Best 648 quotes in «comedian quotes» category

You must not be afraid of small bits of silence. To use it well is the height of confidence and skill for a comedian. It increases the tension in a good way and adds contrast like a curveball complements the fastball of a good pitcher.

Your dream has to be bigger than your fear.

You're always on duty because you're in a constant state of observation. That's one of the challenges of being a comedian. I think one of the other challenges is that, whether we like it or not, it's a profession that requires failure. It doesn't just encourage failure. It requires it because it's all trial and error. You need to know what doesn't work to know what works.

You’re so hilarious. You know, if this whole Daimon-slaying gig doesn’t work out for you, you should really consider being a comedian. The bright Barney hair color would just add to the overall entertainment factor.

You saw a lot of guys, especially in the early '90s, whose acts were a pitch for a sitcom. A lot of them were very funny, but there's nothing worse than watching comedians or musicians who are up there and are doing something they're not interested in.

A comedian is better than a politician; at least there is no doubt.

A lot of people say there's a fine line between genius and insanity. I don't think there's a fine line, I actually think there's a yawning gulf. You see some poor bugger scuffling up the road with balloons tied to his ears, he's not going home to invent a rocket, is he?

Am I bothered? Am I bothered though. I ain't doing nothing cause I ain't bothered.

As a comedian, the more you commit the sin of stupidity, three essential things happen to your life: ~people applaud you incessantly. ~love you more than their parents. ~give you a daily bread.

An assumption is the joke; truth the punchline.

People who are not blessed with the ability to make others laugh compensate for that by saying (or trying to say) things that are profound.

Comedy to me has always seemed a social tightrope for the comedian. For all axioms intellectually sound the general public would prefer to be amused, but in those emotionally sound, it then chooses to get offended.

Dans les fins de mois, ce qui est le plus dur, c'est les trente derniers jours. The hardest thing about the end of the month is the last 30 days.

...NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO... . he isn't like this writer or actor or comedian... - YOU FUCKING LIAR.

Paul is a liar, he said so. (Romans 3:7.)

Dans les fins de mois, ce qui est le plus dur, c'est les trente derniers jours. The hardest part of ending each month is going through the last 30 days.

Dans les fins de mois, ce qui est le plus dur, c'est les trente derniers jours. The hardest part of the end of each month is last thirty days.

Shut up…let me tell you, LET ME. Every time I look at your face or even remember it, it wrecks me. And the way you are with me and you’re just fun and you shit all over me and you make fun of me and you’re real. I don’t have enough time in any day to think about you enough...I don’t even think about women anymore. I think about you.

Ricky Gervais, Louis CK, Anthony Jeselnik and I have the same sense of humor. They're just better at it than I am.

Shamu and I have arrived safely in Costa Rica. He was stopped by airport security because he carries enough artillery in his pants pockets to construct a sawed-off shotgun. Evidently, he thought we were headed to Iraq.

You hate a subject… you hate a topic… didn't you learn something as comedian... IN SCHOOL?

Sort of' is such a harmless thing to say... sort of. It's just a filler. Sort of... it doesn't really mean anything. But after certain things, sort of means everything. Like... after "I love you"... or "You're going to live"... or "It's a boy!

The difficulty with humorists is that they will mix what they believe with what they don’t—whichever seems likelier to win an effect.

What is she doing here? I wondered. Hasn't she had enough green-upping?

You can make fun of yourself and people will laugh at you. If you’re smart, you’ll end up as a comedian. If you’re not, you’ll end up as a clown.

The mark of a poor comedian is not making the other person laugh. The mark of a worse comedian is asking if the person got it.

Was he to bray this in profoundest brass Arointing his dreams with fugal requiems? Was he to company vastest things defunct With a blubber of tom-toms harrowing the sky? Scrawl a tragedian's testament? Prolong His active force in an inactive dirge, Which, let the tall musicians call and call, Should merely call him dead? Pronounce amen Through choirs infolded to the outmost clouds? Because he built a cabin who once planned Loquacious columns by the ructive sea? Because he turned to salad-beds again?

We try to stay as thin as possible - which also keeps us weak. When you’re skinny, you have no body fat; when you have no body fat, you’re cold all the time; when you’re cold all time, you stay inside; and when you stay inside... you don’t vote. I may be joking about that last part... but I’m not totally wrong. Ever stop to think that by keeping women eternally preoccupied with superficialities that we might be missing out in important thinks in life?

A comedian is not funny unless he is taking his demons out for a walk.

A comedian is someone who tells the truth. Truth is the set of all jokes told by all comedians in the world.

A comedian's body is funny as well as his mind being funny, his whole personage is funny.

A comedian does funny things. A good comedian does things funny.

A comedian is sort of like a wild animal. It really just depends on where you catch them. Sometimes they want to cuddle up, and sometimes they'll snap at you. But for me, more often than not, if I'm talking to somebody who makes their living in comedy, it'll be a very thoughtful conversation driven from an emotionally honest place.

A comedian's a comedian. They're a very kind of cynical bunch. I guess that's why I like them.

A comedian has to live in his head. All this comedy comes from a lonely place. When you're surrounded by an entourage, you're not living in your head.

A comedian is simply a different kind of therapist. A comedian is a psychologist and a psychiatrist rolled into one. Except I can't prescribe medicine. (You still need a doctorate, which is bullshit.) Okay, so I'm not like a psychiatrist. Fine. But I'm still like a psychologist (except I can't diagnose or treat mental illness).

A comedian can only last till he either takes himself serious or his audience takes him serious.

A comedian sees the world bent. I'm tangent to the circle.

A comic says funny things. A comedian says things funny.

A comedian needs to have his own filters, needs to know his audience, how far he can push things.

All comedians are, in a way, anarchists. Our job is to make fun of the existing world.

A good competition for comedians would be where a comedian has a conversation and is then quizzed on what the other person says.

Alan King, a comedian I adored, was considered society, and I was considered the Jewish kid from the neighborhood.

All comedians are a bit attention-seeking and I'm no different. Anyone with the audacity to want to be listened to for an hour and a half must be.

All comedians are people who really deeply consider the human experience not only a dirty trick perpetrated by a totally meaningless procedure of accidents, but an unbearable ordeal every day, which can be made tolerable only by mockery in one form or another.

[Adoption] could turn you into an exquisite comedian. Ask Richard Pryor's ghost.

A jazz musician is a combination orator, dialectician, mathematician, athlete, entertainer, poet, singer, dancer, diplomat, educator, student, comedian, artist, seducer, public masturbator, and general all-round good fellow.

All Americans mourn the passing of the author of the Declaration of Independence, George Jefferson.

All comedians are preoccupied with one thing and with one thing only-themmm-selllves. It's a horrible lot in life.

A lot of comedians today have misunderstood the concept of a subversive comedian. If you really want to be subversive, you have to please and offend in equal amounts.