Best 15707 quotes in «humor quotes» category

We need not invite the Devil to our table; he is too ready to come without being asked. The air all about us is filled with demons.

We need the children of Indonesia and the Philippines to manufacture our freedom of choice.

We need to have a little humor in our lives. .If the time ever comes when we can't smile at ourselves, it will be a sad time.

Went to the paper shop - it had blown away.

Went to the corner shop - bought 4 corners.

We often laughed at others in our house, and I picked up the craft of being polite while people were present and laughing later if there was anything to laugh about.

We owe a lot to Thomas Edison - if it wasn't for him, we'd be watching television by candlelight.

We're fighting against humanism, we're fighting against liberalism...we are fighting against all the systems of Satan that are destroying our nation today...our battle is with Satan himself.

We're gonna have to sweeten some of these jokes for the CD. You know what sweeten means, right? Sweeten is a show-biz term for "add sugar to".

Were it not for my little jokes, I could not bear the burdens of this office.

We’re never satisfied when it comes to food. ‘You know what’d be good on this burger? A ham sandwich. Instead of a bun, let’s use two donuts. That way we can have it for breakfast. Look out McGriddle. Here comes the donut-ham-hamburger!’

We're Mexi-cans not Mexi-can'ts.

We're told to go on living our lives as usual, because to do otherwise is to let the terrorists win, and really, what would upset the Taliban more than a gay woman wearing a suit in front of a room full of Jews?

We should throw the Epistle of James out of this school.

We think our fathers fools, so wise we grow. Our wiser sons, no doubt will think us so.

We started with 53,000 people. Half are gone, but surprisingly, most are still here!

We use similar products. Our focus industry is healthcare and hospitality. But we haven't done anything interactive. The first day full of seminars is full of things I thought would be useful: quick service restaurant and mobile phone applications. Businesses are providing more services and products by self-service means.

We usually have margaritas on Thursdays but since it's Tuesday I'll make an exception.

We've got stained glass windows in our house; it's those damned pigeons.

What always staggers me is that when people blow their noses, they always look into their hankies to see what came out. What do they expect to find?

We were talking briefly about cocaine... yeah. Anything that makes you paranoid and impotent, give me more of that!

What a dog I got, he found out we look alike, so he killed himself.

What a father says to his children is not heard by the world, but it will be heard by posterity.

What a great hitch to pit!

What am I drinking? NyQuil on the rocks, for when you're feeling sick but sociable.

What a nice night for an evening.

What an ornament and safeguard is humor! Far better than wit for a poet and writer. It is a genius itself, and so defends from the insanities.

What a coincidence, they both go to College and I'm a rapist!

What beefsteak is to Argentina, flamenco to Spain, cool reserve and self-control in all situations to an Englishman, what vodka is to a Russian and beer to a Bavarian, what money is to a Swiss, that is outdoor-life to an Australian. It is a noble mania, better than vodka, better than cool reserve, better than money.

What a strange world this would be if we all had the same sense of humor.

What do little birdies see when they get knocked unconscious?

What do gardeners do when they retire?

What gets me is, I waited in line for an hour to do this. I could have experienced essentially the same level of enjoyment merely by sticking my finger down my throat.

What else is nature but God?

Whatever happened to preparations A through G?

What has gotten into you lately? Save a little craziness for menopause!

What happens if a big asteroid hits Earth ? Judging from realistic simulations involving a sledge hammer and a common laboratory frog, we can assume it will be pretty bad.

What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?

What if God's a woman? Not only am I going to hell, I'll never know why!

What I'd like to do now - well, what I'd like to do now is grow my beard very long, weave it into my pubes and strum it like a harp.

What is it that strikes a spark of humor from a man? It is the effort to throw off, to fight back the burden of grief that is laid on each one of us. In youth we don't feel it, but as we grow to manhood we find the burden on our shoulders. Humor? It is nature's effort to harmonize conditions. The further the pendulum swings out over woe the further it is bound to swing back over mirth.

What is amusing now had to be taken in desperate earnest once.

What is this life if, full of care, we have no time to stand and stare.

What I've lost in years I've gained in wisdom. Bullshit, I haven't learnt one thing in the last 15 years that hasn't just depressed me more.

What's another word for Thesaurus?

What I want to do is to make people laugh so that they'll see things seriously.

What's a pirate minus the ship? just a creative homeless guy

What shall we do with...the Jews?...I advise that safe-conduct on the highways be abolished completely for the Jews.

What shall we do with...the Jews?...their homes also should be razed and destroyed.

What shall we do with...the Jews?...set fire to their synagogues or schools and bury and cover with dirt whatever will not burn, so that no man will ever again see a stone or cinder of them.