Best 15707 quotes in «humor quotes» category

Infiltrating the records of a state penitentiary as well as the state and federal court systems was much more fun than deciphering art. -Phil Roach

In geometry, whenever we had to find the area of a circle, pi * radius squared, I would get really hungry for pie. Square pie.

In Gym, the kids on my team learned not to pass me the ball and to step quickly in front of me if the other team tried to take advantage of my weakness. I happily stayed out of their way.

In hindsight he was glad it wasn't the good taco spot because it would have been ruined forever. Anyplace that charged seventy-five cents for condiments could burn in hell. On principle.

In his life there was only one woman. The other one.

In God’s Kingdom there are no overnight sensations or flash-in-the-pan successes. Anyone who wants to be used of God will experience hidden years in the backside of the desert. During that time the Lord is polishing, sharpening and preparing us to fit into His bow, so at the right time, like “a polished shaft” He can launch us into fruitful service. The invisible years are years of serving, studying, being faithful in another person’s ministry and doing the behind-the-scenes work. The Bible says, ‘God is not unjust; he will not forget your work’ (Hebrews 6:10 NIV 2011 Edition). Be patient; when the time is right He will bring forth the fruit He placed inside you.

In high school, she’d been the loner fat girl and I’d been the asshole jock. There had always been something between us; we had gotten on so easily. I remember being both confused and upset that when I’d finally experienced that thing everyone called chemistry, it had been with her of all people.

In God's presence I find peace that is much deeper than any disappointment. I will grow and I understand I can't grow myself, that is why I need God and His grace.

In her career, she'd closed multi-million dollar deals without a hint of nerves. Now she needed a jumbo-sized bottle of antacids just to get out of her car. Or a double shot of whiskey. God, she was losing it.

In his time the Pirate Captain had made a number of dramatic entrances of his own – not always intentional it had to be said, as quite often they were the result of him accidentally setting himself on fire – but even he had to admit that Cutlass Liz’s dramatic entrance set an extremely high dramatic-entrance standard.

In Ireland, you go to someone's house, and she asks you if you want a cup of tea. You say no, thank you, you're really just fine. She asks if you're sure. You say of course you're sure, really, you don't need a thing. Except they pronounce it ting. You don't need a ting. Well, she says then, I was going to get myself some anyway, so it would be no trouble. Ah, you say, well, if you were going to get yourself some, I wouldn't mind a spot of tea, at that, so long as it's no trouble and I can give you a hand in the kitchen. Then you go through the whole thing all over again until you both end up in the kitchen drinking tea and chatting. In America, someone asks you if you want a cup of tea, you say no, and then you don't get any damned tea. I liked the Irish way better.

Injustiçada é a calcinha, que nem no #LingerieDay fica até o fim da festa.

I nipped little kisses along his jawline. God, I just couldn't keep my hands or lips off of him. "God, you are the most delicious thing I have ever tasted." He laughed. "That's something the vampire should be saying to you, not the other way around.

Iniquity shall be increased above that which now thou see, or that thou hast heard long ago.

În L.A., cineva pe jumătate la fel de important ca Elgie ar avea două secretare, iar secretarele ar avea, la rândul lor, secretare și tot așa, până când toate odraslele strălucite ale oamenilor cu influență ar fi pe statul de plată”.

In Hollywood, the real stars are all in animation. Alvin and the Chipmunks don't throw star fits, don't demand custom-designed Winnebagos, and are a breeze at costume fittings. Cruella DeVille, Gorgo, Rainbow Brite, Gus-Gus, Uncle Scrooge, and the Care Bears are all superstars and they don't have drug problems, marital difficulties, or paternity suits to blacken their images. They don't age, balk at promoting, or sass highly paid directors. Plus, you can market them to death and they never feel exploited. I'd like to do a big-budget snuff film starring every last one of them.

Injuries heal, but wrinkles are the scars of time.

In life, more than in anything else, it isn’t easy to end up alive.

In life there are squares and there are circles, sometimes it's best to be an oblong

In life things are only free after you've paid for them.

In life we have our trophy people. These are the ones we work hard for, we are proud of. We want to show them off to our family, our friends, we want them on our arm at company functions. We take pictures with them to let everyone know we feel like a winner and we are happy. Then you have your participation ribbons, the ribbons you get just for simply showing up. You didn't have to earn it, it was just given to you. These things usually end up in a drawer somewhere, maybe you pick them up again when you are bored and say "that was a fun night, I wonder if they are still handing out these things?" but you don't tell people about it, nothing to be proud of.

In making a clear distinction between desire (answer) and yearning (question), we inevitably end up back at personal purpose.

In many cases, it was the woman’s stomach—not her heart—that fell for her man.

