Best 3518 quotes in «humour quotes» category

There's no life without humour. It can make the wonderful moments of life truly glorious, and it can make tragic moments bearable.

Through humour, we see in what seems rational, the irrational; in what seems important, the unimportant

The worst in life, we are told, is compatible with the best in art. So too the worst in life is compatible with the best in humour.

The whole [Scotch] nation hitherto has been void of wit and humour, and even incapable of relishing it.

We haven't got a plan so nothing can go wrong!

Tod laughed. He was always able to find the humour in even the creepiest situations. I'd thought that it was an undead thing, until I became a member of the undead. Then I realized it was a Tod-thing.

Whenever you find humour, you find pathos close by its side.

We owe to one another all the wit and good humour we can command; and nothing so clears our mental vistas as sympathetic and intelligent conversation.

We've had a day of great drama and of humour too. The rumour mill is now taking over

While it is entirely untrue that Canadians lack a sense of humour, the funniest ones tend to head south: Dan Aykroyd, Jim Carrey, Michael J. Fox.

When you absolutely don't know what to do anymore, it is time to panic

50% of all facts are false and the other half are just made up

98% of politicians are either corrupt or corruptible.

A beach bum is just a blue-collar lounge lizard without a roof over their head.

[About Uluru] I'm suggesting nothing here, but I will say that if you were an intergalactic traveler who had broken down in our solar system, the obvious directions to rescuers would be: "Go to the third planet and fly around till you see the big red rock. You can't miss it." If ever on earth they dig up a 150,000-year-old rocket ship from the galaxy Zog, this is where it will be. I'm not saying I expect it to happen; not saying that at all. I'm just observing that if I were looking for an ancient starship this is where I would start digging.

absinthe removes the bitter taste of failure and grants me strange visions which are charming principally because they cannot be written down. Only in absinthe do I become entirely free and, when I drink it, I understand the symbolic mysteries of odour and of colour.

A bunch of bad songs, make an awful whine.

Absence doesn't make the heart grow fonder. It makes people think you're dead.

Accentuaute the positives - medicate the negatives.

A celebrity farts, and everyone endures, but the unpopular will be thrased to death.

A chap wouldn’t hole up in Occupied France just to get away from his wife, Vesta.

A credit card allows you transcend time. For it allows you to put off until tomorrow what you bought today, while you are still paying off what you bought yesterday.

A credit card allows you transcend time. For it allows you to put off until tomorrow what you bought today, while you are still paying what you bought yesterday.

Adams dealt him so sound a Compliment over his Face with his Fist, that the Blood immediately gushed out of his Nose in a Stream. The Host being unwilling to be outdone in Courtesy, especially by a Person of Adams's Figure, returned the Favour with so much Gratitude, that the Parson's Nostrils likewise began to look a little redder than usual.

Adam pressed his hand to his face. Sighed. "Right. It's just that… He died. And I'm so freaking pissed off, I swear I'd punch him in the face if he were standing right here.

A deep breath is a technique with which we minimize the number of instances where we say what we do not mean … or what we really think.

A Drunkard accuses a Drunkard... A sot became extremely drunk - his legs And head sank listless, weighed by wine's thick dregs. A sober neighbour put him in a sack And took him homewards hoisted on his back. Another drunk went stumbling by the first, Who woke and stuck his head outside and cursed. "Hey, you, you lousy dipsomaniac," He yelled as he was borne off in the sack, "If you'd had fewer drinks, just two or three, You would be walking now as well as me.

Adversity does not just introduce a man to himself. It also introduces, to him, his family, his friends, and his partner.

A dwarf can go hundreds of miles with a cake like this in his pack,' Carrot went on. 'I bet he can,' said Colon gloomily. 'I bet all the time he'd be thinking, "Bloody hell, I hope I can find something else to eat soon, otherwise it's the bloody cake again.

