Best 15707 quotes in «humor quotes» category

You're welcome to try

Your Excellency, I have no need of this hypothesis.

Your father is proud of us for having a baby.” Gabriel nodded, as he continued brushing. “That means he’s proud of us for having sex and you for impregnating me. Do you think they make T-shirts for grandfathers that express those sentiments?

You’re wrong.” “I am?” “I thought things through this time around. I even managed to restrain myself.” Theo stared at her, incredulous. “You did.” “I thought about kicking him in the balls, but I didn’t. I figured that would be over kill.” - Rendezvous with Destiny

Your first period may unequivocally announce puberty, but your first 9–5 doesn’t definitively mean you’ve grown up.

Your hair is like butterflies,” Sebastian said, giggling like a child. “That’s nice,” Firen said impatiently. “Keep moving.” “Fantastic. I always like my days better with a touch of insanity,” Gabriella quipped.

Your grandma always had a terrible sense of direction. She could get lost on an escalator.

Your job is to focus on my personal happiness, she said, & I've got big plans, so break time is over.

Your husband may not be a wealth of pregnancy information, but he is a wealth of 'you' information. He probably knows you better than anyone else in this world (which means he understands your current neediness pretty well). He also probably loves you more than anyone else in this world. So, while he may not be the person to turn to if you need to know how to soothe breast tenderness, he's the perfect person to turn to when you need a hand to hold.

Your kids pissing you off is an inborn instinct. It's nature's way of getting you to kick them out when they turn 18! Okaaay. ~sigh~ Due to the times, you can kick them out between the ages of 28-38. Can someone please dramatically reduce the cost of housing, already? ~SHEESH~

Your lack of geographical knowledge is truly astounding.

Your job is obviously very pressured." "I thrive under pressure," I explain. Which is true. I've known that about myself ever since... Well. Ever since my mother told me when I was about 8.

Your key hobbies need to be long country walks (get some fresh air in those lungs!), masturbation, and the revolution. Between those three, you should, in the long term, stay relatively sane.

Your level of neuroses will only find love in a made-for-TV movie.

Your Maker has rescued you from the darkest corner of your own heart... What he asks in return is obedience. And the courage to do what is necessary.

Your lifeline…oh, the burning stick. Right.” Leo resisted the urge to set his hand ablaze and yell: Bwah ha ha! The idea was sort of funny, but he wasn’t that cruel.

Your Moodswings are kind of giving me whiplash

Your mother would have more luck winning her election than teaching you how to be charming. Izzy Malone, going to charm school! Are you going to walk across the room with a book stuck on your head?" "No, it's not like that at all," I said as he doubled over with laughter. "And I really don't see what's so funny." "It's just that"--he gasped--"it would be like teaching a hippo to wear high heels!

Your name isn't Sniffles?" Ewan pretended to be surprised.

Your mother says she will be brave and keep a stiff upper lip,” said Father. “Americans are heartless. I will cry into my pillow every night.

Your neck smells like cheese,' I said. 'Oh,' He said, 'that's my cheese cologne. I have a whole selection. Chedder, American, Swiss.

Your own shortcomings are the best ground to grow your sense of humor.

Your never over the hill to find true love because sometimes, that's where it is

You rock, volcano girl!

Your pretense does not fool me, gnome. My eye will be upon you.

Your problem is a serious lack of imagination. You can’t imagine being different than you are.

Your purpose, and its specific expressions, expands and accelerates as it becomes more similar to Nature’s purpose. The tools you need to apply it you collect along the path in discovering what that is. Time is there to provide you with the “opportunities” to find more creative responses to things like frustration, confusion and self-righteousness. As you gently, oh so gently and delicately, adjust to the requirements that exist in your actual circumstance, you are given the tools needed to surpass them.

Your present interests are not a solid basis of a career decisions. So, stop following your passion and Do What Is Valuable.!

Your pussy is a fruit that I wanna juice Your pussy is a fruit that I wanna juice, yeah Put the molly in the booty, girl, we turning up tonight Cos that pussy is a smoothie it know how to do me right.

Your relationship or marriage is dead or dying, if you almost always have to remind your partner to miss you (and/or they almost always have to remind you to miss them).

Your smile can becomes a quote for a change

Yours most sincerely, Peter Van Houten c/o Lidewij Vliegnthart “WHAT?!” I shouted aloud. “WHAT IS THIS LIFE?

Your smile is weird," Ed says when I reach him. "Like you're farting."...."Do you want to sit inside or outside?" He points to my stomach. "Maybe outside, better air circulation?

