to tread upon, not one of his ridiculous Paphians!

Loneliness tortures many if not most of the elderly more intensely and more frequently than it torments many if not most of us who will never be or have not yet been pushed or pulled into old age.

Long before something happens in our life, it happened in our heart.

Long pants,’ she said rather too fiercely to Andy when he came out of his room wearing shorts. ‘Long pants.’ She herded him back towards his door. ‘These people are from head office. These people are from Melbourne.’ And she emphasised Melbourne as if that should have been all he needed to know. ‘Melbourne people vomit if they see knees,’ I told him, and he said, ‘Why is that kind of information never part of the briefing?

Look at you quivering like a bag of fresh tofu!

Look at yourself for a change! You’ll be counting the grains of rice I buy next! Talk about tight – Scrooge has nothing on you!

Look at me, Hannah! I want you to watch everything I do to you and then you'll always remember.

Looking at a king's mouth, ' said an old man, 'one would think he never sucked at his mother's breast.

Looking but not seeing is the hearing but not understanding of the eye.

Look!" Hawkeye said. Duke looked where Hawkeye was pointing. In one corner, kneeling on the dirt floor with his elbows on his cot, a Bible in front of him, his lips moving slowly, and oblivious to all about him, was Major Jonathan Hobson. "Jesus," Hawkeye said. "It don't look like Him," Duke said.

Looking for my final love with someone who is ready to settle down. Of course dating is great initially, but I don’t wish to be dating indefinitely, so if you’re looking for an indefinite dating partner, please pass me by.

Look,’ said Cyrus, raising his knife again and pointing it at her. ‘Give me one reason why we shouldn’t kill your boyfriend over there. Come on. The dark scowling face is reason enough in my book.’ She could have sworn she heard the sound of Lucas’s eyes narrowing to slits. ‘Come on, just one reason,’ Cyrus repeated, ‘and it better not include the words love, eternal or soul.

Look ye, carpenter, I dare say thou callest thyself a right good workmanlike workman, eh!

Look pal, I'm a superhero, not a liability.

Lord, my hands were made for blessing, but not my feet!

Lord Teddie?" she said. "Will you stay for tea?" "Rather!" said the carpet.

Losing your parent at a tender age is like losing everything thing. The love, care, support and what have you. It only takes determination, strong will and the love, care and support from others to make a difference in the lives of these ones as they grow to face their future. You and I can impact in their lives...Just a little love, a little care, a little support can make a huge difference in a child's life. Support an orphan today!

Louis-Cesare and Ray were in trouble. I could tell because I could see them, not clearly, but in fits and starts, little glimmers like a couple of ghosts, if ghosts made "oh shit" faces on the one hand agitated French gestures on the other. And that sort of shit wasn't going to go unnoticed for long. Aaaaand it didn't.

Lost race?” The Prince studied Orayna, trying to see something inhuman in her. “Why have I never heard of these ‘Rathiuel’?” “Because,” Azaroth rapped his knuckles on the Prince’s skull, “you do not care to read.

Lot of damn mixin' things up and saying, hey, what'll happen if we add a drop of the yellow stuff, and then goin' around without yer eyebrows for a fortnight.

Love, inspirational, life, humor, philosophy, truth, wisdom, happiness, god, hope, romance, death, inspirational-quotes, quotes, faith, poetry,writing, inspiration, knowledge Religion, education, success, relationships, funny, science, life-lessons, books, motivational, spirituality, dreams, fear, freedom, intelligence, friendship, humour, war, motivation, time, women, beauty, reading, art, politics, Christianity, soul, leadership, pain, change, history, people, marriage, nature, peace, music, heart, self-help, spiritual

Love is like chickenpox. It's much worse when it comes late.

Love is like a lost fart. If you have to force it, it's probably shit.

Love may be on the horizon, but beware something wicked this way comes.

Love isn’t blind… It just involves a lot of looking the other way

Lussurioso: "Welcome, be not far off, we must be better acquainted. Push, be bold with us, thy hand!" Vindice: "With all my heart, i'faith. How dost, sweet musk-cat? When shall we lie together?" Lussurioso: (aside) "Wondrous knave! Gather him into boldness? 'Sfoot, the slave's Already as familiar as an ague, And shakes me at his pleasure! -- Friend, I can Forget myself in private, but elsewhere, I pray do you remember be." Vindice: "Oh, very well, sir. I conster myself saucy." Lussurioso: "What hast been? What profession?" Vindice: "A bone-setter." Lussurioso: "A bone-setter!" Vindice: "A bawd, my lord, one that sets bones together." Lussurioso: (aside) "Notable bluntness!

Luke diagnosed himself to be in love, and sought no cure for the disease.

Luke opened the pizza box and, finding it empty, shut it with a sigh. "Though you did eat all the pizza." "I only had five slices," Simon protested, leaning his chair backward so it balanced precariously on its two back legs. "How many slices did you think were in a pizza, dork?" Clary wanted to know. "Less than five slices isn't a meal. It's a snack." Simon looked apprehensively at Luke. "Does this mean you're going to wolf out and eat me?

Lucky Luke: I wonder how you manage to read with everything that's going on. Jolly Jumper: By turning the pages just like everyone else.

Maddison de la Botella, licence to drill.

Lvov: I need to have a candid talk with you, Nikolay Alekseyevich. Ivanov: Doctor, if we're going to have a candid talk every day, I haven't the strength for it.

Lucas took a tentative sip of his coffee. It tasted like an otter had pissed in a tea urn and it had been left to go stale over a prolonged period.

Lucian stared at him, overwhelmed. “What are you all of a sudden?” he demanded gruffly. “An ancient wiseman?” Jory pointed to himself. “Look at me, cousin. Did ancient wisemen have shoulders like mine?

LYSANDER You have her father's love, Demetrius; Let me have Hermia's: do you marry him.

-Mais parce que je ne pense pas, dit Néron en se relevant. -Et qu'est-ce que tu fais alors? -Je gouverne.

Lumea trebuie s-o pătrunzi cu mintea, nu să o baţi cu picioarele! Prostul poate să meargă şi-n cap, că tot nu-i intră nimic în el... Doar mărăcini...

Manager! Have brain - use it!

Man I’m hot,” I exclaimed, fanning myself. The combination of climbing out of the cave and the sun meant that I was perspiring like crazy. “Why thank you,” retorted Blaine, smirking. “I’m pleased that my presence causes that kind of reaction.

Manet also had an argument with Degas, the end result being that they each returned paintings that they had previous given to each other.

Man's panic does not produce God's power.....sometimes you need to pray before you post on social media.

Manners, you see, come down to a single principle: talk of nothing that might actually prove interesting.

Manners are for those who have neither beauty or talent but want people to like them despite their lack of attractions

Man may change, government may change, people may change but Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today and forever.

Many a woman is in a relationship with or married to her man not because she loves him but only because she likes men like him.

Many a survivor of a plane crash who is or was against cannibalism and had never eaten human flesh once found themselves in a situation where they had to either eat human flesh, or go the way of all flesh.

Many a woman would not be in a relationship with or married to her man, if he earned half of what he earns; and many a man would not be in a relationship with or married to his woman, if he earned twice as much as he earns.