Best 3518 quotes in «humour quotes» category

I think if you come from a history of persecution you have to develop a sense of humour.

I think the key attributes for a good speaker are someone that's articulate and someone that puts a fair amount of humour into what they do.

I've always been an optimist and I believe laughter is a wonderful thing

It is hard for power to enjoy or incorporate humour and satire in its system of control.

Laughter is more serious than tears.

My opponent is Short and the match will be short.

Life is hard. It is not too short, it is too long. But you have to learn how to live; you have to have a sense of humour.

My humour has always come from anger, but I have to make sure I don't just get angry and jump on a soapbox.

Nowadays tournaments are for nurseries. Look at those kiddies.

Nothing is more curious than the almost savage hostility that Humour excites in those who lack it.

Seriousness is no more a guarantee of truth, insight, authenticity or probity, than humour is a guarantee of superficiality and stupidity.

Now I have the pawn and the compensation.

Only six need be attempted.

Once I asked Teichman what he thought of Bird's chess: "Same as his health," he replied, "always alternating between being dangerously ill and dangerously well.

One never really knows how much one has been touched by a place until one has left it.

Sure, there's no 'i' in team, but there is an 'm' and an 'e'.

Sometimes strident, often tender, never afraid and seldom without humour, Desmond Tutu's voice will always be the voice of the voiceless.

The whole [Scotch] nation hitherto has been void of wit and humour, and even incapable of relishing it.

The comedy gods are smiling on me tonight.

The best thing about humour is that it shows people they are not alone.

The humour of Dostoievsky is the humour of a barloafer who ties a kettle to a dog's tail.

The ironic humor comes from the distance between what we understand about ourselves and what is truly going on in ourselves.

There's no life without humour. It can make the wonderful moments of life truly glorious, and it can make tragic moments bearable.

Tod laughed. He was always able to find the humour in even the creepiest situations. I'd thought that it was an undead thing, until I became a member of the undead. Then I realized it was a Tod-thing.

Through humour, we see in what seems rational, the irrational; in what seems important, the unimportant

We haven't got a plan so nothing can go wrong!

We owe to one another all the wit and good humour we can command; and nothing so clears our mental vistas as sympathetic and intelligent conversation.

We've had a day of great drama and of humour too. The rumour mill is now taking over

Whenever you find humour, you find pathos close by its side.

When you absolutely don't know what to do anymore, it is time to panic

While it is entirely untrue that Canadians lack a sense of humour, the funniest ones tend to head south: Dan Aykroyd, Jim Carrey, Michael J. Fox.

£500.” He hisses furiously at me. “I can’t believe I’ve spent £500 on an entire new wardrobe and a new haircut – one that I didn’t even want my I add!” As he talks, I skip happily, a dreamy smile plastered all over my face. I’ve had, without a shadow of a doubt, the best day ever. “I can.” I answer, my voice rising several decibels, as I lose myself, currently, on cloud nine. “I’ve loved spending your money. It feels awesome!

98% of politicians are either corrupt or corruptible.

AAAAIIIE! You're the guy with the things, and the thing that does that thing, and then you did that one thing! Oh, and I think there's something about other things, and maybe you fix things? -Sergeant Schlock

[About Uluru] I'm suggesting nothing here, but I will say that if you were an intergalactic traveler who had broken down in our solar system, the obvious directions to rescuers would be: "Go to the third planet and fly around till you see the big red rock. You can't miss it." If ever on earth they dig up a 150,000-year-old rocket ship from the galaxy Zog, this is where it will be. I'm not saying I expect it to happen; not saying that at all. I'm just observing that if I were looking for an ancient starship this is where I would start digging.

Absence doesn't make the heart grow fonder. Absence makes the bloody penis wander. ~ Heartbreak's A Bitch!

Absurd laughter is a kind of protest against an absurd existence.

Accentuaute the positives - medicate the negatives.

A celebrity farts, and everyone endures, but the unpopular will be thrased to death.

A chap wouldn’t hole up in Occupied France just to get away from his wife, Vesta.

Adams dealt him so sound a Compliment over his Face with his Fist, that the Blood immediately gushed out of his Nose in a Stream. The Host being unwilling to be outdone in Courtesy, especially by a Person of Adams's Figure, returned the Favour with so much Gratitude, that the Parson's Nostrils likewise began to look a little redder than usual.

Adam pressed his hand to his face. Sighed. "Right. It's just that… He died. And I'm so freaking pissed off, I swear I'd punch him in the face if he were standing right here.

A deep breath is a technique with which we minimize the number of instances where we say what we do not mean … or what we really think.

A despairing arse will never produce a happy fart.

A Drunkard accuses a Drunkard... A sot became extremely drunk - his legs And head sank listless, weighed by wine's thick dregs. A sober neighbour put him in a sack And took him homewards hoisted on his back. Another drunk went stumbling by the first, Who woke and stuck his head outside and cursed. "Hey, you, you lousy dipsomaniac," He yelled as he was borne off in the sack, "If you'd had fewer drinks, just two or three, You would be walking now as well as me.

Adversity does not just introduce a man to himself. It also introduces, to him, his family, his friends, and his partner.

A dwarf can go hundreds of miles with a cake like this in his pack,' Carrot went on. 'I bet he can,' said Colon gloomily. 'I bet all the time he'd be thinking, "Bloody hell, I hope I can find something else to eat soon, otherwise it's the bloody cake again.

Adventavit asinus, polcher et fortissimus

A five-week sand blizzard?" said Deep Thought haughtily. "You ask this of me who have contemplated the very vectors of the atoms in the Big Bang itself? Molest me not with this pocket calculator stuff.

A firm's income statement may be, likened to a bikini-what it reveals is interesting but what it conceals is vital.