Best 2389 quotes in «comedy quotes» category

I wondered about my inner child. In fact, I was troubled. Did I even have an inner child, I asked myself, given that, in essence, I’d just been born?

Live a life abundant in love and rich in spirit, these are the seeds of a fulfilling existence. Be the safe harbor you seek in the world. Follow your dreams, not your fear. Go into the New Year with an open mind and hopeful heart. Don't let the chains of unforgiveness weigh you down. Life is too short to live in a prison of past hurts. The futures is yours for the taking and creating. Life is bittersweet, when we can let darkness and light co-exist as illumination, we can live in true happiness. When we live life at its best, it is a symphony of feelings, of high and low notes, of tragedy and comedy, love and loss, magic and the sublime. It can be quite a spectacular journey when we fully embrace and accept it.

Live your life as a novel with a daring, awesome main character; otherwise you’re just there for comic relief.

lol christine lyf

Look before you blunder

Look, kid,” he said, “you don’t spend a lifetime in comedy without learning a thing or two about evil.

Love is as we will it to be." ~ Amunhotep El Bey

Love is the canvas covering the furniture that you've become a part of

Love? Love is for children and poor people...

Luckily, I was not born a white man.* *This has never before been said in the history of humanity.

Ma la virilità si è tutta smammolata in coccolette; il coraggio svaporato in complimenti, e gli uomini sono diventati tutti lingua, come dei pappagalli ammaestrati. Oggi è più valente di un Ercole chi sa meglio mentire e spergiurare. Non posso diventare uomo di mia volontà, e allora morirò donna per disperazione.

Luck is the bastard child of Fate and Destiny.

...mangt et Skuespill fortiener ikke Navn af Skuespill, endskiønt alle Logiske Regler derved ere i Agt tagne.

Maddison de la Botella, licence to drill.

Make requests, not demands. "Please" kill that zombie, honey, I'm out of bullets.

Make your life the greatest story ever told!

Manners without sincerity, is called polite society

Mankind is immortal in the comic perspective not by virtue of man's subjugation of nature but by virtue of man's subjection to it. The "fall" in tragedy ends in death; the fall in comedy ends in bed, where, by natures's arithmetic, one and one make a brand new one.

Maxwell D. Kalist is a receiving teller at a city bank, Orwell and Finch, where he runs an efficient department of twenty two clerks and twelve junior clerks. He carries a leather-bound vade mecum everywhere with him – a handbook of the most widely contravened banking rules. He works humourlessly (on the surface of it) in a private, perfectly square office on the third floor of a restored grain exchange midway along the Eastern flank of Květniv’s busy, modern central plaza. Behind his oblong slate desk and black leather swivel chair is an intimidating, three-storey wall made almost entirely of bevelled, glare-reducing grey glass in art-deco style; one hundred and thirty six rectangles of gleam stacked together in a dangerously heavy collage.

Marcus looked down. “Ah, man! This was my favorite shirt. Who tore it?” he asked, trying to pull the ragged edges together.

Martha saw that Anna-Greta had really met Mr. Right. The man had a hearing aid. He probably turned it off.

Mary the Canary lives in a cloud of perfume and colours. She's an auxiliary nurse by day and a country and western singer by night: bed pans and power ballass. She's so glamorous she makes Mrs Hart look plain. She is the other woman and I'm bring trained to hate her even though I've never met her.

Maybe that is why in my comedy I try and puncture the hypocrisy all around us, why it is almost a crusade with me to strip life down to what really is true.

Masked by a pair of pink cotton panties, the man looks like some sort of deranged bank robber.

Maybe a holiday miracle will change Mearth’s awful behavior,” Mandy suggested with optimism. “The only holiday miracle around here is that Mearth hasn’t murdered us both yet,” said Alecto, lighting another cigarette, his hands shaking erratically. He looked exhausted and terrified, his gray eyes soulless. “Do you know what Mearth likes, Alecto?” Mandy questioned. “Vegetables, she likes celery a lot, and lettuce,” Alecto responded in a quiet monotone. “I don’t know what else she likes. I’ve never asked her.” “Well, she has to like something… doesn’t everyone?” “Not her, Mandy Valems.

