Best 3518 quotes in «humour quotes» category

No bikinis on a first date.” He nods. “I’m sure that’s a rule. Or should be. For my sisters anyway.

Nina was about to snap that she didn't appreciate the sarcasm when she saw the expression on his face. He looked like someone had just given him a tuba full of puppies.

No! Aguaje is for girls. If a man eats to much of it, he starts to look like a woman. That is the most unscientific thing I've ever heard. Then you haven't met my cousin Jacari. Too much aguaje. Now the mothers use him as wet nurse.

No answer I could provide to that question could possibly serve my own future interests." Sarek straightened his sleeve and focused on her. "More wine, Wife?

Nobody ever drowned in their own sweat.

Nobody is too holy for the devil's attack, even your tithes and offerings won't stop him either but God rebukes the devourer through your giving.

No body told you to call your band Salacious Mold, my friend.

No, but if I were an illegal, experimental replicant hiding the truth of an international conspiracy I would try and put myself out of the way of those investigating it, wouldn't you? I don't think hiding under a bed will be very successful. But, if you've any better idea of what the deadly robot assassin is up to, please feel free to act upon it.

Nobody wants to give up a weekend-long excuse to dress up and attempt to outshine one another.

Noc była czarna jak sumienie faszysty, jak zamiary polskiego pana, jak polityka angielskiego ministra

No," I agreed. "The zombie apocalypse is still a few years off, right?" "That's up to you to decide. Tell you what, we'll do it for fun someday when you're really bored.

No, he didn’t come to me for a gun. I only said that because of you, thought maybe you’d want one, with being shot and everything.’ ‘Why the fuck would I want a gun? Would you ask a man who’s just been bitten by a shark if he wants to buy a shark?

No," he said, and he snapped his fingers. "You'll come work for me at K----. And be a real associate editor." I said, "I could bring you up on charges for that." "What?" "Work harassment in the sexual place.

No," he said, "look, it's very, very simple ... all I want ... is a cup of tea. You are going to make one for me. Keep quiet and listen." And he sat. He told the Nutri-Matic about India, he told it about China, he told it about Ceylon. He told it about broad leaves drying in the sun. He told it about silver teapots. He told it about summer afternoons on the lawn. He told it about putting in the milk before the tea so it wouldn't get scalded. He even told it (briefly) about the history of the East India Company. "So that's it, is it?" said the Nutri-Matic when he had finished. "Yes," said Arthur, "that is what I want." "You want the taste of dried leaves in boiled water?" "Er, yes. With milk." "Squirted out of a cow?" "Well, in a manner of speaking I suppose ...

No, it's the best time for jokes,' said Olivia. She forced a weak smile. 'Jokes remind us that we're alive. And that your sense of humor is terrible.

No, little one, George's ghost won't come back. Human beings don't have souls. No soul, no ghost. Simple." "How can you say that?" protested Mopple. "We don't know whether humans have souls or not." "Every lamb knows that your soul is in your sense of smell. And human beings don't have very good noses." Maude herself had an excellent sense of smell, and often thought about the problem of souls and noses. "So you'd only see a very small ghost. Nothing to be afraid of.

No man's advice can change you unless you speak to yourself. Bible school or seminars can't change you, going to church can't change you except you decide to change. Psalm 139:23 - 24

No matter how strong you are, you cannot hold open the jaws of a great-white shark with your bare hands... that can do your brain.

No matter who you are or what you do, not everyone in the world will like you. It could be for the most irrational reason and there's nothing you can do to change that. So if you're seen as an ass, it's ok;) Because Jesus rode on the back of one.

No more creepy online alter egos in the name of love.

Non, moi j'crois qu'il faut qu’vous arrêtiez d'essayer d'dire des trucs. Ça vous fatigue, déjà, et pour les autres, vous vous rendez pas compte de c'que c'est. Moi quand vous faites ça, ça me fout une angoisse... j'pourrais vous tuer, j'crois. De chagrin, hein ! J'vous jure c'est pas bien. Il faut plus que vous parliez avec des gens. (Arthur à Perceval)

Nonsense, this is my home and I must defend it. It’s time for Santa to get serious.