Your woman's a badass, Timur,"he said. "She can't cook worth shit, but she's a badass." [...] "Don't ever cross her," Jeremiah warned. "She knows more ways to kill a man than I do. Seriously, boss, don't do it." [...]"She's inventive when it comes to killing men."He beckoned Timur closer and waited for him to bend down. He looked left and right to make certain no one would over hear him. "You're so lucky, man. She's a total babe," he whispered. "She's a mankiller, and that's hot as hell.

Your stepfather? I'd like to meet him." Oh no... why? "I'm not sure that's a good idea." Christian unlocks the door, his mouth in a grim line. "Are you ashamed of me?" "No!" It's my turn to sound exasperated. "Introduce you to my dad as what? 'This is the man who deflowered me and wants to start a BDSM relationship'. You're not wearing running shoes.

Your wife is smarter than you; know this, and you will live happily ever after.

Your whole being is deeply troubled- personified the vision of a child's purity, lost in the wilderness of an ever-unchanging and imperfect world.

Your... Your aura. It's... amazing. It's shining. I mean, it always shines, but today... Well I've never seen anything like it. I didn't expect that after everything that happened.' I shifted around uncomfortably. If I lit up around Dimitri normally, what on earth happened to my aura post-sex?

Your wife is a big hippo! My face is melting! My face is meltinnnnggg!

Your wish, my command, MacKayla.” He smiled. “Shall we spend tomorrow at the beach together?” Barrons moved beside me. “She’s busy tomorrow.” “Are you busy tomorrow, MacKayla?” “She’s working on old texts with me.” V’lane gave me a pitying look. “Ah. Old texts. A banner day at the bookstore.” “We’re translating the Kama Sutra,” Barrons said, “with interactive aids.” I almost choked. “You’re never around during the day.” “Why is that?” V’lane was the picture of innocence. “I’ll be around tomorrow,” Barrons said. “All day?” I asked. “The entire day.” “She will be naked on a beach with me.” “She’s never been naked in a bed with you. When she comes, she roars.” “I know what she sounds like when she comes. I have given her multiple orgasms merely by kissing her.” “I’ve given her multiple orgasms by fucking her. For months, fairy.

Your….your bat cave?” Emily responded. “Yes, I’m quite proud of it. I put those visiting Boy Scouts to good use building bat houses, and now I’ve got dozens of them lining the walls of my tool shed.” She ran a hand down her long, witchy hair. “Bat houses, I mean. Not Boy Scouts. I don’t have any Boy Scouts in my shed.” She looked around, and Ryan couldn’t help but wonder if anyone might indeed be missing a Boy Scout.

You saw what I saw, right? Adrienne doing something nice for Xarissa of her own free will. I think I did, said G.A Lunette stared into the unknown. This has to be a sign of the coming apocalypse We are all going to die.

You see, a man's... ahem... is shaped differently from a woman's..." Mama fluttered her hand. "... whatsit. And in the marital bed, he will wish to place his..." More hand fluttering. "... inside yours." "His ahem goes in my whatsit." "In so many words. Yes.

You say ‘cure.’ I hear ‘you’re not human enough.

You said th' Magic was in my back. Th' doctor calls it rheumatics.

You see a wile, you thwart. Am I right?

You see, the mailman saw your husband during one of his walks." "He's my fiancé," I told her. "We are living in sin." Heather blinked, momentarily knocked off her stride, but recovered. "Oh, that's nice." "It's very nice. I highly recommend it.

You scared the crap out of me,” I shove his bare chest with a growl. “Was that you at the front door?” “Ya think?” He fires back with a raise of his eyebrows, taking hold of my arm again, as he practically drags me back toward the front entry. “Did it occur to you to say something?” I shoot back with a scowl. “I thought you were some kind of psychopath.” My frown deepens, as I consider whether he might in fact be a psychopath.

...You should make someone a wonderful husband." Even the tips of Jamie's ears were crimson now. But instead of retreating, he clenched his jaw and looked directly into her eyes. "I suppose I would," he said. "Are you interested?

You should find something better to do with your time,” Mandy told him. “I spend my time shooting people, and then I take them to darkrooms and blow them up.” “…Come again?” Alecto questioned with a tone of alarm in his voice. “I take photographs and develop them myself, I’ve got my own darkroom… it was a joke,” Mandy laughed. “I love photography and I’m gonna be a photojournalist someday.” “Really?” Alecto asked. For the first time since she’d met him, he sounded slightly enthusiastic. “…I take photographs and I film my own home movies, I have a darkroom as well… but I can’t be a photojournalist like you… I can’t be anything… still, at least I can take photographs, it’s fun.