Best 15707 quotes in «humor quotes» category

Shit," she muttered. She'd heard the word from her guard many times, but only now did she understand the real use of profanity. That one word said exactly what she was feeling, said it better than a hundred other words could have done.

Shock? More like shellshock at this point. Blondie knew I was gay, yet he was a Company Exec or else he wouldn’t be here. I was his butt boy in the worst possible way. When I squinted at him, he gave nothing up. Neither did I. I had shit on this newly minted man too. Double fucking jeopardy, jackass.

Shoot faceless, white blobs. Roger that Menace, Gamma Kitten One over and out.

Shouting didn't help. Kathy keyed her landing skids down and strangled the thruster grips onto full. A flagman on the ground dove sideways. The fighter whizzed past the man's prostrate body, her skids unfolding only feet above his head. She nearly beheaded three others as she scrambled to decrease power to her belly thrusters and fight spinning into a sideways slide. Suddenly a group of people came into view at the edge of the tarmac. “Oh shit!” She killed her belly thrusters completely. The skids hit the cement like a Boeing 747 with no tires. She slammed back into the seat. Metal screeched against cement. Everything shook like a jackhammer. The big Shimeron slued sideways then slammed her into her harness as it lurched to a halt. Every part of her including her hands shook. She took a deep breath and tried to calm her tremors enough to power down. “You did it, O’Donnell,” she said as the gyros whined down in a groan of sympathy. She removed her helmet and pushed back her flight suit hood only to have a pile of sopping wet sparkling hair flop out over her face. She swiped it away and released the canopy. A blast of cool ocean air filled the cockpit. Carefully, she peered over the side of the cockpit. Bodies lay strewn about on the ground. A few prostrate forms moved. Kathy sank down into the seat with a grimace. Great, you just killed your welcoming committee, you twit.

Shit on me. Cold wet balls for more than thirty blocks. This is really going to suck major ass.

Should I get married? Should I be good?

Should we keep on the lookout for tigers?” Kenda asked his guide. “Yes,” Shahin said, his voice lowering again. “They like to pounce from behind. I've been watching our backs ever since we lost the thugs. I meant to tell you once you calmed down. Now that you know, you can help me.” “Then we are being followed?” He hoped his voice did not squeak. “Yes,” Shahin repeated gravely. “By whom or what, I do not know.” “This just gets better and better,” he groaned.

Shock and desire have my nerves tingling like I've been struck by horny lightning.

Shoot the dictator and prevent the war? But the dictator is merely the tip of the whole festering boil of social pus from which dictators emerge; shoot one, and there’ll be another one along in a minute. Shoot him too? Why not shoot everyone and invade Poland? In fifty years’, thirty years’, ten years’ time the world will be very nearly back on its old course. History always has a great weight of inertia.

Shower sex sucks," Meryn announced loudly. Elizabeth leaned forward dying to know what prompted that statement. "What happened?" "Slippery surfaces and not the good kind, one." Meryn started ticking off reasons on her fingers. "Water not a natural lubricant, two. Height differences, three. And I got a freaking charley horse right when..." Aiden covered her mouth at that point. Ahh. So someone had fun and someone didn't. Poor Meryn.

Shut up, lumpen-head,” Billy had said, setting the stage for our future amicable relationship. I remembered that very well too. That had been a first too. Nobody had called me a lumpen-head before that. Tavi had had to explain what it meant, and then I had punched Billy in the stomach. People had to help Pradyun separate us and one of the ladies had exclaimed, “But she looked like such a sweet, little girl too!” “She's not a girl,” Billy had said. “She's an ugly lumpen-head, and her parents found her under a toadstool.” Billy had been a sweet, little boy himself. Still was. Hadn't changed a bit over the years.

Sie griff sich erneut ihr Handy. Was würde sie nur ohne dieses nützliche kleine Objekt der modernen Technik tun? Sie sah sich schon Brieftauben über den Himmel von New Orleans schicken und schüttelte grinsend den Kopf. Na klar.

