Best 15707 quotes in «humor quotes» category

Tequila--a sure cure for monogamy.

Terrible accident; body parts was everywhere—-fingers, toes, wings, beaks. Ambulance people tried to scoop him all up, but apparently it ain’t so easy as you might think—telling a chicken from a Chinaman, I mean. Anyways, they got his weight off his driver’s license, picked up a hundred and thirty pounds of pieces and buried ‘em. Now his wife come every year 'bout this time to pay her respects. We don't serve chicken while she's here. Hope you ain't got a taste for it.

Tertawalah saat orang terjatuh. Tertawalah saat diri sendiri terjatuh. Bagaimnapun semua orang memang lucu.

Thanks for not talking with your fists,” I said. I have a little sister, and I’m not sure I’d be as understanding with any of her boyfriends. “I’ve seen you fight,” he said, turning. “It would’ve been a terribly short conversation.

Thanks," I mumbled as we crossed the square, heading toward our boardinghouse. "For what?" I rolled my eyes. "For defending my honor, you dullard." He yanked me beneath a shadowed awning. I had a moment's panic when I thought he'd spotted trouble, but then his arms were around me and his lips were on mine. When he finally drew back, my cheeks were warm and my legs had gone wobbly. "Just to be clear," he said, "I'm not really interested in defending your honor." "Understood," I managed, hoping I didn't sound too ridiculously breathless.

Thanks so much," Daisy said as graciously as she could to the gift of edible underwear from her fiancé's grandmother. She was pretty sure this wasn't covered in any of the bridal etiquette guides.

Thank goodness it only lasted a minute or so. The inhalant, that is. The sex was rather longer

Thanks, Dad, for leaving a huge void in my life that Freud says has to be filled with dick.

Thanks to a lifetime of brainwashing by Disney and Lifetime and Hallmark, she naively believes glimpsing God during an epic fuck somehow translates into some kind of happily ever after with her Prince Charming.

Thanks to bad graphic design, some readers love only the electronic version of some books.

Thanks to Dashiell Hammett. "He was thin, walked with a stick, and was the only private dick I knew who used the pockets of his sport coat. Maybe that means something, maybe not." Ramone Ramone, 2013

Thank God #EVEN# #THOUGH# in bad times not only in your good; this is a graduated form of gratitude.

Thanks to photography, some memories overstay their welcome.

Thank you," Catherine said, the smile still hovering on her lips. "That is very kind of you, my lord. But I will never dance with you." Which, of course, made it the goal of Leo's life.

Thank you, Deke. You are very good to me.” “I know,” he smirks. “Can I get back in your bed now?

Thanks to Casey Ashcraft Honebrink! The book includes my winning "IN HIDING" as a short story along with 23 other winning entries from talented members of WRITERS ASSEMBLED. The anthology, THE BEST OF WRITERS ASSEMBLED 2017: BEHIND CLOSED DOORS is a mixed-genre collection. It really has a little something for everyone : action, suspense, humor, romance, fantasy, supernatural, science fiction, drama, poetry, and personal stories. You can find it on Amazon, get your copy today! Thanks for recognizing and supporting our group!

Thank you. For being willing to talk. For not turning me in. For... being you.' 'I'm pretty good at being me,' I said. 'I've had all these years to practice--I hardly ever get it wrong these days.

Thank God (my wife) and I were both born poor so the concept of fidelity was allowed to take root in us.

Thanks anyway,' Vanderdecker repeated, and wandered off to have a stare at the sea. It was his equivalent to beating his head repeatedly against a wall.

Thanks liver... you are a champ!

Thank you, Dean Ashdown,” Ragnor said. “The removal of the mounted warlock’s head from my bedroom will be sufficient.

Thank you, Father," Sir Lancelot replied gratefully. "But ... er ... Father?" "Yes, Lancelot?" "You didn't say anything about my armor. Is it not shiny enough?

Thank you for that, boy genius! Where did you graduate from? Hogwarts School for the Mentally Unbalanced?

That aunt of mine; boy, she used to wear make-up all week long so terrible thick that - well, she started about Wednesday layering it on, and she never washed, and every day she slapped down a new layer. Until Sunday. Then on Sunday she kind of peeled it off to go to church. *** Boy, she was a case; I used to hope she'd skip a Sunday - sleep through to Monday or something - because I knew two weeks' worth of make-up and she'd set up like a statue.

That bitch fate had a nasty sense of humor.

That craptastical, gutless, son-of-a-cactus-humping butt monkey!!

Thank you so much for the rude know-it-all attitude while also having to look at your ridiculously colored hair and obnoxious facial and chest piercings. I am very fortunate to have just been schooled by someone who looks like they graduated from Care Bear Carnage University.

