Best 15707 quotes in «humor quotes» category

Woodrow Wilson has just made the decision to take part in World War I. What was he feeling then? Did he know the possible outcomes of his decision? Did he feel the burden of American lives on his shoulders? He probably said something like: "Goddamn. I love America but this could be the worst decision in American history." Don't worry yourself Woody, it wasn't.

Word of advice, sister mine. If you want to keep your papers private, don't write 'Private' on the cover. It set the mater right off. It was all I could do to stop her sniffing around like some great sniffing thing.

Word of the day- kakistocracy. From the Greek meaning government by the worst persons, least qualified or most unprincipled.

Words are a weapon, and rotten kids like Tyler Jones get a free pass when it comes to using them because the marks they leave are invisible. Why don't more adults realize that?

Wooing you? I haven't 'wooed' a chick since before my first record deal.

Word of advice - never ask a terrorist the question 'What would you do for a Klondike bar?'.

working to my potential.' It's like every teacher I have has some sort of manual to use when talking to me. She finished with, 'You have so much going for you,' which was the dumbest thing anyone, even Laurie, has ever said to me.

Working lunch is the art of gorging in five star delicacies all the while spitting out fancy business jargons

World domination is just my side gig.

Worn over the man’s head like a deranged bank robber is a pair of pink cotton panties.

Work with Evangeline Black? I'd rather be slit open from navel to nose." -CORBIN BLUE "Good thing I always carry a knife." -EVIE BLACK

Worrying about clothes, though, is easy to understand. When it comes to clothes, people are very competitive, especially if they're movie stars. I think every smart woman devises a look for herself. Margaret Sullivan had a look: romantic, young, pretty, smart. Katharine Hepburn made a look for herself as this wonderful old salty character. Marilyn Monroe had a look; it was like, "Fuck me with sadness"...

world is hell!make it heaven if you have pure strength.

Would any of you like to share your career aspirations within the class? Jim? I dunno, to be honest, I was just hoping to be able to keep the demons away...

Would Crazy Horse have spent this much to remodel a kitchen?

Worry wasn’t an emotion to which he was particularly accustomed—and it worried him.

Worte des Autors: Luke würde schreiben: Worte des Diebes. Nun... Recht hat er. Ich bin nicht der Autor, nur der Veröffentlicher.

Would somebody please tell him whose idea it had been to kill the entire state of Colorado?

Wos wehtut, tuts am wehsten.

Worry is the interest you pay on a debt you may not owe.

Would you buy potato chips that listed potato by-product or potato digest as an ingredient

Would you have references?" "I'm awfully sorry but I haven't. I just arrived in New York, and don't know a soul. Except you." I smiled but she didn't smile back. She stood hesitating, and I said, "It's true that I'm an escaped convict, an active counterfeiter, and occasional murderer. And I howl during the full of the moon. But I'm neat.

Woven words are little conviction when I present myself as a man of fiction.

Wow.Aren’t you a little sneak.” - Siobhan Wrestles

Wow." Josh stopped and ran a hand over his shaved head. "I mean, yeah, there's no beating that. That's the Usain Bolt of embarrassing texts. That's made me feel a lot better, actually." "Oh, good. Great. Glad my shit-show of a life could be of service.

Wow Kelsey!" Kishan whistled. "I'm going to have to beat the other guys of with a stick!

Writers are the most pathetic souls when it comes to expressing their personal feelings. Their personalities are as complex as the characters they have weaved. And in a curious way, without them really knowing it, writers are the sum total of the characters they created in their heads or in their writings. Yes, My Dear Tania; writers are capable of reflecting their characters, even though most of them are determined to be just like your ordinary guy next door.

Would you like me to magically strip you and put you in gear?” Mr. Fell asked. “In front of everybody?” “That would be a thrill for everybody, I’m sure,” said Matthew. Ragnor Fell wiggled his fingers, and green sparks spat from his fingertips. James was pleased to see Matthew actually take a step back. “Might be too thrilling for a Wednesday,” Matthew said. “I’ll go put on my gear then, shall I?” “Do,” said Ragnor.

Would you like to be taught Latin?' I said briskly. 'I will teach it to you with pleasure as I learn it.' 'Oh, thank you, Master Copperfield,' he answered, shaking his head. 'I am sure it's very kind of you to make the offer, but I am much too umble to accept it.' 'What nonsense, Uriah!' 'Oh, indeed you must excuse me, Master Copperfield! I am greatly obliged, and I should like it of all things, I assure you; but I am far too umble. There are people enough to tread upon me in my lowly state without my doing outrage to their feelings by possessing learning. Learning ain't for me. A person like myself had better not aspire. If he is to get on in life, he must get on umbly, Master Copperfield.

