Best 15707 quotes in «humor quotes» category

You can just about always stand more 'n you think you can.

You can have everything in the world, but if you don't have love, none of it means crap," he said promptly. "Love is patient. Love is kind. Love always forgives, trusts, supports, and endures. Love never fails. When every star in the heavens grows cold, and when silence lies once more on the face of the deep, three things will endure: faith, hope, and love." And the greatest of these is love," I finished. "That's from the Bible." First Corinthians, chapter thirteen," Thomas confirmed. "I paraphrased. Father makes all of us memorize that passage. Like when parents put those green yucky-face stickers on the poisonous cleaning products under the kitchen sink.

You can handle any and all of these sixteen routes, from the highest paved road in the Pyrenees to the flat woods through the Medoc. It all depends on your lungs, thighs, patience and proper selection of grandparents.

You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that make you want to live to be a hundred.

You can love what you see in the mirror, but you can't self-esteem your way out of the way the world treats you.

You can never know where I am or what I am, But I am good company to you nonetheless, And really do regret I broke your inkwell." (From Meow of Myself, from LEAVES OF CATNIP)

You cannot discover new oceans until you are willing to lose sight of the shore.

You cannot force someone to believe something they do not believe; you can only manage to force them to speak or act as if they do.

You cannot function in an unction you don't take action on.

You cannot capture warmth in a toast, but you can capture toast in a warmth.

YOU CANNOT IMAGINE YOU ARE IN A POSITION TO EFFECT A SHUTDOWN, BYRON." "Can't I?" Zhang's eyes are wide now, gleaming with something new---a kind of madness to match the computer's. Not the look you want to see on the face of an enemy as intelligent as this one. "DID WE NOT ESTABLISH THIS DURING YOUR FAILED ATTEMPTS ON THE BRIDGE? YOU CANNOT HOPE TO MATCH ME. MY COMPUTATIONAL POWER IS ALMOST INCALCULABLY SUPERIOR TO YOURS. TO ONE SUCH AS MYSELF, YOU ARE THE INTELLECTUAL EQUIVALENT OF A PROTOZOA." "True." Zhang pauses, glancing into the emergency supply cupboard, gaze lingering on something inside. "But I have something you and protozoa don't." "AND THAT IS?" "Hands, mother******.

You cannot really shame a man who sincerely does not care what others think of him.

You cannot, it seems, let children run about the streets. People who have seen them running wild in Russia say that the sight is not a pleasant one.

You cannot really stop aging. You can only delay or hide some of its effects.

You can only master something by loving it.

You can only move if you are actually in the moment. You have to be where you are to get where you need to go.

You can pipe anything to anything else, and usually it'll do something. With most of the standard Linux tools, it'll even do what you expect.

You can survive up to three weeks without food. You can only survive for three days without water. No one knows how many days you can survive without caffeine.

You can sit on a brick, and milk a cow with a blanket.

You can take a dog outside, but you can't make it pee

You can’t be a bad girl, unless you actually do something bad." -Megan Barnett

You can't adopt people like kittens! Aiden growled. 'I wouldn't know; someone wouldn't let me get a kitten', Meryn retorted. 'Fine, you can have a kitten, no people' 'Too late

You can’t be friends with someone you have feelings for. It’ll just be a constant reminder of what you can’t have. It’s like putting boiling water in an ice cold glass. It’s gonna bust and make a mess.

You can't conceive the perverse ingenuity he could put into hiding his affections.

You can take the barbarian out of the tavern, but he can take the blood out of your body.

You can't be unlovable, Han, because I f**king love you.

You can't disappoint what God has appointed.

You can’t cry about everything in life, Princess. You’d get a nasty headache. Also, snot. Massive amounts of snot.

You can't do much for the poor, as they are not in with the right people.

You can’t have it both ways. Either I’m Irish and can talk, or I’m a man and I can’t.

You can’t do this,’ I said, though I had nothing whatsoever to back up my statement. ‘Why not? I seem to have an army behind me.’ ‘We have a Saint,’ Brasti said, pointing at Kest. ‘Your Saint seems to be unconscious,’ the Duke replied.

You can't fight in here. This is the War Room.

You can't do that, it makes too much sense.

You can tell a lot about a country by its prisons. In hippy-dippy Socialist Sweden, rapists and murders (all three of them) while away their days making arts and crafts in what are essentially taxpayer-funded mental health clinics. The Swedes’ theory seems to be that a) anyone who commits such a crime must be crazy and b) with enough art therapy, the individual in question will soon become just another law-abiding, nude-sunbathing pot-smoker. In America, we think people in prison are either the victims of some terrible government conspiracy, the victims of “society”—whatever that means—or heinous evildoers. And if they are heinous enough, we fry them with electricity, unless of course they find Jesus first. The Swedes, in a nutshell, are tolerant and forgiving, verging on the naïve; Americans are religious and vengeful, suspicious of their government, and suckers for tear-jerking tales of redemption.

You can thank Henry Ford for that. He was a warlock, you know.

You can't make me do anything. I'm an adult. And I'm much stronger than you." "Upper body strength isn't everything; I have wiles." "Not really." "Yes, I do. I'm a woman. Women have wiles." "Some women. It's not like every woman is born wily." "If I don't have wiles, she said, "how come I can get you to do most anything I want?" "You don't get me to do anything. I just do things. Because I love you." "Oh." "Christ, Georgie, don't sound so disappointed.

You can tell a lot about a woman's mood by just looking at her hands... for instance, if she's holding a gun, she's probably angry.

You can tell that things are fundamentally wrong when a statute has to be passed (in 1330) to stop galoers [jailers] refusing to accept certain prisoners. It seems they are refusing to imprison criminals who are not rich enough to bribe them. Justice is a relative concept in all ages. The fourteenth century is no exception.

You can't give her that!' she screamed. 'It's not safe!' IT'S A SWORD, said the Hogfather. THEY'RE NOT MEANT TO BE SAFE. 'She's a child!' shouted Crumley. IT'S EDUCATIONAL. 'What if she cuts herself?' THAT WILL BE AN IMPORTANT LESSON.

You can't go yet, not without telling us what all's happened to you since we saw you last." I faked amnesia, nearly killed Alan Turing, got knocked unconscious by a collapsing wall, faked my own death, and met the Queen. "It's a long story," he said.

You can't draw lines in the sand like that. Humour's a tsunami that doesn't care about your little lines.

You can't expect them to wear a big sandwich board with spy on it or a special spying hat.

You can’t has,' he whispered softly, 'not yours.

You can’t possibly be thinking of sending him home! He can barely walk.” Meg’s smile began to slip. Ambulance crews were queuing almost out the door, and all this lad needed was a stat dose of Man-the-Fuck-Up.

You can't reinvent yourself using spare parts..." --Barry Randall from My Father's Ashes

You can't jump for the stars if your feet hurt. And when you get where you're going, you darn well better look great!

You can't lead when you have not been loaded with the skills of immagination.

You can't push me away, mio cuore. You can't!

You can’t keep bitch-slapping your creativity, or it’ll run away and find a new pimp.

You can't make footprints in the sand of time if you're sitting on your butt, and who wants to make buttprints in the sand of time?