Best 15707 quotes in «humor quotes» category

I'll try to turn the other cheek....But I've only got two and they're both stinging.

...I looked at the place with my heart beating as I had known it to do in the dentist's parlor.

I look up in the sky, what do I see? Well blue.

I looked at Judith. "This sounds strange, but I don't suppose you saw three mad women with a cauldron of boiling tea pass by this way?" "No," she replied. The polite voice of reasonable people scared of exciting the madman. "Flash of light? Puff of smoke? Erm..." I tried to find a polite way of describing the symptoms of spontaneous teleportation without using the dreaded "teleportation" word. I failed. I slumped back into the sand. What kind of mystic kept a spatial vortex at the bottom of their cauldrons of tea anyway?

I looked down at the brochure nearest me."We're going to Nigeria," I threatened. "I hope you like elephant polo." -Liberty Jones

I look through the old record collection my dad gave me. Stress relief. I shuffle through the albums feverishly and find what I'm looking for-the Proclaimers. I chuck it on and watch it spin. The ridiculous first notes of "Five Hundred Miles" come on, and I feel like going berserk. Even the Proclaimers are giving me the shits tonight. Their singing's an abomination.

I lost something magical in the process of growing up – my disillusionment.

I love animals, especially with barbeque sauce.

I looked at her like I'd just seen a miniature Elvis break-dancing on her head.

I looked up the word “scandal” in my dictionary last night. No wonder there has been such a fuss.

I look up to say something but he puts his finger to my lips and whispers, “Don’t talk. You’ll just spoil my fantasy of rescuing an innocent damsel in distress as soon as you open your mouth.

I lost my temper," I finish. "I lost my temper. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to." "Well, no one means to lose their temper, my boy," the Captain smiles. "If they did, it wouldn't be lost.

I looked at the piles of plates and cups, and kettles, and bottles and jars, and pies and stoves, and cakes, and tomatoes, &c., and felt that the thing would soon become exciting. It did. They started with breaking a cup. That was the first thing they did. They did that just to show you what they COULD do, and to get you interested.

I love being in love, but I also love other things, like not being jealous, overly sensitive, or needy.

I loved the feeling of finally falling in love to someone who would love me back.

I love having to attend the one class that is being taught by a professor who feels that their class is the only class being taught at the University and gives nothing but busy work.

I love children. Eating them, that is.

I loved Granny Belmonte, but she didn't need a costume to look undead.

I love family reunions. Maybe next year we could pass out samurai swords.

I love full on, like 65 mph in a handicapped parking spot.

I love it when you talk dirty physics.

I love crafting. Knitting, decoupage, scrapbooking, any "lady-ish" art form, I'm a fan. For about six months each. Then I shove all the supplies in a closet, alongside the skeletons of long dead New Year's resolutions, like saber fencing, playing the ukulele, and Japanese brush painting.

I love her, but every hug leaves bullet holes in my chest. Every kiss is another scar upon my flesh. Every thrust, every touch, every moan that escapes her lips...they are famine to my soul, and I still can't let her go.

I loved Monty Python for the wordplay--this sense that you didn’t have to squash your intelligence to be funny. In fact, you could walk right into your intelligence and nerdiness and self-doubt, and that could be funny.

I love it," I say. "So I learned it." It's an explanation that leaves a lot out. But I learned a long time ago that people don't really want explanations.

I love like I’m thirsty. Can I offer you a tall glass of Sahara sand?

I love Shark Week, where all kids under 12 swim for free

I love libraries. Everybody there is serious and focused even if they are not absorbing or learning anything better

I love shark week, all kids swim for free

I love Pizza thicker, when the crust is thinner!

I love those dark moments in Peanuts. I love that they're in there, that Charles Schulz put the sad lonely bits of himself into the comic. I love the silliness too, the dancing Snoopy strips. The little boy Rerun drawing "basement" comics about Tarzan fighting Daffy Duck in a helicopter. Those are the bits that keep me reading. The funny parts! The fun parts. The silly bits that don't make any sense. And when I get to the sad lonely Peppermint Patty standing in a field wondering why nobody shook hands and said "good game," well, it works because that's not all she was. I try to think that way about everything. That's the kind of person I want to be.

I love our judicial system; It's where Trump's fanciful delusions go to die.

I love the man,” Megan said as she took a seat, “but honestly he needs to learn when not to agree with me.

I love the movie "Titanic." It's my favorite romantic comedy!

I love the smell of a new book, but I prefer inhaling fresh bottles of ink and glue. They get me more lightheaded – unless I read the book.

I love to laugh. Specially at myself. Sometimes I spend hours doing it.

I love our Lord with all my soul, but the Church did well to give up on sex and focus on the burning.

I love talking to spirits. Maybe we can try contacting Marilyn Monroe or Elvis Presley next.

I love that she loves me a 10, on a 5-point scale. Well, I know it’s a 5-point scale, though I asked her on a 1-100 scale.

I love that there's such a rivalry. It's like, leaf water versus bean water, ya know? - Charlie

I love the world, just, you know...not the people in it.

I love your personality," I said with wide eyes and an open smile. I had used this look before when a bank teller at Wells Fargo had threatened to put a ten-day hold on a check from my father because my average balance was $3.56.

I Love You! Three words that mean nothing if not followed through with actions. It seems to be more relevant in the terms of showing verses saying. Anyone can say it, because there are different kinds of love. But, few are willing to actually show it. Saying is one thing. Living proof is another.

I love winter. The bugs are dead, and the people are indoors.

I love working with my hands. My writing is rough, my paper bruised with ink stains.

I love you and it's getting worse.

I love you, Derek!” Jason tried to drag Haley back to her seat, but she fought him tooth and nail. “I love you, Derek!” “He knows, woman! He’s known since the first inning. Let the man focus,” he said.

I love you. You are the object of my affection and the object of my sentence.

I'm a Buddhist. You might have a Christian obligation to catch pneumonia while you sit for two and a half hours listening to some twerp in a dress drone on about the virtue of wedded life but, dear as you are to me, I don't.

I made up for my dog-less boyhood by bringing home kittens. Always the lonely, leftover little kitten that nobody else wanted. Like Hunter, a gentle and loving (with me) stub-tailed grey Manx cat, who liked to bring me mice from the horse barn next door.