Best 15707 quotes in «humor quotes» category

National League umpires wear inside chest protesters.

Nature is by and large to be found out of doors, a location where, it cannot be argued, there are never enough comfortable chairs.

Nature never said to me: Do not be poor; still less did she say: Be rich; her cry to me was always: Be independent.

Nature, it appears, has been rather more bountiful to Paul's body and purse than to his intellect; above the ears, speaking bluntly, the boy is strictly tapioca.

NEIGHBOR, n. One whom we are commanded to love as ourselves, and who does all he knows how to make us disobedient.

Never accept a drink from a urologist.

Netflix did it right and focused on all the things that have replaced the dumb, raw numbers of the Nielsen world - they embraced targeted marketing and 'brand' as a virtue higher than ratings.

Never ever discount the idea of marriage. Sure, someone might tell you that marriage is just a piece of paper. Well, so is money, and what's more life-affirming than cold, hard cash?

Never complain, never explain personal motto of

Never be afraid to laugh at yourself, after all, you could be missing out on the joke of the century.

Never go to clubs with metal detectors. Sure it feels safe inside. But what about all those niggas waiting outside with guns? They know you ain't got one.

Never moon a werewolf.

Never pick a fight with an ugly person, they've got nothing to lose.

Never place a period where God has placed a comma.

Never slap a man who is chewing tobacco.

Never trust a man, who when left alone with a tea cosey... Doesn't try it on.

Never try and go on a solo mission on your own.

New white people, you can't scare these white people, I tried.

Next to power without honor, the most dangerous thing in the world is power without humor.

New York's such a wonderful city. Although I was at the library today. The guy was very rude. I said, "I'd like a card." He says, "You have to prove you're a citizen of New York." So I stabbed him.

Ninety percent of everything is crap.

No Angie, it's instant. Like when someone trips in the cafeteria and you're laughing so hard milk comes out of your nose, the guy next to you is laughing so hard he accidentally farts. BOOM! Friends for life!

Nobody in love has a sense of humor.

Nobody thought Mel Gibson could play a Scot, but look at him now! Alcoholic and a racist!

"No comment" is a comment.

No, Groucho is not my real name. I am breaking it in for a friend.

No man is charming all of the time. Even Cary Grant is on record saying he wished he could be Cary Grant.

No matter how much cats fight, there always seem to be plenty of kittens.

No mind is thoroughly well organized that is deficient in a sense of humor.

No means yes in grasshopper language.

No matter how much you give a homeless person for tea... you never get that tea.

No one is listening until you make a mistake.

No one knows what's next, but everybody does it.

No parents. You have Uncle Jesse, forever in overalls. Then there's Bo and Duke. What do they do? I never saw them working for food or gas money. You can only kill so many possum.

No one wants to get their ass beat to a soundtrack.

No periods. If you sneeze, the carpet's ruined.

Normal is getting dressed in clothes that you buy for work, driving through traffic in a car that you are still paying for, in order to get to a job that you need so you can pay for the clothes, car and the house that you leave empty all day in order to afford to live in it.

Nor is it of much Importance to us to know the Manner in which Nature executes her laws; 'tis enough to know the Laws themselves.

Nostalgia: How long's that been around?

North Korea is the country that the monkeys in the Wizard of Oz came from.

Not a Harvard-type education, just a not-sticking-up-a-liquor-store-type education.

Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer.

Nothing has really happened until it has been recorded.

Not eating meat is a decision, eating meat is an instinct.

Nothing is more apt to deceive us than our own judgment of our work. We derive more benefit from having our faults pointed out by our enemies than from hearing the opinions of friends.

Nothing is more curious than the almost savage hostility that Humour excites in those who lack it.

Not living in fear is a great gift, because certainly these days we do it so much. And do you know what I like about comedy? You can't laugh and be afraid at the same time - of anything. If you're laughing, I defy you to be afraid.

Nothing is stronger than habit.

...nothing so liberalizes a man and expands the kindly instincts that nature put in him as travel and contact with many kinds of people.

Nothing reveals a man's character better than the kind of joke at which he takes offense.