Maybe your aunt is funny in quiet moments with her friends because like many women her age, she was taught to not draw attention to herself. And maybe she also noticed how men of her generation weren't attracted to the women who spoke out of turn and uttered their own opinions out loud. And certainly these types of men weren't attracted to women who were funnier than them. Women have always been funny. They just weren't interested in sharing their jokes with you. Truth in point, my mom is hilarious. She has also been single since 1974.

Men fake sleep the way women fake orgasms: to be left alone already.

Meaning, yes -- I don't really exist except on the page or in the back of your brain. But if you think it's weird a fictional character's telling this story, you ain't seen what happened, yet.

Meeting a vampire is kind of like a celebrity sighting, but where the celebrity possibly wants to kill you.

Men circle like bees around honey, buzzing to communicate their sexual despair.

Mediocrity is fine if you accept it.

Mike’s brain was hardwired directly into his genitals and most higher functions appeared to have switched themselves off. In other words, he was just like most men.

Mmmmmm I like that thing you do with your tongue. What do you call it? Speaking? Yeah, I dig it

Misery comes to miser; joy comes to wiser. (A Very Hot Cup of Tea, Empathy) Juvenile invites, youth tries, adult applies, and the old man dies. (A Straw Man, Empathy) In everyone, there lives a superhero. (The Medicine Man, Empathy) Faith is the strongest word in any dictionary. (The Wisdom Beard, Empathy) I’ve entered into your feelings; it’s your turn now. (Empathy)

Mishaque was a stouty blend of Irish "shrek" mixed with crazy Jafakain, his front was car dealing.

Mr. Nothing looked ready to bolt out of the place. But it was too crowded to bolt. He would have to shuffle. And shuffling away from an argument was never a cool thing to do. I suspected Mr. Nothing, as most celebrities must, spent a lot of time trying to figure out various ways to look cool.

Mr. Acme comments that the new foodservice professionals in the cafeteria are two-headed carnival escapees and probably also wanted convicts. He expresses his deep conviction that the names they gave him are aliases and promises that if he finds one more cat whisker in his chicken almandine, he will hand them over to the police, whom, he is sure, will be glad to have them back.

Mr. Monogamy doesn’t find my shenanigans funny? Oh thank god, if you did I’d have to chuck it all and join a monastery.

My girlfriend and I just had make-up sex. We both wore make-up.

My comebacks aren't nearly as sharp as my shiv. Come inside and I'll show you.

My daughter asked if the boogie man was scary. I said, "Not as scary as the boogie woman.

My grandad always said, "You should never judge a book by its cover." And it's for that reason that he lost his job as chair of the British Book Cover Awards panel.

My dad used to tell me that laughter was like a cough or a sneeze - the body's way of trying to expel something. But instead of some phlegm in your throat, or some dust up your nose, a laugh happened when something really true got into your brain. Something so true that your system just couldn't stand it.

My life was full of drama, with the highs and lows of Tyler’s daily mood swings and my private innuendos with Vandenberg. There’d never been a movie made that could permanently shift my mood away from my disappointment with myself.

My therapist has helped me learn to understand that if you don't unpack your own emotional baggage it's no longer baggage--it's deadweight.

My mother had tried to fool me into thinking I was a natural beauty, and I’d believed her for a little while, that is, until I moved to the land of beautiful people.

My number one fear is heights. Well, not so much the heights but the falling from heights. Actually the falling isn’t that bad (I have a strong heart), it’s the sudden stops that are painful. Believe me — I experienced it once.

Myrtle Mae, you have a lot to learn, and I hope you never learn it.

My whole life I though I was the star of an overly earnest romance movie, and it turns out I was in a goddamned buddy comedy all along.

Nahum bobbed again. 'My crest is cropped by croaking cranes. I go to drown in doleful dumps, dead-drunk with drearihead.