Best 3518 quotes in «humour quotes» category

Luke diagnosed himself to be in love, and sought no cure for the disease.

Lussurioso: "Welcome, be not far off, we must be better acquainted. Push, be bold with us, thy hand!" Vindice: "With all my heart, i'faith. How dost, sweet musk-cat? When shall we lie together?" Lussurioso: (aside) "Wondrous knave! Gather him into boldness? 'Sfoot, the slave's Already as familiar as an ague, And shakes me at his pleasure! -- Friend, I can Forget myself in private, but elsewhere, I pray do you remember be." Vindice: "Oh, very well, sir. I conster myself saucy." Lussurioso: "What hast been? What profession?" Vindice: "A bone-setter." Lussurioso: "A bone-setter!" Vindice: "A bawd, my lord, one that sets bones together." Lussurioso: (aside) "Notable bluntness!

Luke opened the pizza box and, finding it empty, shut it with a sigh. "Though you did eat all the pizza." "I only had five slices," Simon protested, leaning his chair backward so it balanced precariously on its two back legs. "How many slices did you think were in a pizza, dork?" Clary wanted to know. "Less than five slices isn't a meal. It's a snack." Simon looked apprehensively at Luke. "Does this mean you're going to wolf out and eat me?

Lumea trebuie s-o pătrunzi cu mintea, nu să o baţi cu picioarele! Prostul poate să meargă şi-n cap, că tot nu-i intră nimic în el... Doar mărăcini...

Lucas took a tentative sip of his coffee. It tasted like an otter had pissed in a tea urn and it had been left to go stale over a prolonged period.

Lucian stared at him, overwhelmed. “What are you all of a sudden?” he demanded gruffly. “An ancient wiseman?” Jory pointed to himself. “Look at me, cousin. Did ancient wisemen have shoulders like mine?

Lucky Luke: I wonder how you manage to read with everything that's going on. Jolly Jumper: By turning the pages just like everyone else.

Maddison de la Botella, licence to drill.

LYSANDER You have her father's love, Demetrius; Let me have Hermia's: do you marry him.

Lvov: I need to have a candid talk with you, Nikolay Alekseyevich. Ivanov: Doctor, if we're going to have a candid talk every day, I haven't the strength for it.

-Mais parce que je ne pense pas, dit Néron en se relevant. -Et qu'est-ce que tu fais alors? -Je gouverne.

Manager! Have brain - use it!

Man I’m hot,” I exclaimed, fanning myself. The combination of climbing out of the cave and the sun meant that I was perspiring like crazy. “Why thank you,” retorted Blaine, smirking. “I’m pleased that my presence causes that kind of reaction.

Manet also had an argument with Degas, the end result being that they each returned paintings that they had previous given to each other.

Manners are for those who have neither beauty or talent but want people to like them despite their lack of attractions

Manners, you see, come down to a single principle: talk of nothing that might actually prove interesting.

Man may change, government may change, people may change but Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today and forever.

Man's panic does not produce God's power.....sometimes you need to pray before you post on social media.

Many a death was precipitated by the food, the job, or the medication whose main function was to postpone it.

Many a man was caused to perish by something that he and many men cherish.

Many a survivor of a plane crash who is or was against cannibalism and had never eaten human flesh once found themselves in a situation where they had to either eat human flesh, or go the way of all flesh.

Many a woman is in a relationship with or married to her man not because she loves him but only because she likes men like him.

Many a woman would not be in a relationship with or married to her man, if he earned half of what he earns; and many a man would not be in a relationship with or married to his woman, if he earned twice as much as he earns.

Many if not most slaves would have each readily jumped, and many if not most slaves would each readily jump, at the opportunity to be a master, if such an opportunity presents or had presented itself.

Many of the boys and men who are regarded as immature by some females are so deemed merely because they do not want to get married someday … or soon.

Maple thought optimistically that human beings, on their good days, weren't much dimmer than sheep. Or at least, not much dimmer than dim sheep.

Mark Twain said the difference between the right word and the almost right word is like the difference between lightning and the lightning bug, and people think he was good, right ? Didn't write any decent characters, as far as I can tell, but otherwise fine.

Marcus looked down. “Ah, man! This was my favorite shirt. Who tore it?” he asked, trying to pull the ragged edges together.

