Best 15707 quotes in «humor quotes» category

At the last moment, she remembered that her Master might be watching her and, knowing that good girls bend at the knees while bad girls bend at the waist, she picked up the cigar butt, as it were, in style.

At the same time shall men hope, but nothing obtain: they shall labor, but their ways shall not prosper.

At the Temple of the Seven-Handed Sek a hasty convocation of priests and ritual heart-transplant artisans agreed that the hundred-span-high statue of Sek was altogether too holy to be made into a magic picture, but a payment of two rhinu left them astoundedly agreeing that perhaps He wasn't as holy as all that. A prolonged session at the Whore Pits produced a number of colourful and instrutive pictures, a number of which Rincewind concealed about his person for detailed perusal in private. As the fumes cleared from his brain he began to speculate seriously as to how the iconograph worked.

At this point Bellamy suddenly remembered another dream which at the time had made him smile. He dreamt he was a little tiny frightened animal called 'Spingle-spangle'. Later he did not smile. The little doomed creature was an image of what he most feared, insanity.

At the time of that headshot, I was twenty-three years old, but I looked both fourteen and eighty-seven.

At the top of his file was a three-dimensional holograph scanned in from his military graduation. Cress preferred it to the infamous prison photo that had become so popular, the one in which he was winking at the camera, because in the holograph he was wearing a freshly pressed uniform with shiny silver buttons and a confident, one-sided grin. Seeing that smile, Cress melted. Every. Time. "Hello again, Mr. Thorne," she whispered to the holograph.

At twenty years old, Michael had vague plans to make changes in his life, but turning blue whilst stood in a walk-in bath in an old people's home wasn't one of them. Usually boys of his age might consider changes along the lines of smoking less grass at home, at college or at work, to be a good idea. Or maybe spending less time on that solitary pursuit common to men of his age across the globe. Enjoyable though he found it, he was going to cut back on the procrastination, but that was going to have to wait.

Auntie Yang is not hard of hearing. She is hard of listening.

Aunt March is a regular samphire, is she not?' observed Amy, tasting her mixture critically. `She means vampire, not seaweed, but it doesn't matter. It's too warm to be particular about one's parts of speech, ' murmured Jo.

A typical race morning usually starts out looking like a scene from a zombie movie: individuals or pairs of people walking down a deserted street, all headed in the same direction.... Inevitably, regardless of the weather, U2's "Beautiful Day" streams out of loudspeakers.

At times Valentine wasn't sure whether he kept Matthews about because of his supreme unctuousness or because he had half a suspicion the valet was trying to kill him.

Atty’s eyes rested on Darby with all the subtlety of a dog watching his food bowl being filled!

A TV preacher, you know those guys? Evangelists." "I thought they were all in jail," Parker said.

At what point is normal natural?

Audrey didn't understand Piper's obsession with Erik. Yes, he was insanely gorgeous, with dark hair and dark sexy eyes, but he gave off a dick vibe. Piper was such a sweet and funny girl, and Audrey really didn't think they would be good together. But apparently Erik Titov did it for Piper, and who was she to question it? She herself was in love with an ass-hat and lusting over a child. She was in no place to judge anyone on their lusty needs.

Auntie Wu took special pride in two of her accomplishments--the sons she bore and the flowers she grew. They were equally useless, but the flowers smelled better.

Author is the prisoner of his thoughts .

A vast canvass had been stretched across the back of [the stage] and painted to look like an idealized vision of Golden Square stretching off into a hazy distance. Before it, model town houses had been erected to perfect the illusion. It tricked the eye very well until a bloody, slashed-up man vaulted over the parapets and rolled to the ground in the deep upstage. He looked like a giant, thirty feet tall, fee-fie-fo-fumming around Golden Square and bleeding on the bowling green, which was most inexplicable, until a moment later, the very fabric of the universe was rent open, for a blade of watered steel had been shoved through the taught canvas upstage and slashed across it in a great arc, tearing the heavens asunder. Through the gap leapt Jack Shaftoe, and then giants dueled in Golden Square.

Australia is filled with roundabouts and everyone drives on the wrong side of the road. In the end we decided to split up the work and I feverishly watched the GPS and yelled, "Left! Right! ROUNDABOUT!

Avoid the stage of old age sit in the audience, it's all the rage

A waitress wearing a transparent amber dress came up to the bar. She sauntered toward him and paused to stare into his face. She surprised him by leaning close and kissing his lips. She then backed away and slapped him moderately hard. Slater half-laughed. “What the hell was that for?” “To know the sound of one hand clapping.

Aves hasn’t mentioned a boyfriend,” Lock chimed in, “and we’re just dying to hear all about you.” Liar. My friends were filthy lying sadists.

A VIP area is nothing without not-so-important people.

A voice in my head told me I acted like a spoiled brat, but I duct taped that sucker shut. I didn’t make it far, though. The seductive cedar smell enveloped me as Lux hoisted me off the ground, threw me over his shoulder and carried me back to the group.

