Best 15707 quotes in «humor quotes» category

Apparently profanity had a way of making men listen.

Apparently Super Max was pretty content with taking care of half the town, such was his wonderfulness.

Applying nail polish is an art. You need non-shaky hands. And a calm and Zen-like nature. I am not calm and have but a nodding acquaintance with Zen. At the best of times, I’m not great at applying nail polish, and if anyone has attempted to apply nail polish when they are in a rush, they will understand the difficulties involved. Your hands will shake. Your hands will take the nail polish beyond the boundaries of your nail and onto the surrounding skin, you will carefully loop it off your skin with a handy ear bud, only to realise you have now got it onto your fingernails, which were also pale pink to begin with, but will now have to be made post-box red—you could never live down the indignity of mottled red and pink nail polish that looks like the visage of a rabid dog, and will spend the entire evening holding your hand petulantly behind your back and refusing to extend it even when you are being introduced to folk you cannot air-kiss and must shake hands with, aka senior corporate types.

Appreciation, affection, focus and intention fill up the space of self-reflection, and one loses oneself in the engagement. And what a relief it is when you get there.

A premature death does not only rob one of the countless instances where one would have experienced pleasure, it also saves one from the innumerable instances where one would have experienced pain.

Apres moi le wreckage

A problem isn't a real problem till you decide to make it a problem... so what's the problem again?

A project goal like a joke. If you have to explain it, it is not good / fun.

A project is like love; it has clear intentions at the beginning, but it can get complicated.

A Provider is not a magician. He cannot wave a magic wand and produce a perfect product—solutions take time and effort to produce... However, he will have an expertise in his field and he will use this expertise in his work. If you have chosen your Provider wisely, begin by trusting his expertise. Allow your Provider the freedom to do his work.

Aquello está sobre las brasas de la tierra, en la mera boca del infierno. Con decirle que muchos de los que allí se mueren al llegar al infierno regresan por su cobija.

Aprender a aprender significa examinar las suposiciones. Los relatos de Mulá Nasrudín cumplen muy frecuentemente esta función.

A present is not the source of buying someone's love but its a source of showing how much u love and apriciate that particular person

April Fools' is the only day to take people seriously.

A pretty little thing like you with that sassy mouth and no husband or boyfriend? Are you a widow or a workaholic?

Apropos of Eskimo, I once heard a missionary describe the extraordinary difficulty he had found in translating the Bible into Eskimo. It was useless to talk of corn or wine to a people who did not know even what they meant, so he had to use equivalents within their powers of comprehension. Thus in the Eskimo version of the Scriptures the miracle of Cana of Galilee is described as turning the water into blubber; the 8th verse of the 5th chapter of the First Epistle of St. Peter ran: ‘Your adversary the devil, as a roaring Polar bear walketh about, seeking whom he may devour.’ In the same way ‘A land flowing with milk and honey’ became ‘A land flowing with whale’s blubber,’ and throughout the New Testament the words ‘Lamb of God’ had to be translated ‘little Seal of God,’ as the nearest possible equivalent. The missionary added that his converts had the lowest opinion of Jonah for not having utilised his exceptional opportunities by killing and eating the whale.

Archer hizo un intento de bajar, pero yo lo detuve. - Yo voy primero. Si bajo detrás de ti, seguro que te quedarás mirándome las bragas.

Arab' is the new four-letter word, didn't you know?

Araminta had generally considered the laws of etiquette as the rules of the chase, and divided them into categories: those which everyone broke, all the time; those which one could not break without being frowned at; and those which caused one to be quietly and permanently left out of every future invitation to the field.

Archeolog, tak jak saper, myli się tylko raz. Jak coś wykopie i zapomni to narysować, sfotografować, opisać w dzienniku wykopaliskowym i jeszcze wypełnić rubryki wszystkich kart, których jest więcej niż stron w książce telefonicznej prywatnych abonentów Nowego Jorku, informacje przepadną na zawsze. Przepadnie cały kontekst. Kontekst to święta krowa archeologii...

Archer is it hot anymore," I'd fired back. "He tried to kill me, and his girlfriend is Satan.

Aren’t they supposed to be hiring someone else to train me full-time anyway?” “Yes,” he said, getting up and pulling her to her feet along with him,“ and I’m worried that if you get into the habit of making out with your instructors, you’ll wind up making out with him, too.” “ Don’t be sexist. They could find me a female instructor.” “In that case you have my permission to make out with her, as long as I can watch.

Arabella did not need backup. Most of the time she was the backup, the field artillery, and the air support, but Nevada taught me to always have an exit strategy.

Archbishop James Usher (1580-1656) published Annales Veteris et Novi Testaments in 1654, which suggested that the Heaven and the Earth were created in 4004 B.C. One of his aides took the calculation further, and was able to announce triumphantly that the Earth was created on Sunday the 21st of October, 4004 B.C., at exactly 9:00 A.M., because God liked to get work done early in the morning while he was feeling fresh. This too was incorrect. By almost a quarter of an hour. The whole business with the fossilized dinosaur skeletons was a joke the paleontologists haven't seen yet. This proves two things: Firstly, that God moves in extremely mysterious, not to say, circuitous ways. God does not play dice with the universe; He plays an ineffable game of His own devising, which might be compared, from the perspective of any of the other players, [ie., everybody.] to being involved in an obscure and complex version of poker in a pitch-dark room, with blank cards, for infinite stakes, with a Dealer who won't tell you the rules, and who smiles all the time. Secondly, the Earth's a Libra.