Adventavit asinus, polcher et fortissimus

A five-week sand blizzard?" said Deep Thought haughtily. "You ask this of me who have contemplated the very vectors of the atoms in the Big Bang itself? Molest me not with this pocket calculator stuff.

After a lifetime of soft, easy living in the West, one's buttocks take an awful hammering out here. Backpacking around India is just one long round of sitting on bone-hard, chafing, bruising and generally uncomfortable seats-whether in buses our trains, or restaurants or cinemas. There is no such thing as a padded seat in the whole country.

After all, I was once like you are, but being the right sort I got where I am.

After all, there was something rather pleasant in knowing that you were misunderstood. It made you feel different from everyone else.

After seven days of fasten so it was, that the thoughts of my heart were very grievous unto me- and my soul recovered the spirit of understanding.

After Puckoon I swore I'd never write another book. This is it

A game?’ Rob spluttered. ‘A bloody game?’ He turned to face his father. ‘This is your bloody fault! I’m living your bloody karma!

Aglaya just rolled her eyes. "You're like a ten year-old." "Ten-and-a-half," Kev defended. "But I read at a fourteen year-old level.

A Goddess Adventure represents a combination of heart, head, and soul work

A good speech is like a miniskirt--long enough to over all the vital parts, short enough to entice and captivate listeners.

A good friend will come and bail you out of jail, but a best friend will be sitting next to you saying, 'Damn, that was fun'!

A great family consists of a father who is a hard nut to crack, a mother who is a hard nut to chew and children who are hard nuts to swallow. ~Nkwachukwu Ogbuagu

A halo is a cock ring for the soul.

Ah, but surely you must now be saying, "waitaminute, tuna fish would go bad if you kept it in your pocket for weeks and weeks without refrigerating it." To that I simply say: You obviously haven't read Professor P.S. Schackman's informative book How to Keep Tuna Fish in Your Pocket for Weeks and Weeks Without it Going Bad. I suggest you read it before complaining about the tuna situation again.

A heart? Peppone knows where one is to be met with. There is always someone in the black market in need of dying early.

Ah, now,” crooned Adam, “here we are, then.” With infinite care, as though he were handling a babe, he lifted the sword out, and a sigh seemed to go through him. “Ah, my lovely, it’s been far too long.” “Shall I leave you two alone, then?” Eliza’s lips twitched. She’d never seen such a look of reverence mixed with old familiarity. It was nearly indecent. Adam spared her a glance. “Quiet woman, a man’s relationship with his sword is a sacred thing.” “So I’ve heard.

A huge smile spread across Jen's face."Ahh that was a good one." She turned back to the crowed and yelled again."Rewind. We're going to party like it's 2009, New Year’s Eve. If you're curious as to how awesome a party that was, please see me, Jacque or Sally. Sally's version will be much more accurate, and also free of any important inappropriate details." Before she could say anything else, a large hand wrapped around the microphone and pulled it from Jen's grasp. Decebel handed it to Jacque as he growled at his mate and pulled her away.All the while Jen was telling him exactly how much she didn't appreciate him getting all up in her kool aide. She finished by telling him that, once again, she was going to shove her foot where an ‘Exit Only’ sign should be.

A jaw like a mastiff's, a frame like a giant's, eyes like two daggers, a smile like a tiger's snarl,"Bernard murmured. "Aye, he is all that!!" Master Herbert said."A murrain be on him! And when I came to him,what did I do? I did bow in all politeness, yet stiffly withal to show him I'd not brook his surliness." "I did hear ye did bow so low that your head came below your knees,"Bernard said.

A laugh a day does you more good than an apple – read a humours book ...

A legénység villámmegbeszélést tartott az előfedélzeten, elsősorban azért, mert Percy egy vörös színű tengeri óriáskígyót tartott szemmel, ami a part felőli oldalon úszkált a tengerben. — Ez jó piros – dünnyögte Percy. – Lehet, hogy cseresznyeízű.