Best 3518 quotes in «humour quotes» category

Queen Bee hates me. I know, as I reach the door, that nothing good waits for me on the other side. When you're called to see the Commanding Officer, you're either getting a medal or a kick in the arse. And I'm not getting any medals.

Quindi passeremo direttamente al massacro." - "Che modo abile di esprimersi, Narasan.

Question everything, unless it's the answer

Quiet,” she hissed at me, her voice shockingly aggressive for such a small person. “Otherwise, I’ll shut you up myself.

Rare contact creates a stir. Gossip spreads. Tensions build. Denying Pissec, miserable Obelmäker and repressed Baumauer are all seething-jealous – openly or reservedly – within the hour. The pay rise promise is working a treat. Brichacek’s licking the tip of a pencil with her sticky pink tongue. “Stop flirting,” he tells her, but he looks at her breasts and thinks, The girls with the bruises in the sex films are just dead dolls, but this pretty toy is alive.

Read; explore; write; read; explore; write; read...

Rains are an act of God in India. And God as we know is a law unto himself. He is not responsible, neither is He accountable. That is the essence of God: He gives with two hands and takes away with eight more. Why else would Indian gods and goddesses have several pairs of hands?

Q. Why don't the British panic? A. They do, but very quietly. It is impossible for the naked eye to tell their panic from their ecstasy.

rabid distrust of what they consider authority without evidently once stopping to consider the rigid authoritarianism implicit in the rigid uniformity of their own quote unquote nonconformist uniform, vocabulary, attitudes

Reason number 106 why dogs are smarter than humans: once you leave the litter, you sever contact with your mothers.

Ready?" Aeron called over. Michael span to see him giving a thumbs up to the booth. His eye was drawn down to the huge war hammer hanging from his other hand. "How about we start with a chase? Try to touch the far wall and get back here before I cripple you." He smiled as if he'd said 'tag you', not 'cripple you'.

Recapping the water he turned on the sofa to face her, his eyes reflexively dropping to her chest where he knew the key was hidden. Thank God the dress was high necked, otherwise he would be outright eyeing her cleavage. “Thinking of going in?” She questioned, amusement dancing in those clear eyes.

Reframing your past painful experiences and seeing them in a humorous light takes away the power and emotional charge attached to the memory of the hurtful event.

Red sky at night, the city's alight.

Real faith looks beneath the surface. Real faith knows that faith works sometimes in dark places. Real faith knows that sometimes in order to see a change, you will have to steer through your situation to really see it.

Remember: If you go for a walk with a friend in England, don't say a single word for hours; if you go for a walk with your dog, talk to it all the time.

Remember what he said about my picture: I’m lovely and it made him do double cartwheels. Remember also that he’s prone to hyperbole, so don’t take everything he says literally.

Remember the plan?” Hunter asked as they drew closer to their target. Kristen looked at him sceptically. "'Keep quiet and don’t get seen’ is not a very professional plan. Did you have anything else to add?

Remember you’re all representing your country, and you ought to behave as the Empire does.’ ‘So we can kill and loot at will, steal their goods and claim the planet as our own?’ Suruk said.

Rendelt ideje van a hülyék megrázásának.

Remember the 11th commandment. Thou shalt not take thyself to damn seriously.

Retrophrenology: It works like this. Phrenology, as everyone knows, is a way of reading someone's character, aptitude and abilities by examining the bumps and hollows on their head. Therefore - according to the kind of logical thinking that characterizes the Ankh-Morpork mind - it should be possible to mould someone's character by giving them carefully graded bumps in all the right places. You can go into a shop and order an artistic temperament with a tendency to introspection and a side order of hysteria. What you actually get is hit on the head with a selection of different size mallets, but it creates employment and keeps the money in circulation, and that's the main thing.

Rhiannon's Law #16: If it looks like a rabbit, and it hops like a rabbit, run the other way and fast. That shit is liable to tear you arm off.

Removing his helmet, Edward knelt by the stream called Swillgate, a name that effectively quenched any desire to drink from its depths.

Right. Because if you have trouble putting ketchup and mustard on a hot dog, you should totally move on to saving lives.

Rhetoric abounds in the cemeteries of reason.

