Best 15707 quotes in «humor quotes» category

The President has a wonderful sense of humor, which is one of the reasons it is so much fun to work for him.

The president of General Motors was in a foul humor.

The principle of give and take is the principle of diplomacy - give one and take ten

The problem with the designated driver programme, it's not a desirable job. But if you ever get sucked into doing it, have fun with it. At then end of the night drop them off at the wrong house.

The problem with the gene pool is that there's no lifeguard.

The problem with having a sense of humor is often that people you use it on aren't in a very good mood.

The public doesn't want new music; the main thing it demands of a composer is that he be dead.

The radical right is so homophobic that they're blaming global warming on the AIDS quilt.

The real fact is that I could no longer stand their eternal cold mutton.

The really important things are said over cocktails and are never done.

There are days when it takes all you've got just to keep up with the losers.

There are many non-intellectual countries; Australia is one of the few anti-intellectual ones.

There are not enough Indians in the world to defeat the Seventh Cavalry.

There are people who would like to get rid of minimum wage. But we have to have it, because if we didn't some people would not get paid money. They would work all week for two loaves of bread and some Spam.

There are psychological repercussions to illness and we need a little more help to get through the effects not only on the afflicted but on the family. And I think there's even a place for humor in that.

There are worse occupations in this world than feeling a woman's pulse.

There are two kinds of people in this world. The kind who divide the world into two kinds of people and those who don't.

The reason old man use Viagra is not that they are impotent. It's that old women are so very ugly.

There is a foolish corner in the brain of the wisest man.

The reason we want to go on and on is because we live in an impoverished present.

There is a level of cowardice lower than that of the conformist: the fashionable non-conformist.

There is always some frivolity in excellent minds; they have wings to rise, but also stray.

There is always something to chuckle about. Sometimes we see it. Sometimes … we don't. Still, the world is filled with humor. It is there when we are happy and it is there to cheer us up when we are not.

There is a mandate to impose a voluntary return to traditional values.

There is a theory which states that if ever anyone discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable.There is another theory which states that this has already happened.

There is a planet named Pluto, but we don't have one named Goofy. Goofy would be a good name for this planet. It certainly qualifies.

There is nothing safe about sex. There never will be.

There is certainly no defence or water -proof garment against adverse fortune which is, on the whole, so effectual as an habitual sense of humor.

There is no rustic so rude but that, if he dreams or fancies anything, it must be the whisper of the Holy Ghost, and he himself a prophet.

There is no separation of church and state. Modern US Supreme Courts have raped the Constitution and raped the Christian faith and raped the churches by misinterpreting what the Founders had in mind in the First Amendment to the Constitution.

There is scarcely an aspect of the American character to which humor is not related, few which in some sense it has not governed. ... It is a lawless element, full of surprises.

There is only one thing in life worse than being talked about, and that is not being talked about.

There is someone warming up in the Giants' bullpen, but he's obscured by his number.

There's a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.

There is the vegetarian Hot Pocket for those of us who don't want to eat meat, but would still like diarrhea.

There's a deep fly ball... Winfield goes back, back... his head hits the wall ... it's rolling towards second base.

There's a guy in the audience with a distinctive laugh. I hope that guy is miked. The only problem with having a distinctive laugh is I know exactly when that guy isn't laughing. "Oh, distinctive laugh doesn't think that joke was funny!

There's a hard shot to LeMaster, he throws Madlock into the dugout.

There's a late-night scene in every town, and everyone has something going on, ... I've heard good stories about (Syracuse); this is a very good party town, a good drinking place. I definitely would like to come back and check it out further. Do some more research, as I call it.

There's a metal train that a mile long and at the very back end a lightning bolt struck her. How long til it reaches and kills the driver, provided that he's a good conductor?

There's a pizza place near where I live that sells only slices. In the back, you can see a guy tossing a triangle in the air.

There's a new slimming course just out where they remove all your bones. Not only do you weigh less, but you also look so much more relaxed.

There's a trench coat and a tragedy in your future.

There's a store in my neighborhood called Futon World. I like that name, 'Futon World.' Makes me think of a magical place that gets less and less comfortable over time.

There's a shot up the alley. Oh, it's just foul.

There's more evil in the charts than an Al-Qaeda suggestion box.

There seems to be no lengths to which humorless people will not go to analyze humor. It seems to worry them.

There's no difference between fame and infamy now. There's a new school of professional famous people that don't do anything. They don't create anything.

Theres no drama like wrestling.

There's no present. There's only the immediate future and the recent past.