Best 15707 quotes in «humor quotes» category

To be creative is to look Madness in the eye and challenge it to a spitting contest.

To begin perfect happiness at the respective ages of twenty-six and eighteen, is to do pretty well; and professing myself moreover convinced, that the General's unjust interference, so far from being really injurious to their felicity, was perhaps rather conducive to it, by improving their knowledge of each other, and adding strength to their attachment, I leave it to be settled by whomsoever it may concern, whether the tendency of this work be altogether to recommend parental tyranny, or reward filial disobedience.

To begin with, the room was not large enough for two. It looked out on a small courtyard. 'Looked out' means only that the room had two windows, against which the courtyard malevolently pressed, encroaching day by day, as though it had confused itself with a jungle.

To be honest, I thought of you as an amateur - a spoiled, entitled, runaway princeling bent on revenge who would get caught and then complicate my elegant scheme. I figured the less you knew, the better." "I hate it when you sugarcoat things," Ash said.

To Ben's eye, there were no apparent signs of wealth, though he wasn't sure what he'd expected. Fountains?

To be reborned many times over, you must unleash the power of inertia. But must you go out every time and reach for your highest potential?

To be really mediæval one should have no body. To be really modern one should have no soul. To be really Greek one should have no clothes.

To call the place an anthill would be like calling the Versailles Palace a single-family home. Earthen ramparts rose almost to the tops of the surrounding trees--a hundred feet at least. The circumference could have accommodated a Roman hippodrome. A steady stream of soldiers and drones swarmed in and out of the mound. Some carried fallen trees. One, inexplicably, was dragging a 1967 Chevy Impala.

To be stabbed by a woman you didn't even sleep with for several years first," Ryland said. "Shameful. Had you an ounce of male pride you'd hang yourself with your own penis.

To better understand our love, I revisited chemical kinetics.

To call an artist morbid because he deals with morbidity as his subject-matter is as silly as if one called Shakespeare mad because he wrote ‘King Lear.

To be weak.' 'Excuse me?' 'That is his deepest fear. To be, in essence, without power.

To claim that one can never live a positive life with a negative mind is a very negative claim to make!

To conquer fear, you must become fear - you must bask in the fear of the BOOK... and men fear most what they cannot see- The Power of the Book is spiritual.

Today, as a retired university president, I can safely look back upon that story [The Emperor's New Clothes] and admit, in all candor, that it has caused me all kinds of trouble.

Today, death is your opponent.

To comedians and humorists, God is laugh.

Today,' Elodin said brightly, 'we will talk about things that cannot be talked about. Specifically, we will discuss why some things cannot be discussed.

Today I am amused, and I haven't seen anyone yet.

Today is the first day of the rest of your life! xoxo" I had no idea what I'd said to inspire Reva to leave me such a patronizing note of encouragement. Maybe I'd made a pact with her in my blackout: "Let's be happy! Let's live every day like it's our last!" Barf. I got up and snatched the note off the fridge and crumpled it in my fist. That made me feel a little better.

Today I’m a “sociopath”, A.K.A. feeling very antisocial and ignorant of human emotion. Code for: I’m writing… leave me alone

Today someone asked me if that old stereotype about hot-headed Italians is true. I answered this way: About 2,000 years ago, there was a guy running around hollering about peace & love ... and we nailed his ass to a cross! (Hope that answers your fuckin' question!)

Today was “ananthropomorphic day”: once a month, the gods got to take a holiday from humdrum humanoid shapes and look any way they wanted. Since most gods are versatile shape-shifters and/or have god-awful taste in clothing, this meant that temporary blindness or at least a good headache was lurking around every corner. It was meant to boost morale. It usually sank his.

Toddlers are like tiny Banksys who want their work to be seen on the biggest canvas possible, and in your home that canvas is your walls.

[Today's high schoolers are required to read] a couple of Shakespeare plays...the couple of Shakespeare plays function as an inoculation – that is, you get exposed to 'half-dead Shakespeare virus', and it keeps you from ever loving Shakespeare again, your whole life long. It would be much better if they didn't do that at all! Because [the students] have no linguistic preparation for it, and no cultural or historical preparation for it. They've not been reading English poetry, so the language strikes them as completely bizarre […] and they have no historical place to put it, so they don't know what's going on. All they know is that they're 'supposed to like it'.

Toddlers don't like to eat from their own plates. It's far too predictable. They much prefer raining on your own food parade by picking at your meal. When toddlers do this, it's their way of saying, "Motherfucker, I own you." If you've never tried to enjoy food while having a dirty, chubby toddler hand that has probably recently been up her butt reach onto your plate and pull off your last slice of bacon, you're living the dream.

Toddlers, on the other hand, are able to wreak havoc vertically and with velociraptor-like speed.

Today's problems are yesterday's mistakes coming back to bite you in the ass.

Today the same thing over. I've got it up the tree again.

Today was the introduction, and introductions were important. The girl had to meet the boy in an equal setting – if they met any other way there’d always be a question about whether it was True Love or a more financially motivated desire that awakened the passions.

To each his own, I supposed, and I had more important things, like my impending death, to worry about.

To err is human, to purr is feline.

Todo el mundo sabe que una bola de nieve en la cara es el comienzo perfecto de una amistad duradera.

To err is human, to accept full responsibility is to just run with it

To die famous is the goal of the immortal. To die young is the goal of the healthy. To die memorably is the goal of the survivor.

Toes are rare in blubber-room veterans".

To evade arrogance, remind yourself (from time to time) that your talent or success could have been better. To be thankful, remind yourself (every now and then) that your illness or failure could have been worse.

To err is human; to really screw up, you need a computer

To evade insanity and depression, we unconsciously limit the number of people toward whom we are sincerely sympathetic.

To fit the individual to live and to function in the institutional life of his day.

To function efficiently, any group of people or employees must have faith in their leader."- Capt. Bligh(ret.)

To get a genuine apology from somebody, you're going to have to keep beating them until their regret is genuine too.

...to go to a dance with a guy who has all the personality of a serial killer mixed with a sponge.

To increase the chances of a writer trying to kill themselves, cut off their hands.

Tohru: "Call a doctor, or a vet, or something! Mr. Postman! It's terrible! You see?! They're animals!" Mailman: "Well, uh, yes, they certainly are. Here's your mail." Tohru: "No, no, we've got to do something!" (Shigure in dog form grabs the letter.) Mailman: "I wish my dog was as smart. Good day!

Toilet paper unrolled and slithered then wrapped around my tummy. That paper tried to roll me up into an Egyptian mummy.

to judge professional be professional

To keep your marriage brimming, with love in the wedding cup, whenever you're wrong, admit it; whenever you're right, shut up.

To Kalist, Baumauer’s just a timber bridge in need of a good hot fire.

To make a current example, the world can find human interest in the death and the love affairs and the pallid addiction to cocaine of Mr. Sherlock Holmes.