Are bacon and chocolate the foundation of a good meal? No, everybody knows that is a deep fryer and/or gravy. However, I have long held the notion that you can't name a food that I can't improve by adding either bacon or chocolate.

Aren't you going to invite me in?" "No." "Why?" "I'm a bitch like that.

Are we going to be stupid?” she whispered. “Define stupid.” “Anything that involves either one of us exposing our favorite body parts.” Or their hearts… “I want to hear about your favorite body part,” he said. “In great detail.

are you a wedgie?" Asked Massie. "No." "Then why are you all up in my butt?" Said Massie

Are you crying?" "No, it's raining, but only on my face.

Are there not times, Ridley, when you yourself wish only to hear the best in people – and not to be dragged downwards into the underworld we all regularly inhabit?

Are we running hot or something?" Peabody demanded. "So a person can't take a minute to have a cup of coffee and maybe a small bite to eat, especially when the person got off a full subway stop early to work off the anticipated bite to eat." "If you're finished whining about it, I'll fill you in." "A real partner would have brought me a coffee to go so I could drink it while being filled in." "How many coffee shops did you pass on your endless and arduous hike from the subway?" "It's not the same," Peabody muttered. "And it's not my fault I'm coffee spoiled. You're the one who brought the real stufff made from real beans into my life. You addicted me." She pointed an accusing finger at Eve. "And now you're withholding the juice." "Yes, that was my plan all along. And if you ever want real again in this lifetime, suck it up and do my bidding." Peabody stared. "You're like Master Manipulator. An evil coffee puppeteer." "Yes, yes, I am. Do you have any interest, Detective, in where we're going, who we're going to see, and why?" "I'd be more interested if I had coffee.

Are you always so cynical?' said Angelica. 'No,' said Katherine. 'Sometimes I'm asleep.

Are you calling me stupid?"says Emby. "I think I just did." Hayden laughs. "Hey, the Mouth Breather's right-unwinding does help people. If it wasn't for unwinding, there would be bald guys again-and wouldn't that be horrible?

Are you deliberately trying to waste our time," Hal asked in an icy voice, "or are you just being petty?" "A little of both," said Azrael.

Are you even up to physical standards?" she asked, annoyed. "Whose standards?" "You're not even trying anymore." "It should be proof I'm not a bad guy," I said. "A bad guy would be in better shape. Go easy on me; I'm detoxing.

A rescue attempt had hitherto been so far at the back of his mind that, if some advanced speculations on the nature and shape of the many-dimensioned multiplexity of the universe were correct, it was right at the front.

Are ye all right, man?" Ian asked, in the same tone of mild concern he'd heard his da use now and then on his mam or Uncle Jamie. Evidently it was in fact the right tone to take with a Fraser about to go berserk, for William breathed like a grampus for a moment or two, then got himself under control.

Are you all right?' 'How do I look?' 'Um… You have raven hair, brown eyes and bronzed skin if you didn’t know, and you’re… human.

Are the two of you quite done with your sweet nothings? Because I might vomit.

Are you finally starting to breathe in a normal fashion?” Shahrzad teased. “I must confess I find your behavior rather odd, considering you said only a child would be afraid to fly.” “I wasn’t afraid.” Khalid wrapped a forearm of corded muscle around her. She slanted a disbelieving look his way. “You just lied to me.” “I wasn’t afraid,” he repeated. “I was terrified.

Are you French?' I asked instead. 'Oui!' Foreign. Foreign spy. French Communist Party acted on Stalin's instructions during part of World War II. French Communist spy. Stop it stop it stop it I turned to Art, a black kid who was a foot and a half taller than me and whose pecs were about to burst of his shirt and eat someone. I gave him a two on the delusion detector. I didn't trust those pecs. 'Hi,' he rumbled. I waved weakly.

Are you fucking kidding me, you lying thieving hairy-legged beast?

Aren‘t you going to get up?" He put a hand on the curve of her hip, a possessive gesture that had already become familiar. "No. Let‘s have more sex.

Aren't you sometimes frightened at being planted out here, with nobody to take care of you?' 'There's the tree in the middle,' said the Rose:'what else is it good for?' 'But what could it do, if any danger came?' Alice asked. 'It could bark,' said the Rose.

Are you going to give her gonorrhea too, or was that gift just for me?

Are you having fun playing with those plastic 3-D models of ears, noses and throats? That’s kind of like what I do, except instead of cute little plastic models, it’s living human tissue, and instead of playing, I’m fucking working, and instead of fun, it’s fucking not fun, it’s serious.

Are you mad?" I ask. "I was." He glances at the ceiling then back at me. "Or confused, anyway. The whole thing threw me through for a loop. I thought I'd finally met a guy at Underwood I could relate to, and it turns out he wasn't a guy at all." I swallow. "I can see how that would be weird." "In a way though, I was relieved." "Relieved?" I echo. "Why?" He looks around embarrased. "Let's just say you had me questioning my sexual orientation.

Are you sure you weren't adopted?" "Mom would like to think so, but it was a natural birth, so her memory's real clear.

Are you that afraid of being wrong? One would assume you’d be accustomed to it by now.” He grunted. “Be careful, girl. You wouldn’t want to accidentally insult a man.” “The last thing I’d want to do is accidentally insult you, Vathah,” Shallan said. “To think that I couldn’t manage it on purpose if I wanted!

Argued with your back-fence neighbor,” Adam said, his voice very gentle. “And watched him when he wasn't looking,” I agreed. “Because every once in a while, especially after a full moon hunt, he'd forget that I could see in the dark, and he'd run around naked in the backyard.” He laughed silently. “I never forgot you could see in the dark,” he admitted.