Best 15707 quotes in «humor quotes» category

See, that’s just it…You shouldn’t even know sayings like that,” I griped. “It takes normal people years to pick up on all those little phrases. Do you have any idea how stupid I feel, when I can’t even say ‘Hello, my name is Palta…Oh, and by the way—I’m the village idiot.’?

See something you like?" Miller tensed, going tight as a guitar string. "No, but God...Have you ever seen a dick that big before?" Garrett couldn't resist teasing Miller a little. "Every morning when I take a piss." "You wish." Miller tore his gaze away from the room's occupants and turned to stare at Garrett. "I remember your dick just fine, and it didn't look anything like that." "Ah. Now you've gone and hurt my dick's feelings. Maybe you should kiss and make up.

See my book MEMOIRS OF A ROAD WARRIOR on Amazon.com. See my website; humorous-book.com

See, they say it’s ‘survival of the fittest’, but you and I really know that it’s ‘survival of the most heavily armed

See what I mean? You gotta be crazy. Ain't no time to be sane.

Se hace llamar 'El Hijo de Sam'. También lo llaman 'el asesino del calibre cuarenta y cuatro'. Va por ahí disparando a la gente en los callejones adonde van a toquetearse

Selbst wenn der Kahn sinken sollte, ich würde Karsten nicht in den Fluten ersaufen lassen wie Rose, diese selbstsüchtige Schlampe, die noch mehr als genug Platz hatte auf ihrer Scheißtür, oder was auch immer das sein sollte.

See you in the funny pages...mate

Seine rehbraunen Augen blinkern mich verschmitzt von unten an. "Wie oft machst du es dir selbst?" Meine Güte, ist der Knabe dreist. "Stündlich, und ich denke dabei nur an dich" antworte ich wie aus der Pistole geschossen und kann dabei zusehen, wie die Röte von seinem Hals hinauf in die Wangen wandert. Jules grinst breit, Maggie vergräbt prustend das Gesicht in ihren Händen. Was Falk denkt, weiß nur der liebe Gott, aber er gibt Tobias einen mahnenden Klaps auf den Hinterkopf.

Seja como for, as pessoas dedicadas à religião não querem reconhecer a realidade que contradiz o seu conto de fadas. Se realmente vivermos num universo sem Deus, elas perdem o emprego. O fluxo de dinheiro estagna. Por outro lado, há pessoas que escolhem viver a sua vida de uma forma completamente egocêntrica e homicida. Essas sentem que, se nada importa e elas podem fazer o que querem sem sofrer consequeências, vão fazê-lo. Mas também podemos ver as coisas de outra maneira: estamos nós e os outros todos, vivos e num barco salva-vidas, e temos de fazer as coisas da maneira mais decente possível para nós e para eles. A mim parece-me que esta seria uma forma de viver muito mais morale "cristã": reconhecermos a terrível verdade da existência humana e, perante isso, ainda escolhermos ser humanos decentes em vez de nos iludirmos sobre a existência de uma qualquer recompensa paradisíaca ou um qualquer castigo infernal. Parecia-me uma atitude muito mais nobre. Se há recompensa, castigo ou qualquer tipo de pagamento e agimos bem, então não estamos a fazer por razões muito nobres - os chamados princípios cristãos. É como os bombistas suicidas que agem alegadamente de acordo com princípios religiosos ou nacionais bastante nobres quando, na verdade, as suas famílias recebem uma recompensa em dinheiro e congratulam-se com um legado heróico - já para não falar da promessa de virgens para os perpetradores, embora me passe completamente ao lado como é que alguém prefere um grupo de virgens a uma mulher altamente experiente.

Sei: The Kudzu snacks were so good I had two and a half bowls but seeing you eat 16 and a half bowls was disgusting. I sriously considered killing you. Okita: You're horrible! Besides then I'd bleed Kudzu snacks! Sei: NOO! STOP!!! I CAN SEE IT!! I'LL HAVE NIGHTMARES!!

Seize something wonderful; don't lose your chance waiting for it to become legal.

Self help books help no one except the author

Selfishness from earth to hereafter: Thy pray and struggle, same by thee. Because life committed selfishness in living with the Democracy.

Self-doubt is a persuasive mistress; careful not to shag her or you’ll never get your balls back.” - Simon Hunt

Self-loathing is man’s effort to sweep the moon of footprints.

Self-pity is the hens' besetting sin," remarked Mr. Payton. "Foolish fowl. How they came to achieve anything as perfect as the egg I do not know! I cannot fathom.

Self-publishing a shitty book doesn't make you an author any more than singing in the shower makes you a rockstar or squeezing your pimple makes you a dermatologist.

Self talk and self prayer: When you audible the first and correctly interpret, the white coats correct you in a nuthouse. When you audible the second and misinterpret, the dinner coats swear you to an oath in the White House. Does this make you nuts too? Then outfit your sanity seeking political asylum at my house.

Senator Goldwater would have been a great success in the movies — working for 18th century Fox.

Selling is a painful necessity, buying is what makes it all worthwhile.

SEND MORE BOOKS PLEASE. STOP ···/·/-·/-··//--/---/·-·/·//-···/---/---/-·-/···//·--·/·-··/·/·-/···/·/·-·-·-//···/-/---/·--·//

Senior Republicans certainly expected the president to come clean over Miss Lewinsky.

