Best 15707 quotes in «humor quotes» category

Pride has often been his best friend. It has connected him nearer with virtue than any other feeling.

Prepare a gentle but firm response to use the next time someone feels they have a right to comment on your life decisions. You might say something like, "I'm sure you have my best interest at heart, and I thank you for your concern. However, you didn't experience what I did, so you can't understand what I went through. I made the best decisions I could based on what happened in my life. I know you will honor my right to decide what is best for me, just as I allow you to decide what is best for you.

Prepare for a radio, for nothing is silent like the grave

Presenting a rational argument to a person who has forsaken the use of reason is like asking a vegetarian to eat a cheeseburger.

Pretty much everyone hates high school. It’s a measure of your humanity, I suspect. If you enjoyed high school, you were probably a psychopath or a cheerleader. Or possibly both.

Prideful fool. It hurt his feelings that he couldn’t make my crazy go away. You know how men are. Always trying to fix things can’t be fixed.

Preparing to go to school was like getting ready for extended deep sea diving.

Prickly When I'm feeling porcupine-y, I get nasty, I get whiny. Stay away or I might stick you. My sharp words are quills to prick you.

Princesa? Princesa é o cacete e a rainha é a minha mão metendo um murro na cara dele, se ele não tirar as mãos dela.

Principled hate is a hell of a lot stronger than "Boy, I wish you hadn't mummified me and thrown me into the lake" hate.

Probably one of those sinister organisations that lurked behind the mask of amusing acronym, such as BUM, for example - the Bermondsey Union of Minstrels. Or WILLY, the Whitechapel Institution for Long-Legged Yodellers. It could be any one of a hundred such evil cabals. With the notable exception of the Meritorious Union For Friendship, Decency, Individualism, Virtue and Educational Resources, who were above reproach.

Prime numbers are useful for writing codes and in America they are classed as Military Material and if you find one over 100 digits you have to tell the CIA and they buy it off you for $10,000. But it would not be a very good way of making a living.

Privacy is not dead, just cumbersome and getting more and more expensive.

Prima is het woord van mensen die de strijd hebben opgegeven.

Privately he called them a couple of puffed-up, dressed-up, made-up, stuck-up, brainless parakeets.

Privilege: the belief that because a dog has been carefully trained not to bite YOUR ass, that is has no teeth.

Probably no purer incitement to hatred existed, Lydia had found, than being told of anyone or anything: you will love him, her or it. The spirit immediately rose up like a fanged cobra.

Princess, the contents of your shoe closet would break the budgets of a lot of third world countries - Jake Malone

Private like, this is cool stuff, and I should let my cousin in on it, kind of private?” Gunnar asked, “or, private like, I wet my pants, and I’m hiding the evidence, kind of private?

Procrastination is the lazy cousin of fear.When we feel anxiety around an activity, we postpone it.

Professor Jenson had one goal in life: to be left alone.

Profits are everything; but to get them you have to catch a zombie.

Professional is an apt definition for me, professional slouch, that is. I can be very professional at seeming to do work, but the real work is trying to do as little as possible, without getting caught by Trip or any nosey busybodies.

Profits aren't everything. If you can get out with only your ass intact, that's pretty good too.

Progress is heading in a forward direction and realizing what was behind is now your legacy!

Prose before hoes, muthafucka! I’ll be right over.

Prosperity consists of two things: tea after a meal, and a cigarette after tea.

*Prostitution* is a euphemism for rape incidents that the victim and the economy profits from.

Proof of concept or POC is the art of winning a ship-building contract by showing the working model of a paper boat

P.S. What the hell. Why not sign off with the traditional American greeting? "Merry Christmas," Uncle Vasile. "Happy holidays to you." P.P.S. Really---"counseling"!

Pulling the chair out for me, he invited me to sit. I stood there wondering if I could sprint for the nearest exit. Stupid strappy shoes, I'd never make it. He leaned in close and whispered in my ear, "I know what you're thinking, and I'm not going to let you escape again. You can either take a seat and have dinner with me like a normal date," he grinned at his word choice, "or," he paused thoughtfully then threatened, "you can sit on my lap while I force-feed you.

Prove to me that you deserved it.

Publish. Be damned. Repeat.

Puh-lease… Team leather and cocks isn’t always right.

Prove to me that you are not a figment of my imagination. Am I a computer simulation? Does the door swing both ways? How can something come from nothing? How do you know a line is straight? If animals wanted to be eaten, would it be okay? If time stopped then stared again, would we know about it? What happens when you get scared half to death twice? What is creationism? What is ethical?

Pugs Not Drugs

P.S. Please don't call me Isabella. That name belongs to a really pretty girl who never wrecks her clothes and who never gets dirt under her fingernails. That's definitely not me. My name is Izzy.

Psychiatry has come a long way, into the spiritual realm. Into energies. There are deniers, certainly, but they all work for big oil. Now tell me about your most recent dreams.

Puberty. The word itself sounded like a half-digested lump of rubber.

Puede afirmarse, sin caer en el infundio, que esta ilustre manga de atorrantes jamás consiguió entender el sentido de los Carnavales. Manuel Mandeb pensaba que las gentes se ponían contentas en virtud de algún suceso que todos conocían, menos él. Sus amigos padecían un desconcierto de la misma clase.

Punctuality can go to the devil.

Ptah held up his mug. “Do you realize, we’ve fought together, starved together, bled together, endured slavery, and looked into the jaws of death...” “But we never drank together!” Marcus finished, clanking his mug to Ptah’s. “Exactly! The drink flows freely, and we must make up for lost time, ha ha ha!

Pünd remembered their first case together when Fraser had failed to notice that his travelling companion, on the three-fifty train from Paddington, was actually dead.

Puns often seem to propagate in direct proportion to efforts aimed at suppressing them. Tell someone they can't say something, and they'll find another way, much as a river will eventually find a way round any mountain on its journey to the sea.

Puns are at their core defined by multiplicity of meaning, not necessarily humor. The common expectation that puns should always be funny, or die in the attempt, is a relatively modern development.

Pure joy is rare. That’s why for every meal I eat a really bloody steak.

Purity. Serenity... Solitude: What you ought to uphold. But the important thing is whether you believe it.

Puss hopped down from the couch and rummaged in Mark’s closet until he found a black leather belt. This he looped along his shoulder, around his waist, and then clasped together. “I’m off to make war, so that you may have love.

Q and Beanpole and I giggled at the way our math teacher, Mr. Sung-Li, wore four pencils in his shirt pocket in case he was suddenly attacked by a multiplication problem or something.

Qualities of a Good Nurse: Go," I said. "1. Doesn't pun on your disability," Isaac said. "2. Gets blood on the first try," I said. "Seriously, that is huge. I mean is this my freaking arm or a dartboard? 3. No condescending voice." "How are you doing, sweetie?" I asked, cloying. "I'm going to stick you with a needle now. There might be a little ouchie." "Is my wittle fuffywump sickywicky?" he answered. "Most of them are good, actually. I just want to get the hell out of this place.