Thank you. There were three of us kids, all right together. I’m the oldest, she was the knee-baby, and my brother Henry came last. Funny, I miss her all the time, but I miss her most when I’m reading Austen. We’d been fans since we were in the seventh and eighth grade, two Creole girls gigglin’ about marriage proposals gone bad. Our daddy teased us about reading each other passages during a Fourth of July crawfish boil, so he named the biggest one Mr. Darcy and threw him in the pot.” She looked up, a smile fighting the tears in her eyes. “We refused to eat him.

That guy over there in the corner is totally looking the other way,” Jace observed, pointing at the TV screen. “A spinning wheel kick would put him out of commission.” “I can’t kick people in this game. I can only shoot them. See?” Kyle mashed some buttons. “That’s stupid.” Jace looked over and seemed to see Simon for the first time. “Back from your breakfast meeting, I see,” he said without much welcome in his tone. “I bet you thought you were very clever, sneaking off like that.

Thank you leaf blowers, for making me look like the world's lamest Ghostbuster. I ain't afraid of no leaves.

That civet-jasmine blend you're wearing tonight absolutely clashes with the third-level formal style of your dress, you know.

That demon will trick you faster than a politician with a liquor license.

That friend of hers has got to go, though. You're lucky you got stuck with that Dexter guy instead of her.' 'Yeah, but that Dexter couldn't shut his piehole either,' Marlon says. 'I mean, Christ. Artists and writers—let them kill each other off in cage matches; let God sort 'em out.

That girl was trouble. And she was. I know she was. I know that better than anyone.

Thank you sir," she said. "I hope that your friend feels better soon." I shrugged. "The ways of the Lord" I said, "are often dark, but never pleasant.

That awkward moment when you realize someone was actually home the whole time you were singing on the tops of your lungs.

That easy, confident grin returned. “Don’t worry, it’s easily forgotten.” “Well,” I said huffily, “it shouldn’t be that easily forgotten.” “Would you like it better if I say I’ll eventually forget it but not without a great deal of struggle and torment?” “Yes.” “Done.

That caravan looks as if it’s all Vorin. Also, you look a little spindly for a Horneater.” “Did you just insult the princess’s weight?” Tyn asked, aghast. Storms! She was good. She actually managed to produce angerspren with the remark. Well, nothing to do but soldier on. “I am offend!” Shallan yelled. “You have offended Her Highness again!” “Very offend!” “You’d better apologize.” “No apologize!” Shallan declared. “Boots!

That could be a very sexy story.

That creature's staying?' It figured. Her daughter-in-law transforming into an animal? No problem. Having to take care of a cat? Crisis. (Sydney Sage-Ivashkov)

That dung flop?” Nakita said, her dislike almost visibly dripping into nasty puddles at Amy’s designer flats. “Yes, I guess. That doesn’t mean I have to like him.” “I know what you mean.” Amy faked a heartfelt sigh. “I have a brother too.” The girls behind her giggled when she pushed past me to Barnabas. “I’m Amy,” she said, smiling as she extended her hand.” “Barnabas,” the reaper said as he darted past me to give Nakita a sideways hug to avoid having to shake Amy’s hand. “This is Nakita. She’s my favorite sister. We’re from Norway.

That Grace looked annoyed at me. "I didn't say you would go to jail, Junie B.," she said. "I just wish you would say the word correctly, that's all.

That guy with the silver hair, he’s your dad, right?” Amber questioned, surveying the scene. “Yes,” I said, reluctant to say anything but, considering what was happening, figured was the least of my worries. “Ooo la la. He’s, like, totally diesel. Look at those arms.” She went on, admiring my dad to a sickening degree. “All right, jailbait, back off. It’s practically incest.” She sucked air through her teeth. “I know,” she said regretfully. “But a girl can dream. And I have a feeling he’s going to be starring in a lot of them.

That is not what I was saying, you crazy twit!" Kylie faced her with a growl, causing Kat to reach over and smack her on the upper arm...hard, "Cut its out! You don not get to play the I'm-so-dark-and- twisty-I-deserve-to-be-punished card.

That Jim Crow there in the window," answered the urchin, holding out a cent, and pointing to the gingerbread figure that had attracted his notice, as he loitered along to school; "the one that has not a broken foot.

That last bit of hope always lingered as a stubborn thread. Every time I would try to cut it I would feel it... a pulse. My pulse. My blood is hope.

That man has some seriously oversized ovaries. Can you say PMS? He braked at anyone and everyone before shoving his way outside.

That night a loud thump woke Jessica with all the chill of a plunge into icy waters. She snapped up from her soft pillow, drawing her knees to her chin for protection, only to realize with a shiver that she needed still more, and so she snatched the covers to her neck – just in case someone was there, lurking in the shadows, gazing upon her in the darkness. Of course, that ripped the sheets off John, but he didn’t notice so it didn’t matter.

That lot upstairs couldn't organize a booze-up in a brewery, let alone come up with a plan to save the Nine Worlds.

That man has some seriously oversized ovaries. Can you say PMS? He barked at anyone and everyone before shoving his way outside.