Sensitive," I tried. Sam translated: "Squishy." "Creative." "Dangerously emo." "Thoughtful." "Feng shui." I laughed so hard I snorted. "How do you get feng shui out of 'thoughtful'?" "You know, because in feng shui, you arrange furniture and plants and stuff in thoughtful ways." Sam shrugged. "To make you calm. Zenlike. Or something. I'm not one hundred percent sure how it all works, besides the thoughtful part.

- Senhor Uhtred! - O padre Willibald veio correndo na minha direção. - O que está acontecendo? O que está acontecendo? - Decidi começar uma guerra, padre - respondi cheio de animação. - É muito mais interessante que a paz.

Seorang bapak tidak pernah menagih, hanya menanti dengan sangat kecewa.

Seriously, Jack, I think you might be the only guy in this city who hasn’t read his stuff. Collin McCann is like the Carrie Bradshaw of Chicago men.” “You mean Terry Bradshaw,” Jack corrected. “No, Carrie,” Wilkins repeated. “You know, Sarah Jessica Parker. Sex and the City.” A silence fell over the room as Collin and Jack stared at Wilkins, seriously fearing for the fate of men.

Seriously. Poor little me can deal with having mated a millionaire.” “Oh, you found someone else? With less money?

Servants ran to wake the young king, Tamar, already awake and watching from his balcony. Curious, naturally. Not altogether pleased. No more than anyone would be, jolted out of a sound sleep by unexpected elephants.

Seriously, Palta…” He was honestly puzzled, “I haven’t got a clue what you’re talking about. What about your ears is supposed to be so bizarre?” “Um…You’d have to be blind to miss them,” I replied sarcastically. “If you’re not, you will be when you poke your eye out on one of them.

Serpentfire can burn for a very long time if the bagic is strong," said Aldric. "It's hard to handle, that kind of fire, it seems to have a mind of its own, but it can be a good tool if you have nothing else. You never, ever want to use it unless you need it. I keep it around in case of dire circumstances. I hate to admit that anything Serpentine can be useful." Absentmindedly he picked up a Dragon's claw from a pile of them on the tabe, and used it to stratch his neck.

Set as higher dimensional beings walking the earth today, who must INcarnate (there is no REincarnation if there is no time. Exception: descending spirals which crystallize in lower frequencies) to live in the various dream worlds (this one included) with the final "kick"/baptism by water, pulling up ALL the densities/dimensions through LOVE.

Sex is what you boast about when you have no exterior signs of wealth. It's a way of saying, "Look, I might not own a fancy sport coat, or even a carry-on bag, but I do have two women and all the intercourse I can handle

Sex is like air; it's not important unless you aren't getting any.

Sex, a switchblade, and motorcycle lessons. You really are making sure my night ends on a high note.

Sex is all right, but a hot fudge sundae don't never ask if the baby's really his.

Sex and holidays." "Uh, what?" "I'm making a list of things that make you agreeable." I scoffed, pushing my foot into his leg. "And all you got is sex and vacations?" "The length of the list is not my fault." "Are you saying I'm disagreeable?" He raised an eyebrow. "Woman, how stupid do you think I am? You really think I'm answering that? I want to get laid tonight." I pushed him harder. "Watch it, or you might get laid to rest." Braden threw his head back and laughed.

Several families had obnoxious kids bouncing off the walls. In this case, "bouncing off the walls" is not just a figure of speech. The overstimulated kids were literally bouncing off the walls. Lunar gravity is the worst thing to ever happen to parents.

Sex drives the world and sex in on every human mind, be it a prophet or be it a saint, history has full of evidences.

Sex is not a wizard, whatever magical-seeming properties it might possess in its better forms. If your friend says to you, "You're being mean, you need to get laid," your problem is not sex. Your problems are that you might be acting like an asshole, and your friends are definitely idiots.

Shame comes in different doses.

shadow side: (n.) self you encounter when you do not look in the mirror.

Shall I come too?" said Francis. "I might be useful. After all, I am still a doctor in the eyes of God.

Shall I menace someone?

Shall we go?' he murmured, perhaps regretting his decision to show me his army of plastic cartoon figurines.

Shame, child, is for those who fail to live up to the ideal of what they believe they should be." She waved her hand. "It was shame that drove me to my queen, to beseech her aid." Her long, delicate fingers idly moved to the streaks of white in her otherwise flawless red tresses. "But she showed me the way back to myself, through exquisite pain, and now I am here to watch over my dear godson--and the rest of you, as long as it is quite convenient." Spooky death Sidhe lady," Molly said. "Now upgraded to spooky, crazy death Sidhe lady.

Shamu and I have arrived safely in Costa Rica. He was stopped by airport security because he carries enough artillery in his pants pockets to construct a sawed-off shotgun. Evidently, he thought we were headed to Iraq.

Shane: "Bro," he said, in an injured tone, "I had to go out with a flamethrower, and you weren't there to see it." Michael: "Pics or it didn't happen." Shane: "Dude, little busy for pics. You know, throwing flame.

Sexual reproduction and food -- humans' two favorite subjects.

Share in your activities and interests. If you are going to kill zombies anyway, why not do it together?