Best 15707 quotes in «humor quotes» category

It’s been my experience that people always assume that generalized anxiety disorder is preferable to social anxiety disorder, because it sounds more vague and unthreatening, but those people are totally wrong. For me, having generalized anxiety disorder is basically like having all of the other anxiety disorders smooshed into one. Even the ones that aren’t recognized by modern science. Things like birds-will-probably-smother-me-in-my-sleep anxiety disorder and I-keep-crackers-in-my-pocket-in-case-I-get-trapped-in-an-elevator anxiety disorder. Basically I’m just generally anxious about f***ing everything. In fact, I suspect that’s how they came up with the name.

It's called the FATLOSE trail. FATLOSE stands for 'Fecal Administration To LOSE weight,' an example of PLEASE— Pretty Lame Excuse for an Acronym, Scientists and Experimenters.

It's cloaked in cultural mumbo jumbo, but I assure you that it is very hard science.

It’s complicated. He’s not…' Human? 'He’s playing hard to get.

It’s cognitive dissonance.” I open my eyes and look at him. His expression is nonchalant. He shrugs again, equally nonchalant. “I have no idea what that means.” “It’s what happens when your mind is struggling to hold two contradictory beliefs at the same time. On the one hand, you still kinda want to kill me for, well, you know. And on the other, you’re totally blown away by how manly, wonderful, and devastatingly sexy I am. And by my mad cooking skills. How’s the pasta, by the way?

It's [Canada] going to be a great country when they finish unpacking it.

It's common knowledge that shiny rocks are preferred among human females.

It's Coraline, not Caroline. Coraline.' said Coraline.

It’s easy enough to get along with a loved and loving child—at least till you try to get him to do something.

It’s complicated,” I said in defense, hands going up to show surrender. “Talk slowly,” Jenna retorted derisively. “Okay, I deserved that,” I admitted.

It's curling ribbon, but you don't have to curl it. You don't have to do everything the ribbon tells you to do. Don't live your life like that.

It's early on a beautiful winter morning. The house is quiet. The sun is shining. I'm thankful. I'm happy. My cup runneth over. Now there's coffee everywhere.

It's difficult to see the glass ceiling because it's made of glass. Virtually invisible. What we need is for more birds to fly above it and shit all over it, so we can see it properly.

It seemed Lady Luck hated me worse than usual.

It seems only fair," Matthew continued. "A bit of karma, if you will." He twirled the stake again. "Shall we see how long you scream?" "Are you ever going to shut up?" I snapped, fear and irritation filling me in equal measures. "This isn't your monologue, Hamlet. It's the battle scene, in case you've forgotten." His eyes narrowed so fast they nearly sparked. They were the color of honey on fire. One of the others growled like an animal, low in his throat. It made all the hairs on my arms stand straight up. I was going to die for making fun of Shakespeare. My English Lit professor would be so proud.

It seems as if every month brings another study showing that breast milk is what Ponce de León should have been searching for.

It seems kind of light for a dozen books. I think it's probably that unnatural number of Jason Statham DVDs you ordered." He has to have filmed a nude scene at some point in his career. I don't care how many shoot-'em-up action movies I have to watch, I will find it," I said solemnly. "Oh, yes, I will find it.

It seemed to Whish that any potential crack was worth trying to open,” wrote the scientists. “Even a person’s face was not sacrosanct. He would fly to the face and clutch hole on the nose arch. He would then hang upside down and peer into the nostrils.

It seems like James really doesn’t like you, Siobhan.” “Nah. He’s just mad at me because I didn't call him back after we slept together.” - Kayla Dorland and Siobhan Wrestles

It seems that being a woman is very expensive and time-consuming. My innocence about this is incongruous, given my age, but total. I come from grunge, and then Britpop--scenes where you boast about how little you spend on an outfit ("Three quid! From a jumble sale!" "Ooooh, pricey--I found this jacket in a Dumpster. On a dead man. Under a fox carcass"), and taking pride in "getting ready to go out" consists of little more than washing your face, putting on your Doc Martens/snaeakers, and applying black Barry M nail polish, £1, on the bus into town.

It seems that the young woman made some indelicate suggestion of a threesome...When I got there, Miss Nash was standing by the hot tub in a small bikini, pointing the business end of a SIG-Sauer P-226 at her fella and concerned members of the hotel staff, while dunking the scantily clad female's head under the water and asking, "Who's diving for clams now, bitch?