Rincewind formed a mental picture of some strange entity living in a castle made of teeth. It was the kind of mental picture you tried to forget. Unsuccessfully. 'Urgh,' he said.

Resolved not to waste further time on account of this childish affair, I contemplated departure via the french windows.

Rincewind picked up a spare paper and read it. It was headed: Examination for the post of Assistant Night-Soil Operative for the District of W'ung. He read question one. It required candidates to write a sixteen-line poem on evening mist over the reed beds. Question two seemed to be about the use of metaphor in some book Rincewind had never heard of. Then there was a question about music . . . Rincewind turned the paper over a couple of times. There didn't seem to be any mention, anywhere, of words like 'compost' or 'bucket' or 'wheelbarrow'. But presumably all this produced a better class of person than the Ankh-Morpork system, which asked just one question: 'Got your own shovel, have you?

Rincewind tried to scream through gritted teeth. His ankles were already beginning to sweat. 'I'm not going to ride on a magic carpet!' he hissed. 'I'm afraid of grounds!' 'You mean heights,' said Conina. 'And stop being silly.' 'I know what I mean! It's the grounds that kill you!

Roses are red violets are blue, God made me pretty, what happened to you?

Romance blossomed over a carrier bag full of mackerel. It wasn't exactly how I imagined it would happen; there were no sunsets, or butterflies, or birdsong, just some smelly dead fish and a slimy carrier bag.

Rossz gyerek voltam. Szerencsére azóta sokat változtam. Most már rossz ember vagyok.

Run. Flee. Fuck off. Vanish from my presence and take the foul stench of your sordid secret with you.

Right, then.” He pointed across to a bank of phones against the wall. “If you want to check your voice mail, now’s the time.” “Where’s my phone?” “Out of service.” “It was fine in the car.” “It’s not fine now.” “What’d you do to it?” “Put it out of our misery. I’m sorry, Kate. But every minute it’s on, you’re traceable to within the length of a football field, anywhere on the planet.

Rincewind shivered. He always began to worry when Twoflower started to talk like that. At least he hadn't said 'picturesque' or 'quaint' yet; Rincewind had never found a satisfactory translation for those words, but the nearest he had been able to come was 'trouble'.

R.I.P. Tom Conlon O'Rourke. Not Dead, just Sleeping.

Rock and roll, big band, the blues. He loved them all. He would close his eyes and with a blissful smile begin to move to his own sense of rhythm. It wasn't always pretty.

Ryan shrugged. 'Maybe. Come on, break a smile and introduce yourself. I don't bite.' 'Stay out of my way,' she said, and before she could turn around, Ryan grabbed her arm. She flashed him a murderous look. 'Are you tough, Stay Out Of My Way?' he said airily.

Ryan, when did you get a girlfriend?" his sister asked. "She's not my girlfriend, Kaylen," Ryan replied. "Go away.

Sally did the mature thing and stuck her tongue out at her best friend.

Sadly, however, the sight of her generous D cups no longer sparked an ounce of interest from Little Sam, the man in charge of social activities.

Sally: 'We’re in India: think spirituality, positive energy -’ Katia: ‘Peace?’ Sally: ‘And love.’ Katia: ‘Karma.’ Sally: ‘Tantra! Actually, maybe not that. Sounds a bit tiring and we do have work to do.

Salt waters shall be found in the sweet, and all friends shall destroy one another; then shall wit hide itself, and understanding withdraw itself into his secret chamber-

Sadie was full of crap at the best of times, and in an institution where laxatives were traded like cigarettes in jail, that was really saying something.

Sa ngalan ng nagpangalan sa kanilang lahat. Sa ngalan ng mga hindi napangalanan at sa mga hindi mapangalanan. Sa ngalan ng tinatawag sa maraming pangalan : Orus, Onus, Defles, Burgos...

Ruby poked at her rice, her mind racing. Perhaps he'd mistaken her for someone who had done a massage course or was qualified to give spriritual advice. She could only give advice on spirits, and only then if they were alcoholic.

Sadly, like many times in life, including winning the lottery, we don’t always get what we wish for.

Savour life's pleasures in abundance

Saying that you do not remember something or someone is a less embarrassing or hurtful way of saying that you do not know it or them anymore.