Best 648 quotes in «comedian quotes» category

I was so keen to become a comedian that actually doing the comedy itself almost came second.

I was trained classically, and that's something that I want to do, but I do want to say that right now it's a good market for female comedians, and I want to explore that right now. I really do want to do dramas and meatier roles, especially film.

I was with a famous comedian when a young fan walked up and asked for an autograph. The comedian blew him off. I'll never forget the look on the young boy's face. He was devastated.

I went to the Missing Persons Bureau but no one was there.

I wish I had a twin, so I could know what I'd look like without plastic surgery.

I worry about my judgment when anything I believe in or do regularly begins to be accepted by the American public.

I would have liked to be a comedian in the '20s, or maybe even a comedian on the Mayflower and have a statue somewhere.

I would like a ship for the hips, please. Ships and hips. Hipsters to stir with their hips on the hip ships. And, of course, hips. Yeah, hip. That's me. I also like sips. I'm a slow drinker. A sipster. I'm a sipster hipster comedian. Yeah, sips. But more hips. Hip, hipster, hip star, hiptard. Definitely.

I would love to do a serious period drama. Oh, absolutely. I mean, you'll find most comedians want to do more serious stuff, most musicians want to be comedians, and most serious actors want to be musicians.

I would probably be a teacher if I weren't a comedian.

I would say most comedians have a very cynical worldview of the way the world can work. It's almost like if you didn't, you couldn't be a comedian.

Jack Benny was, without a doubt, the bravest comedian I have ever seen work. He wasn't afraid of silence. He would take as long as it took to tell the story.

Jamie Kilstein is amazing and I will be spreading the word. He has the spark that energized my conscience. We need more comedians kicking it hard the way he does every night

Jason [Sudeikis] is a successful actor and comedian, I don't think that he takes comedic roles any less seriously than he does dramatic roles.

Jesse has opened for me extensively on the road so I’ve seen him do hundreds of sets. He is always super funny, has tons of material and the crowds love him. Bottom line, Jesse Joyce is a great comedian.

Jewish comedians do the best Jewish jokes, and anyone else doing that, they don't have a right to, because they're not coming from that experience. I know that's a slightly heightened example, but it's the same thing. We're bumpkins, so we can make bumpkin jokes.

Kidney disease is a low-profile, unglamorous problem, a disease that disproportionately strikes minorities and the poor. Its celebrity spokesman is blue-collar comedian George Lopez, who received a kidney from his wife.

Jews have a tendency to become comedians.

Just from my own experience, a lot of the comedians I used to work with were miserable in their actual lives. I think you need to be able to see a lot of negative in things in order to extract material, so there's probably something to that. A lot of the people I used to work with were very, very, very unfunny offstage, so that's a pretty common thing.

Just when I discovered the meaning of life, they changed it.

Life isn't something you possess. It's something you take part in, and you witness.

Let's face it, the great comedians now that are handicapped in the looks department are tremendous writers.

Many comedians - both male and female - do have an "I will never date another comedian" rule.

Many comedians consider themselves to be cutting edge. But why do we have to use the knife for the analogy. Let's use the spoon. I like to consider myself the big bowl-like area of the spoon that holds all the stuff you like.

Look at what you could have won!

Magicians are definitely more arrogant. They're kind of like "Abra Kadabra, you're an idiot," they don't let you in on the joke. Comedians, you're always in on the joke unless it's Andy Kaufman.

Many comedians have a dark side that lets them take a negative thing and turn it funny.

Most comedians I know are quite serious, anxious people who find life rather difficult. As a consequence, they make people laugh.

Michael Ian Black wears many hats. He's a stand-up comedian, a comedic actor, he's now a writer-director so he knew how to work with all of us. And furthermore, because so much of his career is based on improvisation he gave us the freedom to do that as well.

Most comedians weren't great athletes; that was the way they got noticed in high school.

Music takes us where words cannot.

My favorite comedians were Jimmy Durante, George Burns, senior citizens.

My dad loved comedians, especially George Jessel, and he loved Henny Youngman and Buddy Hackett.

My favorite, favorite, favorite, and the greatest comedian that could ever exist if you could Frankenstein a comedian together, would be one part Richard Pryor, one part Peter Sellers. That would be the greatest comic actor.

My grandfather was running Hillcrest Country Club, and that's where a whole group of Hollywood comedians hung out.

My greatest hope was to get discovered as a comedian and get on a sitcom.

My theory about comedians is that their greatest fear is other people laughing at them. So comedy is an attempt to control and manipulate the thing they find most frightening.

My job as a comedian is to heighten awareness about locally grown produce, fight factory farming, and promote euthanasia, but in a funny way.

My interest in magic was kindled by Steve Martin, the comedian I'd gone to high school with.

My personal favorite is Woody Allen, who is just amazing as a comedian.

My preference is live performance. Because you get the feedback. There's an energy. It's live theater. That's why I think actors like that. You know, musicians need it, comedians definitely need it. It doesn't matter what size and what club, whether it's 30 people in the club or 2,000 in a hall or a theater. It's live, it's symbiotic, you need it.

No wonder all the great comedians had such destructive private lives. ... After you get the audience into that kind of frenzy, and you are being worshiped like the false idol you are, how do you leave the stage and transition back into real life? ... What is there left to do but set yourself on fire?

Never really intended to be a comedian, just sort of fell into that, but always wanted to be in show business, or something to do with making comedy.

Next time someone says, 'Where has big government ever gotten us?' the correct answer is 'Mars.'

No, I had not read any other comedian's book. Not that I don't enjoy other comedians; I'm just not a reader.

Nerd. One whose unbridled passion for something defines who they are as a person, without fear of other people's judgment.

Nietzsche says that we will live the same life, over and over again. God - I'll have to sit through the Ice Capades again.

No matter how you feel, you've got to be able to laugh at yourself. If you can laugh at Donald Trump, then you better be able to laugh at yourself, too. For us as comedians, we have to point out what's funny.

Old radio comedy makes me laugh, as well as 'I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue' and comedians like Paul Merton.

Obviously those who burn to be professional jesters mean that they want to be successful comedians. And those are always an elite, microscopic portion of the population. But oh, how they try.