Best 3518 quotes in «humour quotes» category

Red sky at night, the city's alight.

Remember: If you go for a walk with a friend in England, don't say a single word for hours; if you go for a walk with your dog, talk to it all the time.

Remember the plan?” Hunter asked as they drew closer to their target. Kristen looked at him sceptically. "'Keep quiet and don’t get seen’ is not a very professional plan. Did you have anything else to add?

Remember the 11th commandment. Thou shalt not take thyself to damn seriously.

Remember what he said about my picture: I’m lovely and it made him do double cartwheels. Remember also that he’s prone to hyperbole, so don’t take everything he says literally.

Removing his helmet, Edward knelt by the stream called Swillgate, a name that effectively quenched any desire to drink from its depths.

Remember you’re all representing your country, and you ought to behave as the Empire does.’ ‘So we can kill and loot at will, steal their goods and claim the planet as our own?’ Suruk said.

Rendelt ideje van a hülyék megrázásának.

Resolved not to waste further time on account of this childish affair, I contemplated departure via the french windows.

Retrophrenology: It works like this. Phrenology, as everyone knows, is a way of reading someone's character, aptitude and abilities by examining the bumps and hollows on their head. Therefore - according to the kind of logical thinking that characterizes the Ankh-Morpork mind - it should be possible to mould someone's character by giving them carefully graded bumps in all the right places. You can go into a shop and order an artistic temperament with a tendency to introspection and a side order of hysteria. What you actually get is hit on the head with a selection of different size mallets, but it creates employment and keeps the money in circulation, and that's the main thing.

Rhiannon's Law #16: If it looks like a rabbit, and it hops like a rabbit, run the other way and fast. That shit is liable to tear you arm off.

Rhetoric abounds in the cemeteries of reason.

Right. Because if you have trouble putting ketchup and mustard on a hot dog, you should totally move on to saving lives.

Rincewind formed a mental picture of some strange entity living in a castle made of teeth. It was the kind of mental picture you tried to forget. Unsuccessfully. 'Urgh,' he said.

Right, then.” He pointed across to a bank of phones against the wall. “If you want to check your voice mail, now’s the time.” “Where’s my phone?” “Out of service.” “It was fine in the car.” “It’s not fine now.” “What’d you do to it?” “Put it out of our misery. I’m sorry, Kate. But every minute it’s on, you’re traceable to within the length of a football field, anywhere on the planet.

Rincewind shivered. He always began to worry when Twoflower started to talk like that. At least he hadn't said 'picturesque' or 'quaint' yet; Rincewind had never found a satisfactory translation for those words, but the nearest he had been able to come was 'trouble'.

R.I.P. Tom Conlon O'Rourke. Not Dead, just Sleeping.

Rincewind picked up a spare paper and read it. It was headed: Examination for the post of Assistant Night-Soil Operative for the District of W'ung. He read question one. It required candidates to write a sixteen-line poem on evening mist over the reed beds. Question two seemed to be about the use of metaphor in some book Rincewind had never heard of. Then there was a question about music . . . Rincewind turned the paper over a couple of times. There didn't seem to be any mention, anywhere, of words like 'compost' or 'bucket' or 'wheelbarrow'. But presumably all this produced a better class of person than the Ankh-Morpork system, which asked just one question: 'Got your own shovel, have you?

Rincewind tried to scream through gritted teeth. His ankles were already beginning to sweat. 'I'm not going to ride on a magic carpet!' he hissed. 'I'm afraid of grounds!' 'You mean heights,' said Conina. 'And stop being silly.' 'I know what I mean! It's the grounds that kill you!

Romance blossomed over a carrier bag full of mackerel. It wasn't exactly how I imagined it would happen; there were no sunsets, or butterflies, or birdsong, just some smelly dead fish and a slimy carrier bag.

Roses are red violets are blue, God made me pretty, what happened to you?

Rock and roll, big band, the blues. He loved them all. He would close his eyes and with a blissful smile begin to move to his own sense of rhythm. It wasn't always pretty.

Ruby poked at her rice, her mind racing. Perhaps he'd mistaken her for someone who had done a massage course or was qualified to give spriritual advice. She could only give advice on spirits, and only then if they were alcoholic.

