Best 15707 quotes in «humor quotes» category

Do billboard salesmen record their sales on charts? If so, who's at the top of the billboard charts for billboard sales?

Do Dragons eat Mexican?" Hank wondered out loud. "Dude, they eat people. Mexican is a vast improvement over people.

Does it bother you when you see Daddy kissing Josh?” he asked. Ty shook his head and made a funny face. “No, not really. I guess you really like him a lot.” “I do,” Rex agreed. “I love Josh.” “I love Josh too, and so I don’t care if you kiss him. But I thought boys only kissed girls.” Rex nodded. “Yeah, well, that’s how it is most of the time, but you know some boys kiss other boys and some girls kiss other girls.” “Well, I don’t wanna kiss no girls!” Ty said emphatically. Rex and Josh both laughed. “Maybe someday you will, though. If you do, that’s fine, and if you don’t, that’s fine too. For right now, you can just kiss Daddy.” He leaned in and kissed Ty on the forehead.

Doakes had a first name! It was Albert - had anyone ever really called him that? Unthinkable. I had assumed his name was Sergeant.

Does it stand, but not straight enough? Is there a bend in the tool? Leaning left like the Marxist-Leninist Party? To the right, like the Jan Sangh fascists? Or wobbling mindlessly in the middle, like the Congress Party? Fear not, for it can be straightened! Does it refuse to harden even with rubbing and massage? Then try my ointment, and it will become hard as the government's heart! All your troubles will vanish with this amazing ointment made from the organs of these wild animals! Capable of turning all men into engine-drivers! Punctual as the trains in the Emergency! Back and forth you will shunt with piston power every night! The railways will want to harness your energy! Apply this ointment once a day, and your wife will be proud of you! Apply it twice a day, and she will have to share you with the whole block!

Do fight unwinnable battles. Sometimes they're worth it.

Do I look like I want to be eaten alive after sex?

Do I not meet your fangirl expectation?

Doing our imperfect best means accepting that there will often be mistakes, flaws, and rough edges. These mistakes, flaws, and rough edges add to the beauty of who we are and provide us with the power to connect with others.

Dogs kind of default to making friends unless provoked. Cats seem to default to making enemies unless convinced otherwise.

Do I really run like that?" (Kitty) "Yup," Martini confirmed. "Don't worry, I think it's sexy." "Thank God. I think I look like a cheetah on drugs.

Dolphins and sharks are natural enemies. Dolphins are like, "Quit eating us," and sharks are like, "Stop smiling all the time, you morons.

Do me a favor, Princess. The next time someone says they're going to kill you, don't just let them. -page 244 of Winter

Do it for the sake of being a good neighbor, then. You’re well on your way. You’ve already made him a casserole.” “Which I dumped on his shirt.” “I prefer to focus on the positives.

Done is better than perfect. Time for a martini.

Do not mock my baby." He pulls away and strokes his palm over he seat. "She was my first love." "Well your current ... er ... girl, is getting jealous with all the attention you're paying your first love, and she has orifices you can stick things in without having your boy bits burnt off." He pulls me into him again and his mouth goes to work on my neck. “Fuck I love it when you talk dirty.

Do not share your thoughts with people who think that what you are thinking is not worth thinking.

Do not stare directly into his eyes!” she warned, in an accent I couldn’t place. “Why not?” I said, but she was already too late. I was staring directly into his eyes too. “Because they are dreamy, and endless, and magical. And then when you learn what a terrible boy he is, your heart will turn into a black husk of doom.” I blinked off the spell of the boy’s eyes. “Wait, what?” —Nimet Simit and Willa Snap, conversing on the power of Ravenlock Sward's eyes.

Do not pay attention to my cousins. Every family needs a couple idiots and we keep them around for entertainment.

Do not make the mistake of assuming that because we’re women we’ll eventually want children. We aren’t kangaroos—this internal pouch isn’t one we all feel instinctively compelled to fill.

Do not mess with this man's threads!

Do not pollute my perfectly acceptable figurative speech with irrelevant facts!

Don’t answer the door without a shirt! Now, go get dressed before you catch a cold,” I scolded. “Why? He was kinda cute. Do you think he would’ve went for it if I said I didn’t have any money?” Wesley asked. “You’re mine and I wouldn’t let you prostitute yourself for pizza. Now go put on a shirt,” I said, pulling two slices onto a plate.

