Best 15707 quotes in «humor quotes» category

People are writing post-apocalyptic fiction like there's no tomorrow!

People ask me all the time, "Where do your ideas come from?" So, to clear up this question...I keep my ideas inside the mind of a tiny man who is tied up in my closet!

People blame science. Shit, man, people shouldn’t blame science. People should blame people.

People are like bees. They're all workers who could be queens, with the right stuff, but once a queen-making has begun, it can't be reversed. A bee that's half way a queen can't turn back into a worker. She'd starve. She must keep growing and then she must leave.

People as a rule do mean much more than they understand.

People call them cobwebs. I’d never seen a cob. Those are fucking spiders that make the webs, when there is a spider web there is a spider made it. You find a cob, you check and see aint it got eight legs and eats bugs, which is mighty close to the definition of a spider in my book.

People can. And do. And do it all the time. Fallibility is a close friend of mine.

People don’t just appear on the beach unless they’re demigods or gods or really, really lost pizza delivery guys. (It’s happened—but that’s another story.)

People don't talk like this, theytalklikethis. Syllables, words, sentences run together like a watercolor left in the rain. To understand what anyone is saying to us we must separate these noises into words and the words into sentences so that we might in our turn issue a stream of mixed sounds in response. If what we say is suitably apt and amusing, the listener will show his delight by emitting a series of uncontrolled high-pitched noises, accompanied by sharp intakes of breath of the sort normally associated with a seizure or heart failure. And by these means we converse. Talking, when you think about it, is a very strange business indeed.

people don't generally believe themselves to be evil. Just strong. And they think that the world owes them something

people don't get me it's more rule than exception God bless exceptions

People have many cruel expectations from writers. People expect novelists to live on a hill with three kids and a spouse, people expect children's story writers to never have sex, and people expect all great poets to be dead. And these are all very difficult expectations to fulfill, I think.

People, heed my warning: That stuff is Specials Olympics in a pint glass. You think they are harmless and not very strong, and the next thing you know it is an hour later and you are in the bathroom of the bar with your pants off, surrounded by five girls, giving your boxers to a bachelorette party because one of the girls is cute and told you that you had a nice butt. Be forewarned. - from the Austin Road Trip story

People, generally, suck.

People generally believe that stress is responsible for depletion, but apathy and uninspired systematic repetition are equally responsible. Or rather, systematic repetition produces as much or more stress and anxiety as anything else.

People have sex, even the religious ones. Yet, when sex is transferred into words, suddenly it's dirty, vulgar, immoral, trashy. Funny huh?

People in blind love throw away common sense, conscience and comedy from the life.

People in trailers were canned and labeled much like the apple juice down at the plant, stamped with ingredients for all the world to see: chicken fried steak, overcooked vegetables, no working knowledge of any major Italian movie directors--the list went on and on.

People make too much of facts. Also people make too much of gut feelings. Gut feelings probably mean food poisoning.

People keep making excuses, that’s why everthing happens for a reason.

People make mistakes in dark,but mistakes in dark make people

People need hope Michael, as much as they need a leader. You and Gabe are the answer to both of those things. You’ll lead the people of earth to victory and Gabe will give them the hope they need to keep going,” Mirada said, her voice sensitive, yet unwavering.

People need books like zombies need brains.

People often say that the English are very cold fish, very reserved, that they have a way of looking at things – even tragedy – with a sense of irony. There’s some truth in it; it’s pretty stupid of them, though. Humor won’t save you; it doesn’t really do anything at all. You can look at life ironically for years, maybe decades; there are people who seem to go through most of their lives seeing the funny side, but in the end, life always breaks your heart. Doesn’t matter how brave you are, how reserved, or how much you’ve developed a sense of humor, you still end up with your heart broken. That’s when you stop laughing. In the end there’s just the cold, the silence and the loneliness. In the end, there’s only death.

People of very different opinions--friends who can discuss politics, religion, and sex with perfect civility--are often reduced to red-faced rage when the topic of conversation is the serial comma or an expression like more unique. People who merely roll their eyes at hate crimes feel compelled to write jeremiads on declining standards when a newspaper uses the wrong form of its. Challenge my most cherished beliefs about the place of humankind in God's creation, and while I may not agree with you, I'll fight to the death for your right to say it. But dangle a participle in my presence, and I'll consider you a subliterate cretin no longer worth listening to, a menace to decent society who should be removed from the gene pool before you do any more damage.