In London, Alexander knows, they like neither his sister nor himself. Society considers the Tsar silly and vain, a ballroom dancer with golden curls and a lorgnette up his sleeve, an aloof monarch who turns a deaf ear, as Napolean said of him at Erfurt, to anything he does not want to hear. In effect, when the Tsar turns an ear, it is only to favour the right, as he is quite deaf in the left. Yes, Alexander loves to dance, he is myopic, he turns a deaf ear. What of it?

In my book an erection constitutes personal growth.

In my experience, most people are actually seeking recovery from the monotony and anxiety of qualitative repetition. This applies to body, emotions and mind. And that monotony and anxiety involves inertia just as much as over-use, meaning inertia in some areas and over-use in others.

In matters of religion and matrimony I never give advice, because I will not have anybody's torments in this world or the next laid to my charge.

In Massachusetts and Vermont, there had been plenty of mosquitoes, but in New Hampshire, they had reinforcements.

In my defense, I was left unsupervised.

In my day, we got suspicious if 125k people followed us.

In my experience, the romance novels written about BDSM have about as much in common with actual BDSM relationships as a child playing with a jump rope.

In my experience, "what the hell" is generally the most interesting decision.

In my work, I try to create situations in which we take ideas, information, experiences and qualities to a pragmatic arena. Then within those, to relearn or experiment with how we respond to internal and external variables. There’s no point to understanding something but remaining incapable of applying it. I think real knowledge and understanding is experiential, and the easiest way to access those is through our physical being.

In my youth, I was always one for the dramatic entrance. Now, in keeping with my character, I gravitate more toward the subtle and refined. Okay, with the occasional feathered serpent thrown in.

In my opinion, neither way is easy. If I'm going to struggle between artist and a normal 9 to 5 job. I might as well be artist

In my unfortunately infrequent encounters with real passion, I'm rarely as careful as I ought to be. The rationalization goes something like: With all the bullets and mortar rounds I've survived, I must be immune to sexually transmitted diseases. Stupid, I know. More likely, fate will indulge its taste for irony by killing me with AIDS os some other unpleasant alternative.

In my life, I have given a fuck about many people and many things. I have also not given a fuck about many people and many things. And like the road not taken, it was the fucks not given that made all the difference.

In my opinion, kissing a lady's hand is a fine tradition. After all, a man must start somewhere.

I nodded, disappointed, but then I got an idea. "Hey, Grover. You want a magic item?" His eyes lit up. "Me?" Pretty soon we'd laced the sneakers over his fake feet, and the world's first flying goat boy was ready for launch. "Maia!" he shouted. He got off the ground okay, but then fell over sideways so his backpack dragged through the grass. The winged shoes kept bucking up and down like tiny broncos. "Practice," Chiron called after him. "You just need practice!" "Aaaaa!" Grover went flying sideways down the hill like a possessed lawn mower, heading toward the van.

In one terrible instant, that terrible thing happened, the single most tragic experience of my, and just about any, childhood: boredom.

In Norwegian that would be 'hun ma dra. Kanskje er hun gravid.'" Astley sttempts to smile. i can't help teasing him. "Which? Asking to go to the bathroom or dissing me because I'm pregnant." "you are with child?" his eyes open wid, all mock terrified. "No! Shut up. You know I'm not." I punch him in the arm and then lead him into the stairwell, shutting the door behind us. "Okay. Seriously, Astley, what happened to you? Why is your head bleeding?

In order not to make a liar out of Henry or Katherine, one or the other, the committee men think up circumstances in which the match may have been partly consummated, or somewhat consummated, and to do this they have to imagine every disaster and shame that can occur between a man and a woman alone in a room in the dark.

No building should be A secret from Apollo Or drop bricks on him

I no longer wonder how far idiocy can go. It is infinite.

In one scene, when I was supposed to say, "In a pig's eye you are," what came out was, "In a pig's ass you are." Old habits die awfully hard.

In order to butterfly kiss, does it require caterpillar lips?

In other words - and this is the rock-solid principle on which the whole of the Corporation's Galaxywide success is founded - their fundamental design flaws are completely hidden by their superficial design flaws.

In other words, he was the tree in the forest that silently fell--when no one was around to be crushed.

In order to make them overlook our greed, or to make us seem less greedy than we are, we sometimes remind some people that, if and when we catch it, the wealth that we are relentlessly chasing would enable us to help a lot of poor people.

In other words, he looked like uniformed police hotness, and she wasn’t entirely uninterested in being cuffed. Wait. That’s a bad thought. I don’t mean it. She took him in again, her throat suddenly dry. Well, she didn’t exactly not mean it, but she knew better than to want it.