Don't ask for a girl's hand in marriage and forget to ask for her leg too.

Don't be disgusting. Don't dare me. I majored in disgusting at Gulag Community College. Lucrezia Borgia taught cooking, and Madame Defarge taught knitting. Emperor Nero taught violin and also led the cheerleading squad. I skipped all my classes and failed with distinction.

Don't be afraid to get hurt. It's far better than never experiencing anything earth-shattering. Even temporary joy is better than nothing at all.

DON'T BE FRIGHTENED!" Inigo screamed. "I'M NOT, I'M NOT! Fezzik screamed right back.

Don't be so hard on yourself....that's what a loofah's for

Don't bite off more than you can chew because nobody looks attractive spitting it back out.

Don't be shy, dear. I'm too old for you to be embarrassed by me.” #RicardoAlonso , #FatefulItalianPassion.

Don’t be so concerned,” he whispered. “We will get through this, I promise.” “What makes you so certain?” I couldn’t help my skepticism. “We have no other choice,” he replied matter-of-factly. “Is that really all you can come up with?” I scowled. “Couldn’t you just lie and tell me you have some kind of secret badass weapon that is going to make this a piece of cake?

Don’t be stupider than you need to be, I remind myself. Remember Calease? The last glowing girl you talked to tried to kill you.

...Don't be surprised, and I say it darkly, do not be surprised if you lose your Luke in this cause; perhaps Mrs. Dudley has not yet had her own mid morning snack, and she is perfectly capable of a filet de Luke á la meuniére, or perhaps dieppoise, depending upon her mood; if I do not return" -and he shook his finger warningly under the doctor's nose- "I entreat you to regard your lunch with the gravest suspicion." Bowing extravagantly, as befitted one off to slay a giant, he closed the door behind him.

Don't blame a person for the wrongdoings; Both He and You are Homo-sapiens. Don't greet a person for the rightdoings; Try to be a Homo-sapien.

Don't be shy, dear. I'm too old for you to be embarrassed by me.

Don’t blindly trust Specialty Providers, because not all Providers in this category are equal—always consult your own circle of advisors when evaluating a Specialty Provider’s work. Just like a high-end Chinese-made car will never be equal to a high-end German-made car.

Don’t blame your mother, Tony. I was the one being promiscuous.” Owen said. Evelyn nodded. “And you know how much I love Greek mythology, Son.

Don't bring up the Beyonder any more than necessary.

Don’t call me human, I feel belittled, consiousness is my size. Dont’t call me earthly, I feel belittled, Existential is my size.

Don’t curse the snow, curse yourself for moving to a place with snow.

Don't eat 'til you're full; eat 'til you're tired.

Don’t dare to follow me” I threatened him. He curved his back and walked away. “You’re just like carrots. I hate carrots” he mumbled and disappeared into the bedroom.

Don't even think about it." "Well, when can I walk by myself?" "When you get your driver's license." "You always, always say that." Dillie scowled at him. "That's when everything happens." "It's going to be a busy day," Phin agreed.

Don't destroy Half-Blood while we're gone," was Chiron's parting instruction. Argus pointed two fingers at his eyes and then at us. This took a few minutes since he has one hundred eyes, but we got the message - be good, or else.

Don't discuss your relationship problems with friends. Your zombie problems are another story entirely.

Don’t do anything stupid." "Don’t worry," I whispered over the line, "I’m an expert on stupid." "You’re..." "Like, I can spot stupidity, because I know it so well. The way an exterminator knows bugs really well, and can spot where they’ve been? I’m like that. A stupidinator." "Never say that word again," Prof said.

Don't do it. Please. I know this book looks delicious with its light-weight pages sliced thin a prosciutto and swiss stacked in a way that would make Dagwood salivate. The scent of freshly baked words wafting up with every turn of the page. Mmmm page. But don't do it. Not yet. Don't eat this book.

Don't ever mistake silence for ignorance, when it is obviously stupidity

Don't expect the unexpected. Let the unexpected expect you.

Don't fear change. Just fear everything and everyone else.