Best 15707 quotes in «humor quotes» category

Burn you, Nerim, that's a leg not a bloody side of beef!" "As my lord says," Nerim murmured. "My lord's leg is not a side of beef. Thank you, my lord, for instructing me.

Bursar?" "Yes, Archchancellor?" "You ain't a member of some secret society or somethin', are you?" "Me? No, Archchancellor." "Then it'd be a damn good idea to take your underpants off your head.

Bunny plucked the lit cigarette from Dylan’s lips and slipped it between her own. “Always offer a lady a cigarette after sex. It’s polite.” “I look like Miss Manners to you?

Bureaucracy is the distracted persons worst enemy. Unfortunately, the winner is mostly bureaucracy

Building relationships is building business. Also, you sometimes need other people to kill all the motherfucking zombies.

Bunny? Yes, Nny? I'm not happy.

Burung gereja, apa agamamu?

Business analyst is the one who is adept in confusing the customer, developer and testers simultaneously

But Aiden sprang from the pool jacked on adrenaline. He screamed and pumped his fists as if he were trying to win first prize at the “Fuck Yeah Festival.

… but as even the stupidest toddler knows, covering your eyes makes you invisible.

But as of this past month, I think something terrifying is happening to me'' 'Oh?' I said, matching her pitch. 'Yeah.' She nodded solemnly at the road. 'I'm not sure yet, but I think, I think, I might be a Belieber now' I clutched at my heart. 'Good God' 'His stuff is just so on point these days, what am I supposed to do? Not listen to it? Not sing along? I'm only human, Soph. A beautiful, hilarious, intelligent human'.

But an inferior talent can only be graceful when it's carrying inferior ideas. And the more narrowly you can look at a thing the more entertaining you can be about it.

But ever since I made the decision to drop a few pounds-way less easy than it sounds, by the way-I've become obsessed with my size and in so doing I've inadvertently allowed my inner critic to have a voice. And you know what? She's a bitch. Like now when I see my underpants in the laundry, I no longer think Soft! Cotton! Sensible! Instead I hear her say Damn, girl, these panties be huge.

But before she could speak another word, he crushed his mouth against hers. It was so unexpected that she hadn't the chance to even think of pushing him away. His body pressed her firmly against the rough cave wall. His hands slid down to her waist to pull her closer to him. And just like that, with his proximity, with his kiss, he managed to fill her every sense. He was smoke from the campfire, he was leaves and moss and the night itself. There was nothing gentle in the rebel's kiss, nothing sweet or kind. It was like nothing she'd ever experience before, and so very dangerous—every bit as deadly as the kiss of an arrow. Finally, he pulled back just a little, his dark eyes glazed as if half drunk. "Princess..." He cupped her face between his hands, his breath ragged. Her lips felt bruised. "I suppose that's how Paelsians show their anger and frustration?

But Erin let it slide. The child was only four years old; she had a whole lifetime to learn about sadness. Today was for Dalmatians, ice cream and new dolls.

But family connections are weird. Even if your relatives aren't good to you, they're still your blood. You can't lose that connection completely. And believe me, I've got a few relatives on my dad's side I'd love to lose.

(...) But Gaia had absorbed the new information. "I won't need to kill billions, Diana. When Nemesis is gone, there will be no other like me. Just me alone. I will grow and spread, one body and then another, and soon there will be so many of me that it will be impossible to eradicate me. Eventually all will be me, and I will be all." "Won't that be boring?" Diana asked. "You'd be dating yourself. You'll have no one to discuss your evil plans with. (...)

But be warned, deep down, I’m just an ordinary guy who puts his fishnets on one leg at a time like everyone else.

But books were full of stories and stories were full of lies and lies hurt Jesus's feelings, so I didn't know what to think. I blamed my family. They were the ones who taught me so much about telling stories, and how not to do it, and then, in inspired moments of surprise, how to tell one so good you forgot what day it was, and I liked forgetting what day it was, so I made certain life choices that would allow me to get paid to forget what day it was and teach others to forget what day it was, which is, after all, what I think heaven probably is: the whole world, forgetting what day it is. You have to, I bet, with an endless supply of them.

Butcher, al secolo Giacinto Verbato, prima del Dominio faceva il macellaio a New Milan. Buffo il fatto che come soprannome avesse scelto l’anglicizzazione del proprio mestiere, chiunque si sarebbe sentito a disagio a chiamarsi come un fiore.

But contrary to what others may think, Prince Charming learned that sometimes what may seem like a catastrophe of chaotic proportions might just lead to finding your happily ever after.

But from the start I had withheld from him any information about the giant redwoods. It seemed to me that a Long Island poodle who had made his devoirs to Sequoia sempervirens or Sequoia gigantea might be set apart from other dogs--might even be like that Galahad who saw the Grail. The concept is staggering.

But had I accepted the pickle juice, I would be drinking pickle juice right now.

But he didn't have to listen to his father. Taking after your father was optional, wasn't it?

But here's the biggest head-scratcher of all: Not only are atheists destroying our country, they're completely deluding themselves. There's simply no way to prove that there is no God. If I didn't hate them so much, I'd feel bad for these folks. Imagine going through life completely duped into thinking that there's no invisible, omniscient higher power guiding every action on Earth. It's just so arbitrary! Can't they see?

But...he's a demon. Isn't that sort of the main category of Things to Smite?

But hippies always forget that old Gaea can be one heartless bitch. Spend a little time wandering lost in the woods as she attacks you and tries to reduce you to fertilizer.” She snorted. “You won’t be singing kumbayas very long.” She paused to make sure Janus would get the point. “In this world, Gaea’s the predator and we’re the prey.