Avoid people who hurt from an impulse. I mean people who have this tendency to relish their capacity to hurt the good souls of this world, and who after hurting, wake up the next day without a trace of despondent brooding, and then move on with life never thinking that they should show some remorse or try to repent.

A waist is a terrible thing to mind.

A vine from one tree shot out, tripping Blaise. He and Merewyn rolled to the ground. Varian stood between them and the trees, which shot blast after blast at him. He deflected them, but even so the heat from the fire was scorching. 'Go, Blaise,' he said. 'Get Merewyn out of here.' Blaise nodded before he crawled to Merewyn under the barrage. 'Hold!' The blast stopped as the three of them froze into place. Again the woman appeared in the fire to stare at them maliciously. 'What is it you do?' 'I'm crawling,' Blaise answered.

A voice: “My goodness, Nurse Jones.” I look up, startled. Simon’s in the doorway, leaning against the frame, smiling. No doubt I’m quite the sight in my bloody, sexy nurse’s outfit, sitting on a bed next to a tied-up, taped-up target. “Oh, please.” I collect my purse, my phone and my stun gun and walk around the bed. Simon’s smile reaches deep into his dark blue eyes. He has a long face and delicate features for a man. I grab the sleeve of his black jacket and pull him into the outer room. “What the fuck are you wearing? You look insane,” he says. “This? This is the creepy outfit the Alchemist put me in after he kidnapped me.” Simon stops smiling. “Are you okay?” “Yeah.

A volte il fumo è meglio dell'arrosto

A watched pot never boils.... but it does develop paranoia

Awesome." "Awesome squared." "Awesome cubed." "Awesome to the power of infinity." "The square root of awesome is-" "-Asha." We finish at the same time and laugh.

Awful things, children. Needy, self-centered tyrants, the boys all teeth and firsts, the girls all claws and spit. Gathering into sniveling packs and sniffing out vulnerabilities — and woe to the child not cunning enough to hide their own — the others would close in like the grubby shark they were. Great pastime, savaging someone.

A wedding is no way to begin a marriage.

Awe! Leaving so soon?” Gabby said sweetly, holding the door open. “I was just about to pull out the gun for you to play single-player Russian Roulette.

AWESOME things come to those who focus on the positive, recognize the blessings, find the humor and never give up!

A white van drove slowly—as slowly as only an inexperienced and frightened driver could go— down San Pablo Avenue. It came to a stop at a distance, and Caine found himself hoping it was trouble. Trouble he could handle. A fight would be a wonderful relief from the tedium.

A woman has her needs. What good is a mother to her poor children if she's suffering from low self-esteem and sexual frustration? If you don't get laid soon, you will literally close up. More importantly, you will shrivel. And you will become bitter.

A wolf is clever-clever-clever, and they are as faithful as a debt unpaid.

A wise man once said NOTHING... He just let her vent, nodded his head and live happily ever after!

...a woman's voice said, "if you've reached this message and you weren't trying to contact Regin the Radient" - Regin? -"then I know three things about you. One of my half sisters just tooled your ass and never wants to see you again. B. You're pop-culturally illiterate enough not to know this number is a song. And three, you'll never tell another male about this humiliating prank, so the number trick can be continued indefinitely. If however, you called for moi, then say something to amuse me after the beep." ..Just as he was about to unleash his wrath in a message, a computerized voice said, "Mailbox is full.

A woman needs a strong man to take care of her like a fish needs a bicycle.

A woman's voice answered, "Hello?" Walter cried back at her, "Hello, oh Lord, hello!" "This is a recording," recited the woman's voice. "Miss Helen Arasumian is not home. Will you leave a message on the wire spool so she may call you when she returns? Hello? This is a recording. Miss Helen Arasumian is not home. Will you leave a message -" He hung up. He sat with his mouth twitching. On second thought he redialed that number. "When Miss Helen Arasumian comes home," he said, "tell her to go to hell.

A woman with long, blonde hair stood for a moment on the other side of the door. She looked similar to his date. Was she entering or leaving the coffee house? Before Paul could confirm her identity or stand and run after her, she strode away and disappeared in the crowd.

A woman stood on the sidewalk, her arms outstretched and her face turned to the sky. Sheer enjoyment splashed across her features, its intensity tugging at his heart. It was a raw emotion he rarely witnessed.

a woman would have to be a blind lesbian nun to not be affected by him.

A woman needs a man like a tuba needs a cucumber.

A word Gorgeous is much sexier than a word Beautiful

A word, Sir Jamie. Quickly!" You may speak freely, Alwyn," Jamie sighed. "You are always making too mcuh of minor incidents." You're no' going to believe it, Sir Jamie," Alwyn gasped. "But I swear every male Fergusson alive is outside our gate.

A year ago I would’ve been taken in by his chivalry, but now I knew what laid behind the façade: a frog waiting to bite me where it hurt the most given half the chance.

Aye, Sir. Would you please pull something out of your goody-bag and use it?