Sierra, it's Christmastime. Put a stupid mistletoe over his head and kiss him already!

Sie waren in einen Irrgarten immergrüner Hecken eingetaucht, und hinter jeder Hecke wartete eine Ecke, wartete eine Ecke, wartete eine Ecke, und dann noch eine Hecke. Nichts als Ecken und Hecken. Unnatürlich.

Shurq Elalle's fate had taken a turn for the worse. Nothing to do with her profession, for her skills in the art of thievery were legendary among the lawless class. An argument with her landlord, sadly escalating to attempted murder on his part, to which she of course - in all legality - responded by flinging him out the window. The hopeless man's fall had, unfortunately, been broken by a waddling merchant on the street below. The landlord's neck broke. So did the merchant's.

Sie begrüßte mich mit einem so hölzernen Lächeln, dass Draufklopfen Glück gebracht hätte.

Sie hebt eine Augenbraue. »So eingebildet kenn' ich dich gar nicht.« Ein Grinsen entlockt sich seiner Miene, aber er zuckt die Schultern. »Ich bin im Stillen selbstverliebt.«

Shut the front door!

Shut up and run.

Show me your memories of the kiss.” I close my eyes. The heat creeps up my cheeks, which is silly because the sword was there when the kiss happened and saw the whole thing. So what if I’m curious about what he felt? “Oh, come on. Do we have to do this again?” Nothing. “That last one was totally awful. I need a little comfort. It’s just a small favor. Please?” Nothing. “Extra ribbons and bows for you,” I try to sound like I mean it. “Maybe even sparkly makeup on the teddy bear.” Still nothing. “Traitor.” I know that’s a funny statement since the sword is actually being loyal to Raffe but I don’t care.

Show physical affection. Nothing says "I love you" like bearing the entirety of your spouse's weight.

Sidekick? Fuck you, porky.

Si de verdad somos la especie más inteligente de este planeta -algo que presupongo-, ¿entonces por qué la ciencia no recorrió hace tiempo el camino inverso? ¿Por qué esforzarse durante años en enseñar tediosos signos a animales de laboratorio, animales cuya capacidad de aprendizaje, de acuerdo con el estado actual de la investigación, es inferior a la nuestra? ¿No sería mucho más sencillo que nosotros mismos empezásemos al fin a aprender el lenguaje animal?

Sie hatte den schönsten Fuß, den er je gesehen hatte.

Shuck it,” Minho responded. “I’m tougher than nails. I could still kick your pony-lovin’ butt with twice this pain.” Thomas shrugged. “I do love ponies. Wish I could eat one right now.

Shut the front door!” Jenna exclaimed. Andrew disappeared into the foyer, and when he returned, his eyebrows were furrowed in confusion. “The door is shut?

-Shut the FUCK UP, said Jesus. [The New Statesman, 3 July 1998]

Si al final mis problemas no eran solubles, cuando menos serían adulterables.

Sie ist ein Vampir. Ihre Schönheit und Anziehungskraft hätten mir verdächtig vorkommen müssen! Gut, dass ich ihr meine Telefonnummer nicht gegeben habe!

Si immagini, dice quello della sicurezza, di andare a raccontare a una passeggera all’arrivo che il suo bagaglio è rimasto sulla East Coast per via di un dildo. E certe volte capita con i passeggeri maschi. È politica della compagnia aerea non entrare nel merito specifico della proprietà nel caso di un dildo. Si usa l’articolo indefinito. Un dildo. Mai il suo dildo. Che a nessuno scappi mai di dire che la signore è venuta a bordo con un dildo. Un dildo è entrato in funzione dando origine a una situazione di emergenza che ha richiesto lo scarico del suo bagaglio.