But I can’t control my dreams. I can’t even remember them. For all I know I’m having the time of my life when I sleep, but I just can’t remember. So I’m forced to live in a life I have no control over. A life where I’m either numb to everything or terrified of every thought that crosses my mind. If this is all just a dream, then it sure is a disappointing one. But I still have time to try and control my dreams. I have time to try and make my dreams a reality in this waking life as well. The one bloody thing I have is time. I’ve got to remember that. I still have time. And despite everything, there is something reassuring about that.

But I didn't. I didn't say anything, if only because I had no idea how to respond to such an overture. If my experience with friends was sparse, what I knew about boys- other than a competitors for grades or class rank- was nonexistent

But he said to his wife, sitting next to him on the couch in the TV room, that rarely had he seen a funeral at which it seemed like almost nobody in attendance had any idea why they were there. His wife, who had heard things like this from him before, reminded him of a ceremony he had presided over only a few months ago about which he had had the same reaction. 'Oh right,' the minister said. 'Yes. That one was much worse.' He leaned down to the coffee table and picked up the remote.

But how was she supposed to ask him? Hey, can I get your number? Maybe we can get coffee? Do you want to have hot dirty sex with me? 'Cause I want to have hot dirty sex with you.

But he's mad, completely mad, and he turns his wives into golems. He needs killing, not negotiation.

But in doing so---moving forward...---he's still dealing with the past. It's always strung out behind us, innit, attached to our arses like a roll of toilet paper we trail out of the bathroom, pointing the way to the giant shite we just took. It doesn't matter if we flushed it down; Everyone still knows what we did there. So its fine to say it's all done and you have no connection with the past, that you're a new person every second, but silly in my view to pretend that person isn't made of the old one.

But in those first hours after you take it, your brain is tuned in like nothing you can imagine. Eyes like the Hubble telescope, sensing light that's not even on the spectrum. You might be able to read minds, make time stop, cook pasta that's exactly right every time.

But in church we turn our back on fictions.

But in this case,” he continues, tracing the line of the plasterwork with one finger, “I feel that there is one cliché that sums up my position so admirably that it would be pure egotism to attempt a more interesting periphrasis. Plain speaking, therefore, there is to be. “There is undoubtedly a strong possibility, notwithstanding the vagaries of contingency and misfortune, that my son might have fallen—or might, we could say, have voluntarily jumped, in accordance with the ethical codes with which he has been brought up—for a play you have made with some success, although, as I am persuaded you would concede, very little originality.” Plain speaking if you’re Henry James, perhaps.

But I love YOU, Edweird. Sure, I'll probably hook up with Yakob in Eclipse. After all, you're going to leave me for roughly three hundred pages. But that's neither here nor there. You and I were meant to be together. I mean you, me and sometimes Yakob...and sometimes just Yakob and me, but mostly you and me. That's just the way I always dreamed it should be, you want to marry me. We'll marry." "Hmmm," said Edweird thoughtfully after a long pause. "You know, I'm actually getting kind of tired of Yakob, if you want to know the truth. I mean, seriously, going steady with the same guy for half a century can make a stale relationship. Maybe it's time we see other people. You really set me straight on this, Stella. I want to thank you for makin me see this whole vampire-werewolf relationship thing more clearly." Edweird then turned to Yakob, who had remained silent throughout. "It's over between us, toots.

But if some of the pieces make you laugh, I will be happy, and if they persuade even one person to try reading Plato who otherwise wouldn't have done so then I will know I have not wasted my time.

But if there was hope, it lay in the proles. You had to cling on to that. When you put it in words it sounded reasonable: it was when you looked at the human beings passing you on the pavement that it became an act of faith.

But immobilizing darts don't bring on sleep gently, like a good cup of tea; they knock out like a bottle of hard liquor straight up.

But, I still can't totally forgive Dave for blowing my world apart. DO YOU HEAR THAT, DAVE?!

But, I tell myself, Weight is just an artifact of gravity. If this were a jazz club on the moon, I would weigh less.

But it is infamous that they have not told you!’ declared Eustacie. ‘Je n’en reviendrai jamais!’ ‘If it’s all the same to you, miss, I’d just as soon you’d talk in a Christian language,’ said Mr. Stubbs.

But it's a child! You're a man!" "Your powers of observation are formidable," said Charles. "You are a credit to your optician.

But I've since realized that I'm fine with my anxious-ass, can't-touch-my-toes life. In my soul, I am not chill, and I do not want to be calm, and no part of me aspires to Zen. Sure, through yoga I learned to take time for myself, and I learned how to deep-breathe through pain, but the most valuable thing yoga taught me was that I'm not built to be a yogi -- and that's the only mantra I need. For anyone who wants to be a yogi but hears the internal cries of "Oh my God, I hate this so much" from start to finish? Fuck it. Oh man, fuck it all the way back to wherever you bought your mat from. There are other outlets for your energy, other ways to carve out some peace. Nobody here needs to force themselves into downward dog when they'd rather be walking super-fast around the mall.

But it's the science of the stars!" "She thinks it's Satanic. You gave her daughter a pentagram." "It's a natal chart, duh. You can't let ignorance trump science here, Miss Mary!

But it isn't hunger that drives millions of armed American Males to forests and hills every autumn, as the high incidence of heart failure among the hunters will prove. Somehow the hunting process has to do with masculinity, but I don't quite know how.

But just to make sure, I went down to the library, switched on the computer and typed ‘vampire vs. werewolf fight winner’ into the Google search browser. The machine whirred for zero point twenty-three seconds before it came up with some four million results. Obviously, I wasn’t the only nutter interested in this stuff. I clicked on the first link and groaned. Over sixty per cent thought a werewolf would kick a vamp’s ass any time. Dammit!

Butler: Do you think I look deaf? William: Whadda I know. You look like you could be anything.

But it is cute. It's such a boy thing to do. Drop dead. Aw, you say the most romantic things.