Best 15707 quotes in «humor quotes» category

There is not a simple gene pool entirely free of toxic waste.

There is no such thing as a minor operation. Any opening, incision, cut, gash or puncture in the human body not put there by God is a blasphemy and a major disaster.

There is no surer road to perdition than the ledger glands dictate your direction.

There is nothing, he tells me, more odious than a German. However, their women are seductive, and they make the world's most beautiful music. My employer sings me a German song. He sounds like a buffalo in distress. Afterward he makes me read to him from the Bible.

There is nothing hidden in the hidden time. Know that this, the hidden time, is your everlasting, and live.

There is nothing like being told to go fuck yourself by the same person who was, only days before, praying on your behalf.

There is nothing morally wrong with buying stolen goods, unless you know that they were stolen.

There is nothing more dangerous than a man without a sense of humour.

There is nothing in which people more betray their character than in what they find to laugh at.

There is nothing so capital as a cup of tea for settling the Disheveled Nerves of Fair Ladies.

There is nothing to be gained by multiplying social distinctions indefinitely.

There is nothing to me but you. I know it’s pathetic but, oh darling, it’s true.

There is nothing wrong with being a puppet if love is the one pulling the strings.

There is not truly bad weather, just bad clothes.

There isn't a thing I can't do now that I didn't do when I was twenty-one...which gives you an idea of how pathetic I was when I was twenty-one. (That's a lie, but I might as well tell you something right here at the beginning of the book. Anytime I can get a laugh I'm not going to let the truth interfere with it.)

There is no where that life problem can take you that God's presence cannot reach you. There is nothing that people can do to you that can keep God from getting to you.

There isn’t anything I can tell you that you don’t already know,” Melly answered. “Yes, but if we already know it then you’re not telling us anything new,” Bea said, thinking her way through the carriages of fear on the witch’s train of thought, “and if we don’t tell you what we know and what we don’t know, then you won’t know if you’ve actually told us something we don’t know, and what you don’t know we don’t know won’t hurt you.” Melly stared at Bea, her cigarette hanging from her lip in defeat. “Did that make sense?” Joan asked. “Yes,” Melly said slowly, “but it probably shouldn’t have done.

There is nothing worse than certainty. Doubt makes us weak. That is why it’s so important. I’ve wasted too much of my life trying to be powerful.

There is no truth without faith. Nothing is proven except to the heart of one who believes.

There isn't much a pan of warm Brownies and a glass of milk will fix. In less it's low grain prices. Or poverty. Or the national debt. I guess there are a few things, but nothing you have to worry about right this minute.

There is only one cure for grey hair. It was invented by a Frenchman. It is called the guillotine.

There is only a one thing worse than an idiot: An idiot with a following.

There is, perhaps, no more dangerous man in the world than the man with the sensibilities of an artist but without creative talent. With luck such men make wonderful theatrical impresarios and interior decorators, or else they become mass murderers or critics.

There is right and there is wrong, I have NEVER been wrong.

There is power in the word of God if used properly.

There is one thing I like about the Poles—their language. Polish, when it is spoken by intelligent people, puts me in ecstasy. The sound of the language evokes strange images in which there is always a greensward of fine spiked grass in which hornets and snakes play a great part. I remember days long back when Stanley would invite me to visit his relatives; he used to make me carry a roll of music because he wanted to show me off to these rich relatives. I remember this atmosphere well because in the presence of these smooth−tongued, overly polite, pretentious and thoroughly false Poles I always felt miserably uncomfortable. But when they spoke to one another, sometimes in French, sometimes in Polish, I sat back and watched them fascinatedly. They made strange Polish grimaces, altogether unlike our relatives who were stupid barbarians at bottom. The Poles were like standing snakes fitted up with collars of hornets. I never knew what they were talking about but it always seemed to me as if they were politely assassinating some one. They were all fitted up with sabres and broad−swords which they held in their teeth or brandished fiercely in a thundering charge. They never swerved from the path but rode rough−shod over women and children, spiking them with long pikes beribboned with blood−red pennants. All this, of course, in the drawing−room over a glass of strong tea, the men in butter−colored gloves, the women dangling their silly lorgnettes. The women were always ravishingly beautiful, the blonde houri type garnered centuries ago during the Crusades. They hissed their long polychromatic words through tiny, sensual mouths whose lips were soft as geraniums. These furious sorties with adders and rose petals made an intoxicating sort of music, a steel−stringed zithery slipper−gibber which could also register anomalous sounds like sobs and falling jets of water.