It seems that Good Time Charley always keeps a stock of rock candy and rye whisky on hand for touches of the grippe, and he gives me a few doses immediately, and in fact Charley takes a few doses with me, as he says there is no telling but what I am scattering germs of my touch of the grippe all around the joint, and he must safe-guard his health.

It seems Washinoo didn't mind being kidnapped by lunatics. He remained with Yoshitsune until the very end.

It seems we would rather have a past filled with great scientists than just great artists and writers who could dream up these wonderful and awe-inspiring creations. It's a strange irony: we're spending our time trying to find the truth in our past, but creating myths of ourselves in the present.

It's from Scandinavia!" This, we learned, was the name of a region, a cold and forsaken place where people stayed indoors and plotted the death of knobs.

It’s going to be okay, Eric," Urte said, helping me sit up. I shook my head. "Lying is my forte, Urte, not yours.” (Eric.)

It's fucking Donald Trump-level wankerdom.

It's funny when people say something is "unreal" about something that is, in reality, real. I'm so guilty of it, it's real!

It's fun telling you tall Texas tales. You always look like a little girl who's hearing Cinderella for the first time.

it's going great. Two months in, and I've created three apps." "Apps?" "For people who buy my book as an e-book --which will be everybody. The first is called Don't Look. It's for the overly sensitive. It blurs and turns the type red when a dog dies or a baby is born with a birth defect. Stuff like that. My second is It's Not Okay When You Say It, and it delivers an electrical zap if the reader laughs at a racial slur. My third is Jesus Thesaurus, which replaces explicit sexual language with church words. So, when one of my characters 'saints' a guy's 'disciple', He'll beg her to 'cavalry' his 'Baptists' and 'shout amen'.

It's funny, this - so many words to describe the same thing,” she smiled...“Penis is simply an anatomical appendage, as exciting as a finger or a phalange. A willy is something small and flaccid, and at least slightly humorous. Prick is the organ as viewed with distaste, perhaps with so much as to describe the entire body it’s attached to, like a dick, but more so. Phallus is a symbol of fertility, but my favourite...is the cock, which is only ever the hard, real thing, unleashed and ready to dive head-first into any waiting orifice. Or hole, while I’m in thesaurus mode.

It's fresh to you because you're too young to know anything but the way things are now.

It's funny because it's true, and also it's the kind of humor that makes you think.

It's hard to imagine talking to Lucy. But I can imagine sleeping with her. I have been imagining it quite regularly. I can't stop imagining it. Maybe it's time for my first Lucy Branch, my first truly physical relationship. And why do I assume it would be a bad thing? Maybe it's better with someone different from you. I could teach her how fluorocarbons affect the ozone. She could teach me about oral sex. We would both become better people.

It's hot out there." I prowl toward her, pulling off my shirt. I maybe flex my abs a little- anything for my girl.

It shows damn near everything. I's been hiding my breasts for so long, I half forgot I had 'em.

It simply isn’t a woman’s nature to be silent for prolonged periods of time.

It's hard to sleep when you have thirty two million quids worth of stolen jewellery hidden under the mattress.

It's hard to win a war with a front at your back.

It’s highly refined stuff—holding to one’s purpose and focus, but also intuiting the value of being a piece in a larger design and evolution. The balance between these two rhythms is where and when true harmony is achieved and magic happens. Often, just the release of the obsession for personal preferences and to personally gain opens the door.

It's impossible to get worse at something you do every day.

It’s impossible to plan things past a certain point, and even before that point your plans aren’t guaranteed. But if you can keep steady, drive down that road and get over those humps that are inevitably going to pop up, chances are there’ll be a nice stretch of paved concrete in between and you can enjoy the scenery...Or there might not be, who knows. The whole goddamn road could look like the surface of the moon and send you flying into a fucking tree. Doesn’t really matter, because the point is you have to keep driving anyways. Just keep driving and eventually you’ll reach a point where the scenery will be so beautiful, it’ll take your mind off how long you’ve been on that road. Which is really all you can ask for.

It's in a can. It's good forever.

It's important to take life very seriously. That is why we must laugh at every opportunity.

It's impossible to walk through solid rock... You have to walk between the molecules that make up the rock.

It's kind of interesting you're driving a car big enough for a wolfhound and a mastiff to get in the back of today," I said. "And a greyhound, a dark brown bear, and a brindle utility vehicle," said Jill. "Greyhounds don't take up much room," I said. "They're like dog silhouettes.

It's like a fairy tale. . . on crack!

It's just like in a Brazilian serial! Destiny has brought us together.

It’s late and most of the clerks are at home in their beds, dreaming of swimming in pools filled with real money.

It's like a jolt of electric, but worse.