Wow, she doesn't have any bones. Like, at all. Where the f*ck are her bones? Am I still drunk? Did I sleep with a blow-up doll? Again? I pealed my eyes open one at a time so the rays of sun shining in the room wouldn't make me go blind. Once my eyes adjusted to the light, I looked down and groaned. Nope, not drunk, just hugging a pillow.

Wow wow wow is all I can say! Remember how I always buy lunchtime Scratch-Off ticket? Have I said? Maybe did not say? Well, every Friday, to reward self for good week, I stop at store near home, treat self to Butterfinger, plus Scratch-Off ticket. Sometimes, if hard week, two Butterfingers. Sometimes, if very hard week, three Butterfingers. But, if three Butterfingers, no Scratch-Off. But Friday won ten grand!! On Scratch-Off! Dropped both Butterfingers, stood there holding dime used to scratch, mouth hanging open. Kind of reeled into magazine rack. Guy at register took ticket, read ticket, said, Winner! Guy righted magazine rack, shook my hand. Raced home on foot, forgetting car. Raced back for car. Halfway back, thought, What the heck, raced home on foot. Pam raced out, said, Where is car? Showed her Scratch-Off ticket. She stood stunned in yard. Are we rich now? Thomas said, racing out, dragging Ferber by collar. Not rich, Pam said. Richer, I said. Richer, Pam said. Damn. All began dancing around yard, Ferber looking witless at sudden dancing, then doing dance of own, by chasing own tail.

Would you like a glass or are you still being obnoxious?

Wow!” Dutch exclaimed as he took a gander at me. “You are a beautiful woman, Abby.” “And you have excellent taste!” I deadpanned. I’d waited for years to say that line.

Wow. This place looks classy. The smell of fertilizer and rot is really in this season. Remind me, what are we doing here?” she asked looking at him with a coy smile. “Did we come for bait?

Wraith snorted. "Cowards. Seriously. Who brings a gun to a knife fight? That's cheating." "You don't have a gun?" Kynan asked. Wraith made a face of digust. "It's not very sporting to shoot people." "So you're saying that you didn't shoot the people who shot you?" "Hell, yeah, I shot them.

Woven words are little conviction when I present myself as a man of fiction. And you a woman of lies and deceit, stumbling forward on two left feet. You are an exquisite figurine of an incomprehensible place, While I, a soldier of my cause, my race. A single sip of you would satiate thirst, hunger and empty. Yet, you stand unmoved, comfortable knowing you could stave desires plenty. To my heart, you are known as 'shatter.' Between saint and sin, you are the latter. End, not even my finest words will matter. The still, the silence, even then, you are famine to my soul. My chest lacks certain weight now; I simply wish to be whole. Now, I stand before you broken, humbled and so bare, Only to see your infinite eyes brimming with no care. Your heart is a cauldron that burns darkest fuel. And I a remnant of smog, the overly-bitter fool. The man of fiction stumbles forward on two left feet, The woman of lies weaves words of conviction and deceit.

Wow, someone woke up on the wrong side of the Midol.

Writers and speakers whose words are usually not informative, funny, or thought-provoking are a waste of the ability to write or speak.

Wow

Write like you got Chuck Norris after ya'!

Writers are the most pathetic souls when it comes to expressing their own feelings. Their personalities are as complex as the characters they weave.

Writers are the most tormented of all the different categories of artists that are out there in the world.

Writer's block' is just a fancy way of saying 'I don't feel like doing any work today.

Writers don't get mad they get even in their novels.

Write with your heart, not your head. Brains tend to ooze out of your ears and nose when things get intense. Then you're a mess.

Writing is a lifelong commitment that taxes every scribble, and only reimburses at the grave. A.W. Ryleigh Every daydream, every moment, every thought in preoccupation....write it. A.W. Ryleigh

Writers understand the world better, but they lack the strength to change it. Perhaps that is so because they understand their limitations more than others.

Writing in a new style never hurt anybody. Upside: if it does, you can write about it!

Writes very good books; about very bad things.

Writing a book with completely fictitious characters is like running a democracy, centered around a capital state. You constantly live with the fear & suspicion that one of the characters will start an uncontrollable rebellion.