People say, 'I'm going to sleep now,' as if it were nothing. But it's really a bizarre activity. 'For the next several hours, while the sun is gone, I'm going to become unconscious, temporarily losing command over everything I know and understand. When the sun returns, I will resume my life.' If you didn't know what sleep was, and you had only seen it in a science fiction movie, you would think it was weird and tell all your friends about the movie you'd seen. They had these people, you know? And they would walk around all day and be OK? And then, once a day, usually after dark, they would lie down on these special platforms and become unconscious. They would stop functioning almost completely, except deep in their minds they would have adventures and experiences that were completely impossible in real life. As they lay there, completely vulnerable to their enemies, their only movements were to occasionally shift from one position to another; or, if one of the 'mind adventures' got too real, they would sit up and scream and be glad they weren't unconscious anymore. Then they would drink a lot of coffee.' So, next time you see someone sleeping, make believe you're in a science fiction movie. And whisper, 'The creature is regenerating itself.

People seem to overlook an old man losing his mind if he occasionally made light of it.

People realize that a life that had seemed enjoyable (travel, social life, romance) and fulfilling (work) was actually empty and meaningless. So they urge you to join the child-rearing party: they want you to share the riches, the pleasures, the joys. Or so they claim. I suspect that hey just want to share and spread the misery. (The knowledge that someone is at liberty or has escaped makes the pain of incarceration doubly hard to bear). Of all the arguments for having children, the suggestion that it gives life 'meaning' is the one to which I am most hostile--apart from all the others" (201).

People sin, Lena. People in love sin a lot. God invented sex. He knows how it works

People think I am younger then I really am, because I act so immature.

People tell me I excel in Public Relations, what I suck at are private affairs.

People who believed in God today will doubt him tomorrow and those who doubted him today will believe in him tomorrow because believing in someone else doesn't work. Believe in yourself.

People who do not eat butterflies will wear their clothes the wrong way, and people who wear their clothes the wrong way are inviting lemmings inside." -- Muzhduk the Ugli the Third

People were meant to be loved, Things were meant to be used, the world is in trouble for many use people, and love things. Let get it right folks.

People who are not blessed with the ability to make others laugh compensate for that by saying (or trying to say) things that are profound.

... People who are the spices of this world are the natural souls with instincts and impulses that have not been pruned by evolution and civilization.

People who do not understand pigeons―and pigeons can be understood only when you understand that there is nothing to understand about them―should not go around describing pigeons or the effect of pigeons.

people who do not get the joke are dangerous people indeed

People who don't get excited about receiving gifts are tired of life.

People who leave their drugs in a bathroom the guests use are just asking for trouble.

People who wear G-strings suffer from indecision.

People who live in brick houses shouldn't throw wrecking balls

People would see me on the street, shoving fistfuls of Teddy Grahams into my mouth on the way to the podiatrist, and they would think, "Boy, that lady sure does have her life together.

People will say,"there's heaven and hell", and they take it so serious that they look so sorrowful with penitence. I would rather ask them to show me the route that leads to heaven or hell.

People with disabilities are sometimes very humble and approachable, if you want a seasoned reputation, then behave like one of the handicaps.

People will tell you there's peace in solitude. These people haven't been alone for very long.

Pepperleigh always read the foreign news -- the news of things that he couldn't alter -- as a form of wild and stimulating torment.

Percy!’ Annabeth scolded. ‘You just opened another Monster Doughnut shop somewhere!

Perdida ya toda esperanza de alcanzar una vida mejor en este mundo, la gente fue depositando cada vez más sus esperanzas en la vida del más allá, y la idea de obtener recompensas en el cielo la ayudó a soportar la falta de pimienta en esta tierra.

Peppermint Whiskey? Hell, reindeer, keep up this niceness and I may have to take ya back home with us.” I lean close to him and whisper loudly, “You've already got a reindeer. You couldn't handle two of us.” He pours himself a shot before responding. “Ha! You obviously didn't know my rep in the North Pole before Randy or you'd never make such a ludicrous statement.