Best 15707 quotes in «humor quotes» category

I think comedy is the hardest art form there is.

I think foosball is a combination of soccer and shish kabobs.

I think God's going to come down and pull civilization over for speeding.

I think holidays create so much pressure because people feel they should be having a good time. But you shouldn't.

I think if you have a comic perspective, almost anything that happens you tend to put through a comic filter. It's a way of coping in the short term, but has no long term effect and requires constant, endless renewal. Hence people talk of comics who are "always on." It's like constantly drugging your sensibility so you can get by with less pain.

I think I let go of the need for approval. It certainly feels good when you get it, but I used to be more desperate for it. Once I felt better inside about myself... I could do everything based on how I want to do things.

I think it's interesting that cologne rhymes with alone.

I think it's the duty of the comedian to find out where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately.

I think it would be cool if you were writing a ransom note on your computer, if the paper clip popped up and said, 'Looks like you're writing a ransom note. Need help? You should use more forceful language, you'll get more money.'

I think it would be frustrating to be a match maker. "What do you do?" "I'm a match maker" "Aw, that's really romantic" "No, umm... I actually... never mind

I think it's wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly.

I think laughter may be a form of courage. As humans we sometimes stand tall and look into the sun and laugh, and I think we are never more brave than when we do that.

I think my securities far outweigh my insecurities. I am not nearly as afraid of myself and my imagination as I used to be.

I think people talk too much anyway. Sometimes people are talking to me and in my mind I'm just like “shut up, shut up, shut upblah blah blah blah blaaaaah.

I think pimp, therefore i am.

I think Pringles initial intention was to make tennis balls. But on the day that the rubber was supposed to show up, a big truckload of potatoes arrived. But Pringles is a laid back company. They said, "Screw it. Cut 'em up!

I think pickles are cucumbers that sold out.

I think pickles are cucumbers that sold out. They sold their soul to the devil, and the devil is dill.

I think that making love is the best form of exercise.

I think that the anti-Microsoft sentiment is simply due to their having been so successful selling a lot of crap.

I think that women just have a primeval instinct to make soup, which they will try to foist on anybody who looks like a likely candidate.

I think they should make Twilight closets and all the cast members can walk out of them.

I think the reason Jesus is so popular, just on a celebrity level, is that he died at the peak of his career.

I think we should keep the grain and export the farmers.

I think we can all agree that sleeping around is a great way to meet people.

I think we should only get 3 honks a month on the car horn. Then, someone cuts you off, you press the horn, and nothing happens. You're like, "Crap! I wish I hadn't seen Ricky on the sidewalk!

I think we should take Iraq and Iran and combine them into one country and call it Irate. All the pissed off people live in one place and get it over with.

I think those neighborhood signs that say 'slow children playing' are mean.

I think we've missed a trick there. We could develop wheat with the properties of Velcro... to catch whatever it is that's forming those crop circles! But then the spaceship would have to have the corresponding Velcro, so it's a bit of a long shot.

I thought, Hey, maybe these people shouldn't be making up holidays to drink more. Maybe if they drank less they might be able to title their newspaper articles more specifically. For example, I would title this last article "Drunk Driver Hits Drunk Walker Drunkety-Drunk I'm So Drunk.

I think you should, yeah. You should wash your beard, then shave it off, nail it to a Frisbee and fling it over a rainbow.

I thought my teeth were white until I washed my face with Noxzema. My teeth are off-white. I'm not even white. I'm off-white. It's a new race; we will prevail!

I thought I'd go to a craft fair, and there would be a jar of jellybeans there - "Guess how many jellybeans are in this jar, and win a prize". Aw, come on, man, let just me have some. I'll tell you what, guess how many jellybeans I want! If you guessed a handful, you are right.

It is a curious fact, but a fact it is, that your witty people are the most hard-hearted in the world. The truth is, fancy destroys feeling. The quick eye to the ridiculous turns every thing to the absurd side; and the neat sentence, the lively allusion, and the odd simile, invest what they touch with something of their own buoyant nature. Humor is of the heart, and has its tears; but wit is of the head, and has only smiles - and the majority of those are bitter.

It is a curious fact that people are never so trivial as when they take themselves seriously

It is a very dangerous thing to know one’s friends.

It is a difficult thing to like anybody else's ideas of being funny.

It is a fair, even-handed, noble adjustment of things, that while there is infection in disease and sorrow, there is nothing in the world so irresistibly contagious as laughter and good humour.

It is difficult to produce a television documentary that is both incisive and probing when every twelve minutes one is interrupted by twelve dancing rabbits singing about toilet paper.

It is characteristic of all deep human problems that they are not to be approached without some humor and some bewilderment.

It is easy to forget that the most important aspect of comedy, after all, its great saving grace, is its ambiguity. You can simultaneously laugh at a situation, and take it seriously.

It is easy to be beautiful; it is difficult to appear so.

It is the saying of an ancient sage that humor was the only test of gravity, and gravity of humor.

It is impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune.

It is not in the power of every one to taste humor, however he may wish it; it is the gift of God! and a true feeler always brings half the entertainment along with him.

It is those who concentrates on but one thing at a time who advance in this world. The great man or woman is the one who never steps outside his or her specialty or foolishly dissipates his or her individuality.

It is very comforting to believe that leaders who do terrible things are, in fact, mad. That way, all we have to do is make sure we don't put psychotics in high places and we've got the problem solved.

I travel with a boom box. When I get on a plane, I stuff the power cord for the boom box into the battery compartment. From an outsider's point of view, it looks like I've got it all wrong.

I told my doctor I wonna stop aging, he gave me a gun!

I took a baby shower.