No one has the ability to laugh at their misfortunes like the women of the East End.

No one's stopping you," said Jess. "But you've got to make it more interesting. That's why why we drift off and talk about biscuits.

No one needs Independence. We all just need tea and air conditioners.

No one likes sarcasm, Miss Cain. I’ve merely delayed my exit to promise you something. You took my straight razor, li’l darlin’. That I view as an unforgivable offense. So when the time comes, when you have served your purpose, I swear to you I’m gonna kill you for free.” And with that, Billy-Ray Sanguine disappeared into the ground. Then he popped his head back up. “Or at least half price.” And he was gone again.

Norns are incredible architects. They simply use death as a building block.” Andacellus, Viddion marah.

No plaque reminds the passer-by of these glories, although there should be one; for those who invent biscuits bring great pleasure to many.

No pleasure is worth giving up for the sake of two more years in a geriatric home in Weston-super-Mare

Normal is just a settng on your dryer

North Korean troops gathering… inside North Korea. That is unheard of." "They were massing very close to the border." "North Korea is the size of Ohio. It would be geographically challenging for them to gather very far from the border.

Not a few millions of parents strongly hope that their own children will step in by instantly becoming their own parents’ foster parents, if and when the parents reach their second childhood.

No. See, when you throw up you're vomiting, but when you throw down you're starting a fight, as in throwing down the gauntlet." "Ohhhh," he said. "I thought you were speaking literally." "I do beg your pardon. Let's literally throw up, but figuratively throw down.

No single bad person regards themselves as a bad person.

Not all good things are good for us.

Not but what he deserves a sharp lesson! He very nearly made me drop these unfortunate kittens, mauling me about in that detestable way! There is *nothing* I dislike more!' 'I agree that he needs a lesson. I should rather suppose it to have been his first attempt. He ought, of course, to have got rid of the livestock,' said Damerel, taking the basket out of her hand, and setting it down, 'for while you were preoccupied with their safety what could he expect but a rebuff?

No, she laughed." How on earth could that be done? If you try to laugh and say ‘No’ at the same time, it sounds like neighing — yet people are perpetually doing it in novels. If they did it in real life they would be locked up.

Note: orc buoyancy is limited. Avoid fighting the damnable rebels near shoddily-built dams in the future.” – Extract from the journal of Dread Emperor Malignant II

Not going to walk me to the door?" I asked, pretending to be shocked at his lack of gallantry. "Of course I am. many would think that a bonny lass such as yerself wouldst be able to stay out of trouble for a distance of fifteen feet, but I know better." "Did you just use the words yerself and wouldst in the same sentence? You can't be a pirate and a courtier at the same time, Dev. It just isn't done.

Not every single way of saying the right thing is right.

Not everyone who talks less or keeps quiet whenever they are with or around you does that because they find you interesting or knowledgeable; some people do that because they find you boring or ignorant.

Not everyone who condemns masturbation can masturbate.

Nothing great is ever accomplished by following standards.

Nothing is as irritating to a shy man as a confident girl.

Nothing makes you think you might need years of therapy like saying the word breasts in front of your mother.

Nothing more likely,"said Hannasyde. "I've got to try and rattle him." "It's him that'll do the rattling,"said the Sergeant darkly. "he's the nearest thing to a snake I've seen outside of the Zoo.

Nothing is over in my life when Christ is above it. Anything higher than me is still below the feet of Christ. I am not born again to be burnt, I am born again to be born again so that I may live in peace and joy that comes only from God.

No time for jokes," Nakamura said. "Is Neil there?" "Let's just say I'm Sleeping Beauty's personal assistant right now." "I guess that makes you Waking Ugly?" "I thought you said this was no time for jokes. That was a joke, right?

Not sweet like fruits, the heart of a maiden is a little sour.

Not one of the boys like me. I’ve put their noses out of joint.” “Well, they were never good-looking lads.