Best 3518 quotes in «humour quotes» category

My shift isn’t over until six,” I say glumly. “Hold on,” he says. He pulls a Blackberry from his coat pocket and taps out a text. It buzzes, and he taps out another text before stashing it back in his pocket. “I think you can take the rest of the afternoon off.” “I only have a week left, but my boss would kill me,” I say. “I’m your boss, Anna.” “What do you mean?” There’s that smile again, the one with all those teeth. “I just bought Walmart,” he says.

mystery is not founded in ignorance, mystery is founded in imagination

My Teacher Sees Right Through Me I didn’t do my homework. My teacher asked me, “Why?” I answered him, “It’s much too hard.” He said, “You didn’t try.” I told him, “My dog ate it.” He said, “You have no dog.” I said, “I went out running.” He said, “You never jog.” I told him, “I had chores to do.” He said, “You watched TV.” I said, “I saw the doctor.” He said, “You were with me.” My teacher sees right through my fibs, which makes me very sad. It’s hard to fool the teacher when the teacher is your dad.

My uncle would have about ten pints some nights and then drive us all home. I guess the feeling was that we weren't going to crash into anyone, because barely any fucker lived there.

Nahum bobbed again. 'My crest is cropped by croaking cranes. I go to drown in doleful dumps, dead-drunk with drearihead.

Nakamura considered this. "I hesitate to agree, but that was probably a good idea." "A compliment! My goodness, let me mark the day on my calendar!" "That's why I hesitated to agree," Nakamura said with a note of weariness.

Nanny Ogg was an attractive lady, which is not the same as being beautiful. She fascinated Casanunda. She was an incredibly comfortable person to be around, partly because she had a mind so broad it could accommodate three football fields and a bowling alley.

Naboo: "You've read all the books, but when it comes to the crunch, where are you?" Saboo: "The crunch! How dare you speak to me of the crunch? You know nothing of the crunch. You've never even been to the crunch!" Naboo: "Been there once." Saboo: "Oh, a little day trip 'round the crunch, we can all go there as tourists. 'Ooh, that's a bit of crunch-'" Naboo: "Shut it!

Mzatal gave a decisive nod. “I will manage this. It cannot continue to interfere with his work. Too much is at stake.” I raised an eyebrow. “How do you intend to manage it?” “I will tell him the truth and outline the consequences.” I was surprised Mzatal didn’t shrivel away from the look I gave him. “Dude. Seriously? You expect him to stop crushing on me because you forbid it?” Mzatal frowned, contemplative. “Perhaps not ideal given the entanglement of human emotions, though there is no time for it to drag on,” he said, as if he actually knew what he was talking about. “If he knows you have no interest and sees how his distractions have affected his work, he will subside enough for now.” My withering look became glacial. “Boss, you’re completely awesome in many ways, but you are so off-base with this it’s not even funny.” I rolled my eyes. “I’ve already ramped ‘No Interest’ up to eleven on the dial and, at this point, he doesn’t care if his work suffers.” I took a big gulp of coffee, then ran my fingers through my tangled hair. “Let me deal with it. Normally I’m not into direct confrontation with this sort of shit, but there’s isn’t enough time for it to fizzle out on its own.” Mzatal regarded me with that damned unreadable mask which he’d slipped on as I was talking. Great. Lords weren’t much on being told they were wrong, but it had to be said.

My words always get me into troubles. And if not my words, it is my facial expressions.

Nature" doesn't really have intentions, per se. Nature is a drunk waking up from a weekend bender, ambling through a messy kitchen in a pair of mismatched slippers, seeing its car in the neighbor's pool and saying, "Ah good. It was dirty. Just the thing.

Nate shook his head with a crooked grin. "You haven't gone Back to the Future, McFly.

Naw, I say. Mr ____, can tell you, I don't like it at all. What is it to like? He git up on you, heist your nightgown round your waist, plunge in. Most times I pretend I ain't there. He never know the difference. Never ast me how I feel, nothing. Just do his business, get off, go to sleep. She start to laugh. Do his business, she say. Do his business. Why, Miss Celie. You make it sound like he going to the toilet on you. That's what it feel like, I say. She stop laughing.

Necessity is a mother.

Neither any one in this world is born as our friend nor born as our enemy. Our behavior, attitude & approach makes them become either one.

Need to get to Ruislip by sparrow-fart though', said the squadron leader. 'Think you can do that? Can I come along for the ride?

Neither (brother) even glaced at the counter. She smiled. Her dumb brothers never cooked. She didn’t think they even knew how! A human being who needs food to live but cannot prepare that food to eat? Pathetic. In this case, it was an advantage. They weren’t interested in any food until it had been cooked for them.

Nem biztosíthatunk magángépet vallástörténeti könyvek szerzőinek. Ha hajlandó vagy megírni Az ikonográfia ötven árnyalatát, akkor beszélhetünk róla.

Nekünk áldozatunk van. Miért nevezzük áldozatnak? Mert amikor elfogadunk egy megbízást, az illető hátralévő rövidke élete puszta formaság.

Network administrators all share an abiding and passionate desire for one thing: We want our users to shut up.