Marcus woke again to find Sanga lying asleep on his bed, and he quietly climbed off his own mattress, standing still for a moment to allow the slight feeling of dizziness to pass. Walking quietly on bare feet, he made his way up the corridor to the latrine, then went in search of his wife. Felicia was delighted to see him on his feet, despite her immediate concern for his well-being, which were quickly dispelled when he waved her away and turned a full circle with his arms out. ‘Well, you seem to be spry enough that I think we can assume the effects of the mandrake have completely worn off. You won’t be able to speak or eat solid food for some time yet though.’ ‘And that’s why I brought this for him.’ They turned to find the tribune standing in the doorway with a smile on his face, a small iron pot dangling from one hand. ‘There’s a food shop at the end of the street whose proprietress was only too happy to lend me the pot in the likelihood of getting your business for the next few weeks. Pass me a cup and I’ll pour you some.’ Marcus found his glass drinking tube and took a sip at the soup, nodding his thanks to the tribune. Scaurus sat in silence until the cup was empty, watching as the hungry centurion consumed the soup as quickly as its temperature would allow. ‘That’s better, eh? There’s more in the pot for when I’m gone. I’d imagine you’ll be spending another night in here just to be sure you’re over the worst of it, but that ought to keep you going until morning. And now, Centurion, to business? First Spear Frontinius tells me that you passed a message requesting a conversation with me, although from the look of things most of the speaking will be done by me.’ Marcus nodded, reaching for his tablet and writing several lines of text. He handed the wooden case to Scaurus, who read the words and stared back at his centurion with his eyebrows raised in astonishment. ‘Really? You’re sure of this?’ After thinking for a moment, Marcus held out his hand and took the tablet back. He smoothed the wax and wrote another statement. Scaurus looked grimly at the text, shaking his head. ‘You got that close to him?’ Marcus wrote in the tablet again. Scaurus read the text aloud, a wry smile on his face. ‘“Take a tent party with you.” A tent party? I’ll need a damned century if he’s as dangerous as you say. And the nastiest, most bad-tempered officer in the First Cohort. Do any names spring to mind, Centurion?

Marketing is so powerful that it can make even an extremely untalented musician a one-hundred-hits wonder.

Mark Spitz didn't ask about Harry. You never asked about the characters that disappeared from a Last Night story. You knew the answer. The plague had a knack for narrative closure.

Marines either know how to use an iron or they get married [...]. The iron is less dangerous.

Mark sighed to himself as he walked home. The afternoon was unexpectedly warm, the sky deep blue and cloudless. You figure her out, he told himself. You're the expert. Mark Carney, girl expert. Everyone should ask me for advice. I know everything about girls, except how to get along with them, how to get along without them, and how to understand them. And I can't even worry about Marcy right now because I've got a date with Janine.

Mary was bigger than Laura, and she had a rag doll named Nettie. Laura had only a corncob wrapped in a handkerchief, but it was a good doll. It was named Susan. It wasn't Susan's fault that she was only a corncob. Sometimes Mary let Laura hold Nettie, but she did it only when Susan couldn't see.

Mary, you know I hate parties. My idea of hell is a very large party in a cold room where everybody has to play hockey properly.

Married, married. My ring on your finger. Yours on mine. Till death do us part,” he rattles off. “Come on Mabes, it’s the next logical step. We’ve been living together for long enough. It’s time to make an honest man out of me.” “We’ve been living together for five hours,” I say, looking at the clock. He shrugs. “When it’s right, it’s right.

Marry, don't marry,' Auntie Aya says as we unfold layers of dough to make an apple strudel. Just don't have your babies unless it's absolutely necessary.' How do I know if it's necessary?' She stops and stares ahead, her hands gloved in flour. 'Ask yourself, Do I want a baby or do I want to make a cake? The answer will come to you like bells ringing.' She flickers her fingers in the air by her ear. 'For me, almost always, the answer was cake.

Marriages fail because they are either taken too seriously or taken for granted. They should be taken rather like coffee – not too cold and not too hot. If too bitter, should be sweetened a little with sugar. If too dark, should be lightened a little with milk. ~Nkwachukwu Ogbuagu

Materialism is the KFC of the soul

Marry me. You'll learn to love me, I promise.

Master Ren: "Inquisitrix! Be warned: I am commander Ren Mormorian, apprentice nekomancer to the great and ancient two-faced Zorian of Whiteclaw House! I have raised the ancient dead! I have fought the wraithmen of the Forsaken Forests! Cross me at your own peril! You can't blame a cat for trying. Flee!

Maruman does not loll.

... Mary bit her lip. “She is merely saying hello.” Oh, I am, Tottie agreed. I’ve been wanting to say hello to Mr. Jack for an age, personal-like. Her hand glided over his chest and headed down. Such a fine cocky fella, ye are. Shall we see if it’s all just tall tales, then, me lad?

Mary, we met in a pub. As you weren’t banging a tambourine, I understand you weren’t selling the word of God.

Maxim 36: When the going gets tough, the tough call for close air support. -The Seventy Maxims of Maximally Effective Mercenaries

Maxim 4: Close air support covereth a multitude of sins. -The Seventy Maxims of Maximally Effective Mercenaries

Maxim 6: If violence wasn't your last resort, you failed to resort to enough of it. -The Seventy Maxims of Maximally Effective Mercenaries

Matthias joined them at the table. "The Shu woman we faced was stronger than me, Jesper, and Wylan put together." "You heard right," said Jesper. "Stronger than Wylan.

Maxim 29: The enemy of my enemy is my enemy's enemy. No more. No less. -The Seventy Maxims of Maximally Effective Mercenaries

Maxim 37: There is no "overkill." There is only "open fire" and "reload." -The Seventy Maxims of Maximally Effective Mercenaries