Sillman looked at his interrogator with hopeless eyes. 'I think while I was passed out, I dreamed about my mom's gingerbread cookies. Maybe the guy who knocked on the glass was eatin' one.' 'Mm,' said Peace-not-War. 'Well. That's helpful. We'll put an APB out on the Gingerbread Man. I'm not hopeful it'll do us much good, though. Word on the street is you can't catch him.

Sign written on the inside of the outhouse door at the campground in Arches: "Attention: Watch out for rattlesnakes, coral snakes, whip snakes, vinegaroons, centipedes, millipedes, ticks, mites, black widows, cone-nosed kissing bugs, solpugids, tarantulas, horned toads, Gila monsters, red ants, fire ants, Jerusalem crickets, chinch bugs and Giant Hairy Desert Scorpions before being seated.

Silk laughed. "You really should try not to let your knife do all your thinking for you. That's the one quality we find least attractive in our Cherek cousins." "And we find this compulsion to make clever remarks which seems to overwhelm our Drasnian brothers now and then almost equally unattractive," Barak told him coolly.

Silly cop, I don't need your help; I have a werewolf on retainer.

Silly me, thinking you actually had potential. I thought, Finally, she's realized she's a vampire. Now we're getting somewhere. But now you're just a big fluffy bunny with sharp teeth.

Simone crossed herself and prayed as she watched headlights coming at them, fast and furious. Her hands shaking from fright, she buckled herself in while Jesse screamed out like a terrified child in the back seat. As if he could die.

Similar to theory of relativity, view towards life changes with passage of time!

Simon did not solve problems, he just shamed them into going away.

Simon's brain tried to comprehend the situation. 'Was an international supermodel really holding Doc Gutson, leader of the infamous Bloodworth Gang, captive?

Simple answers to the most difficult questions: 1. Why do humans find it difficult to express themselves? To relate to the movies and books, later. 2. Why do humans make everything look so big, beautiful & complicated? Ego feels good. 3. Why do humans want to protect the nature? Because they can't even protect themselves. Moreover, they are guilty conscious. 4. What is romance? It is complicated as far as humans are concerned. 5. What is love? The complicated part of the fourth question. 6. What is unconditional love? Not there yet. 7. Who is God? Sixth leads you to the seventh. 8. Who am I? Ask yourself. 9. What is loneliness? Potential energy wasted on learned answers. 10. What is happiness? All of the above.

Simon went over to Jace and dropped the soup can into the cart. “So what was all that about?” “I think,” Jace said, “that she asked if she could touch my mango.

Simon laughed heartily. “I’m afraid the rest of us have to find talents to get our women into bed. Of course once they’re there, I have other talents that keep them right where they are.” “Handcuffs hardly count,” Christian said offhandedly. “If you mean the ladies cuffing me to the bed so they can explore Hunt Island,” he said, rubbing his chest, “…then point taken. These hands are capable of making any female climax by the mere brush of a pinky across her bare breast.” “I must have gone to the wrong island,” I said with a private laugh.

Simple minded people do things like gossip, lie, spread rumors, and cause troubles. But, I know you're more intelligent.

Simple shit makes this chick crap bubbles and rainbows" -Beckett

Since America is in so much debt maybe President Trump will file bankrupt

Since everyone is driving me crazy, I call Shotgun!

Since little-girlhood, we're trained to find the Big Bad Wolf seductive.

Since my trips to Earth, I've only managed to assemble a few basics facts about humans, condensing them in to four, overall points: kids got Reese's, teens got recess, adults got recessions, and seniors got receding.

Since Ratcliffe, due to his disbelief in the practice of telling time, failed to record dates in any of his writings, history cannot say for certain which battle he took part in.

Since he didn’t seem to understand the situation, I felt it my duty to enlighten him. “Wrong. You started this stupid rumor and half the school probably believes it’s true. Now you have to stick around and pretend to be my boyfriend to convince everyone I don’t have sex with random guys. Not to mention the fact that if you’d kept your mouth shut about getting laid, you wouldn’t be in this situation.” He raised a brow. “So you’re my punishment?