There is something mysterious yet definitely accessible to us all under the agitated waves of difficulty that allows us to feel and flow along a more comprehensive intuitive and spiritual understanding of true meaning. And to find solace, accepting serenity and even beauty within it.

There is that moment when you are alone with a man and you both realize it. Alone together, there are always possibilities in that. There is a nearly painful awareness of each other. It can lead to awkwardness, to sex, or to fear, depending on the man and the situation.

There is something about a man with a beard I cannot stand. No particular reason for it. Prejudice, I suppose. I feel the same way about cats.

There is such malice, treachery, and dissimulation, even among professed friends and intimate companions, as cannot fail to strike a virtuous mind with horror; and when Vice quits the stage for a moment, her place is immediately occupied by Folly...

There is something stunningly narrow about how the Anthropic Principle is phrased. Yes, only certain laws and constants of nature are consistent with our kind of life. But essentially the same laws and constants are required to make a rock. So why not talk about a Universe designed so rocks could one day come to be, and strong and weak Lithic Principles? If stones could philosophize, I imagine Lithic Principles would be at the intellectual frontiers.

There is so much woman in many a girl and too much boy in many a man.

There is something sinister about putting a leprechaun in a workhouse. The only solid comfort is that he certainly will not work.

There is something so INEVITABLE about seven-and-twenty; it is decidedly on the wrong side of the decade for a lady, particularly an unmarried one.

There is something wrong with me. Love lifts us up but it also makes us roam around Little Compton like we didn't murder the girl in the news.

There is truth in wine, but you never see it listed in the ingredients on the label

There it was: a full confession. Sherlock Holmes had done it again, and as I marveled at my devastating powers of deduction, I wished there had been two of me so I could have patted myself on the back. I know it sounds arrogant, but how often does one achieve a mental triumph of that magnitude? After listening to her speak just two words, I had nailed the whole bloody thing. If Watson had been there, he would have been shaking his head and muttering under his breath.

The remnants of my dress hung like tentacles and from my back arched a pari of towering wings, feather-light but suggesting enourmous power. My hair streamed behind me, and I knew that the ring of light around my head would be brighter than ever. “Holy crap!” Xavier blurted

There's a big luscious peach of a dream in L.A. The peach has been repeatedly exposed as overripe and tainted with wormholes... but it's still the only giant peach in town. Even if it's wet-brown and crawling with centipedes, everyone wants their bite.

There must be something that God knows about fear that we don't know. I am sure He knows that when you are in a state of fear, you can't fix anything. When we are in a state of fear we can't talk about anything reasonable and we can't solve anything. That is the problem because the media throws all lies on us to create fear and we fall for it....Number one Satan's strategy of getting some people trapped.

There once was a man from Des Moines Whose wife was always annoyed He stepped in the kitchen She started her bitchin' Now that fucking cunt is dead.

There probably was a time when the idea of having a toilet inside a house was repulsive.

There's a big difference between want and need," she muttered to herself, picking her pad and pen back up. "I mean I want a bikini body, but I need chicken nuggets.

There's a reason straight men call us 'cocksuckers'. I've just never understood why it's considered an insult.

There’s a saying that all roads lead to Ankh-Morpork, greatest of Discworld cities. At least, there’s a saying that there’s a saying that all roads lead to Ankh-Morpork. And it’s wrong. All roads lead away from Ankh-Morpork, but sometimes people just walk along them the wrong way. Poets long ago gave up trying to describe the city. Now the more cunning ones try to excuse it. They say, well, maybe it is smelly, maybe it is overcrowded, maybe it is a bit like Hell would be if they shut the fires off and stabled a herd of incontinent cows there for a year, but you must admit that it is full of sheer, vibrant, dynamic life. And this is true, even though it is poets that are saying it. But people who aren't poets say, so what? Mattresses tend to be full of life too, and no one writes odes to them. Citizens hate living there and, if they have to move away on business or adventure or, more usually, until some statute of limitations runs out, can’t wait to get back so they can enjoy hating living there some more. They put stickers on the backs of their carts saying "Anhk-Morpork—Loathe It or Leave It.

There's a lot of humiliation in living, but that's okay, for if the gods are always laughing, then surely at times they must be laughing with us.

There's always someone we'd love to kill, the trick is to make it not look like an accident

There’s a reason people say everything happens for a reason, but don’t think about that reason too much, because then you’ll turn into the unhappy “skeptical one" of the group.

There’s been a lot written on the topic of minimalism. But I still believe in it.

There shall be confusion also in many places, and the fire shall be oft sent out again, and the wild beasts shall change their places, and menstruate women shall bring forth monsters: