Best 2389 quotes in «comedy quotes» category

Yes, we will marry you!” she exclaimed.

Yet there was something very mysterious about this stranger. Almost dangerous. He looked like a man who had sailed many distant seas, met many a stranger and knew many a secret. His expression was stoic. He had a hardened, faraway look in his eyes. The wind whistled like the Wild Western whispers of Fergus’s mythical lone prairies when he took the stage. He was The Man Without A Name.

You are a more powerful person than you might have ever imagined.” Maxwell D. Kalist.

You are enough to drive a saint to madness or a king to his knees Excerpt from To Kiss a King by Grace Willows Coming this summer to Amazon Kindle and paperback.

You are gonna get it now sweetheart," he grunted, seizing her nipples and massaging them roughly. "Aw, what are you gonna do Max? Blow a load and get all sad about it afterwards?

You are mad!" she snapped, her chest heaving. "And you are a devil!" "And you, my dear," Royce imperturbably replied, "are a bitch." With that, he turned to the horrified friar and unhesitatingly announced, "The lady and I wish to be wed.

You boys may be gentlemen," Dusty said. "But I'm about to shoot like a lady. You ready, baby?

You called the guy you’re supposed to rescue a nerd, and you just referenced Star Trek. You don’t find that a bit nerdy?

You can have a lot of fun with rhinos

You can never talk religion on network TV. It makes too many people angry. You can talk about sex.

You can't draw lines in the sand like that. Humour's a tsunami that doesn't care about your little lines.

You can’t keep bitch-slapping your creativity, or it’ll run away and find a new pimp.

You can't take a crash course in comedy, there is no crash course in comedy.

You’d be impatient and that’s understandable, but if you were making too much noise, I’d find something better for that big sweet mouth to do.

You’d be surprised how often we see this injury in New York,' he told me. The deli-flowers-rubber-band-eye-snap thing. Beware.

You fill my sombrero with sexual pudding!

…you either do or do not have a comedy mind, whatever that is, maybe a heightened sense of the ridiculous and the absurdity of life…We are all crazy and crazed.

You know that's why mermaids swim around topless all the time, right? It's because their boobs are too big and all bras are C shells.

You have more issues than Reader's Digest.

You know," Kavita begins, "I think I can pick out my own furniture. I am an artist after all. I do have some taste." "No you don't." Nick plainly states. "No man has taste. Besides, I didn't pick it out, she did. Wives are good for things like that.

You know when you send a text message to someone and you don't get a response right away, you feel depressed? You send a text message to someone you really like and you get a response right away you feel happy? You feel happy, the body, it creates the chemical dopamine, the dopamine, it goes through your blood and you become addicted to that dopamine rush, and you associate that dopamine rush with the happy feeling of receiving the text, and that's why you got people sending 3,000 fucking text messages a day, right, we're not even paying attention to what we're saying anymore it's just like a, like a morphine drip, right, it's like a dopamine drip! HAPPY BUTTONS! HAPPY BUTTONS! HAPPY BUTTONS! TIME TO PLAY WITH THE HAPPY BUTTONS!

You know... the word "homeless", gives you this very negative image. A filthy raggedy hobo... it's no good. It's too demeaning of a word if you ask me. It's just not politically correct enough... If it were up to me, I'd rather we be called "residentially challenged

You know, I'm really starting to hate the insect life around here. Next time, remind me to bring a can of Off!

You little prick. It's a whelk...it's a...it's a...dead whelk!

You may be offended by the shit I say but I'm more offended by your lame ass excuse for being offended

Your boss loves your ideas ... it's you he doesn't care about.

Young Dr. Druthers had boasted of the fact that he was a proud and fine graduate of Slopoke Medical College in Slopoke County, somewhere on the border between North and South Carolina.

Your confidence in me is heartwarming. Makes me want to return all the money I stole from the little old ladies and kick the heroin.

You must be clever, Tracey to do these forgeries." "She's not clever. I did them," yelled Frieda. "You'll get five years." "She did them." From Halfpennies and Blue Vinyl

You’re brave.” Lorna said. “I’m not,” I assured her, trying not to bristle. I hate being called brave. It’s almost as bad as inspiring.

You’re chasing one thing because you’re running away from something else. Even if you get what you want you’ll look back and regret this. Find out what you’re running away from and deal with that. Then maybe you can start enjoying the journey instead of fighting it out.

Your fortune teller cursed me. Foul spirits haunt every supermarket I go to. I can't show my face in Morrisons.

Your full of yourself." "Duhh... genetics man.

You’re one tough egg to crack. You know that? You’re like a Kinder egg wrapped inside a mystery wrapped inside an enigma.

You will be so dead, dear Sister. Make telpon dari tadi kayak Kroasia ada di sebelah Jakarta aja. Huahahaha

You two have just reached the level of annoyingly cute.

Your tills are talking to me and want me to take them home. Does this often happen?

Your toaster’s a puff.

You want me to pin my entire operation, the entire revolution on some teenaged love story? I can't believe this.

25, 30 years ago, that meant something, they were making some money. And they were doing all sorts of comedy, screaming at the audience, basically crowd control. And then there was the whole urban comedy scene.

'30 Rock' is the holy grail of comedy in my opinion.

A comedian has to live in his head. All this comedy comes from a lonely place. When you're surrounded by an entourage, you're not living in your head.

A comedy ends with a wedding, and a tragedy ends with a funeral: you always have to juxtapose sex and death.

Above all, in comedy, and again and again since classical times, passages can be found in which the level of representation is interrupted by references to the spectators or to the fictive nature of the play.

Accents are funny. It sets me apart from the other girls doing comedy. It gives me more—how do you say?—pop-oo-laaarrrity.

A comedy isn't about being funny," said Mrs. Baker. "We talked about this before." "A comedy is about character who dare to know that they may choose a happy ending after all. That's how I know." "Suppose you can't see it?" "That's the daring part," said Mrs. Baker.

A comedian is not funny unless he is taking his demons out for a walk.

Acting in a sitcom or a comedy movie is like a comedy routine with the setups.

Acting by yourself is pretty darn hard, especially having to do physical comedy.

Action comedy, if you can get it right, it is, for me, a particularly brilliant genre. It really is.