- Neuf heures et demie ! Non merci. Les plus beaux pectoraux de la Terre ne me feront pas lever aux aurores comme Danette. - Pourquoi pas ? - Je suis une femme moderne et éduquée. Je ne peux quand même pas m'adonner au culte de l'homme objet.

Never follow the crowd.... Until and unless you're crossing the road...

Never grow up!

Never go for a drink in London's square mile, nobody ever gets a round in.

Never make a person feel, that he/she is very (extra) special.. Cause, then that person starts feeling that 'You' are not worth him/her.

Never look in the mirror when your stressed it’s contagious

Never stop depending on God.

Never say a humorous thing to a man who does not possess humor. He will always use it in evidence against you.

never say never. whoops - said it twice

Never say no to now

Nevertheless now have I asked thee but only of the fire and wind, and of the day where-through thou hast passed, and of things from which thou canst not be separated, and yet canst thou give me no answer of them.

Never trust a person whose smile doesn't reach their eyes, chances are they do similar thing when they "cry" - Just be sure you have that OSCAR ready next time they do this

Never worry if you’re excluded from the circle, sometimes it’s full of squares.

New becomes stale and old becomes fresh. The impractical, ageing estate long ago left behind to Singapore's pioneers and their homemade tofu stalls takes on a certain irreverence and originality; an anarchic streak even. It goes against the architectural grain. It stands out in a crowd, a rebel with curves. The reclusive behaviour only adds to the appeal. So the old place becomes "hip".

Newton Pulsifer had never had a cause in his life. Nor had he, as far as he knew, ever believed in anything. It had been embarassing, because he quite wanted to believe in something, since he recognized that belief was the lifebelt that got most people through the choppy waters of Life. He'd have liked to believe in a supreme God, although he'd have preferred a half-hour's chat with Him before committing himself, to clear up one or two points. He'd sat in all sorts of churches, waiting for that single flash of blue light, and it hadn't come. And then he'd tried to become an official Atheist and hadn't got the rock-hard, self-satisfied strenght of belief even for that. And every single political party had seemed to him equally dishonest. And he'd given up on ecology when the ecology magazine he'd been subscribing to had shown its readers a plan of a self-suficient garden, and had drawn the ecological goat tethered within three feet of the ecological beehive. Newt had spent a lot of time at his grandmother's house in the country and thought he knew something about the habits of both goats and bees, and concluded therefore that the magazine was run by a bunch of bib-overalled maniacs. Besides, it used the word 'community' too often; Newton had always suspected that people who regularly used the word 'community' were using it in a very specific sense that excluded him and everyone he knew.

Next door but one is Quinlan Broddle, a Viceroy with a fear of gardens. So much so that he sold his garden to Virgin Atlantic and his erstwhile front lawn is now a runway where miniature helicopters and packets of crisps undertake sorties to 1940’s Dresden where they have made several dozen unsuccessful attempts to rescue the Quaker Oats man, who is being held captive by the SS on the basis that his hair looks like ice cream.

No bikinis on a first date.” He nods. “I’m sure that’s a rule. Or should be. For my sisters anyway.

No! Aguaje is for girls. If a man eats to much of it, he starts to look like a woman. That is the most unscientific thing I've ever heard. Then you haven't met my cousin Jacari. Too much aguaje. Now the mothers use him as wet nurse.

Nobody ever drowned in their own sweat.

Nobody is too holy for the devil's attack, even your tithes and offerings won't stop him either but God rebukes the devourer through your giving.

No body told you to call your band Salacious Mold, my friend.

No, but if I were an illegal, experimental replicant hiding the truth of an international conspiracy I would try and put myself out of the way of those investigating it, wouldn't you? I don't think hiding under a bed will be very successful. But, if you've any better idea of what the deadly robot assassin is up to, please feel free to act upon it.

No," I agreed. "The zombie apocalypse is still a few years off, right?" "That's up to you to decide. Tell you what, we'll do it for fun someday when you're really bored.

No," he said, and he snapped his fingers. "You'll come work for me at K----. And be a real associate editor." I said, "I could bring you up on charges for that." "What?" "Work harassment in the sexual place.

News of the death of James V on 14 December gave even further cause for rejoicing, because his heir was a week-old girl, the infant Mary, Queen of Scots. Scotland would be subject to yet another weakening regency—it had endured six during the past 150 years—and should give no further trouble.

New Maxi-Pad Pets. Accessories for your period. Brought to you by The Corporation: In your homes and in your pants.

Next door to the Bensons is Emmet Frag, a retired pacemaker who is credited with inventing the notion of happiness. He’s currently working on a method for categorising ducks based on their singing voice. He’s also the owner of the world’s largest collection of tenor geese.

— Nézze, Győzelem néni... – szólt közbe kényszeredett mosollyal Percy. – Nem akarjuk megzavarni a tombolásban. Beszélje meg a dolgot magamagával, mi addig elugrunk nagyobb fegyverekért meg egy kis nyugtatóért.

Nice! There's no fun in nice. I'll be myself and you'll all love me for it.

Nick wanted to meet on campus at Love Library. (That was the actual name; thank you for your donation, Mayor Don Lathrop Love.)