Rossz gyerek voltam. Szerencsére azóta sokat változtam. Most már rossz ember vagyok.

Run. Flee. Fuck off. Vanish from my presence and take the foul stench of your sordid secret with you.

Ryan, when did you get a girlfriend?" his sister asked. "She's not my girlfriend, Kaylen," Ryan replied. "Go away.

Ryan shrugged. 'Maybe. Come on, break a smile and introduce yourself. I don't bite.' 'Stay out of my way,' she said, and before she could turn around, Ryan grabbed her arm. She flashed him a murderous look. 'Are you tough, Stay Out Of My Way?' he said airily.

Sadly, however, the sight of her generous D cups no longer sparked an ounce of interest from Little Sam, the man in charge of social activities.

Sally did the mature thing and stuck her tongue out at her best friend.

Sadie was full of crap at the best of times, and in an institution where laxatives were traded like cigarettes in jail, that was really saying something.

Sadly, like many times in life, including winning the lottery, we don’t always get what we wish for.

Sally: 'We’re in India: think spirituality, positive energy -’ Katia: ‘Peace?’ Sally: ‘And love.’ Katia: ‘Karma.’ Sally: ‘Tantra! Actually, maybe not that. Sounds a bit tiring and we do have work to do.

Salt waters shall be found in the sweet, and all friends shall destroy one another; then shall wit hide itself, and understanding withdraw itself into his secret chamber-

Sa ngalan ng nagpangalan sa kanilang lahat. Sa ngalan ng mga hindi napangalanan at sa mga hindi mapangalanan. Sa ngalan ng tinatawag sa maraming pangalan : Orus, Onus, Defles, Burgos...

Satan can’t prevail against you when you know God’s Word and stand on it. So have your ‘It is written’ armour ready. Build yourself up on the Word of God before the attack comes.

Save time, worry about everything all at once!

Savour life's pleasures in abundance

Saying that you do not remember something or someone is a less embarrassing or hurtful way of saying that you do not know it or them anymore.

Say 'no' to the naysayers!

Scotland is a soggy sort it place, where birds and animals walk around uncooked

Secrets are dangerous.” Gottfried Baumauer.

See it (your situations) with your eyes but direct it to God

Seated on a paving-stone near Enjolras, Courfeyrac continued to jeer at the cannon, and every passage of that sinister cloud of projectiles that is called grapeshot, accompanied by its monstrous din, drew from him an ironical comment. 'You're wearing yourself out, you poor old brute. You're getting hoarse. You're not thundering, only spluttering. It's breaking my heart.' His remarks were greeted with laughter.

Seducing Jordana was solid – she's got such high standards – but when I finally got the snogs in it was all worth it." I transform Jordana's blather into high-level discourse: Lounging in a post-osculatory glow, I knew that all those months of hard chivalry had been worthwhile.

Seeing thou hast now given me the way, I will proceed to speak before thee: for our mother, of whom thou hast told me that she is young, draw now nigh unto age.

Seeking more information, I walked through the market listening to the gossip and discovered that our new general, the man sent to quell the unrest in the east, was the second son of a provincial tax collector whose only claims to recognition were that he had commanded some legions in Britain in the heady, early days of the invasion, that his brother had once stood for consul, and that he had been a governor in some African province, where the locals had thrown turnips at him. Despairing, I returned to the house, and that despair deepened later when Horgias came home with the news that our new paragon of martial virtue had until recently been hiding in Greece, in disgrace for having fallen asleep during one of Nero’s recitals in the theatre.

Severin made a noise that sounded like “chuff,” his cat whiskers jutting forward with the sound. Elle froze, her bread halfway to her mouth. Did the cursed prince just emit the cat equivalent of a snort? Prince Severin nibbled on a grape, ignoring or not noticing Elle’s awe.

Sergeant Colon was lost in admiration. He’d seen people bluff on a bad hand, but he’d never seen anyone bluff with no cards.

Shame on you. Don't tell me you've been married for an hour and you've already got eyes for another woman.

Shabelsky: Doctors are the same as lawyers, the sole difference being that lawyers only rob you, but doctors rob you and kill you too...